Taking a break

[rebeccajo 14]

You should do what is best for you. Everyone handles things differently. If you feel a break is a good choice for you then go for it. You don't owe anyone any apologies for your feelings.

That being said, I wish you luck and hope that your wait isn't too much longer. I'm years down the road from K-1 now and dealing with a different sort of waiting. Once you reach removal of conditions you can't even check your case status online really.........well you can, but you don't get much!

So hang in there, you will make it! I've been there before and remember when NOA2 came. You'll feel a lot of relief once that happens. The way you are feeling now is temporary, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Best wishes,

Kathleen

Thanks! and bizarrely I look forward to waiting for that - because at least i'll be with Toby while i'm waiting!! Maybe I have seperation anxiety - you know like pets left when their ownders go on holiday!! LMAO!! Kidding of course...

Heads up.....

You'll be with Toby, but there will still be stressors. Big ones.

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

[*JG* 2]

You should do what is best for you. Everyone handles things differently. If you feel a break is a good choice for you then go for it. You don't owe anyone any apologies for your feelings.

That being said, I wish you luck and hope that your wait isn't too much longer. I'm years down the road from K-1 now and dealing with a different sort of waiting. Once you reach removal of conditions you can't even check your case status online really.........well you can, but you don't get much!

So hang in there, you will make it! I've been there before and remember when NOA2 came. You'll feel a lot of relief once that happens. The way you are feeling now is temporary, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Best wishes,

Kathleen

Thanks! and bizarrely I look forward to waiting for that - because at least i'll be with Toby while i'm waiting!! Maybe I have seperation anxiety - you know like pets left when their ownders go on holiday!! LMAO!! Kidding of course...

Heads up.....

You'll be with Toby, but there will still be stressors. Big ones.

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

I absolutely agree with what RJ is saying.

There are huge stresses.....more then you ever imagined.....once he gets here. I think even more then waiting out the K-1. This is just the tip of the iceberg. You will make it through all of it....

[aravis227 1]

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

I would really love to say that I didn't think any of that was true...but it really is. I know so many people who are very xenophobic "We shouldn't let anyone from other countries in! That's stupid...they just want to mooch off our government because we're the BEST!" I've already heard the "You know...just make sure he isn't marrying you just to get a greencard." All of that in addition to the fact that I live in a state where inter-racial couples still get funny looks. I'm the child of an interracial marriage and one of my neighbors actually told my mom "I don't have a problem with people marrying outside of their race as long as they don't procreate. That just isn't right."

The stresses don't ever end...I just wish that I could get started with the part where we work on them together.

[rebeccajo 14]

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

I would really love to say that I didn't think any of that was true...but it really is. I know so many people who are very xenophobic "We shouldn't let anyone from other countries in! That's stupid...they just want to mooch off our government because we're the BEST!" I've already heard the "You know...just make sure he isn't marrying you just to get a greencard." All of that in addition to the fact that I live in a state where inter-racial couples still get funny looks. I'm the child of an interracial marriage and one of my neighbors actually told my mom "I don't have a problem with people marrying outside of their race as long as they don't procreate. That just isn't right."

The stresses don't ever end...I just wish that I could get started with the part where we work on them together.

It's good to see you have your eyes wide open.

Just remember - on a down day in the future - what you wrote here. "Work on them Together".

As long as you both remember that last word - you'll soar.

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

I would really love to say that I didn't think any of that was true...but it really is. I know so many people who are very xenophobic "We shouldn't let anyone from other countries in! That's stupid...they just want to mooch off our government because we're the BEST!" I've already heard the "You know...just make sure he isn't marrying you just to get a greencard." All of that in addition to the fact that I live in a state where inter-racial couples still get funny looks. I'm the child of an interracial marriage and one of my neighbors actually told my mom "I don't have a problem with people marrying outside of their race as long as they don't procreate. That just isn't right."

The stresses don't ever end...I just wish that I could get started with the part where we work on them together.

I've had friends tell me that too...yeah, right, like I would go through any of this with someone I didn't love and trust completely...

[Minya's wife 25]

Saffrye ...

Paula was musing to me about more than just your post. So I apologize if you see it as something personal. It isn't.

If people PM'd you about how things look differently later, I hope you didn't take those as 'nasty'. There really is a phenomen with this process that makes the emotional roller-coaster easier to deal with as you move along through the system. It is a 'system' you know - it doesn't end after the visa is approved, and it doesn't end after you are reunited. There are many steps after that, and many adjustment for couples from blended cultures.

And if people were nasty because they don't think you've waited 'long enough' - well then - ignore that. 90% of the people on these boards won't even be posting here 6 months from now.

That's right Saffrye, I was commenting to RJ, since those of us who've completed some of the steps but come back to help those of you who are going through it, sometimes get told that we couldn't possibly understand the pain/frustration/anger at the wait because we are already w/ our loved ones. It is then that we get a little defensive, because as it has been stated by some of the 'old timers' just because our loved one is with us, the stress does not end...far from it. It does take strength of character, patience, love and a whole host of other things to survive this, but if and when you do, the reward is oh so sweet!

As for your particular situation....5 weeks after filing is a little early for the neuroses to kick in. If you're at VSC, you may just be getting your approval quite soon, so don't stress so. (If you're CSC you'll unfortunately have to wait a bit longer, but c'est la vie!) And as mox stated, a touch means absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zilch. When we were waiting for NOA2's many, including us, did not even get a touch when we were approved. In fact, my (then) fiancee already had his visa in hand when I received my paper NOA2, and the 'touch' registered online....so I tell you, it means nothing. Even now, as we were going through the AOS process....the touches were all over the place and sporadic, not really reflecting what was really going on.

So my best advice is...get a hobby, hang out with friends, spend as much time online with your loved one as possible, clean your house, cook, read a book....anything to occupy yourself. You'll do yourself a great favor in trying to reduce your stress over the visa....your ulcers will thank you for it. (So will your pocket book, as you'll spend less on the ciggies if you're occupied w/ something other. )

Hang in there,

-P

Edited March 18, 2008 by Paula&Minya

[aravis227 1]

It does take strength of character, patience, love and a whole host of other things to survive this, but if and when you do, the reward is oh so sweet!

I keep telling my fiance that this is sort of a blessing in disguise. A lot of people get married without ever having to think about what it really means or if they're really willing to work on their relationship. We had to think long and hard about whether this really was right for us before even getting engaged. We've had to work through a lot of stuff that people in "traditional" relationships never think about...or are long married before it becomes a problem. We've had to look at how we communicate and how we deal with jealousy and how we deal with stress and money (and not having enough of it to have/do what we want). We had to know before we went through all of this and we have to know that this is right in order to make it through each day. I now have to laugh at people who think you can go through the immigrations process on a whim and the times I hear "I thought you could just get married and they could automatically come here"...I wish!!

[vanessaandbrent 0]

As for your particular situation....5 weeks after filing is a little early for the neuroses to kick in. If you're at VSC, you may just be getting your approval quite soon, so don't stress so. (If you're CSC you'll unfortunately have to wait a bit longer, but c'est la vie!) And as mox stated, a touch means absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zilch. When we were waiting for NOA2's many, including us, did not even get a touch when we were approved. In fact, my (then) fiancee already had his visa in hand when I received my paper NOA2, and the 'touch' registered online....so I tell you, it means nothing. Even now, as we were going through the AOS process....the touches were all over the place and sporadic, not really reflecting what was really going on.

Yep. I totally gave up checking the USCIS website daily after a while...I went from Sept 21 to January 25 approval without a single touch! Just register for the online email notification (as if you haven't already!).

I threw myself into planning the wedding (a year from our file date more or less) and took a step back from the forums. I've only just started being active again, as I am heading through the interview process

Patience is a virtue might be a cliche...but a truer one never existed for people like us!

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

I agree.

Watching all you folks wait so long last year certainly helps put my wait to even file now into perspective!

I'm just so happy to see Vermont flying now and at least some life out of California.

Hopefully I can hold onto that once we've filed and we are in the 'waiting room' with the rest of you. Knowing we wont have to endure what many of you folks did will certainly help us wait.

Hehe I looked at your timeline and are you actually planning to send your petition on 15th April? So unusual

[Saffyre 0]

check how long i have been waiting sapphire;)

WOw, that just bites! But with all those touches, an approval must be on it's way??

Thanks! and bizarrely I look forward to waiting for that - because at least i'll be with Toby while i'm waiting!! Maybe I have seperation anxiety - you know like pets left when their ownders go on holiday!! LMAO!! Kidding of course...

I keep thinking that, too! But I'm sure once I get there I'll probably be anxious about that, too. Hopefully not as anxious as I am about the K-1, though. I think I'm just very goal oriented...too many years of video gaming or something.

Haha maybe i should take up video games!

You should do what is best for you. Everyone handles things differently. If you feel a break is a good choice for you then go for it. You don't owe anyone any apologies for your feelings.

That being said, I wish you luck and hope that your wait isn't too much longer. I'm years down the road from K-1 now and dealing with a different sort of waiting. Once you reach removal of conditions you can't even check your case status online really.........well you can, but you don't get much!

So hang in there, you will make it! I've been there before and remember when NOA2 came. You'll feel a lot of relief once that happens. The way you are feeling now is temporary, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Best wishes,

Kathleen

Thanks! and bizarrely I look forward to waiting for that - because at least i'll be with Toby while i'm waiting!! Maybe I have seperation anxiety - you know like pets left when their ownders go on holiday!! LMAO!! Kidding of course...

Heads up.....

You'll be with Toby, but there will still be stressors. Big ones.

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

Trust me, I've already thought about this...and i'm not wearing rose tinted specs. He aint perfect, and neither am I...but I just figure we'll work out the kinks together

All I'm saying is this - the separation during the process tends to give people 'rose colored glasses'. I'm not saying your life won't improve once you are reunited. I'm sure it will. But living with a foreign born individual; the paperwork; the reactions of some segments of society to your marriage; etc. all of these things which seem so 'easy' to you now.

They aren't.

I would really love to say that I didn't think any of that was true...but it really is. I know so many people who are very xenophobic "We shouldn't let anyone from other countries in! That's stupid...they just want to mooch off our government because we're the BEST!" I've already heard the "You know...just make sure he isn't marrying you just to get a greencard." All of that in addition to the fact that I live in a state where inter-racial couples still get funny looks. I'm the child of an interracial marriage and one of my neighbors actually told my mom "I don't have a problem with people marrying outside of their race as long as they don't procreate. That just isn't right."

The stresses don't ever end...I just wish that I could get started with the part where we work on them together.

I've had friends tell me that too...yeah, right, like I would go through any of this with someone I didn't love and trust completely...

My thoughts exactly

[Ovaltine Jenkins 5]

I would guess it extremely easy to look back in hindsight after you’ve done all your waiting and say that once it’s over you’ll forget all about the stress….but try and remember how it felt when you were the one going through the stress.

Yeah...I can easily look back and remember everything about how it felt cuz it wasn´t too long ago... Honestly..didn´t even bother getting excited about our petition that was sitting somewhere in a file until like 3 months from when we sent it. Then we kept awaiting an approval every day although the approval was still far away and we had no clue when it was coming. And when people who filed after us got approved, we were happy for them. Then one day, we got approved too...and we were happy that we got approved. November was there and there were still people who filed before we did (in May and earlier) who were still not approved...and they were happy for us although they already needed their approval so bad...

[Saffyre 0]

Saffrye ...

Paula was musing to me about more than just your post. So I apologize if you see it as something personal. It isn't.

If people PM'd you about how things look differently later, I hope you didn't take those as 'nasty'. There really is a phenomen with this process that makes the emotional roller-coaster easier to deal with as you move along through the system. It is a 'system' you know - it doesn't end after the visa is approved, and it doesn't end after you are reunited. There are many steps after that, and many adjustment for couples from blended cultures.

And if people were nasty because they don't think you've waited 'long enough' - well then - ignore that. 90% of the people on these boards won't even be posting here 6 months from now.

That's right Saffrye, I was commenting to RJ, since those of us who've completed some of the steps but come back to help those of you who are going through it, sometimes get told that we couldn't possibly understand the pain/frustration/anger at the wait because we are already w/ our loved ones. It is then that we get a little defensive, because as it has been stated by some of the 'old timers' just because our loved one is with us, the stress does not end...far from it. It does take strength of character, patience, love and a whole host of other things to survive this, but if and when you do, the reward is oh so sweet!

As for your particular situation....5 weeks after filing is a little early for the neuroses to kick in. If you're at VSC, you may just be getting your approval quite soon, so don't stress so. (If you're CSC you'll unfortunately have to wait a bit longer, but c'est la vie!) And as mox stated, a touch means absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zilch. When we were waiting for NOA2's many, including us, did not even get a touch when we were approved. In fact, my (then) fiancee already had his visa in hand when I received my paper NOA2, and the 'touch' registered online....so I tell you, it means nothing. Even now, as we were going through the AOS process....the touches were all over the place and sporadic, not really reflecting what was really going on.

So my best advice is...get a hobby, hang out with friends, spend as much time online with your loved one as possible, clean your house, cook, read a book....anything to occupy yourself. You'll do yourself a great favor in trying to reduce your stress over the visa....your ulcers will thank you for it. (So will your pocket book, as you'll spend less on the ciggies if you're occupied w/ something other. )

Hang in there,

-P

Thanks. I sort of gave myself a kick up the ar$e yesterday anyway and i've nailed down a second job in a bar to keep me busy and booked no end of nights round at friends houses to keep me busy.

I think i was just having a bit of a rough spot, and i'm sure i'll have more, but for today....i'm ok

It does take strength of character, patience, love and a whole host of other things to survive this, but if and when you do, the reward is oh so sweet!

I keep telling my fiance that this is sort of a blessing in disguise. A lot of people get married without ever having to think about what it really means or if they're really willing to work on their relationship. We had to think long and hard about whether this really was right for us before even getting engaged. We've had to work through a lot of stuff that people in "traditional" relationships never think about...or are long married before it becomes a problem. We've had to look at how we communicate and how we deal with jealousy and how we deal with stress and money (and not having enough of it to have/do what we want). We had to know before we went through all of this and we have to know that this is right in order to make it through each day. I now have to laugh at people who think you can go through the immigrations process on a whim and the times I hear "I thought you could just get married and they could automatically come here"...I wish!!

I've heard that WAY too many times already!! If only they knew!!!

I would guess it extremely easy to look back in hindsight after you’ve done all your waiting and say that once it’s over you’ll forget all about the stress….but try and remember how it felt when you were the one going through the stress.

Yeah...I can easily look back and remember everything about how it felt cuz it wasn´t too long ago... Honestly..didn´t even bother getting excited about our petition that was sitting somewhere in a file until like 3 months from when we sent it. Then we kept awaiting an approval every day although the approval was still far away and we had no clue when it was coming. And when people who filed after us got approved, we were happy for them. Then one day, we got approved too...and we were happy that we got approved. November was there and there were still people who filed before we did (in May and earlier) who were still not approved...and they were happy for us although they already needed their approval so bad...

I know, and I get it. I do. and I AM happy for other approvals...just ever so slightly insanely jealous!!

[rebeccajo 14]

You know...I never did understand the concept of jealousy when it came to the approvals of others.

I mean...I might have been frustrated about the process or thought it was unfair. But I don't think I was/am jealous. Everybody paid the same fees and waited in the same line as me. If the line moved in their favor, well then...it just did.

[Saffyre 0]

You know...I never did understand the concept of jealousy when it came to the approvals of others.

I mean...I might have been frustrated about the process or thought it was unfair. But I don't think I was/am jealous. Everybody paid the same fees and waited in the same line as me. If the line moved in their favor, well then...it just did.

Well, honestly, hand on heart, you are a better person than I am. I can be happy for someone but jealous at the same time. I mean, who hasn't been jealous of someone else who has got something that they want?

[KimandRuss 0]

Hehe I looked at your timeline and are you actually planning to send your petition on 15th April? So unusual

We are! :lol We've known each other for a decade. Been a couple for 3 years, even lived together for much of that time. I've been waiting a looong time for this divorce, which will be final on the 14th and i've already called the registrar of deeds to have my decree waiting for me on the 15th! :lol

I agree that any relationship has it's ups and downs. That's life. But the day he's back in Boston, in my arms for good, will be a day we will forever celebrate and look back on for strength through all the rest that life will bring....including the rest of this process. Being able to hold each other every day ...well that makes all the difference in the world ....to us anyway...and i'm sure to many others.

Regarding the stupid comments from other people both here and the ones regarding immigration that are made on the 'outside'...well, some people are just ignorant and open their mouths about that which they do not know....that's not going to change. It's how you deal with them that really matters. I always find myself full of pity and being thankful that I'm not the kind of person that would say something so insensitive.

My heart goes out to you Saff. I know it's hard being apart. Your time is coming. Whatever you feel you need to do...stay strong. Soon you'll be watching the stars at night and waking up in each others arms. Let those happy thoughts carry you through this.