Already have a wife.......

[simple_male 1]

It is terrible. You have given good advices here. Good luck.

[chispas 0]

Yeesh,

This is a hard one to swallow and it truly affects every cell in your body to find this out. The advice on making hard copies of all is very good advice. You don't want to lose that at all. I also believe that your marriage would be considered invalid if he is legally married to the other woman. In this case, he would have comitted a fraud and you'll have to report it to ICE asap. Please take care of yourself and do just one thing at a time. It will be overwhelming to tackle the legal and emotional issues all at once. If you need any additional steps or just to see it written out, pm me and I will send it to you. Lastly, don't let this make you feel any less or embarrassed into silence. Your sanity and health are much more important now than ever before. I wish for an army of support to embrace you at this time.

[KimandRuss 0]

wow, i'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Breaks my heart.

The first thing you need to do is call on your inner strength and understand that this has nothing to do with who you are or anything that you've done. This is HIS issue! He is an awful excuse for a human being.

Next, be sure to document and print out EVERYTHING you find and contact the proper authorities.

And thirdly, do not give him the satisfaction of even trying to explain his sad self. Dump his clothes on the front lawn with a copy of one of the emails placed on top!

After that's done i'd get in touch with Jackie, or someone else who's 'been there', and get the best advice you can so that he is punished and never allowed to do this to anyone else again. Also sends a message to any other jack@ss thinking about it.

Be strong and be happy!

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Don't hesitate to come here for support through this process. You have a hard road ahead of you to deal with this deceit. Remember to focus on taking care of yourself through all the hard decisions you have to make. Take actions and keep yourself safe.

I'll be thinking of you. Be Blessed.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Be strong. He is wrong.

There is no patch to repair this betrayl. I am sorry for your situation.

[idocare 3]

You have been given some sound advice, what I want u to know is that it's not your fault that you fell in love and trusted that man, that's what we do when were in love especially when love is being reciprocated. Also your not alone, the same thing happened to me, ofcourse with a little twist, please don't let this man drive you crazy, I can relate to you saying that he'll just lie once you confront him, it sounds like you do know this man, I believe you when you say that he's gonna deny the whole situation ( been there ) and be prepared for him to try to somehow blame you.

Maybe once you print out the e-mails and send the fraud unit a copy with a detailed written letter, you can give him one copy to read where he's telling his wife he'll send for her and the kids asap.

Once a alien arrives here legally, there are all kinds of ways for them to stay. If I were you I wouldn/'t confront your husband until you have sent the fraud information to USCIS. Because once he knows that your aware of his scam, he'll really begin fighting for his life. Lies, be prepared there is no limit to what he'll now do or say to stay in this country.

Please keep in mind that once a alien files a I-360 against you any information that you send into the immigration office can NOT be considered against the I-360, so right now it like a race to the immigration office for you.

I think the e-mails themselves will be enough to convince the fraud unit, but remember what type of person your dealing with. He will try to wiggle his way out , he didn't come here and marry you just to go back to his country.

P.S. I'd also hide my phone book and valuables ( diamonds ,expensive rings etc. )

Above all count it a blessing that you no longer will be living in a lie. I'm glad that you thought to put the spyware on your pc, had you not of done that you'd probable be thinking it's cultural differences (or something else ) and things will work itself out.

ALL THE BEST TOO YOU !!!!!

Edited March 31, 2008 by idocare

[LovinLiberia 0]

You have been given some sound advice, what I want u to know is that it's not your fault that you fell in love and trusted that man, that's what we do when were in love especially when love is being reciprocated. Also your not alone, the same thing happened to me, ofcourse with a little twist, please don't let this man drive you crazy, I can relate to you saying that he'll just lie once you confront him, it sounds like you do know this man, I believe you when you say that he's gonna deny the whole situation ( been there ) and be prepared for him to try to somehow blame you.

Maybe once you print out the e-mails and send the fraud unit a copy with a detailed written letter, you can give him one copy to read where he's telling his wife he'll send for her and the kids asap.

Once a alien arrives here legally, there are all kinds of ways for them to stay. If I were you I wouldn/'t confront your husband until you have sent the fraud information to USCIS. Because once he knows that your aware of his scam, he'll really begin fighting for his life. Lies, be prepared there is no limit to what he'll now do or say to stay in this country.

Please keep in mind that once a alien files a I-360 against you any information that you send into the immigration office can NOT be considered against the I-360, so right now it like a race to the immigration office for you.

I think the e-mails themselves will be enough to convince the fraud unit, but remember what type of person your dealing with. He will try to wiggle his way out , he didn't come here and marry you just to go back to his country.

P.S. I'd also hide my phone book and valuables ( diamonds ,expensive rings etc. )

Above all count it a blessing that you no longer will be living in a lie. I'm glad that you thought to put the spyware on your pc, had you not of done that you'd probable be thinking it's cultural differences (or something else ) and things will work itself out.

ALL THE BEST TOO YOU !!!!!

As others have said, you have been given some good advice on how to deal with this. My heart goes out to you and I can definately feel your pain. I felt so bad when I read this. I couldn't even respond right away...I had to let it marinate since I read it this morning. I also appreciate you coming to us on VJ to share your story and look for support. I know your world is completely upside down now and you probably can't even think straight. Like others, I will also advise you to not think that this is your fault. Don't let him somehow manipulate you into believing that you are the problem. He knew everything that he was doing and he had that agenda before he arrived into your home. I pray that you will do what is right for you. I know the love can be so strong that we sometimes want to make excuses and hold onto the hope of change, but sometimes that isn't best. Please take care of yourself and stay sane.

Also, I think spyware can be a very useful tool in these kinds of situations. I'm glad you went with your heart and utilized the program.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Where is your husband in his immigration process? Does he have a conditional green card?

[Gooden 0]

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

Wow! I feel for you. Seems like there should be some legal implications. He had to lie at his interview, since he was not free to marry. Keep you head up, you deserve better.

[sereia 0]

i really hate to read stories like this! i hope you find peace in your decisions and move on with your life! and i hope he can't bring his "wife" here! that #######!

[We_Destiny 1]

Sorry to hear about your situation. It would depend on the where you are in the process. I would gather up every shred of information and place in a safe place, I would make atleast three copies. If he does not have a greencard, I would report him to USCIS or wherever, to attempt to null and void your sponsorship. If he had received his green card I would still report it and take every measure to protect yourself. When I was ready to send them to USCIS I would download all the email onto Outlook to have a permanent record of them. Whatever you do make haste and God Bless.

[monagoz 2]

I cannot begin to tell you how hurt and disappointed I was after reading your post. I was hurt because once again people could be so heartless and would go at any extreme to achieve their dubious goal of coming to this country. Moreso, as a Nigerian. This is why it is hard for people to say anything positive about us.

My advise to you is to go after him with a venegance. Forget about your vows or how much you loved him. It is obvious that he only used you. Report him to ICE and follow up with your congressman. You have enough evidence as it is with those emails. But be very careful. Desperate people do desperate things. I know it may be hard to keep a straight face with him in the house, but try and pretend that everything is fine, until ICE comes knocking in front of the house. Don't give him any break, because he never gave you one from the beginning.

Don't ever feel like you did anything wrong or something is wrong with you. The truth is that there are just too many bad people on this earth and you happen to come across one of them.

I have you in my prayers

[MrsCat 6]

I cannot begin to tell you how hurt and disappointed I was after reading your post. I was hurt because once again people could be so heartless and would go at any extreme to achieve their dubious goal of coming to this country. Moreso, as a Nigerian. This is why it is hard for people to say anything positive about us.

My advise to you is to go after him with a venegance. Forget about your vows or how much you loved him. It is obvious that he only used you. Report him to ICE and follow up with your congressman. You have enough evidence as it is with those emails. But be very careful. Desperate people do desperate things. I know it may be hard to keep a straight face with him in the house, but try and pretend that everything is fine, until ICE comes knocking in front of the house. Don't give him any break, because he never gave you one from the beginning.

Don't ever feel like you did anything wrong or something is wrong with you. The truth is that there are just too many bad people on this earth and you happen to come across one of them.

I have you in my prayers

Amen!

[JJWashington 0]

All I can say is that I feel very bad for you. I agree with all the other posters who have said to be very cautious, but deliberate in your approach. I realize that you are SO emotional right now. And rightfully so. But, push the emotions to the side (for the moment) and do what you need to do take care of this situation. There are specific steps mentioned above which you should follow to disengage yourself from this man. After you have successfully, but safely, done this, then you can "break down."

I agree with the other posters that this could have happened with anyone from any country. So, don't blame the entire country. There are good people in all contries. The situation in Nigeria is unfortunate and obviously contributes to these situations, but don't blame the country.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you want some specific advice, I would be happy to speak to you via pm. Please contact me at anytime.

[JJWashington 0]

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

To answer your specific questions about whether he can bring the family here, it is dependant upon how far along he is in the process. You will need to provide some more specific details. I understand your hesitancy to list much because he reads this site. But you can pm many of us in this forum and the MENA forum and we can help you without him knowing.