if your SO's visa was denied...

[mawilson 2,133]

awwww what a romantic!

I was thinking the same thing

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I understand it is "crazy talk". That's why I said, insane legislation!

What I am trying to get it is how one can put a country or job before the person they love. I would humble myself before I'd give her up.

So this raises the question... If something really bizarre happened here... Some new insane legislation was passed... All the immigrants that were admitted, say, within the last 10 years were forcibly deported back to their countries of origin... Would you just give up on your S/O? Just get over them and move on all because you aren't willing to leave the US?

that's crazy talk, it could never happen. I can't answer for Charles, though.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

[Nessa 23]

well, people are different, situations are different.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

There are always prospects. It comes down to where you draw the line.

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

[Alex+R 0]

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

LOL, exactly.

Also not romantic? Leaving your kids halfway across the world. Unless the kid is within a few years from graduating high school at least (even then though) it seems selfish to me to choose living with a spouse over living near your kids or forcing your kids to choose which parent to live half a world away from if both parents are in the picture. I can't imagine how a kid could grow up thinking anything but "my parent loves someone they just met more than they love me." And that's kind of hard to dispute.

I guess other people have different priorities though.

[Jenn! 918]

I would not hesitate to move out of the U.S. Preferably, we could live in a third country (that's how I voted), but I would also move to Morocco if Europe were not an option.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

But I am asking my fiancée's children to decide between me and their biological father. Why is is okay for your S/O to leave their family but not okay for the USC to leave theirs?

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

LOL, exactly.

Also not romantic? Leaving your kids halfway across the world. Unless the kid is within a few years from graduating high school at least (even then though) it seems selfish to me to choose living with a spouse over living near your kids or forcing your kids to choose which parent to live half a world away from if both parents are in the picture. I can't imagine how a kid could grow up thinking anything but "my parent loves someone they just met more than they love me." And that's kind of hard to dispute.

I guess other people have different priorities though.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

LOL, exactly.

I have lived that both in Germany and here in the US. Believe me, no matter how much you love each other, you have to eat, pay bills, all of that. Hard.

[Alex+R 0]

But I am asking my fiancée's children to decide between me and their biological father. Why is is okay for your S/O to leave their family but not okay for the USC to leave theirs?

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

LOL, exactly.

Also not romantic? Leaving your kids halfway across the world. Unless the kid is within a few years from graduating high school at least (even then though) it seems selfish to me to choose living with a spouse over living near your kids or forcing your kids to choose which parent to live half a world away from if both parents are in the picture. I can't imagine how a kid could grow up thinking anything but "my parent loves someone they just met more than they love me." And that's kind of hard to dispute.

I guess other people have different priorities though.

I don't think it is. Unless the dad is a total #######, and unless your wife and the children's father have decided the kids will have a much better life in the US (and even then), you and your wife have a huge responsibility to make sure the kids see their dad as much as possible.

Now that you bring up the other way around, I think quality of life could be a factor in responsible parenting (i.e. maybe it's better to move a kid to the US from Ethiopia in some ways). In the case of the U.S., there are not many other countries that have significantly better quality of life that would mitigate the damaging effects of taking a child from one of its parents.

[rebeccajo 14]

Jeffrey,

You're talking about two different things. First you're talking about the kiddos, and then you're talking about the government deciding your life.

I agree with you that I wouldn't let a government stop me. I would have gone to the UK even when Wes and I first petitioned EXCEPT for Zach. And, it's like Alex said - Zach only had three more years of high school - but I wasn't putting him second to someone I had just met.

That being said, if the visa had been denied, Wes and I would have just waited it out till Zach graduated. We wouldn't have split but we would have been enduring a loooong LDR. I don't think that's 'letting a government decide' - that's my decision.

As it was, we did sell the family home Zach had been raised in and moved to another home AFTER Zach left for college. And we would go to the UK now if need be. In fact, that's a very real possibility for our future.

But not before.

I wasn't really directing my post at you. They were just thoughts. I guess, for me, even if my S/O confessed she was from another planet, I'd still want to go! The thought of waking up someday 20 or 30 years from now and thinking: I quit on this person I love so much. I let a government decide whether or not we could be together. Well,.. I could not handle that. Love has no boundary for me. I am not letting an imaginary line on some map decide my fate because my fiancée happened to be born on the other side.

How can you put a country's boundary on love? Wait for the kids to grow up! They don't stay small and helpless forever. They will leave the nest and find their own other half. If this is truly the one you love, you overcome. I would have not proposed to my fiancée if I was not willing to do the exact same thing I am asking her to do, leave her country for me. Commitment has to be two-way for me.

I think if you truly love your S/O the choice is obvious.

what about people with kids who can't bring them along? i wouldn't think its so cut and dry like that.

I guess I never said what I would do... I would go to Morocco OR a third country. I have a family I'd be sad to leave but I would do it none the less.

But your comments aren't really about me as I have no children. I am just curious why everyone is coming to America versus whatever country their SO is from. What held them back here? Etc. Although I do not have children, I can definitely see why someone would not want to leave them here. What if those kids were only a few years old? You're going to continue a long distance relationship thousands and thousands of miles away for another 16 years + until they leave your nest? It is just not realistic imo. Anyway... loving the answers!

Ps...AnewKINDofFEELIN thanks for the compliments!

[Alex+R 0]

Well there isn't much romantic about being unemployed with no prospects.

LOL, exactly.

I have lived that both in Germany and here in the US. Believe me, no matter how much you love each other, you have to eat, pay bills, all of that. Hard.

And have a satisfying life beyond your marriage, or even your relationship suffers. I was really depressed in Brazil because I had an OK job but not a really good full time one. I was living off savings, mostly. Rey also wasn't getting compensated like he gets compensated here. Life is easier here for us.

If he hadn't been allowed to come here we may have considered a third country.

[bora bora 1]

Our lives are also easier in the U.S. then they were in Brazil - that's the main reason why we live here. HOWEVER, if my husband's visa had been denied, we'd be living in Brazil. It would be difficult financially but we would make it. We're both simple people and neither one of us was raised with a lot of money, but it would still be a challenge.

I'm sure though if I had a child it'd be much more difficult - after reading so many posts from parents I understand why a mother of young children wouldn't want to jump up and move to northern Africa in a heartbeat.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I think that it comes down to one side is always going to have to make a sacrifice in an international relationship. You can't have it all when both partners have children. If my former wife wanted to move to Australia and take my children with her, I have no right to stop here. It is her life and she has a right to find happiness. Although I love my children and would die for them, they are with their mother until they become adults and decide where to live for themselves. It's the same with Alla's children.

Jeffrey,

You're talking about two different things. First you're talking about the kiddos, and then you're talking about the government deciding your life.

I agree with you that I wouldn't let a government stop me. I would have gone to the UK even when Wes and I first petitioned EXCEPT for Zach. And, it's like Alex said - Zach only had three more years of high school - but I wasn't putting him second to someone I had just met.

That being said, if the visa had been denied, Wes and I would have just waited it out till Zach graduated. We wouldn't have split but we would have been enduring a loooong LDR. I don't think that's 'letting a government decide' - that's my decision.

As it was, we did sell the family home Zach had been raised in and moved to another home AFTER Zach left for college. And we would go to the UK now if need be. In fact, that's a very real possibility for our future.

But not before.

I wasn't really directing my post at you. They were just thoughts. I guess, for me, even if my S/O confessed she was from another planet, I'd still want to go! The thought of waking up someday 20 or 30 years from now and thinking: I quit on this person I love so much. I let a government decide whether or not we could be together. Well,.. I could not handle that. Love has no boundary for me. I am not letting an imaginary line on some map decide my fate because my fiancée happened to be born on the other side.

How can you put a country's boundary on love? Wait for the kids to grow up! They don't stay small and helpless forever. They will leave the nest and find their own other half. If this is truly the one you love, you overcome. I would have not proposed to my fiancée if I was not willing to do the exact same thing I am asking her to do, leave her country for me. Commitment has to be two-way for me.

I think if you truly love your S/O the choice is obvious.

what about people with kids who can't bring them along? i wouldn't think its so cut and dry like that.

I guess I never said what I would do... I would go to Morocco OR a third country. I have a family I'd be sad to leave but I would do it none the less.

But your comments aren't really about me as I have no children. I am just curious why everyone is coming to America versus whatever country their SO is from. What held them back here? Etc. Although I do not have children, I can definitely see why someone would not want to leave them here. What if those kids were only a few years old? You're going to continue a long distance relationship thousands and thousands of miles away for another 16 years + until they leave your nest? It is just not realistic imo. Anyway... loving the answers!

Ps...AnewKINDofFEELIN thanks for the compliments!

[Alex+R 0]

Our lives are also easier in the U.S. then they were in Brazil - that's the main reason why we live here. HOWEVER, if my husband's visa had been denied, we'd be living in Brazil. It would be difficult financially but we would make it. We're both simple people and neither one of us was raised with a lot of money, but it would still be a challenge.

I'm sure though if I had a child it'd be much more difficult - after reading so many posts from parents I understand why a mother of young children wouldn't want to jump up and move to northern Africa in a heartbeat.

I also think it depends on your career. I can see how yours might adapt fairly easily to Brazil. For me, it would mean giving up on most of my dreams. At this age, I'm not willing to do that. If I had a kid, I wouldn't do it. I believe kids come first, even before you, and that it's wrong to deny your children any opportunities you could conceivably give them (within reason). That's why I'm not having any until I'm ready for that kind of responsibility.

I think that it comes down to one side is always going to have to make a sacrifice in an international relationship. You can't have it all when both partners have children. If my former wife wanted to move to Australia and take my children with her, I have no right to stop here. It is her life and she has a right to find happiness. Although I love my children and would die for them, they are with their mother until they become adults and decide where to live for themselves. It's the same with Alla's children.

Jeffrey,

You're talking about two different things. First you're talking about the kiddos, and then you're talking about the government deciding your life.

I agree with you that I wouldn't let a government stop me. I would have gone to the UK even when Wes and I first petitioned EXCEPT for Zach. And, it's like Alex said - Zach only had three more years of high school - but I wasn't putting him second to someone I had just met.

That being said, if the visa had been denied, Wes and I would have just waited it out till Zach graduated. We wouldn't have split but we would have been enduring a loooong LDR. I don't think that's 'letting a government decide' - that's my decision.

As it was, we did sell the family home Zach had been raised in and moved to another home AFTER Zach left for college. And we would go to the UK now if need be. In fact, that's a very real possibility for our future.

But not before.

I wasn't really directing my post at you. They were just thoughts. I guess, for me, even if my S/O confessed she was from another planet, I'd still want to go! The thought of waking up someday 20 or 30 years from now and thinking: I quit on this person I love so much. I let a government decide whether or not we could be together. Well,.. I could not handle that. Love has no boundary for me. I am not letting an imaginary line on some map decide my fate because my fiancée happened to be born on the other side.

How can you put a country's boundary on love? Wait for the kids to grow up! They don't stay small and helpless forever. They will leave the nest and find their own other half. If this is truly the one you love, you overcome. I would have not proposed to my fiancée if I was not willing to do the exact same thing I am asking her to do, leave her country for me. Commitment has to be two-way for me.

I think if you truly love your S/O the choice is obvious.

what about people with kids who can't bring them along? i wouldn't think its so cut and dry like that.

I guess I never said what I would do... I would go to Morocco OR a third country. I have a family I'd be sad to leave but I would do it none the less.

But your comments aren't really about me as I have no children. I am just curious why everyone is coming to America versus whatever country their SO is from. What held them back here? Etc. Although I do not have children, I can definitely see why someone would not want to leave them here. What if those kids were only a few years old? You're going to continue a long distance relationship thousands and thousands of miles away for another 16 years + until they leave your nest? It is just not realistic imo. Anyway... loving the answers!

Ps...AnewKINDofFEELIN thanks for the compliments!

If your wife wanted to take your children to Australia, you wouldn't be upset at all? Would you try to move to Australia to make some kind of effort to be in their lives? I would think it's not just her life she's affecting but yours and, more importantly, your children's. That's what happens when you have kids. It's not just "your life" anymore.

PS If I were in an international relationship where both of us had kids, I wouldn't marry that person if one of us had to leave our kids. I would never leave my kids and I couldn't respect a man who did it. I'd also question the man's integrity if he wanted to take his kids away from their mother, if she were in the picture.

Edited March 24, 2008 by Alex+R