More or less freqeunt arguements when away from SO

[Mags 112]

I think some people want to make themselves look good by saying they never argue.

Or perhaps they really, genuinely, have never argued? There are couples out there who have never had an argument; it's not mentioned to make them look better, it's just the truth.

Edited March 22, 2008 by Mags

[rebeccajo 14]

We usually don't argue, but that's only because of Wes. He just won't do the arguing thing. And I don't mean where he shuts down and says he won't discuss it. He just remains calm, and then I usually calm down.

Usually.

There was one time I was so mad I was afraid I was really gonna say some stuff I'd be sorry for. So I left the house for about an hour. When I came back - he was gone! (Ha - no doormat my husband!) When he came in about a half hour after that, we just sort of didn't speak for a while. We ended up making tea and having the normal mundane late evening almost time for bed wind down, until we were both calmed down. We then talked out the problem.

[sj5 4]

I sometimes bushing his balls back then if we started fighting he tries to changed subject so we ended up talking nicely.

[sara..... 371]

I don't know - I am sure I instigate most of the arguments but I am sure there are plenty of males who do the same Not mentioning any names

u know i hate any argument but im latin what can i say lol.........

[Jack and Barbara 0]

Or perhaps they really, genuinely, have never argued? There are couples out there who have never had an argument; it's not mentioned to make them look better, it's just the truth.

As was already stated, I do believe that people who claim to never argue as not being happier than those who do. It is normal and healthy for couples to argue and to grow together. Those who "never" have argued might not be happy or might not live together which is why they don't argue. You learn how to communicate better by knowing you can get through the ups and downs and those who haven't experience it may be in for a surprise when that day comes and they don't know what to do.

[Jeraly 4]

I can kinda understand that - I think it is about building resilience - it's something that I learned in teacher training - if a child constantly succeeds without experiencing failure, when they eventually do they don't know how to cope because they haven't developed the strategies. I was a prime example of this

Again though, I don't think it always means that people who don't argue have any better/worse relationships than those who do argue - everyone is different and what works for some people doesn't work for others

[Imua 0]

We have had a couple of stupid arguments in the last 9 months when we have been apart, usually because I have misunderstood something he said in an IM and we were not able to clear it up right away and in the meantime I build things up in my mind... I admit a lot of the tension is my fault and I need to relax more...

A lot in our case is due to the poor infrastructure in his country and difficulty in communication. Until recently he did not have a computer at home(he just got one but is waiting for the Net connection...) so he has to go to a cybercafe every day. He is in school and doing an apprenticeship full time so the time when he can actually get to a computer is very limited, and most of the cybers outside of the tourist area close early, like 9 pm... Then there is the problem of power cuts, which are almost daily now in KTM, so if there is a power cut at the time when he normally IM's me then we can't communicate that day - fortunately he usually knows what days they will be so he can warn me and I'm not left hanging. So you say why not phone? Phoning Nepal is an adventure and much like a box of chocolates you never know what you might get.... Sometimes I call and I get a message saying Govi's balance is low even though he says later that he had a new SIM card... sometimes I get a busy signal even though he is available.... When I am lucky and manage to get through then sometimes there is a bizarre echo effect that makes it impossible to talk, or the line is so staticky that the whole conversation goes like 'HELLO????? HELLOO???? WHAT???? HAJUR????? So romantic.....NOT.... Then you add the fact that English is not his native language - I am sure anyone who has studied a foreign language has made a few potentially offensive 'bloopers' from time to time without realizing it.

So the point is that if there is a misunderstanding then it is much more difficult to 'make up' from a distance then it would be if we were together. He did say something yesterday which hurt me quite a bit(related to weight - I am sure no ladies would think I over-reacted if they heard it) and before he got cut off I really let him know it... I didn't think I would hear from him on IM today since there are power cuts on Sundays(work/school day in Nepal) and Monday. Apparently he was able to rush out of his apprenticeship and get to a cyber for just 10 minutes before the power was cut off and he wanted to clarify what he had said - very sweet of him to do that rather than letting me hang and stew for 2 days - it meant a LOT to me. He is learning and I am learning to cut him more slack...

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I sometimes bushing his balls back then if we started fighting he tries to changed subject so we ended up talking nicely.

sounds painful.

[zqt3344 21]

That is the most unrealistic thing I have ever heard, what is this Disneyland time? Pleaseeeeeeeeeee

I think some people want to make themselves look good by saying they never argue.

Or perhaps they really, genuinely, have never argued? There are couples out there who have never had an argument; it's not mentioned to make them look better, it's just the truth.

[Minya's wife 25]

I sometimes bushing his balls back then if we started fighting he tries to changed subject so we ended up talking nicely.

sounds painful.

Yes, but quite intriguing... I'd love to hear more about this 'method' of getting the hubby to 'talk nicely'...please elaborate on this bushing of the balls.

-P

[zqt3344 21]

Oh my sounds like that might be good punishment, do tell!

I sometimes bushing his balls back then if we started fighting he tries to changed subject so we ended up talking nicely.

sounds painful.

Yes, but quite intriguing... I'd love to hear more about this 'method' of getting the hubby to 'talk nicely'...please elaborate on this bushing of the balls.

-P

[Mags 112]

This is getting quite off topic now, can we get this back on track please? Ta.

[Lili 3]

Me and hubby do argue but it has a lot to do with culture and perhaps, maturity.

I also wasn't taught the right way to fight, screaming has always been the way to go between me and my parents.

I am fortunate for my hubby as he has immense patience with me but i am really trying to change and so does he.

We sometimes argued during the long distance but always had a chance to work it out. Boy, my phone bills were funny: over 5000 minutes every month. I think this is what helped us a lot. Communication.

Don't go to bed angry because it is not worth it. Most of the time, it is just a misunderstanding.

[Jeraly 4]

Me and hubby do argue but it has a lot to do with culture and perhaps, maturity.

I also wasn't taught the right way to fight, screaming has always been the way to go between me and my parents.

I am fortunate for my hubby as he has immense patience with me but i am really trying to change and so does he.

We sometimes argued during the long distance but always had a chance to work it out. Boy, my phone bills were funny: over 5000 minutes every month. I think this is what helped us a lot. Communication.

Don't go to bed angry because it is not worth it. Most of the time, it is just a misunderstanding.

Good advice. I can relate to that - my mum doesn't shout but because it was a rare thing shouting freaks me out - Jeremy only has to slightly raise his voice and I panic!! I dont' shout myself but I do pick fights when I am feeling low or down or stressed - I think it just gives me a release from the tension and I can try and blame it all on him I have got a lot better though and I think that as we live together, after the initial shock and masses of arguments that I am expecting, we will get better and argue less

We all learn and grow together

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

We have never argued. As Melusine said, we don't always agree but there has never had big fights. That doesn't make us better than any other couple, but it is definitely not worse than others either. We are both calm and patient (most of the time).

I'm sure that it will change though, we will probably have a few fights once we live together. Almost everybody does.