How much do you really know about your MENA man?

[morocco4ever 63]

I have to admit, with the other things you have revealed about his behaviour I have to admit that I think he pushed it too far. I don't believe in revenge, it just lowers your standards, besides God's punishment will be worse than anything you can inflict on him.

On the other hand dear, I certainly would report him to the USCIS, tell them what you think and why, and let them decide what to do. I don't believe he should be given the right to stay here.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have to admit, with the other things you have revealed about his behaviour I have to admit that I think he pushed it too far. I don't believe in revenge, it just lowers your standards, besides God's punishment will be worse than anything you can inflict on him.

On the other hand dear, I certainly would report him to the USCIS, tell them what you think and why, and let them decide what to do. I don't believe he should be given the right to stay here.

He is clearly using her,depriving her of affection and not helping her.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,better she ditch him nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...she lost her mom this year...hes a putz

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I so don't want this post to go into finger pointing, or name calling, or anything else detrimental. My intention was to hopefully think with their head and not only their heart.

Yes, I could do things to get "even" with him. I could pour bleach on all his clothing, put nair in his shampoo, spike his tea with viagra, but what would it cost me? My dignity, that's what. Would I be able to live with myself at the end of it all? I highly doubt it.

But, you know, I will have gave it my best shot, and no one will ever be able to accuse me of giving up easily.

Well said Tammy.

[sarahaziz 0]

yes maybe when he has time between porn and ignoring her.....

I am married to an Algerian.....not Moroccan....and frankly if he did one of these things...I would pull his papers and burn all his clothes and do sehour on him....I am not married to a smooth talker...Algerians are not diplomats...Moroccans are much smoother....I am pregnant and wallahi I am aisha kandisha if a man cheats....my ex is still in pain from the revenge I took...I was a doormat when I met him...catching him trying to steal equity from my house,stealing 4000fromme and cheating was alli it took for me to make sure within one year his papers were pulled and I made sure he sat in jail for a few days...Americans are naive and kind.....but after some schooling we get fallujah on those who screw us

lol that was so hilarious. Women have to be strong. Some men are good out there and they don't know how to take care of a wife. It might come across as something bad. If her husband didn't have a dad or mother or lived in poverty it could be the reason of his reactions. He's never been exposed to what he's exposed to now. I don't know man. It's true everyone knws their own relationship more than anyone else.

[sarahaziz 0]

I think Tammy is grown enough woman and constructing everything maturely as possible. If I may suggest that talking with the spouse one last time or couple of times to talk things through, Miscommunication is the cause of Divorce it all boils down to that. What If I was born in a MENA country with not alot of money or clothes and all the things I have here they couldn't afford abroad usually? If I met someone from another country that was very productive as America and they wanted to marry me and start a life together? It'd make sense to someone with not so much knowledge in a MENA country it would be an opportunity from God that someone could love me from there and I could love them. But kicking him out with nothing on the streets that's just a horrible suggestion. What if it was your son that did that and in another country just kicked out? I'm speaking about her spouse in an innocent light whatever his motives were and are.

[sarahaziz 0]

I mean whatever some women test their men and some dont Every woman has her style and confidence in different perception. # 1 knowing the dude wherever he's from I 'd say 5 + years it's pretty good but you still don't know a person enough in those 5 years so who's to say how long it takes to know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? Testing my spouse personally it's him not knowing what the heck situation I'd throw at him and see how he reacts to it so you get a real reaction. I never thought my spouse would use me for a visa but really in this almost one year without him he said just stop the visa and come back there to live I can study there, that was a big proof I never asked for and I got that taken care of probably unknown doubts in my heart God saw. Each woman knows her own situation and I'm serious when I suggest people test their men cuz if you go on with a man not knowing all colors of his personality or his proof of actions you're gonna get hurt finding it out later on if its not what you expected.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think Tammy is grown enough woman and constructing everything maturely as possible. If I may suggest that talking with the spouse one last time or couple of times to talk things through, Miscommunication is the cause of Divorce it all boils down to that. What If I was born in a MENA country with not alot of money or clothes and all the things I have here they couldn't afford abroad usually? If I met someone from another country that was very productive as America and they wanted to marry me and start a life together? It'd make sense to someone with not so much knowledge in a MENA country it would be an opportunity from God that someone could love me from there and I could love them. But kicking him out with nothing on the streets that's just a horrible suggestion. What if it was your son that did that and in another country just kicked out? I'm speaking about her spouse in an innocent light whatever his motives were and are.

I am at this point that I think the women who are getting used prefer to be used than be alone...

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

You don't know how much it saddens me to hear you say that.

My parents were married for 50 years this past July. I have been here for almost 49 of those years. Through those years I watched as my mom suffered thru my fathers alcoholism, an accident that left him paralyzed for months and then some brain damaging effects. I watched my mom nurse him back to health time and time again. I watched as my mother and father worked two or three jobs at a time to pay the bills and give us the things we needed. There were times it would have been easier for her to leave, but she stayed because of the commitment she made to my father and to God on the day she married him.

My grandparents, I can remember watching as my grandmother got on her hands and knees to wash my grandfathers feet and legs after he worked all day in the coal mines. This she did after having worked all day in the small mom and pop store they owned, and after preparing his meal for him and cleaning his home. When he died, she grieved so badly, he was her life. She never remarried, and still referred to him as "Daddy" until the day she died. She did this because she loved him, she committed her life to him.

I won't ever say that being alone is fun, or easy. I counted it up one day and I have spent most of my life OUT of a commitment. Why? Because loving someone isn't easy. Committing to someone isn't easy. I suppose that makes me sound selfish. Sad but true.

So no, I would not say that those of us that are going thru a rough spot or a bad marriage prefer to be used to being alone. I would prefer this to be a perfect world where I didn't feel the need to question my husbands motives or his integrity. Islam teaches that if a marriage can be saved by any intervention, it's haram to divorce. The Bible gives direction to men and women concerning marriage in Matthew 19 3-9, and again in Corinthians 7 10-11.

Sometimes, you have to look into yourself to see where some of the problems may lay within you. Hard to do, yes, but if it helps in the long range scheme of things, why not? Who is to say that my marriage will make it thru the next week, month, year? But if I come out of it a better person, what do I have to lose? We both know we have some issues to resolve, and sometimes admitting it is half the battle. I will keep everyone updated, for sure!

Edited March 17, 2008 by tammy sue kay

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You don't know how much it saddens me to hear you say that.

My parents were married for 50 years this past July. I have been here for almost 49 of those years. Through those years I watched as my mom suffered thru my fathers alcoholism, an accident that left him paralyzed for months and then some brain damaging effects. I watched my mom nurse him back to health time and time again. I watched as my mother and father worked two or three jobs at a time to pay the bills and give us the things we needed. There were times it would have been easier for her to leave, but she stayed because of the commitment she made to my father and to God on the day she married him.

My grandparents, I can remember watching as my grandmother got on her hands and knees to wash my grandfathers feet and legs after he worked all day in the coal mines. This she did after having worked all day in the small mom and pop store they owned, and after preparing his meal for him and cleaning his home. When he died, she grieved so badly, he was her life. She never remarried, and still referred to him as "Daddy" until the day she died. She did this because she loved him, she committed her life to him.

I won't ever say that being alone is fun, or easy. I counted it up one day and I have spent most of my life OUT of a commitment. Why? Because loving someone isn't easy. Committing to someone isn't easy. I suppose that makes me sound selfish. Sad but true.

So no, I would not say that those of us that are going thru a rough spot or a bad marriage prefer to be used to being alone. I would prefer this to be a perfect world where I didn't feel the need to question my husbands motives or his integrity. Islam teaches that if a marriage can be saved by any intervention, it's haram to divorce. The Bible gives direction to men and women concerning marriage in Matthew 19 3-9, and again in Corinthians 7 10-11.

Sometimes, you have to look into yourself to see where some of the problems may lay within you. Hard to do, yes, but if it helps in the long range scheme of things, why not? Who is to say that my marriage will make it thru the next week, month, year? But if I come out of it a better person, what do I have to lose? We both know we have some issues to resolve, and sometimes admitting it is half the battle. I will keep everyone updated, for sure!

First

He is not doing anything to honor your marriage.He clearly is using you ,not sleeping with you,not being a husband.You desesrve a man like your grandfather.It isn't this little idiot.He is a much younger Jordanian guy who has clearly plotted against you to get here.He plotted and when aos seems out of reach,he will have sex with you for a while,stroke your ego till he knows its in reach until he feels a little safe,gets a little more coaching from friends and acquaintances to some how calm you down till he gets the greencard.Then he will plot how to get you to remove conditions or figure out how to do it on his own.There is no whitewashing....no embellishing that can erase the clear fact that with him,you are on the train tracks.Your martrying yourself destroys your childrens lives while they watch their mother make a fool out of herself with her foreign husband not even sleeping with her.Harsh?Yes.Why?Because my children were horribly affected by man from Palestine who ended up battering my son and it took me6000 dollars in legal fees and 2 years in court to get rid of him.You are in horrible trouble.The reason is you know what you are doing and you arent thinking about your kids at all....just romanticising this little ####### and your kids will suffer while he is there..They will have this little ####### user husband of yours as a step father...Read deemabrouks old posts...she cared about what that #### was doing to her kids...

You are not thinking about what all this instablity and stupidness is doing to your family.This was my case when I was wronged too.....MY story is actually far far worse...I don't feel admiration for what you are doing.I am ashamed you arent putting your kids first and knowing what you do,allowing the ####### to continue.You are abusing your kids....they deserve to have a normal homelife with a normal homelife and memories...Now what will they remember?It isnt about your "love story"Its about them...and you too.....2 to5 years are critical times intheir lives..He didnt even feed them for christs sake

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

You don't know how much it saddens me to hear you say that.

My parents were married for 50 years this past July. I have been here for almost 49 of those years. Through those years I watched as my mom suffered thru my fathers alcoholism, an accident that left him paralyzed for months and then some brain damaging effects. I watched my mom nurse him back to health time and time again. I watched as my mother and father worked two or three jobs at a time to pay the bills and give us the things we needed. There were times it would have been easier for her to leave, but she stayed because of the commitment she made to my father and to God on the day she married him.

My grandparents, I can remember watching as my grandmother got on her hands and knees to wash my grandfathers feet and legs after he worked all day in the coal mines. This she did after having worked all day in the small mom and pop store they owned, and after preparing his meal for him and cleaning his home. When he died, she grieved so badly, he was her life. She never remarried, and still referred to him as "Daddy" until the day she died. She did this because she loved him, she committed her life to him.

I won't ever say that being alone is fun, or easy. I counted it up one day and I have spent most of my life OUT of a commitment. Why? Because loving someone isn't easy. Committing to someone isn't easy. I suppose that makes me sound selfish. Sad but true.

So no, I would not say that those of us that are going thru a rough spot or a bad marriage prefer to be used to being alone. I would prefer this to be a perfect world where I didn't feel the need to question my husbands motives or his integrity. Islam teaches that if a marriage can be saved by any intervention, it's haram to divorce. The Bible gives direction to men and women concerning marriage in Matthew 19 3-9, and again in Corinthians 7 10-11.

Sometimes, you have to look into yourself to see where some of the problems may lay within you. Hard to do, yes, but if it helps in the long range scheme of things, why not? Who is to say that my marriage will make it thru the next week, month, year? But if I come out of it a better person, what do I have to lose? We both know we have some issues to resolve, and sometimes admitting it is half the battle. I will keep everyone updated, for sure!

Tell your minister or some American friends the truth about what he is doing.Then get a support network.This isnt your arabian nights fantasy.These are your children.They deserve not to see ####### like this.No one is talking about the horrible affects these marriages can have on kids.

Recently the only child of an american married and used by a tunisian named NIZAR in central Florida commited suicide at 15 because his mother was so despondant over the break up...The kids barely cold in the ground...hes already living with a young spanish girl...His little quest fora greencard cost this child his life...For the love of god Tammy,wake the hell up

[Ban Hammer 13,113]

I am at this point that I think the women who are getting used prefer to be used than be alone...

the same for men. as ann landers once said, it's better to be alone than wish you were.

[angie & abed 1]

Tammy,

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Try to be strong, and may God be with you always in whatever decision you make. But please take care of yourself and your children first.

We have some of the red flags, the borrowing of money (both ways though, I from him, him from me), him sending me the papers late (because he is lazy and won't listen to what I say...), and sending money to his family (it's his job to help support his mom, his dad died when he 14).Abed knows if he tries to leave me & Malak I will kill him and I know if I try to leave him, he will kill me. We established this before we met in person. But, no one can see the future, even if the husband was American, no one can guarentee he will be a good man and treat you the way you should be, I have been burned by a couple of Americans....I'll keep my Abed...for now at least.

[SaadBell 0]

I have to put my two cents in, first off all Tammi, take your time to make any serious decisions. Walking away from a marriage is a big decision, I know with my first marriage it took me 23 years to finally walk away. Only you know what will be the right choice. Things can change for you and your husband, and things can be better. You both are going to have a baby, and this could make him a little nervous. Maybe deep down he is scared, worried he won’t be a good father, and will I make enough money. Who knows, when people are scared they do stupid things, not on purpose, but because they are just confused. Just take it day by day, talk to him it you can, and just breath and take care of you and the children. If you can go to talk to someone, friends, family. Just know that whatever you decide, I will stand behind you and understand, cause only you know what is right for you. Right now, just take care of yourself, and please try to find something to make you laugh. I know humor can help with one’s health, even if you smile, plus remember you are not alone. Remember you don’t have to make any major decisions right now. Give it some time; I am big on just giving things time. Hang in there girl, I feel that you will be blessed in whatever you decide.

[~Jackie~ 30]

My divorce was last November. Reading all of this thread is opening old wounds but this might be a good thing. Almost like lancing a large pus sac. (hope you weren't enjoying your breakfast..lol)

Most of the time I don't agree with Wahrania but she is being brutally honest here after having gone thru a mena divorce.Thank you Wahrania for stating 'unpopular' suggestions. Suggesting 'tests' and 'revenge' is our defense mechanisim kicking in after having been backed up against that fence. I thought long and hard about revenge. I will NOT post here what steps I took against Mohammed. I could have done more damage, I did just enough so I felt he didn't walk away wiping his feet on me like a doormat. If our government wants to pursue what I told them, fine. I did my patriotic duty telling them he walked away without a goodbye to his American family of 5 years. I could have contacted many more agencies, but did not. I imagine each of us will be different in our actions after being left. I did find out after the 10 year card is issued, it takes them being CONVICTED of a felony to be deported. Not just charged with one, but convicted. Mine is here forever now, enjoying the beach and his $10,000 American Express card.

The first 3 months I was not strong enough to even contact anyone. It was in the healing I became angry. First I had to get over the shock.

Charles, Ann Landers was right

Jackie

[irahaymeh 0]

Hi Tammy,

I pray that you will have a blessed day today, just for today! Take one day at a time. "Weeping may endure for a night, but, JOY comes in the morning".

By the way, I've seen several responses regarding a baby. Did I miss something: are you pregnant?