What are the legalities of desertion after green card is recieved

[ikyang 1]

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

[pushbrk 13,073]

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

Please remain on topic. People without a common language deal with communication difficulties all the time. After 18 months in the USA, my wife and I still use a hand-held translator or the computer to translate some things. When she arrived, it was a daily occurence. When we married in China it was many times a day.

There are plenty more in the same boat. Not your cup of tea? Fine. but lay off the off-topic jabs.

[ikyang 1]

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

Please remain on topic. People without a common language deal with communication difficulties all the time. After 18 months in the USA, my wife and I still use a hand-held translator or the computer to translate some things. When she arrived, it was a daily occurence. When we married in China it was many times a day.

There are plenty more in the same boat. Not your cup of tea? Fine. but lay off the off-topic jabs.

ok so sorry if i was out of the topic!

im an asian too from the philippines so i can relate those "communication gap" sometimes.

[athena_ny 1]

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

Please remain on topic. People without a common language deal with communication difficulties all the time. After 18 months in the USA, my wife and I still use a hand-held translator or the computer to translate some things. When she arrived, it was a daily occurence. When we married in China it was many times a day.

There are plenty more in the same boat. Not your cup of tea? Fine. but lay off the off-topic jabs.

During World War II, a lot of American soldiers married Japanese women, and to bridge language barriers a lot of them would sort of invent their own language to communicate. I'm sure a lot of them stayed married, as well.

I myself don't understand when people can't figure out a way to communicate when they don't speak a common language, but for those that do, it's entirely a workable situation.

[Dennis Miller 0]

Just wondering how do you communicate ..... get divorce and better luck next time!

hahahha! this is funny. i wonder too how did you get married when in fact you don't understand each other's language?

Please remain on topic. People without a common language deal with communication difficulties all the time. After 18 months in the USA, my wife and I still use a hand-held translator or the computer to translate some things. When she arrived, it was a daily occurence. When we married in China it was many times a day.

There are plenty more in the same boat. Not your cup of tea? Fine. but lay off the off-topic jabs.

Thank you for saying this! Some people will never understand certain things until they are confronted with it. We originally met through Match.com. We emailed daily through an interpreter. We grew closer and closer. If she wasn't in love with me when I went to China and married her then she was an excellent actress! Sixteen months of visa waiting later she came to the US. We immediately started the AOS paperwork.

I have been thinking all day about the possibility of what some of you suggested, that she must work off the money for the operation. I think that is a very real possibility. But why not tell me about it, how could she loose face by telling me about her arraingement? The operation is for heart bypass. If this is what she has done then I pray that her mother survives the operation!

[Dennis Miller 0]

I wanted to just add something. She went home for a visit according to what you said and then when she returned nary a month later moved to work in a restaurant. My ex is Chinese from mainland China. There are "entrepreneurs" in China who loan money for work in the US. Your mother in law may have already had the procedure completed and it being an emergency your wife agreed to the loan because it can be worked off in a year. IT usually means that you work where they assign you to work and they provide rather poor housing and the hours are very long. It's only a step above slave labor. It's very very common here. I mention it because the things you said, sound suspiciously like this could be one thing that might have happened. On her honor, she will work and pay it off. You may want to book a hotel room and try to have an honest face to face talk with your wife. It's a little odd that she doesn't speak english and you don't speak chinese. What language do you communicate in?

Thank you. Your suggestion sounds very reasonable to me. She lives in a dormitory with other Asians. But how could she earn 25,000 in a year with living expenses? If I go there She would loose face and that is not something I can do. If she invites me to visit her for a vacation I will be there! We communicate [usually] in Chinglish!!

[Dennis Miller 0]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

[nane1104 146]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

I think what pushbrk was saying is, that you can have love or you can do love a person without being "in love", without having all those butterflies in your stomach. Not a love between brother and sister, I don't think, that is what he meant.

Let me give you an example:

I was seeing a really old couple on tv, I think they were married for about 80 years (no kidding) and they were asked what their secret was. They replied: "We never fell out of love at the same time!" I thought that was an unusual anwer but they explained it like that: If you are together for years and years, things happen and you might not be in love with your partner at all times but the important thing is, that you always know that you love each other on a higher, deeper level than those romantic feelings of being in love. And then you carry each other through. As long as you know that you love each other, you can make it work, even if those "feelings" might not be present at some times.

I think people from western countries are just different the way they fall in love and then start having deeper feelings for the other person. I don't know anything about the chinese culture but from reading here I kinda understand, that chinese women are listening to their head first rather than just following their heart in their choices for men!? And then when there is a ground, a basis for a relationship, they start developing feelings, they "fall in love"!?

For me as a person from a western culture this is hard to understand, but it makes sense to me and I really don't see any types of "using the men" or just going for the (financial) security a man can offer.

I really hope, this all works out for you and that first of all, you can find your wife and that she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully open up to you and let you be a part of her life.

I mean, I think it is both sides who really need to understand how the other person thinks and feels. I understand that culture is important and that it is hard to let go of certain patterns or habits. I have a lot of understanding and respect for other cultures, and I think you are trying everything to understand what is going on with her and support her, but I'd think, she should have the same respect for your feelings as well.

I just hope, it all works out!!!

[pushbrk 13,073]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

Copy your email into a PM to VJ member warpedbored who is a mod at Candle.

[pushbrk 13,073]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

I think what pushbrk was saying is, that you can have love or you can do love a person without being "in love", without having all those butterflies in your stomach. Not a love between brother and sister, I don't think, that is what he meant.

Let me give you an example:

I was seeing a really old couple on tv, I think they were married for about 80 years (no kidding) and they were asked what their secret was. They replied: "We never fell out of love at the same time!" I thought that was an unusual anwer but they explained it like that: If you are together for years and years, things happen and you might not be in love with your partner at all times but the important thing is, that you always know that you love each other on a higher, deeper level than those romantic feelings of being in love. And then you carry each other through. As long as you know that you love each other, you can make it work, even if those "feelings" might not be present at some times.

I think people from western countries are just different the way they fall in love and then start having deeper feelings for the other person. I don't know anything about the chinese culture but from reading here I kinda understand, that chinese women are listening to their head first rather than just following their heart in their choices for men!? And then when there is a ground, a basis for a relationship, they start developing feelings, they "fall in love"!?

For me as a person from a western culture this is hard to understand, but it makes sense to me and I really don't see any types of "using the men" or just going for the (financial) security a man can offer.

I really hope, this all works out for you and that first of all, you can find your wife and that she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully open up to you and let you be a part of her life.

I mean, I think it is both sides who really need to understand how the other person thinks and feels. I understand that culture is important and that it is hard to let go of certain patterns or habits. I have a lot of understanding and respect for other cultures, and I think you are trying everything to understand what is going on with her and support her, but I'd think, she should have the same respect for your feelings as well.

I just hope, it all works out!!!

Yeah, that's pretty much what I was trying to explain. I only used the other family relationships to illustrate that he could understand the difference, not as examples of what I meant.

[Dennis Miller 0]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

Copy your email into a PM to VJ member warpedbored who is a mod at Candle.

I'm sorry but I am new at this site and I don't know what a PM is? Or where do I find one?

[Dennis Miller 0]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

I think what pushbrk was saying is, that you can have love or you can do love a person without being "in love", without having all those butterflies in your stomach. Not a love between brother and sister, I don't think, that is what he meant.

Let me give you an example:

I was seeing a really old couple on tv, I think they were married for about 80 years (no kidding) and they were asked what their secret was. They replied: "We never fell out of love at the same time!" I thought that was an unusual anwer but they explained it like that: If you are together for years and years, things happen and you might not be in love with your partner at all times but the important thing is, that you always know that you love each other on a higher, deeper level than those romantic feelings of being in love. And then you carry each other through. As long as you know that you love each other, you can make it work, even if those "feelings" might not be present at some times.

I think people from western countries are just different the way they fall in love and then start having deeper feelings for the other person. I don't know anything about the chinese culture but from reading here I kinda understand, that chinese women are listening to their head first rather than just following their heart in their choices for men!? And then when there is a ground, a basis for a relationship, they start developing feelings, they "fall in love"!?

For me as a person from a western culture this is hard to understand, but it makes sense to me and I really don't see any types of "using the men" or just going for the (financial) security a man can offer.

I really hope, this all works out for you and that first of all, you can find your wife and that she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully open up to you and let you be a part of her life.

I mean, I think it is both sides who really need to understand how the other person thinks and feels. I understand that culture is important and that it is hard to let go of certain patterns or habits. I have a lot of understanding and respect for other cultures, and I think you are trying everything to understand what is going on with her and support her, but I'd think, she should have the same respect for your feelings as well.

I just hope, it all works out!!!

Thank you, I hope it works out as well! I talked to her after she told me she was leaving, I told her how I felt about it and that it wasn't neccessary for her to go far away to work. It did not have any effect that I could tell. She just said that she must work for momma. I really do hope we can get to the point that I can be a part of her life. While she was here it was like having a relative visiting. I did all the housework, laundry, dishes floors, etc. She would only watch TV and stay up late at night watching TV and talking on the phone then sleep late everyday while I was at work. I don't know if this was normal for Chinese or not? I thought she would at least try to help.

[DARUMA07 25]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

Copy your email into a PM to VJ member warpedbored who is a mod at Candle.

I'm sorry but I am new at this site and I don't know what a PM is? Or where do I find one?

Dennis,

A PM stands for Personal Message and you can PM someone from their Profile. Look on the left where the Profile photo is and look down and you will see "Send Message"

[pushbrk 13,073]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

I think what pushbrk was saying is, that you can have love or you can do love a person without being "in love", without having all those butterflies in your stomach. Not a love between brother and sister, I don't think, that is what he meant.

Let me give you an example:

I was seeing a really old couple on tv, I think they were married for about 80 years (no kidding) and they were asked what their secret was. They replied: "We never fell out of love at the same time!" I thought that was an unusual anwer but they explained it like that: If you are together for years and years, things happen and you might not be in love with your partner at all times but the important thing is, that you always know that you love each other on a higher, deeper level than those romantic feelings of being in love. And then you carry each other through. As long as you know that you love each other, you can make it work, even if those "feelings" might not be present at some times.

I think people from western countries are just different the way they fall in love and then start having deeper feelings for the other person. I don't know anything about the chinese culture but from reading here I kinda understand, that chinese women are listening to their head first rather than just following their heart in their choices for men!? And then when there is a ground, a basis for a relationship, they start developing feelings, they "fall in love"!?

For me as a person from a western culture this is hard to understand, but it makes sense to me and I really don't see any types of "using the men" or just going for the (financial) security a man can offer.

I really hope, this all works out for you and that first of all, you can find your wife and that she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully open up to you and let you be a part of her life.

I mean, I think it is both sides who really need to understand how the other person thinks and feels. I understand that culture is important and that it is hard to let go of certain patterns or habits. I have a lot of understanding and respect for other cultures, and I think you are trying everything to understand what is going on with her and support her, but I'd think, she should have the same respect for your feelings as well.

I just hope, it all works out!!!

Thank you, I hope it works out as well! I talked to her after she told me she was leaving, I told her how I felt about it and that it wasn't neccessary for her to go far away to work. It did not have any effect that I could tell. She just said that she must work for momma. I really do hope we can get to the point that I can be a part of her life. While she was here it was like having a relative visiting. I did all the housework, laundry, dishes floors, etc. She would only watch TV and stay up late at night watching TV and talking on the phone then sleep late everyday while I was at work. I don't know if this was normal for Chinese or not? I thought she would at least try to help.

No, this doesn't sound like the behavior of a Chinese wife.

[Dennis Miller 0]

Thank you for your help! You have explained many things to me. I appreciate you taking the time to do so! I must admit that I do not understand the difference between loving someone and being in love, I'm sorry. If I love someone then I am in love with them. I have tried to register on Candle for over a week now. Cannot get a confirmation returned to me. I have logged in with a friends information and posted. I have contacted them about not being able to register and get the confirmation but have yet to hear back from them! I don't know what else to do?

I suspect you probably do understand the difference. Do you have a mother, father, sister, son or daughter? Have you ever been in love and then found that love grew stronger. Do you realize "love" is also a verb, not just a noun/feeling?

Yes sir, when you put it like that then yes I understand. She may love me like a brother or sister but not be in love with me, correct? Any suggestions for getting registered for Candle? I had my email I sent to them, explaining the problem I am having, returned as no such address? I got it from their website!

I think what pushbrk was saying is, that you can have love or you can do love a person without being "in love", without having all those butterflies in your stomach. Not a love between brother and sister, I don't think, that is what he meant.

Let me give you an example:

I was seeing a really old couple on tv, I think they were married for about 80 years (no kidding) and they were asked what their secret was. They replied: "We never fell out of love at the same time!" I thought that was an unusual anwer but they explained it like that: If you are together for years and years, things happen and you might not be in love with your partner at all times but the important thing is, that you always know that you love each other on a higher, deeper level than those romantic feelings of being in love. And then you carry each other through. As long as you know that you love each other, you can make it work, even if those "feelings" might not be present at some times.

I think people from western countries are just different the way they fall in love and then start having deeper feelings for the other person. I don't know anything about the chinese culture but from reading here I kinda understand, that chinese women are listening to their head first rather than just following their heart in their choices for men!? And then when there is a ground, a basis for a relationship, they start developing feelings, they "fall in love"!?

For me as a person from a western culture this is hard to understand, but it makes sense to me and I really don't see any types of "using the men" or just going for the (financial) security a man can offer.

I really hope, this all works out for you and that first of all, you can find your wife and that she will understand where you are coming from and hopefully open up to you and let you be a part of her life.

I mean, I think it is both sides who really need to understand how the other person thinks and feels. I understand that culture is important and that it is hard to let go of certain patterns or habits. I have a lot of understanding and respect for other cultures, and I think you are trying everything to understand what is going on with her and support her, but I'd think, she should have the same respect for your feelings as well.

I just hope, it all works out!!!

Thank you, I hope it works out as well! I talked to her after she told me she was leaving, I told her how I felt about it and that it wasn't neccessary for her to go far away to work. It did not have any effect that I could tell. She just said that she must work for momma. I really do hope we can get to the point that I can be a part of her life. While she was here it was like having a relative visiting. I did all the housework, laundry, dishes floors, etc. She would only watch TV and stay up late at night watching TV and talking on the phone then sleep late everyday while I was at work. I don't know if this was normal for Chinese or not? I thought she would at least try to help.

No, this doesn't sound like the behavior of a Chinese wife.

Would you explain to me what is normal behavior of a Chinese wife as I don't know? This is one more reason that I have felt that I was just used and she was just waiting for the GCard.