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Ralph and the IRS

By brnidokiegurl in Off Topic

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brnidokiegurl Grand Master

brnidokiegurl   0

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
 Timeline
Posted

Subject: FW: FW: Ralph and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money

gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a

demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other

eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,

with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six

thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk

and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never

get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks

carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly

manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although

he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the

wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates

all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just

turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney

moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph

told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me

twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here

and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

TIMELINE

04/04/2007 K1 Interview from H...w/the devil herself

06/12/2007 Rec'd Notification Case Now Back In Calif. only to expire

-------------

11/20/2007 Married in Morocco

02/23/2008 Mailed CR1 application today

03/08/2008 NOA1 Notice Recd (notice date 3/4/08)

08/26/2008 File transfered fr Vermont to Calif

10/14/2008 APPROVALLLLLLLLLLLL

10/20/2008 Recd hard copy NOA2

10/20/2008 NVC Recd case

11/21/2008 CASE COMPLETE

01/15/2009 INTERVIEW

01/16/2009 VISA IN HAND

01/31/2009 ARRIVED OKC

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING OVER THE FUTURE

TRIP.... OVER LOVE, AND YOU CAN GET UP

FALL.... IN LOVE, AND YOU FALL FOREVER

I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, JUST NOT THE ABILITY

LIKE THE MEASLES, LOVE IS MOST DANGEROUS WHEN IT COMES LATER IN LIFE

LIFE IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE, ITS THE WAY IT IS

I MAY NOT BE WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT IM SURE NOT WHERE I WAS

SnowyTater Community Regular

SnowyTater   0

Posted
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Scotland
 Timeline
Posted

Ralph = most carefree dude in the world :P

Summer 2001 - met my Scottish boy

December 18th, 2007 - proposal in Madrid's Botanical Gardens with a duck standing behind him going 'food?'

January 18th, 2008 - I-129F sent to VSC

January 31st, 2008 - received NOA1, issued Jan. 24 :)

February 24th, 2008 - NOA2; omgwtfbbqlolz

February 29th, 2008 - NVC letter sent

Flames9_RN Grand Master

Flames9_RN   358

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

Too funny!!!!

Too funny!!!!

Canadians Visiting the USA while undergoing the visa process, my free advice:

1) Always tell the TRUTH. never lie to the POE officer

2) Be confident in ur replies

3) keep ur response short and to the point, don't tell ur life story!!

4) look the POE officer in the eye when speaking to them. They are looking for people lieing and have been trained to find them!

5) Pack light! No job resumes with you

6) Bring ties to Canada (letter from employer when ur expected back at work, lease, etc etc)

7) Always be polite, being rude isn't going to get ya anywhere, and could make things worse!!

8) Have a plan in case u do get denied (be polite) It wont harm ur visa application if ur denied,that is if ur polite and didn't lie! Refer to #1

greeneyedgirlfl Proficient

greeneyedgirlfl   0

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted
:lol::lol::lol:

Dawn

Our journey to be together (work in progress)

March 2007 - Met online

1/28/08 - Sent I-129F to VSC

5/13/08 - Visa in hand!!!

7/7/08 - POE

7/11/08 - legal wedding

7/20/08 - AOS/EAD/AP sent to Chicago Lockbox

11/18/08 - AOS approved!!!

11/25/08 - Received welcome letter...and Green Card!!!

12/21/08 - ceremonial wedding

10/9/10 - Sent I-751 and started the fresh hell that is ROC

10/14/10 - NOA1 for ROC

10/29/10 - received appointment for Biometrics

11/22/10 - Biometrics appointment

Currently: Living blissfully with my Essex lad...

eau_xplain Experienced

eau_xplain   2

Posted
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Philippines
 Timeline
Posted

:rofl::rofl:

I (L) Ralph

:rofl::rofl:

08/17/08: Mailed N400 to TSC

08/19/08: USPS attempted delivery

08/20/08: TSC received N400

08/21/08: TSC cashed check

09/02/08: Received NOA...........Priority date: 08/20/08

..............................................Notice date : 08/22/08

09/02/08: Received Biometrics Notification

09/18/08: Biometrics completed - Charlotte DO

10/24/08: Received Interview Letter

12/08/08: Interview @ 1:00pm. APPROVED!

01/05/09: Oath Ceremony 10:00AM. Now officially a USC!!!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

01/17/09: Applied for US Passport and passport card

01/28/09: Received US Passport

01/29/09: Received US passport card

01/29/09: Received naturalization certificate back from passport office

Nessa Grand Master

Nessa   23

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted
:thumbs:



* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

 

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