if your SO's visa was denied...

[rebeccajo 14]

For us, the subject came up before we decide to get married. If for some reason, my visa is denied, then we would move to my country. It will be super difficult because he cannot get permanent residency just by being married to me or very difficult to get a job. But he will move until we can get solution for him to stay permanently in Indonesia.

With regards to the discussion about parents being separated from their kids, I know 2 families back home whose dad worked as ship crewman (one in cargo ship, the other work for cruise ship). They will be gone for 6 months at least & usually once or week or so their dad will call home. The kids grew up pretty much without their dad but their mom stay at home full time & they were around friends & families. Is their father a bad person for choosing/having a career like that? I mean, they could come up with same amount of income if he works 2 or 3 jobs (and probably would not be home much) but live at home? And being ship crewmen was pretty much all they know how to do.

Not knocking your theory, but making a choice to earn a living away from home to support the family is kind of different than making a choice to be away from the kids for a woman.

btw, it was not a theory. One couple (whose dad works for cargo ship) they stayed married until he retires. They are few years younger than my parents age (in their 60's), the children are my age. The children seem to be doing fine.

The other couple (dad works for cruise ship), they are few years older than me in their mid-late 30's. They got 1 child together, he is probably 4 yo now. The couple got divorced 1 year ago, I heard from my parents. His parents & my parents are neighbours.

I understood your stories were of real couples, so that wasn't what I meant when I used the word 'theory'.

I meant 'theory' in your comparison of a father working away from home vs. a father absent via divorce and remarriage.

Just to clarify.

And to further clarify - as sometimes happens once I am away from a discussion, something occurred to me. My own ex-husband (before he was an ex) was frequently away from our home due to his work. He was 'addicted' to overtime and worked as much of it as he could get. His overtime checks were usually larger than his regular paychecks. When he was home, he was usually exhausted and irritable. This behavior directly contributed to the death of our marriage, and to a big disconnect between he and our son.

So, perhaps a father being away from the children for long periods of time - for whatever reason - isn't a good thing.

[Andy-n-Maricar 6]

I would not have second thoughts about moving to the Philippines to be with my lady if she was denied a visa. I was going to retire there in several years anyway, so I would just have to make the transition earlier and live off my savings until retirement kicks in.