Rants of an alien spouse

[Todd-Leah 0]

My feeling is that since your situation is fairly good in Malaysia, why can't your husband move to live with you there. I have been to Malaysia and think it is a nice country and would not mind living there myself.

We did. My husband moved and stayed here in Malaysia on a "spouse visa" for two years. (There is no spouse visa, but after much pressure from the woman right advocacy groups, the government had some sort of arrangement, a foreign spouse can get a visitor visa with work authorization, revewable every year.)

Though it took some time for him to deal with cultural adjustments and stopped missing all the conveniences he used to have back home, he liked the food and people here. But he was not very happy with his job situation here. Since work is a huge part of a man and how he sees his worth, and the old issue of man being the provider, thus the decision to be back to the US.

I have lived in the States for a year and do know a little bit about the culture and what to expect. Generally a more flexible and adaptable person compared to my man, I just hope the cold weather in the midwest will not be too unbearable.

Leah

[Todd-Leah 0]

leah:)

Bottomline is, I feel that each of us has different strengths and weaknesses. I guess in the relationship I'm in, I'm the more patient partner and I have more free time, or that I make more time! he he he

sue

Thanks for the advice and the reminder. In fact, I talked to the marriage counsellor (who is a church friend who got to know us pretty well and did our pre-marital counselling with us), she told me the same.

Leah

[trinket 30]

You know, I have come to realise that this immigration isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Some people just don’t want to talk about it, it does evolve a lot of negativity and separation and they feel they are better off not knowing about it at all.

I can very much relate with you, I am the beneficiary and though we do have a lawyer but it has been me doing everything, lawyer only worked as a second pair of eyes and did give us a few inputs here and there. I was going through a lot of frustration that my husband wasn’t as evolved as I wished he would have been, I wished him to read these forums, acquire more knowledge, read the guides but he just wasn’t going to.

So to make things simple, I just started giving him out "to do list". If I wanted him to scan something or print out something, or taking his 2x2 pics for G-325a (you guys wouldn’t believe it but it was me who made the call from India to the photo studios near his place and determined which photo studio he should go……..damn husband ) I would let him know and he had 2 days of time to do it and it worked for both of us, he didn’t have to hear me talking and talking about immigration process after a hard day at work and I didn’t have to go through a frustrating time because of all this. I am hoping to continue the same when time comes for NVC.

Just wish to say that do look more into the whole situation, how is he otherwise, not just the process, not everyone likes all the paper work, so he is one of those guys. He did spend 2 years in your country, so I wouldn't say he is the bad guy, and at the same time you have the right to be frustrated and rant out.

Wishing you a smooth journey ahead.

[Karaoke 0]

My humble opinion, long journeys are the best ones to get to know each other... But espcially when apart, MORE and BETTER communication is needed.

In the long life journey, investing some time for the Visa Journey and to know where your marriage is going, is well spent time. Whatever the outcome, you will have learned something and hopefully sorted out what is best for you!

Good luck

We are at the first stage of our visa process, USC husband just filed the I-130, but I am already feeling like giving up.

I downloaded the forms from USCIS website, filled up the I-130 and G-325A, put a sticky note at where he supposed to put down his signature, double checked everything before mailing them to him by snail mail. After two months of constant reminders, he finally mailed them out to USCIS on Mar 15 2008.

He just received the NOA1 in the mail today and sent me a scanned copy. I saw my name on the NOA I-797C was wrong! It was my husband's mistake. He somehow mixed up the forms that I mailed to him and the a copy that he filled up earlier with the wrong name. Don't ask me how that could happen!

I have done everything required on my part, gathering all the documents required from me for the next stage of the process, and I am waiting to send them out as soon as we get the next NOA. But, he is taking his time to gather the documents for the I-864 and doesn't seem to have a clue of what he is supposed to do, even though I have forwarded all the guides from this forum and USCIS website to him. He hasn't looked at them!!!

He wants me to visit next month and is looking for an apartment for us to move into (he lived with his cousins since he moved back there last year). In fact, I have started all the preparations to move gradually since we decided to start the migration last Nov, I have sold the brick and mortal business that I used to run and is working mostly online right now. I have also sold some of the furniture, getting ready to rent out the house and sell the car so that I can move back to my parents for a few weeks before leaving to visit him next month.

I have doubt about my decision and my future life in the States right now. Should I even bother to proceed with this long and winding journey with little support from him? I guess my discontentment started when I see what others are doing for their SOs on this forum and felt that I am being taken for granted.

At the same time, I have been offered a job with an ex-employer (left 9 years ago) that required me to relocate to another city, I am tempted to take up. The reason for that: I felt that I am embarking on a lonely journey without a companion, and having a new career will keep me occupied while my husband put his acts together.

I know this is a marriage problem, not a visa problem, and I don't really know what answers I am looking for. But, thank you for a place to rant.