Already have a wife.......

[Betrayed01 0]

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated. Edited March 31, 2008 by Betrayed01

[funkyab 0]

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

This is terrible. I am so sorry. Seems like a nightmare. You need to cut your losses now, no matter how difficult and kick him out. No one needs to deal with this SH!T. Also he has defrauded uscis and is likely to be permanently banned from entering the U.S. if you wanted to bring this to the attention of the authorities.

[amerasianlove 0]

Im so sorry for what you are going through right now,I know how difficult being on that situation,when u gave everything to the person you love and this is what they will do to you in return,hearing this kind of story makes me so sad.

If i were you you have to confront your husband.If its possible u can try to request for a marriage certificate from his home country from there u can check whats really going on.

I hope everything is going to be okay with you over there.

Just hang in there and keep on praying,E Things happen for a reason.

God bless you!

[sara..... 371]

Oh i am so very sorry.........i do not have any advise because i do not know what anyone should do in a situation like this but i wanted to give u support in this time of ur life..........my prayers are with u may God give u the strength and wisdom to do what u have to in this awful time.........my heart goes out to u.................

sara

[Zee Bee 61]

I can't say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie.

How can he try and convince you that you are being paranoid when you have caught him in the act? Do you not believe what you are reading in the e-mails? Or you don't want to believe it?

My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don't want to say much because I want to see how he's going to work this out.

I don't mean to be harsh but...are you serious???? This is a guy you have caught lying to you about his life back home and you want to see what is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen when you confront him? He's going to deny it. And from what I quoted of you aboive, it doesn't look like you want to believe that he has scammed you. Yo may have taken your vows seriously but he has not. And if you think that this is going to work out, I don't think it is. You need to take care of you and forget about him. Do you want to be used?

Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he's not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

My suggestion is to take care of yourself and do what is best for you. You need to leave the situation and report this as a fraudulent marriage to USCIS or ICE or whoever it is and let them do their thing. He is not a US citizen now, but if you do nothing to stop this, then when he becomes one he'll be able to petition for his family to come.

[Betrayed01 0]

I can't say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie.

I meant to say he may TRY to convince me.

How can he try and convince you that you are being paranoid when you have caught him in the act? Do you not believe what you are reading in the e-mails? Or you don't want to believe it?

I believe everything I've read and there are pictures of the woman, children and my husband.

My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don't want to say much because I want to see how he's going to work this out.

I don't mean to be harsh but...are you serious???? This is a guy you have caught lying to you about his life back home and you want to see what is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen when you confront him? He's going to deny it. And from what I quoted of you aboive, it doesn't look like you want to believe that he has scammed you. Yo may have taken your vows seriously but he has not. And if you think that this is going to work out, I don't think it is. You need to take care of you and forget about him. Do you want to be used?

No one wants to be used. I never said it would work out. Thanks for your encouragement.

Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he's not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

My suggestion is to take care of yourself and do what is best for you. You need to leave the situation and report this as a fraudulent marriage to USCIS or ICE or whoever it is and let them do their thing. He is not a US citizen now, but if you do nothing to stop this, then when he becomes one he'll be able to petition for his family to come.

[/color] Edited March 31, 2008 by Betrayed01

[Enlighten one :) 5]

I am so devastated to read your post as I am sure we followed your journey to this point. I can't imagine the pain you must feel, because of the pain I already feel for your situation. It is a similar story I have heard and been warned of on several occasions. I think it is extremely important for people to share the good and the bad. As I have posted before. I have heard more negative results then positive. So if we all have to go on some statistics we have to admit that at least 1 in 4 relationships from 3^rd world countries are a sham and disappointment.

You have your evidence that I am sure is difficult to stomach. You have been through so much for what you believed was real. We as petitioners give up a lot and bear an immense burden. You can learn a lot about yourself through this experience, if you take it as just that “a learning experience.” Please find ways to grow and learn as that is what life is about. Find areas where you can grow as a friend & loved one. Choose the high road, but protect yourself and your own interest. He has to go! Then you have to grow!

May god give you the strength and wisdom to make the choices that are best for you!

Even as an anonymous poster you will be in my prayers.

Best Regards,

Mrs. Jibowu

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he's working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he's been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he's become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it's a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He's promising his "wife", that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can't say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don't want to say much because I want to see how he's going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he's not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

[Betrayed01 0]

I have been a member on VJ for sometime. I am under a different name because I don't want my husband to find out. I met a man online (Nigerian) and petitioned for him to come to the United States. Once he got here things were great he was very attentive, eager to learn and to get a job (he’s working now) and God-fearing man. Now that he’s been here for awhile and getting acclimated, he’s become distant, argumentative, secretive and rude. So, I decided to do some investigation. Of course, I wanted to know what was going on, I love this man. I wanted to know if it was something I was doing or something he was hiding. Yes, it’s a trust issue. After considering my options, I found and purchased software to monitor his activity online; we all know that email can tell the story. I purchased Family Cyber Alert, which captures keystrokes, password, etcs. To my amazement, the man is already married. He’s promising his “wife”, that he is trying to get her and his children here soon as possible. I was floored, what the heck is this. You look for trouble you find it. The pain is unbearable. I can’t say anything to him because he would convince me that I am being paranoid and continue to lie. My first thought was to kick him out. I took my vows serious and he has deceived me. And I don’t want to say much because I want to see how he’s going to work this out. Does anyone have any suggestions? What would you do in a situation like this? How can he bring his family here and he’s not a citizen of the US? Please help. I am devastated.

This is terrible. I am so sorry. Seems like a nightmare. You need to cut your losses now, no matter how difficult and kick him out. No one needs to deal with this SH!T. Also he has defrauded uscis and is likely to be permanently banned from entering the U.S. if you wanted to bring this to the attention of the authorities.

Thank you for responding. You hear of things like this happening but you never thought it would ever happen to you.

[~Jackie~ 30]

My heart and prayers go to you today.

You will get a wide range of opinons in this thread, only you know what is best for you and your family. There are legal ramifications of breaking up during a tour of duty with USCIS.

He cannot bring anyone over til he obtains citizenship. He said he has been here for awhile. Does he have a 2 year card or a 10 year card? He can get citizenship with or without you. Just takes a few more years. 3 years after greencard if still with you, 5 years if not without. If he has the 10, he is only deportable after being CONVICTED, not charged, with a felony. (dont ask me how i know )

Using spyware is something we discuss in the MENA forum. Looking back, if I had used it, I would have known sooner that I was being used for a greencard. It took me 5 longggggggggggg expensive years to learn the cold hard truth.

I will pray for you to find peace and answers.

Jackie

[*JG* 2]

I am so sorry. Please make sure to be safe in whatever you end up doing next. Take care of you.

BTW.....if he LEGALLY has another wife, he committed visa fraud with you. If this is the case, you do have legal recourse!

[funkyab 0]

i know all people think differently but,, he has done something horribly wrong, with the full intention of eventually bringing his ohter family to the states, at the expence of someone that has invested as much as you have.

He has done something dark and dirty and cruel. I would be "creative" and bring the same back to him 10X!!

he has hurt and betrayed you, and you have a total right to go back at him. There are so many things you can do. I would be willing to bet that he might be eligible for one of those horrible immigration prisons that are so secretive. I would normally never wish this on anyone BUT... is some cases...........

[His Glory 25]

Make sure you print out all the emails and pictures. If he starts suspecting you know he will start to delete the emails and there goes your proof. Sorry you are going through this.

[Ta Ta 1]

I am very sorry you are going through this.

I suggest counseling for yourself so you will have the tools and strength to proceed. I think you are still in shock and it may take a while

for you to be able to act.

Protect yourself financially now.

Confront him with the evidence, make copies and put them somewhere safe.

In my opinion it is unlikely that he will forget about his other wife and children and I would divorce him.

He has used you and lied terribly and will continue to do so.

Focus on yourself and don't allow any lies of him promising to change. Be strong and cut your ties.

I am really sorry

[Kanyiri 0]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would print out the proof that you have and report it to the USCIS.

[Mina76 0]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I would print out the proof that you have and report it to the USCIS.

Yes!!! and kick him out of the house while you at it!

I don't think I would have him living in my home after finding out something like this, he has another wife and home, let him go back there!

My thoughts and prayers are with you