Down in the dumps today!!

[nana_356 0]

Your Egyptian family does not like your husband....

Well, if your family had no input on your choice of husband or who you would marry; then I think your family is harboring resentment over this and taking it out on your husband.

There is nothing you can do really, other than let them see over time, how much he loves you and takes care of you.

Nutty you are absolutely right! And that is what I was trying to explain to my husband, their taking all their frustration out on him!

[Nutty 2]

Has your husband ever travelled to the middle east or been exposed to middle eastern culture?

It would be an education for him in understanding the family dymanics...

Definately, point out to your husband that in normal muslim society the parents usually decide who their daughters marry. It is also highly unusual for muslim women to marry non-muslim men and is forbidden in the Quran. So your husband should be a little understanding of your family's wrath.

Additionally, your husband should not complain about your family. Instead, he should maintain the line of, "how can I help, how can I smooth things over..." and this is not the tone, just be quiet.

You are in a hard enough position as it is without him making it harder.

Is your husband muslim? Is he religious?

[nana_356 0]

Has your husband ever travelled to the middle east or been exposed to middle eastern culture?

It would be an education for him in understanding the family dymanics...

Definately, point out to your husband that in normal muslim society the parents usually decide who their daughters marry. It is also highly unusual for muslim women to marry non-muslim men and is forbidden in the Quran. So your husband should be a little understanding of your family's wrath.

Additionally, your husband should not complain about your family. Instead, he should maintain the line of, "how can I help, how can I smooth things over..." and this is not the tone, just be quiet.

You are in a hard enough position as it is without him making it harder.

Is your husband muslim? Is he religious?

No he is not muslim, and that was what I thought to be their issue, till, I spoke to the sheik at the mosque and he said that the quoran does not state that muslim woman are forbidden to marry out of our religeon (as long as they are people of the book), but it is an important part of our culture. That pretty much shut my parents up because my father challenged the sheik and said that it is in the quaran, but he couldnt find it in any surah. So he used his race insted.

He has tried to do everything to "smooth things over with them" but their not having it. Its either their way or nothing at all. He even said he would convert, but I knew islam is not what is in his heart, so I told him not to, god isn't stupid he knows what is in your heart and what isnt. I saw it as a discrace to allah to play "pretend muslim" for my family sake. And to be honest, after he has witnessed how my family is, the racism and the complete unacceptance of other cultures, my culture and my religeon is no longer appelaing to him.

Edited March 27, 2008 by nana_356

[Nutty 2]

That is a true shame!

Even the mullah could not pursuede your family to see that it was ok.

I agree that it wouldn't be right to convert to Islam if it isn't being done out of the heart. Also, if your family is so dead set against your husband, they would not accept his conversion anyway. Find some fault with it or constantly test your husband on it.

I feel badly for you and your husband. But, be strong in your love with your husband. You both need to be extra patient with this situation and strongly united in the face of criticism.

I am also sorry for your family...They live in the US but are not really accepting of the culture. Must be strange and isolated feeling for them. Not really putting down "roots" here or opening up to American society and not being in Egypt.

[nana_356 0]

That is a true shame!

Even the mullah could not pursuede your family to see that it was ok.

I agree that it wouldn't be right to convert to Islam if it isn't being done out of the heart. Also, if your family is so dead set against your husband, they would not accept his conversion anyway. Find some fault with it or constantly test your husband on it.

I feel badly for you and your husband. But, be strong in your love with your husband. You both need to be extra patient with this situation and strongly united in the face of criticism.

I am also sorry for your family...They live in the US but are not really accepting of the culture. Must be strange and isolated feeling for them. Not really putting down "roots" here or opening up to American society and not being in Egypt.

Thank you for your response, And I truly thank everyone on this forum, for sharing their wisdom and continued support!!!

[Nutty 2]

That is a true shame!

Even the mullah could not pursuede your family to see that it was ok.

I agree that it wouldn't be right to convert to Islam if it isn't being done out of the heart. Also, if your family is so dead set against your husband, they would not accept his conversion anyway. Find some fault with it or constantly test your husband on it.

I feel badly for you and your husband. But, be strong in your love with your husband. You both need to be extra patient with this situation and strongly united in the face of criticism.

I am also sorry for your family...They live in the US but are not really accepting of the culture. Must be strange and isolated feeling for them. Not really putting down "roots" here or opening up to American society and not being in Egypt.

Thank you for your response, And I truly thank everyone on this forum, for sharing their wisdom and continued support!!!

Best of luck to you...and don't fret too much...Over time it is possible that if your family sees your huband takes good care of you, they may soften up. May take years...but time mellows grudges.

Take care

[nana_356 0]

[Zee Bee 61]

I have a friend in almost the same situation as you are in...I feel for you

[terrie/kamal 0]

I feel bad for you. My parents don't approve of my husband either. It sucks.

[aj1 1]

I am praying for you that everything will work out. Try not to worry hun.

AJ1

[nana_356 0]

I feel bad for you. My parents don't approve of my husband either. It sucks.

It does, I hope things work out for you though, is it for similar reasons?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Definately, point out to your husband that in normal muslim society the parents usually decide who their daughters marry. It is also highly unusual for muslim women to marry non-muslim men and is forbidden in the Quran. So your husband should be a little understanding of your family's wrath.

There is nothing in Islam that mandates a woman to marry a man whom her family chooses for her, although in the Shafi'i school it has been interpreted that way. Also, there is nothing in the Quran nor the Sunnah of the Prophet that forbids Muslimas from marriage with men of the Book or limits them to marriage with Muslim men.

Nana, honey, do you need more info on interfaith/interracial marriage in Islam? I'd be happy to provide more.

Sofiyya

[Sofiyya 1,687]

The Prophet's Final Sermon

“O People, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore, listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and take these words to those who could not be present here today.

O People, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as Sacred, so regard the life and property of every Muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your Lord, and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. God has forbidden you to take usury (interest), therefore all interest obligation shall henceforth be waived. Your capital, however, is yours to keep. You will neither inflict nor suffer any inequity. God has Judged that there shall be no interest, and that all the interest due to Abbas ibn Abd’al Muttalib shall henceforth be waived...

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under a trust from God and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste.

O People, listen to me in earnest, worship God, perform your five daily prayers, fast during the month of Ramadan, and offer Zakat. Perform Hajj if you have the means.

All mankind is from Adam and Eve. An Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab; white has no superiority over black, nor does a black have any superiority over white; [none have superiority over another] except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves.

Remember, one day you will appear before God and answer for your deeds. So beware, do not stray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.

O People, no prophet or apostle will come after me, and no new faith will be born. Reason well, therefore, O people, and understand words which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the Quran and my example, the Sunnah, and if you follow these you will never go astray.

All those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again; and it may be that the last ones understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness, O God, that I have conveyed your message to your people.”

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Hello Everyone, I am having a not so great day today. My husband and I got in to it yesterday because of the way my family makes him feel (they dont accept him) , he said some rude comments about my parents, and I stupidly defended them. (they dont deserve to be defended)

then speak of the devil, my father calls after nearly 5 years, and starts yelling calling my husband garbage. We fought and he hung up on me. I didnt tell my husband what was said (obviously), but my huband and I havn't spoke since yesterday. I dont know what to do?

If you guys want more detail feel free to ask!

I just want some support since many people on this site are with someone out of their race, and maybe have delt with their familys comments!!

I feel for you and I have had some of the same things happen..I cannot wait till thanksgiving and all my aunt serves is PORK... I AM FEELING YOU ...

The only thing my stepmom is concerned about is what she can and cant serve at holidays.. "Can I put italian sausage in the lasgna?" "Not if you expect him to eat it, Janelle" "Can we eat the pork in front of him?" OMG. at least shes trying to be considerate. lol

Im sorry you are having problems with the family hunny.

Olivia gave you some good advice

Lisa

Edited March 28, 2008 by Y_habibitk

[♥Sora_9_Dam3a♥ 0]

unfortunately, i can't give any advice regarding your family...however, with your husband...definitely apologize and just be very patient with him...put yourself in his shoes...imagine HIS family was treating you that way...it must be very frustrating, especially if he loves you and cares for you with all his heart...

i wish you all the best and pray that Allah gives you the patience and strength you need to overcome this...