Tell me its not me

[HLM 1]

im really sorry i'm sure he is sad about something..u mentioned before how upset he was not being there for your son's delivery.... ask him if there is anything that has been bothering him lately... if not then go ahead and speak out how u feel nicely and clearly...i'm sure things will get better in minutes

HUG

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I am having a difficult day today. And i hope someone can tell me its not me. My husband is part of whats bothering me. I feel like things aren't the same since the wedding. The romance that was first there is gone. Instead of saying my name or honey, or babe or something like that, he will sit in the other room saying "hello" to get my attention. I broke down today telling him that sometimes i wonder if he didn't marry me for the green card. I know he loves me, but boy oh boy he sure has a wierd way of showing that once in a while.

He has been making comments about how he can adust without you and now you feel he is not the same.Do you really have an action plan in case you find out he is using you or he has someone else?If you do not have a clear idea of what you want to do,threatening or whining about him using you for papers is worthless.No one here wants to do anything but encourage you but unless you have a clear plan of action as to what you are going to do,I suggest you stop throwing the greencard subject in his face unless you really plan to do something about it.

I am going to take an extremely unpopular stance and tell you to buy and install spyware on your computer. Be extremely quiet and stop harping on him. Let a month go by and record incoming and outgoing emails.If they are in french or phoenetic arabic ,someone will help you translate it. I am truly afraid that even confronted with the truth,you may choose to do nothing.I personally feel very differently than many here. I WANT to know if my husband is chatting...He very well may be using you if you are having this strong of an inclination.So what the heck will you do if he is?If nothing.,,,,,,deal with the behavior,his coldness and the treatment.If what he is doing is a deal breaker,tell him...Telling everyone here is NOT helping....You either get it from his mouth or electronically spy on him or be quiet and deal with it...I had to get rid of someone hurting me and its not easy...it s horrible...You need to make some decisions. I personally would by spyware and check up on what hes doing..Id want to know where I stood...

Unpopular opinion but you need to do something other than whine...

love

kat

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

ps I would never advise this unless the guy had already shown some danger signs...You have to be cool as ice and quit the harping on him for him to be able to relax enough for you to see whats going on....He might NOT be using you for papers but your constantly saying what you are is insulting...so he might want to leave because he s just plain unhappy...You need to decide what you are going to do and stick with it..Spyware is dangerous because sometimes the truth is worse than you think....butif hes not doing anything wrong he will be vindicated.....

[~Jess~ 0]

im not sure i could take the stance on assuming that every marriage that has 'bumps' is adultry or green card fraud. sometimes a marriage has problems. sometimes people go thru difficult times.

I really wish all the best to you terrie.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

im not sure i could take the stance on assuming that every marriage that has 'bumps' is adultry or green card fraud. sometimes a marriage has problems. sometimes people go thru difficult times.

I really wish all the best to you terrie.

i agree........she has been here a couple of times talking about it......i just think she needs to confront him....or find out whats going on...but constantly being accused of green card fraud is demeaning too

[dillydally 0]

i am truly sorry sweety that you are feeling this way and experiencing this...sometimes just talking to him may give you some answers as to what is going on... i am sending you tons of {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and i am hoping and praying you get through all of this inshAllah please let me know if you need anything

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

im not sure i could take the stance on assuming that every marriage that has 'bumps' is adultry or green card fraud. sometimes a marriage has problems. sometimes people go thru difficult times.

I really wish all the best to you terrie.

I agree with you, Jess - each situation is different and circumstances are as distinct as the individuals who are involved - not all is bad when times are tough.

Terrie - hope you will find peace of mind that you are looking for.

[Ban Hammer 13,458]

I am going to take an extremely unpopular stance and tell you to buy and install spyware on your computer.

not just unpopular but also potentially illegal. she better do some serious research on state law regarding that.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I am going to take an extremely unpopular stance and tell you to buy and install spyware on your computer.

not just unpopular but also potentially illegal. she better do some serious research on state law regarding that.

They have a software called spector soft..Its her computer and she has the right to screen shot and record what goes on on it. Now if someone happens to be on her computer doing things they shouldnt,they will get caught...It just screenshots and breaks passwords.

I WOULD NEVER RECOMMEND THIS is if you are really sensitive or it will tear you to shreds emotionally.The potential things you find out are devastating. I found out some just devastating things about someone 5 years ago that tore my world in 2. This is what you do when the actions of the person are just too off the wall and you have already seen other things..The potential of you finding out things YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW are very high....

You must own the computer you install it on.It keystroke logs,it screen shots. You do this AFTER you already seriously suspect something....again..it s kind of hard to rationalise things away when you have written proof.I know an american married to a tunisian who caught her husband plotting to divorce her and remarry back home ....she freaked out.I am not sure he was serious or just bigtalking.She left him and pulled his papers and the family in Tunisia all went to an english translator I know in Tunis to ask him to call the girl and convince her he loved her..The reality is that sometimes its better not to know because things cannot be put together when you have written proof someone is not faithful or has bad intentions for you

The software is called spector soft pro and e blaster.They retail all over for about 99 dollars.

[SaadBell 0]

Marriage is hard, romance does die a little, but is replaced by deep friendship. Now as far as the spy ware, I am on board with that, I caught my ex husband with pulling up history, but I have a computer science degree. What wahrania said about being prepared, SHE IS RIGHT, when I pulled up that stuff on the computer, I was blown away. It is devasting sometimes, not always, but if you do find something it is always shocking. Of course marriages are hard and like life have ups and downs, it depends on you, some of us would check him out, some would not. Take care of yourself, get a good book, or movie and just relax and let the problem just sit on your back burner. Sometimes you will come up with some answers just letting the problem sit on the back burner. Talking to others who understand, and will stand by you no matter what path you take. Hang in there, marriages go through so many things, you just got to ride the ride.

[caybee 21]

I'm very sorry your husband seems so distant and different from before. The closeness is what helps so many of us make it through the grueling process, and when some of that closeness goes away, it's painful. It will be good if you can talk with him about how you feel and if if he's willing to open up about what's going on with him, although that may not be easy. Some people don't like to burden their loved ones when they're struggling, so they can seem very distant instead, and he may still be dealing with adjustment, frustration at not having achieved more since he's been here, which is a very normal phase.

I'm a believer in good counseling, and I don't think it would be too early for that at this point. I see it as preventive maintenance instead of as a last resort. Even if he is unwilling to go with you, a counselor can help guide you decided how to speak with him about your concerns so he is less likely to feel defensive and more likely to open up. The counselor can also help validate your feelings and help you decided on your next steps so you won't feel as isolated and powerless. Your marriage is so young. I know he has said some things that made you wonder, but there are so many other reasons why a person might act distant, especially someone adjusting to a completely new culture. That doesn't mean it isn't very painful for you, though, especially since he was so affectionate in the beginning. I think most people here who have their spouses with them have gone through strange adjustment issues to at least some degree. Whatever you decided to do, I hope you find some peace and reassurance soon.

[Ban Hammer 13,458]

I am going to take an extremely unpopular stance and tell you to buy and install spyware on your computer.

not just unpopular but also potentially illegal. she better do some serious research on state law regarding that.

They have a software called spector soft..Its her computer and she has the right to screen shot and record what goes on on it. Now if someone happens to be on her computer doing things they shouldnt,they will get caught...It just screenshots and breaks passwords.

I WOULD NEVER RECOMMEND THIS is if you are really sensitive or it will tear you to shreds emotionally.The potential things you find out are devastating. I found out some just devastating things about someone 5 years ago that tore my world in 2. This is what you do when the actions of the person are just too off the wall and you have already seen other things..The potential of you finding out things YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW are very high....

You must own the computer you install it on.It keystroke logs,it screen shots. You do this AFTER you already seriously suspect something....again..it s kind of hard to rationalise things away when you have written proof.I know an american married to a tunisian who caught her husband plotting to divorce her and remarry back home ....she freaked out.I am not sure he was serious or just bigtalking.She left him and pulled his papers and the family in Tunisia all went to an english translator I know in Tunis to ask him to call the girl and convince her he loved her..The reality is that sometimes its better not to know because things cannot be put together when you have written proof someone is not faithful or has bad intentions for you

The software is called spector soft pro and e blaster.They retail all over for about 99 dollars.

don't bet on that. as i said before, it depends on the state laws where she is. just because something is sold that does not instantly mean it's legal to install it and breach the privacy of the individual using the computer.

[Ban Hammer 13,458]

after a brief search, this is what i found:

Court: Wife broke law with spyware

A wife who installed spyware on her husband's computer to secretly record evidence of an extramarital affair violated state law, a Florida court ruled Friday.

The Florida Appeals Court, Fifth District said that Beverly Ann O'Brien "illegally obtained" records of husband James' online conversations with another woman as the two played Yahoo Dominoes together.

"It is illegal and punishable as a crime under (state law) to intercept electronic communications," wrote Judge Donald Grincewicz on behalf of a three-judge panel.

He and the two other judges barred Beverly O'Brien from revealing the contents of the intercepted conversations, and said the chat records could not be introduced as evidence in the unhappy couple's divorce proceedings.

The Florida case highlights growing social friction over the use of clandestine electronic monitoring software, which has become more widespread in the last few years. Businesses may monitor employees' e-mail and instant messaging conversations, and the FBI has used a key logger to snare passwords typed in by an alleged mobster. Some Internet-distributed malware programs can log passwords, account numbers and other sensitive information.

At issue in this case was whether the use of the spyware, called Spector, violated Florida's wiretapping law. The law says anyone who "intentionally intercepts" any "electronic communication" commits a criminal act. (The case was a civil lawsuit arising out of the divorce proceeding, not a criminal prosecution.)

Beverly O'Brien's lawyers argued that the monitoring didn't fall under the law's prohibitions and was kin to reading a stored file on her husband's computer--which would not be treated as wiretapping.

But Grincewicz concluded that "because the spyware installed by the wife intercepted the electronic communication contemporaneously with transmission, copied it and routed the copy to a file in the computer's hard drive, the electronic communications were intercepted in violation of the Florida Act."

link

[doodlebugg 10]

Not that I advocate spying but if it's illegal how come everything I do on my work computer is free game for my employer to see? Isn't that based on the same concept since it's my employer's property and my employer pays for the internet service here?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

at work when u were assigned computer usage u prob agreed to only use for business purpose anyway my 2cents worth these feeling of no trust enough to spy will only breed more feeling of no trust. W...do u trust anyone or will u constantly be watching for (these signs) from your husband