Curious about how long you've lived with SO.

[aravis227 1]

True - although you can also discuss these things as much as possible before you live together. With my ex we were hardly ever apart, but we never sat down and talked about any of the big issues and as a result it was more like living with a roommate than a partner - we led very separate lives.

That's what we've tried to do, too. We've discussed finances, how much we expect to make and what we expect to spend it on, and who is in charge of household bills (him! I'm horrible with money). We've talked about kids and how many we want...we've even talked about names (I've seen couples fight horribly over names). We've talked about our hobbies and when he's been here, he has gone with me to meetings and stuff (I do historical recreation). Much as we want to be together as much as possible, we've also discussed how we'll handle our hobbies that are different and the fact that we both need our space at times.

Exactly like you Aravis, so we can't say at this time that we lived together. And its the reason why we're on the K1 'cause we have to be together, we need it, we can't continue to live far away.

I know what you mean, we are engaged and going through this because we simply can't be apart. It's as simple as that. We may not have had the opportunity to live together and know the ins and outs of our habits...but I can't imagine my life without him and it hurts when I wake up without him every morning.

[Krikit 1,165]

I'm confused. Is this poll about time spent living together or longest time spent visiting one another?

Oh wait. I just re-read the poll. Maybe it's asking how long we knew each other before we applied for the K-1?

[aravis227 1]

I'm confused. Is this poll about time spent living together or longest time spent visiting one another?

Oh wait. I just re-read the poll. Maybe it's asking how long we knew each other before we applied for the K-1?

I was curious how much time you had spent actually living with your SO before applying for the K-1, but wanted to throw in an option for people who, like me, have only had short visits.

[Nicoxcx 1]

Well in our four years together I visited my SO in the USA 3 times (once a year)

1st time I stayed 2 Weeks,

2nd Time I stayed a month

3rd time I stayed 3 months

Truthfully, I wouldve stayed longer but the US only allows me there for 3 months, (on a Visa Waiver) .

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I know what you mean, we are engaged and going through this because we simply can't be apart. It's as simple as that. We may not have had the opportunity to live together and know the ins and outs of our habits...but I can't imagine my life without him and it hurts when I wake up without him every morning.

Ooooh, that just brought tears to my eyes. Exactly the same for us (although I did live with him and his family in Turkey for 5 months - but that felt like a blink of the eye!) I never knew how strong I could be before all of this, but I never want to have to be this strong again!

"When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."

Aw, I'm feeling all sappy and romantic now. I'm going to see my SO in Turkey on Saturday - yay.

[Krikit 1,165]

I'm confused. Is this poll about time spent living together or longest time spent visiting one another?

Oh wait. I just re-read the poll. Maybe it's asking how long we knew each other before we applied for the K-1?

I was curious how much time you had spent actually living with your SO before applying for the K-1, but wanted to throw in an option for people who, like me, have only had short visits.

Oh, I see. So the "yes" responses are for those who actually lived together, and the "visit" responses are for those didn't. Gotcha. In that case, then, we visited but did not live together before getting married (or filing for K-1).

[Alex & Rachel 78]

That's what we've tried to do, too. We've discussed finances, how much we expect to make and what we expect to spend it on, and who is in charge of household bills (him! I'm horrible with money). We've talked about kids and how many we want...we've even talked about names (I've seen couples fight horribly over names).

Same here Although if you suggested it to most people my age they'd be horrified at the thought! None of my friends are even close to settling down and having children, even if they've been dating a while.

[aravis227 1]

That's what we've tried to do, too. We've discussed finances, how much we expect to make and what we expect to spend it on, and who is in charge of household bills (him! I'm horrible with money). We've talked about kids and how many we want...we've even talked about names (I've seen couples fight horribly over names).

Same here Although if you suggested it to most people my age they'd be horrified at the thought! None of my friends are even close to settling down and having children, even if they've been dating a while.

I'm 27 and he's 37 (today!), so we want to get started within a couple of years of our marriage because he wants to have energy to keep up with our kids!

[aravis227 1]

Ooooh, that just brought tears to my eyes. Exactly the same for us (although I did live with him and his family in Turkey for 5 months - but that felt like a blink of the eye!) I never knew how strong I could be before all of this, but I never want to have to be this strong again!

I know what you mean...at least we know how important they are and, as someone mentioned earlier, when we're finally together we'll appreciate every moment.

[Yoink 7]

I met my Fiance overseas where we were both studying.... so we lived in the same building for 4 months... apart for 1 month... she lived with me in NY for 3 and a half months... apart for 1 month.... traveled for 1 month and lived together again abroad for almost 4 months.

I am returning to NY in April and we will be apart probably for the longest we have been since we met until she arrives on her K-1.

We have discussed many fiancial things cause I started the process to buy an apartment and she is aware of the monthly payments that we will incur.

[rebeccajo 14]

Lemme see....

Well, we actually decided we would probably like to get married before we even met face to face. Sound screwy?

So before our first face to face meeting (five months after meeting online) we'd always talk about our future by saying 'if things go according to plan'. Which translated to 'if we can still stand each other in real life'!!

The first visit was for 3 weeks. He returned home and then came back 9 weeks later. We filed the K1 about a week after he arrived for the second visit. He ended up staying for 2 months; returned home and his visa interview was roughly two months after that. I went over for the interview - we returned to the US together.

So....we never 'lived' together before filing, unless you count one 3 week visit. AND...even though we filed right away when he arrived the second time (for his longer visit) it was still understood between us that this visit was for him to see how he REALLY felt about the US. It was like a dry run and we both knew there was the possibility (though slim) that we might cancel the in-process visa.

Let me add that we are older than many of you. I'm 50 and Wes is 44. I comment on that for a couple of reasons; one is that we had some life experience under our belt and felt we knew what we needed from a parter. Secondly, we felt we knew ourselves pretty well, and I would say that knowing yourself well (and being honest about it) is one of the keys to a successful marriage. If you aren't happy with yourself, you are likely to make the other person miserable.

It's not impossible, by any means, to be unsure of these two things if you are younger. But when you're older, you've already learned by your....um....previous errors!

[jom 4]

Met on line October 2007

First and only visit in the Philippines ( february 2007) before k1 ( filed March 2007) was for 2 weeks.

Now, 4 months married and outrageously happy.

So we lived together, in the hotel, and travelling, for two weeks before our K1.

[psiprez 3]

Well, we actually decided we would probably like to get married before we even met face to face. Sound screwy?

So before our first face to face meeting (five months after meeting online) we'd always talk about our future by saying 'if things go according to plan'. Which translated to 'if we can still stand each other in real life'!!

We were EXACTLY the same way! We were always like "I'd marry you." and "I'd marry you, too." At that point, we checked into what it would take to be together... just to know if it was even a possibility. I remember reading that a K-1 was really our only option, and saying to him "Well hun, good news... it looks like we're engaged!" LOL! We didn't meet in person for another three months.

Let me add that we are older than many of you. I'm 50 and Wes is 44. I comment on that for a couple of reasons; one is that we had some life experience under our belt and felt we knew what we needed from a parter. Secondly, we felt we knew ourselves pretty well, and I would say that knowing yourself well (and being honest about it) is one of the keys to a successful marriage. If you aren't happy with yourself, you are likely to make the other person miserable.

It's not impossible, by any means, to be unsure of these two things if you are younger. But when you're older, you've already learned by your....um....previous errors!

We are a tiny bit younger at 39 and 41, but definitely agree with what you said. It can be hard for people (my parents in particular) to understand how we could fall in love online without having ever met and know we were right for each other in do little time. We've both been through so much in the past, and are at that point in our lives where we know what's important in life, and can't be bothered with the b.s. anymore.

[OsLoraTamm 0]

this is an interesting thread.......I have a couple of comments..........

1. I was married before for 26 years....I was 17 knew him for 4 months and never lived with him before we married had 5 children but grew up and apart.......so I think many factors enter into a marriage happiness and longevity other then whether you lived together or not

2. I have spent 121 days in the 2 years I have known Oscar living together.....I do think when you are like us......older and more set in your ways....Oscar has never been married....I have been divorced for 2 years.....It is a little more important to spend time getting to know each others personal habits....likes ....dislikes....but with the 3000 miles between us the reality is that this is a very hard to accomplish.....so then it becomes a matter of love hope and a little bit of your willingness to risk

[av8or1 246]

Olga and I have seen each other a total of five times during the year and four month period that we've known each other. Never for more than two weeks at a time and once for only a week. That's about 9 weeks at the most. Having said that I know that she and I can live together without difficulty because of similar lifestyles (including "annoying" personal habits), values, beliefs and goals. I have always felt that these were far more important than having shared the same roof for some arbitrary amount of time prior to finally standing beside each other at the altar. For me, a combination of thinking with the head on my shoulders and what I find in the thing beating in my chest is the way to go. I wouldn't do anything without honestly consulting both.

Basically, I'm saying to ignore the nay-sayers and the immigration haters; do what you think and feel is right for you.

Best,

Jerry