MENA-One Visa Journey For the Book

[peezey 0]

Those of us that marry these men in the post 9/11 environment face seriously scary things that are outside the boundaries of a normal healthy relationship. Certainly they don’t have to worry if we’re a terrorist, or if we’re using them for a green card, or if we have another wife and kids, or if we’re hiding something from them.

But sometimes I truly wish I didn’t have to face some of the glaring issues that come with being married to a MENA man like he might terrorist and a really good actor, or using me for a green card, or because he’s Muslim he may have another wife and kids somewhere, or he’s just hiding something and how would I know because I am not there able to be with him every second and know he every move and search every inch of his life before past present and future. Will there ever be a time when those issues fade? Is it also naive of me to believe it will be better after we are together? What is the best attitude I can take now?

If you are going to worry about this 99.999999999% unlikelihood, you might as well worry if he is really a woman, if he's gay, if he likes to drink the blood of chickens while dancing around a bonfire at night. The greater likelihood is that this is based on your own bigotry, which you should really get a handle on before your angels bring your husband to you.

[Ban Hammer 13,552]

[Nagishkaw 510]

Olivia has support here. Go ####### on another forum.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Bigot definition

I don't think I fit the definition of intolerant.

[Ban Hammer 13,552]

Bigot definition

I don't think I fit the definition of intolerant.

don't worry too much about what she has to say, i doubt she'd have a kind word for mother teresa either.

[ayesha4akram 0]

Olivia!!

I know it's hard when everyone you are in contact with (family and friends) telling you how wrong it is, but you know in your heart what is right and wrong for you. I have no idea why the connection starts acting silly when the conversation is most important to us.

Just keep your faith and keep praying, and you know you can always count on me, if you need anything just write me, I'll be here for you insha Allah.

Hugs,

Ayesha

[morocco4ever 63]

Peezey, have you ever considered a job in social work? Perhaps a suicide hotline? Such a natural knack with heartfelt concern.

[Ban Hammer 13,552]

Peezey, have you ever considered a job in social work? Perhaps a suicide hotline? Such a natural knack with heartfelt concern.

actually i thought she'd do well training attack dogs.

[ayesha4akram 0]

Peezey, have you ever considered a job in social work? Perhaps a suicide hotline? Such a natural knack with heartfelt concern.

actually i thought she'd do well training attack dogs.

Both of you crack me up!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Now I wonder if I am a bigot. I just learn about the Iranian Hostage Crisis of 79-81, the World Trade Center Bombing of 1993, the 9/11 attacks of 2001 and the ppl who performed those attacks and what I am supposed to take from that. I really have to exam am I a bigot. I did travel through Egypt with some fears sometimes because I am an American. The US website warned about militant fractions in rural regions. Do I have bigot beliefs? Should I see past their race, culture, creed and what message they were sending doing this and look at myself and my perception? Ugh now I am confused. This will keep me up all night another night. Edited March 25, 2008 by Olivia*

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I feel for you, Olivia, but I also wish I could say what I'm really thinking these days.

Edited March 25, 2008 by Virtual wife

[Jenn! 918]

Well, in all fairness, I do think it is a good point - I mean, really, how many of us really have a secret fear that our SO is a terrorist? It's kind of irrational, no? Going off of the analogy that Ganja_girl brought up, it really wouldn't be unlike having a fear that your husband is a serial killer. In any case, I'd bet that Olivia mentioned this as a passing thought, not a true concern, but more representative of the risks that one takes having a foreign partner from any country.

[morocco4ever 63]

Now I wonder if I am a bigot. I just learn about the Iranian Hostage Crisis of 79-81, the World Trade Center Bombing of 1993, the 9/11 attacks of 2001 and the ppl who performed those attacks and what I am supposed to take from that. I really have to exam am I a bigot. I did travel through Egypt with some fears sometimes because I am an American. The US website warned about militant fractions in rural regions. Do I have bigot beliefs? Should I see past their race, culture, creed and what message they were sending doing this and look at myself and my perception? Ugh now I am confused. This will keep me up all night another night.

Sweety, don't pay attention to the slugs of this site. You are fine, you are a normal woman that has emotions just like a million other women. You go through hell with this process and it can drive even the strongest women insane. What you are feeling will be gone given a little TLC.

[aisha kandisha 0]

Now I wonder if I am a bigot. I just learn about the Iranian Hostage Crisis of 79-81, the World Trade Center Bombing of 1993, the 9/11 attacks of 2001 and the ppl who performed those attacks and what I am supposed to take from that. I really have to exam am I a bigot. I did travel through Egypt with some fears sometimes because I am an American. The US website warned about militant fractions in rural regions. Do I have bigot beliefs? Should I see past their race, culture, creed and what message they were sending doing this and look at myself and my perception? Ugh now I am confused. This will keep me up all night another night.

I think what you should take from that is there are nutty people in every part of this world who will do horrendous things. But when you take the negative actions of a minority and allow that to shape your view of an entire group, it is prejudice. None of us are free from it entirely. Some of the concerns you addressed in your post are extreme unlikelihoods that seem more likely based in post 9/11 fears, lack of exposure to MENA people, American media stereotypes, etc. Peezey's response was harsh, but the likelihood of your husband being a terrorist is probably the same as the things she mentioned. Likewise, most studies report the incidence of polygyny in Egypt as being extremely low. So is this a reality-based concern or one based on stereotypes about a culture? This is not meant as criticism of you, and as I said, we all have prejudices. I just thought stepping back and really reflecting on what is triggering these issues might help you work through them since you obviously want to work through them.

[tenderheartusa79 14]

(I did travel through Egypt with some fears sometimes because I am an American. The US website warned about militant fractions in rural regions)

its just an illusion . you know what you are so much safer when you are in Egypt more than USA

cause no one can hurt you even the Egyptian police or the Egyptian government cause you are American citizen

and you have to know that Egyptian people are so kind and they really loves American

I'm serious I'm not just saying . maybe they don't like the American government

Edited March 25, 2008 by tenderheart197900