A great post by SARAAZIZ

[yaziedandlisa 0]

Women are easily moved like leaves in the wind by other peoples words. Men are not. Woman tend to get weak in love when men can usually maintain themselves. With that being said I think the negative experiences on the board have reflected on how women take their men now and very cautiously. I think most womens spouses here don't read what's written on here or anywhere on the net or in person to actually worry about their women as women worry about men. Men usually automatically trust their women not to do something horrible to them.

Whoever believes "Generalizations about arab men" CANNOT be true I think you're living in some kind of dream or something? There's just about 3 categories ARAB men fall into.

Religious & Serious and/OR controlling (won't accept a women with kids from previous marriage, wife has to be virgin before marriage, no gfs, will never accept modern style of living, shy,)

Laid back yet knows his respect and religion (shy,previous gfs but virgin bc of his religious beliefs, open to any culture and will learn it such as American culture, talks about other womens beauty with gf/wife),

Modernized/westernized (will drink,party,previous gfs, loves and lives in american culture, accepts wife to have male friends).

Some people might think I'm wrong and I don't know anything but I've grown up with all kinds of arab men. You can argue until you turn blue but it's still a real fact. Any other arab women on this board will off hand agree with me Arab men will speak more freely to us than someone from a different background .(American women who think they are arab don't count) Whatever bad intentions he has for an american/british or whatever woman he won't openly discuss that with her as he would with a woman from his own country or his culture. They are more open to speak bad motives with someone in the same culture vs telling another american hey im just going to use this american woman for a GC. That's just not realistic for a woman to ask are you using me or would you use me if i was another woman? and the man replying yes if you were another woman I'd use you but you are you so I loovveee you. I'm pretty sure that's joked (let me go marry a woman for a GC ) around alot with arabs among themselves even if they'd never consider using an american/french/austrailian citizen for citizenship. Not all fingers on the hand are same that is such a typical answer from all arabs. Just because a man says a typical line doesn't mean you don't have to worry about him. NOBODY considers them same to anybody else in this world. I don't consider myself same to any woman in this life but men can look at me and categorize me in whatever I fit in. There is a difference in personality when Arab men marry their own vs American. It's the same as American men marrying arab women. There's a difference in personality dealing with another culture.

Brother maybe you might not be bad but you are Aware there are many many men who use women from your country that's a fact you can never push off.

i am so sorry for this concept about modern guys!!! modern guys drink, modern guys forget their honor and let strange men kiss and hug their wives!!! thats really shameful... if civilaztion is this i dont want it... i cannt understand if i have aprincple means i am controlling and kinda bad!!! help me people plz... can i be modern in sleeping with girls out of marraige or drink or let other guys put hands on my wife?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

i am so sorry for this concept about modern guys!!! modern guys drink, modern guys forget their honor and let strange men kiss and hug their wives!!! thats really shameful... if civilaztion is this i dont want it... i cannt understand if i have aprincple means i am controlling and kinda bad!!! help me people plz... can i be modern in sleeping with girls out of marraige or drink or let other guys put hands on my wife?

Of course !

[Jenn! 918]

I think she just said though that in her definition of "modernized", the husband would not have a problem with his wife having male friends, not that it was ok for the wife to hug/kiss/sleep with them.

[morocco4ever 63]

Women are easily moved like leaves in the wind by other peoples words. Men are not. Woman tend to get weak in love when men can usually maintain themselves. With that being said I think the negative experiences on the board have reflected on how women take their men now and very cautiously. I think most womens spouses here don't read what's written on here or anywhere on the net or in person to actually worry about their women as women worry about men. Men usually automatically trust their women not to do something horrible to them.

Whoever believes "Generalizations about arab men" CANNOT be true I think you're living in some kind of dream or something? There's just about 3 categories ARAB men fall into.

Religious & Serious and/OR controlling (won't accept a women with kids from previous marriage, wife has to be virgin before marriage, no gfs, will never accept modern style of living, shy,)

Laid back yet knows his respect and religion (shy,previous gfs but virgin bc of his religious beliefs, open to any culture and will learn it such as American culture, talks about other womens beauty with gf/wife),

Modernized/westernized (will drink,party,previous gfs, loves and lives in american culture, accepts wife to have male friends).

Some people might think I'm wrong and I don't know anything but I've grown up with all kinds of arab men. You can argue until you turn blue but it's still a real fact. Any other arab women on this board will off hand agree with me Arab men will speak more freely to us than someone from a different background .(American women who think they are arab don't count) Whatever bad intentions he has for an american/british or whatever woman he won't openly discuss that with her as he would with a woman from his own country or his culture. They are more open to speak bad motives with someone in the same culture vs telling another american hey im just going to use this american woman for a GC. That's just not realistic for a woman to ask are you using me or would you use me if i was another woman? and the man replying yes if you were another woman I'd use you but you are you so I loovveee you. I'm pretty sure that's joked (let me go marry a woman for a GC ) around alot with arabs among themselves even if they'd never consider using an american/french/austrailian citizen for citizenship. Not all fingers on the hand are same that is such a typical answer from all arabs. Just because a man says a typical line doesn't mean you don't have to worry about him. NOBODY considers them same to anybody else in this world. I don't consider myself same to any woman in this life but men can look at me and categorize me in whatever I fit in. There is a difference in personality when Arab men marry their own vs American. It's the same as American men marrying arab women. There's a difference in personality dealing with another culture.

Brother maybe you might not be bad but you are Aware there are many many men who use women from your country that's a fact you can never push off.

i am so sorry for this concept about modern guys!!! modern guys drink, modern guys forget their honor and let strange men kiss and hug their wives!!! thats really shameful... if civilaztion is this i dont want it... i cannt understand if i have aprincple means i am controlling and kinda bad!!! help me people plz... can i be modern in sleeping with girls out of marraige or drink or let other guys put hands on my wife?

Wow do you have a lot to learn about our culture. My husband had the same idea, but once you get here you will see that a hug in greeting is nothing sexual. Even a kiss on the check is nothing sexual, so you need to get that thought out of your head right now. Some of my husbands family lives close by, so we socialize with them on a regular basis. When we get together its common that his ex brother in law (Arabic), his niece (Arabic), her husband (Latin), and his ex brother in laws kids from a second marriage (half Arabic half American) are hugging each other and kissing each other on the cheek. Trust me, this is NOT sexual. In fact, when you think about it, the fact that you would think of it sexual is just plain silly.

I was raised in a family that didn't hug much, so at first this was odd to me. But now I see them all as close family, so its very normal now. My husband, now that he can see the purity of the hug now understands what I am trying to say here.

I think you see so much TV about the loose moralities of us in the US, and have a pre conceived notion of everything we do here, but you must remember, what you see on TV is not reality, its meant for ratings.

If you know and trust your wife then you won't need to worry, she can take on and handle any situation that is out of line. And if she can't then she will ask you to help. Until then, if you want to join your wife here, you must stop picturing our way of life as wrong, its not, its just different.

[Jenn! 918]

^^ Good post.

I'm thankful that Wadi spent a lot of time in Italy where friends are highly affectionate with each other (the kiss on each cheek, etc.) before coming here. There was no culture shock in that regard.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I am well familiar with the culture in the U.S.

However, I don't hug or kiss male friends. It's been my style for quite some time, long before I met my husband.

Certainly, he wouldn't like it if I did (and I have to say that I wouldn't like it if he hugged or kissed female friends, either.) We both have friends of the opposite sex, and that's fine. But we don't touch them, other than maybe a handshake.

I am not trying to tell anyone else how to behave. I think the important thing to remember here is -- each couple has to work this out between themselves. What's right or acceptible for one couple may not be for another.

But both need to be on the same page, whatever that page is.

[panamania79 2]

Wish I could have back the 3 minutes I wasted reading this.

jJ

Me too.

[morocco4ever 63]

I am well familiar with the culture in the U.S.

However, I don't hug or kiss male friends. It's been my style for quite some time, long before I met my husband.

Certainly, he wouldn't like it if I did (and I have to say that I wouldn't like it if he hugged or kissed female friends, either.) We both have friends of the opposite sex, and that's fine. But we don't touch them, other than maybe a handshake.

I am not trying to tell anyone else how to behave. I think the important thing to remember here is -- each couple has to work this out between themselves. What's right or acceptible for one couple may not be for another.

But both need to be on the same page, whatever that page is.

So true.

Just to satisfy my curiosity, how would you react if someone you had recently met, say for instance a new friend and her husband, came up and hugged you and your husband?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Just to satisfy my curiosity, how would you react if someone you had recently met, say for instance a new friend and her husband, came up and hugged you and your husband?

Oh I'm reeeeeeeeeeeal fast at sticking that hand out there for a handshake -- it instantly deflects any other possible ideas

I have also been known to "dance" out of range if I see the faintest indication of a possible hug starting to emerge.

It's all about the body language.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I am well familiar with the culture in the U.S.

However, I don't hug or kiss male friends. It's been my style for quite some time, long before I met my husband.

Certainly, he wouldn't like it if I did (and I have to say that I wouldn't like it if he hugged or kissed female friends, either.) We both have friends of the opposite sex, and that's fine. But we don't touch them, other than maybe a handshake.

I am not trying to tell anyone else how to behave. I think the important thing to remember here is -- each couple has to work this out between themselves. What's right or acceptible for one couple may not be for another.

But both need to be on the same page, whatever that page is.

Well

I can have male colleagues that work in my industry but I am not allowed to have any male friends whatsover or have them call on the phone. My husband absolutely would not tolerate me hanging out with men, period. I respect his wishes. Kissing and hugging.. Oh hell no. Thats the choice when I married him. I knew I was getting a conservative Algerian. I have to respect that. Hayati is not real off in what he is saying.. My husband absolutely would not tolerate a man hugging me or even giving me a kiss. He would not even want me talking to one on the phone or receiving phone calls.I have literally had to tell all my male friends goodbye but most of the men that I work with are kind of my friends and they work in my industry. I really have primarily female friends anyway.. I have not put up a fight about what he wants.... I just listen

[Jenn! 918]

It's the "forgetting their honor" and "shameful" bits that I object to. Certainly everyone is free to conduct their relationship in the way that they see fit.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

It's the "forgetting their honor" and "shameful" bits that I object to. Certainly everyone is free to conduct their relationship in the way that they see fit.

Those are definitely subjective terms.

[simple_male 1]

Religious & Serious and/OR controlling (won't accept a women with kids from previous marriage, wife has to be virgin before marriage, no gfs, will never accept modern style of living, shy,)

Laid back yet knows his respect and religion (shy,previous gfs but virgin bc of his religious beliefs, open to any culture and will learn it such as American culture, talks about other womens beauty with gf/wife),

If you mean the religious belief is Islam, then I must say that Islam does not prohibit a man to marry a non-virgin woman. A Muslims man can marry a divorced woman, a widow or a non virgin single woman. There is no such restrictions. I agree that a man can prefer a virgin woman as his wife.

You made some good points, but each culture is different and there are good men, not so good men in every culture.

[sarahaziz 0]

Yeah I agree with who said it's the couples business if theyre on the same page theyre on the same page. Same beliefs are the success I believe that strongly. I personally am cringing about the hugging and kissing wow I could never do that in my life!! hahah my spouse and I are so strict on that kind of interacting. People back home would have their jaws hanging open If i kissed my male friends or spouses friends on the cheek or gave them hugs wooow what a scene!

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Women are easily moved like leaves in the wind by other peoples words. Men are not. Woman tend to get weak in love when men can usually maintain themselves. With that being said I think the negative experiences on the board have reflected on how women take their men now and very cautiously. I think most womens spouses here don't read what's written on here or anywhere on the net or in person to actually worry about their women as women worry about men. Men usually automatically trust their women not to do something horrible to them.

Whoever believes "Generalizations about arab men" CANNOT be true I think you're living in some kind of dream or something? There's just about 3 categories ARAB men fall into.

Religious & Serious and/OR controlling (won't accept a women with kids from previous marriage, wife has to be virgin before marriage, no gfs, will never accept modern style of living, shy,)

Laid back yet knows his respect and religion (shy,previous gfs but virgin bc of his religious beliefs, open to any culture and will learn it such as American culture, talks about other womens beauty with gf/wife),

Modernized/westernized (will drink,party,previous gfs, loves and lives in american culture, accepts wife to have male friends).

Some people might think I'm wrong and I don't know anything but I've grown up with all kinds of arab men. You can argue until you turn blue but it's still a real fact. Any other arab women on this board will off hand agree with me Arab men will speak more freely to us than someone from a different background .(American women who think they are arab don't count) Whatever bad intentions he has for an american/british or whatever woman he won't openly discuss that with her as he would with a woman from his own country or his culture. They are more open to speak bad motives with someone in the same culture vs telling another american hey im just going to use this american woman for a GC. That's just not realistic for a woman to ask are you using me or would you use me if i was another woman? and the man replying yes if you were another woman I'd use you but you are you so I loovveee you. I'm pretty sure that's joked (let me go marry a woman for a GC ) around alot with arabs among themselves even if they'd never consider using an american/french/austrailian citizen for citizenship. Not all fingers on the hand are same that is such a typical answer from all arabs. Just because a man says a typical line doesn't mean you don't have to worry about him. NOBODY considers them same to anybody else in this world. I don't consider myself same to any woman in this life but men can look at me and categorize me in whatever I fit in. There is a difference in personality when Arab men marry their own vs American. It's the same as American men marrying arab women. There's a difference in personality dealing with another culture.

Brother maybe you might not be bad but you are Aware there are many many men who use women from your country that's a fact you can never push off.

i am so sorry for this concept about modern guys!!! modern guys drink, modern guys forget their honor and let strange men kiss and hug their wives!!! thats really shameful... if civilaztion is this i dont want it... i cannt understand if i have aprincple means i am controlling and kinda bad!!! help me people plz... can i be modern in sleeping with girls out of marraige or drink or let other guys put hands on my wife?

Wow do you have a lot to learn about our culture. My husband had the same idea, but once you get here you will see that a hug in greeting is nothing sexual. Even a kiss on the check is nothing sexual, so you need to get that thought out of your head right now. Some of my husbands family lives close by, so we socialize with them on a regular basis. When we get together its common that his ex brother in law (Arabic), his niece (Arabic), her husband (Latin), and his ex brother in laws kids from a second marriage (half Arabic half American) are hugging each other and kissing each other on the cheek. Trust me, this is NOT sexual. In fact, when you think about it, the fact that you would think of it sexual is just plain silly. I was raised in a family that didn't hug much, so at first this was odd to me. But now I see them all as close family, so its very normal now. My husband, now that he can see the purity of the hug now understands what I am trying to say here.

I think you see so much TV about the loose moralities of us in the US, and have a pre conceived notion of everything we do here, but you must remember, what you see on TV is not reality, its meant for ratings.

If you know and trust your wife then you won't need to worry, she can take on and handle any situation that is out of line. And if she can't then she will ask you to help. Until then, if you want to join your wife here, you must stop picturing our way of life as wrong, its not, its just different.

I dont think the suggestion was that touching and hugging was sexual, just not the preference.. out of respect. I think you may be personalizing the statements here. Its not about our culture's "looseness".. its about holding on to your own personal morals and standards once emerged in another culture.

The "modern" MENA man described above doesnt sound all that great to me.... but hey, thats just me. Im the one who matters, since Im the wife he'll be joining

Everyone has their own ideas on what is right for them.

If the husband is cool with all that, great. Whatever works for everyone!

Lisa