This Winter in Canada

[Kathryn41 3,205]

December 8 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and

the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by

the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down

from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So

romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow

covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic

sight! Can there be a more lovely place in

the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've

ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a

boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered

up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got

to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a

disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-

we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on

Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much

snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see

snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such

a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The

temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything

sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed

up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is

the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and

buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to

do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in

shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4

Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2

extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants

a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think

that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my #### on the ice in

the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The

wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very

just cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go

anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to

pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but

stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I

should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to

her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe

I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of

the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all

day. The damn snowplow came by twice.

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said

they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're

lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about

buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have

another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob

says I have to shovel or the city will have it done

and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more

inches of the white #### fell today, and it's so cold,

it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes

to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I

had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and

dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to

hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of

the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the

####### is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house

this morning. What is she, nuts?!!

Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She

says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke

the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I

ever catch the son of a ###### who drives that snow

plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and

beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he

hides around the corner and waits for me to finish

shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100

miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just

been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas

carols with her and open our presents, but I was too

busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn

slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes

my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation

and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife

says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a friggin'

idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one

more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It

was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;

plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he

only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ###### is

driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or

it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever

heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now

he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the

beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the

broken snow shovel up his ####. The wife went home to

her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more

shoveling. Screw Bob, to hell with the wife, and that

snowplow driver can kiss my ####!

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills

they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Edited March 18, 2008 by Kathryn41

[TheATeam 0]

~giggles~ I LOVED that Kathryn! Sooo funny and just what I needed today. Thank you!

[daisylynn 0]

That is SO funny!! (and true!)

[Carlawarla 1]

Thanks Kathryn!

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

[Krikit 1,164]

I think I know that guy.

[SonoranSongbird 3]

Hahaha! Someone emailed me a version of this years ago (I'm originally from western New York State, home of "Lake Effect Snow") and I really, really, really wished I had saved this. Thanks for posting it!