Happy St. Patrick's Day

[mox 298]

A Russian engineer, an American engineer, and an Irish engineer are at a pub in...oh hell it's the Russian forum so we'll say St. Pete.

"Russia was the first in space!" the Russian says, and throws back a shot of vodka as the locals cheer.

"Yeah but America was first on the moon!" the American says, and takes a swig of his Budweiser. (it's the only pub in St. Pete with Bud. On tap. Work with me here.)

They both look smugly at the Irishman, who drains his Guinness and plonks the empty glass down on the table. "Whaddyer lookin' at mates? We're gonna be the first on the sun!"

"Madness!" the American exclaims.

"You would burn up before you even got close!" the Russian snorts.

The Irishman laughs and replies, "We're not stupid you know. We're going at night."

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Oh Kirk...

A Russian engineer, an American engineer, and an Irish engineer are at a pub in...oh hell it's the Russian forum so we'll say St. Pete.

"Russia was the first in space!" the Russian says, and throws back a shot of vodka as the locals cheer.

"Yeah but America was first on the moon!" the American says, and takes a swig of his Budweiser. (it's the only pub in St. Pete with Bud. On tap. Work with me here.)

They both look smugly at the Irishman, who drains his Guinness and plonks the empty glass down on the table. "Whaddyer lookin' at mates? We're gonna be the first on the sun!"

"Madness!" the American exclaims.

"You would burn up before you even got close!" the Russian snorts.

The Irishman laughs and replies, "We're not stupid you know. We're going at night."

[Okiebollweevil 0]

A Russian engineer, an American engineer, and an Irish engineer are at a pub in...oh hell it's the Russian forum so we'll say St. Pete.

"Russia was the first in space!" the Russian says, and throws back a shot of vodka as the locals cheer.

"Yeah but America was first on the moon!" the American says, and takes a swig of his Budweiser. (it's the only pub in St. Pete with Bud. On tap. Work with me here.)

They both look smugly at the Irishman, who drains his Guinness and plonks the empty glass down on the table. "Whaddyer lookin' at mates? We're gonna be the first on the sun!"

"Madness!" the American exclaims.

"You would burn up before you even got close!" the Russian snorts.

The Irishman laughs and replies, "We're not stupid you know. We're going at night."

TOO Funny! Since I didn't get a response on another thread for attorney jokes, allow me to impose this one on you, I haven't heard better in 20 years! 3 Surgeons are comparing patients, the first surgeon, somewhat the surgeon emeritus in the area proclaimed that his best patients are of German descent, never a post operative complication. The second surgeon, although he hasn't been cutting as long, shook his head and stated that Japanese patients are the best, you open them up and they are color coded, yellow to yellow, red to red, green to green blue to blue, you can never screw up a Japanese patient unless you are color blind. The third surgeon looked smugly at the other two, and proclaimed his favorite patients are attorneys. The other two looked at him somewhat aghast, and blamed his lack of information on the fact that he just completed his residency. The older of the surgeons proclained "Why on earth would you ever choose these folks as patients, they are the most litiguous people on the planet?" The young resident explained, "Its easy, they only have two moving parts their mouths and their rectums, and on attorneys they (the body parts) are both interchangeable!" Please feel free to add your favortite attorney joke as I am fresh out of material, and see the low esteem attorneys are held in this forum (myself included).

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Great jokes!

I'll think of one here shortly. Jeff, I'm eagerly awaiting the midnight hour and the release of your next hat selection. Well, unless you wait until tomorrow sometime.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

You pretty much know my methods! Yep, sometime around midnight a new look will spring up.

Great jokes!

I'll think of one here shortly. Jeff, I'm eagerly awaiting the midnight hour and the release of your next hat selection. Well, unless you wait until tomorrow sometime.

[mox 298]

- What do you call a skydiving attorney? Skeet.

- How many lawyer jokes are there? Just one. The rest are true.

- How do lawyers sleep? First they lie on one side, then the other.

- What do you have when you have a lawyer up to his neck in dirt? Not enough dirt.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

:lol:

- What do you call a skydiving attorney? Skeet.

- How many lawyer jokes are there? Just one. The rest are true.

- How do lawyers sleep? First they lie on one side, then the other.

- What do you have when you have a lawyer up to his neck in dirt? Not enough dirt.

[Okiebollweevil 0]

- What do you call a skydiving attorney? Skeet.

- How many lawyer jokes are there? Just one. The rest are true.

- How do lawyers sleep? First they lie on one side, then the other.

- What do you have when you have a lawyer up to his neck in dirt? Not enough dirt.

Great!! Keep them coming!! Other Jeff where the heck are your jokes? What do you call a bus with a load of attorneys that runs off a road and all are killed? A tragedy. Why? Because there were two empty seats on the bus!

[mox 298]

You are standing on a pier. You see two attorneys drowning, but only have one life preserver. One is a divorce attorney, the other is a personal injury attorney. Do you use the life preserver as a head rest or a foot rest?

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Nice ears Jeff!

I found a good one.....

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?"

So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear."

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?"

She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I thought this one was pretty funny.

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.

As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'

Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'

The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'

'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn,' says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

[Jason-Sasha 1]

ok, one more......

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

[Corey-Mariya 14]

A Russian engineer, an American engineer, and an Irish engineer are at a pub in...oh hell it's the Russian forum so we'll say St. Pete.

"Russia was the first in space!" the Russian says, and throws back a shot of vodka as the locals cheer.

"Yeah but America was first on the moon!" the American says, and takes a swig of his Budweiser. (it's the only pub in St. Pete with Bud. On tap. Work with me here.)

They both look smugly at the Irishman, who drains his Guinness and plonks the empty glass down on the table. "Whaddyer lookin' at mates? We're gonna be the first on the sun!"

"Madness!" the American exclaims.

"You would burn up before you even got close!" the Russian snorts.

The Irishman laughs and replies, "We're not stupid you know. We're going at night."

Haha thats funny! I just figured out today there was a russian forum I feel stupid

[Corey-Mariya 14]

I hope everyone had a Happy Saint Pattys DAY!!!!!!

[mox 298]

Haha thats funny! I just figured out today there was a russian forum I feel stupid

Don't feel stupid...that comes later after you've hung around here too long.

(And welcome!)