How much do you really know about your MENA man?

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I so don't want this post to go into finger pointing, or name calling, or anything else detrimental. My intention was to hopefully think with their head and not only their heart.

Yes, I could do things to get "even" with him. I could pour bleach on all his clothing, put nair in his shampoo, spike his tea with viagra, but what would it cost me? My dignity, that's what. Would I be able to live with myself at the end of it all? I highly doubt it.

When I married, not only did it freely, I did it willingly. Maybe it was a marriage "contract" as far as MENA goes, but I was making a vow not only to my husband, but to my God. I am not overly religious, but I do believe that the choices we make are guided by God, and sometimes we don't see it His way, but our own way. How selfish is that?

So, maybe I am on a train track as you say, but, God has the power to divert that train to another track.

Maybe in 2 years, 5, 10, I will find myself alone. I can't predict the future, none of us can. But, you know, I will have gave it my best shot, and no one will ever be able to accuse me of giving up easily.

[Ban Hammer 13,113]

Americans are naive and kind.....but after some schooling we get fallujah on those who screw us

Yes, I could do things to get "even" with him. I could pour bleach on all his clothing, put nair in his shampoo, spike his tea with viagra, but what would it cost me? My dignity, that's what. Would I be able to live with myself at the end of it all? I highly doubt it.

and possibly a jail sentence too....while the videos some have posted are funny, in retrospect what they depict is criminal.

[caybee 21]

I am married to an Algerian.....not Moroccan....and frankly if he did one of these things...I would pull his papers and burn all his clothes and do sehour on him....I am not married to a smooth talker...Algerians are not diplomats...Moroccans are much smoother....I am pregnant and wallahi I am aisha kandisha if a man cheats....my ex is still in pain from the revenge I took...I was a doormat when I met him...catching him trying to steal equity from my house,stealing 4000fromme and cheating was alli it took for me to make sure within one year his papers were pulled and I made sure he sat in jail for a few days...Americans are naive and kind.....but after some schooling we get fallujah on those who screw us

Is this really what you meant? White phosphorus is kinda nasty stuff.

[ennimies=My_power 0]

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

written by a moroccan about americans

Tberguat 21 November 2005 11:57 21 November 2005 11:57

If you see yourself you want to settle in this country and have a future here, I agree in marrying a US citizen just for green card, and suffer emotionally for couple years and secure your future..., things these days are only getting harder for the illigal immigrants, they even been called terrorists , because the paths to legalize yourself here are so long and uncertain. If your employer want to sponsor you it will take years and years I think between 7 to 10yrs and you have to stuck with that same employer for years with low pay and sometimes no benifits. If you have a US citizen child, he has to be 21yrs old before he/she can apply for you, so the only way is marriage!!

I remember back in the early nineties, the new comers had to find the least attractive woman in the city, all the 200lbs and up were married to Moroccan men, happy with their little toys just arrived from back home (skhoun) that he tells her horror stories about what had happened to him back home and how miserable he was back in Morocco so she'll love him and feel sorry for him and do all possible way for him not to get deported, and she will never dare to think visiting Morocco with him!! They use to call the period of their marriage "passer le service millitaire" ... If they see an ugly, old fat lady (shayta 3la 7babha) she will be perfect for lwri9at.

So, the only way to build a future here and be one of the crowd, go ahead do it, the only thing is the ugly, fat, old ladies 3a9o ..

Berguag: 31 | Fin saken daba? Wh

LOL, Waharania, You really really NEED

so the women who married nonamerican been used for LWRI9at (papers), you are just insulting your self, the reason for unsucceful marriage between American citizen and noncitizen is your thoughts, and just FYI Your EX was good to you that is way you keep going back to MENA. Don't put the blame,

I dont see that only the fat ladies that get married outside if the US, there is a lotof beautiful ladies here, and my wife is one of them .

But here is an advise for you, look at the mirror and find your self, find your beauty so your beauty can find you, other wise you will always have that anger inside you.

JUST A small note : I didnt want America but America want me >> Hope you can understand it

Again it is not a personal attack.

Thank You

[SaadBell 0]

Revenge, I caught my first husband of 23 years online with porn and the stupid idiot, didn't wipe it off. My first degree is in computer science, so I went right after he had been chatting and pulled it up, OMG. Did I get revenge, no, but I did have ideas, and sometimes just thinking about it and seeing it makes you laugh. To be honest, I walked out with just the clothes off my back, and let him have the home, everything. So just cause someone talks ugly, doesn't mean they are going out to do evil revenge. wahrania, has a good point in not letting any man walk all over you. I sure let my first husband, looking back on it now, I kinda wish I would have made things more difficult for him, but that is water under the bridge. If someone or something can make me smile, than hey go for it, it is just talk. Tammi, take it one day at a time, tomorrow things could change completely, that is one thing with life. We are here for you, and will try to cheer you up with humor, because I always feel a little better with a good laugh.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

OK time to run the Percy Sledge...

(I know... I know... the Tinga Stewart/Ninjaman version would be more my style, but I couldn't find it )

So this goes out to all my MENA peeps... run di riddim my selecta...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM4WmvYMpkA

(her/him -- it translates both ways)

Edited to add -- those barstards disabled the embed code !!!

Edited March 16, 2008 by wife_of_mahmoud

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

written by a moroccan about americans

Tberguat 21 November 2005 11:57 21 November 2005 11:57

If you see yourself you want to settle in this country and have a future here, I agree in marrying a US citizen just for green card, and suffer emotionally for couple years and secure your future..., things these days are only getting harder for the illigal immigrants, they even been called terrorists , because the paths to legalize yourself here are so long and uncertain. If your employer want to sponsor you it will take years and years I think between 7 to 10yrs and you have to stuck with that same employer for years with low pay and sometimes no benifits. If you have a US citizen child, he has to be 21yrs old before he/she can apply for you, so the only way is marriage!!

I remember back in the early nineties, the new comers had to find the least attractive woman in the city, all the 200lbs and up were married to Moroccan men, happy with their little toys just arrived from back home (skhoun) that he tells her horror stories about what had happened to him back home and how miserable he was back in Morocco so she'll love him and feel sorry for him and do all possible way for him not to get deported, and she will never dare to think visiting Morocco with him!! They use to call the period of their marriage "passer le service millitaire" ... If they see an ugly, old fat lady (shayta 3la 7babha) she will be perfect for lwri9at.

So, the only way to build a future here and be one of the crowd, go ahead do it, the only thing is the ugly, fat, old ladies 3a9o ..

Berguag: 31 | Fin saken daba? Wh

LOL, Waharania, You really really NEED

so the women who married nonamerican been used for LWRI9at (papers), you are just insulting your self, the reason for unsucceful marriage between American citizen and noncitizen is your thoughts, and just FYI Your EX was good to you that is way you keep going back to MENA. Don't put the blame,

I dont see that only the fat ladies that get married outside if the US, there is a lotof beautiful ladies here, and my wife is one of them .

But here is an advise for you, look at the mirror and find your self, find your beauty so your beauty can find you, other wise you will always have that anger inside you.

JUST A small note : I didnt want America but America want me >> Hope you can understand it

Again it is not a personal attack.

Thank You

no....I am onto the games these men play and can spot them...I am happy you love your wife...good for you...Tammy's husband is using her..she knows it...and I have a friend who was married to a much younger moroccan who cleaned her out and now is with a moroccan girl....LWRI9at

LWRI9at

LWRI9at

a moroccan word easily translated to screw over some poor vulnerable american to better your life

[ennimies=My_power 0]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

he's probably met other arabs coaching him at the mosque..........................im so sorry tammy.......you need to throw him out.....he doesnt deserve papers

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

she doesnt have kids with him....she has her own kids...and he isnt helping her kids or the household

Ok, I agree he should help with household and care about her kids as his own, and here we need to encourage the two of them to settle a family discussion about what need to be done aroud the house and share respnsabilities. Without over reacting or feeling controlled, When you bouth enter the marriage you both knew it is a commitement and vows that the two of you need to stand by each other in good and bad moments.

I'm talking WAHARANIA as arabian as stranger in the US not as Moroccan only, it is a new culture for us we need to be thaught what to do, otherwise blame our mothers who was spanking us if we want to help in the kitchen when we were kids (I miss you mother)

In religion it says after the hard time there will be happiness and happiness sometime we pay a lots for it but the easy way is the capabilities to be patient untill the bad time go away.

Thank You

[Imua 0]

Why a MENA man? I like the coffee.

jJ

hey i can say that about brazilian coffee too

And then there are those of us who prefer chai....

[doodlebugg 10]

Why a MENA man? I like the coffee.

jJ

hey i can say that about brazilian coffee too

And then there are those of us who prefer chai....

I LOVE chai but I can't wait to have real COFFEE!!!!!

[Marry American 0]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

I am so sorry that this ended up being your story. It is very devastating. I could not imagine being in that situation.

First and foremost - after the money you spent getting him here, why would you allow him to keep his money to himself. His money earned would have definitely contributed to the household. My story is a little different though. I did not pay money for my hubby to come him, but wasted an absorbant amount of money on phone calls to Maroc. My hubby still felt that his earnings are for however I felt they needed to be used best.

Marriage is hard. Dealing with the immigration, race, religion, and cultural difference makes it even much harder. But when these situations happen as your did - it is a sad case. He is lucky I'm not his wife. I would throw his a** out right on the street.

Good luck and I hope it works out for the best. Situations like these makes me wonder why anyone in their right mind would do it again.

Good luck!!!! Marry American!!!

[boo boo 1]

Tammy

My heart is with you, I hate when people take advantage of another's kindness (and heart). I really admire your strength and trust me....karma will come around. I am happy to see that you have alot of support to help you with the foolishness that you are going thru...be strong, I am quite positive that you are more of a woman then your hubby will ever have....and please stop letting him take your kindness for your weakness....open his eyes because it is quite obvious that the fool is blind and does not see how much of a blessing you are.....he will one day reqret everything....good women are not easy to find He deffinitely needs a reality check!!!

[Marry American 0]

which is yet another test. "you aren't using me for a green card, are you? please tell me! i'll help you anyway. i just want to know the truth."

My husband new nothing about his AOS. As a matter of fact - I told him that even though the papers had been sent, I was not going to the interview. He never cared. He never questioned me about it. It was made clear to him I would not go.

Only the morning of did I say get ready for the AOS interview. Then got pissed at him because he was not moving fast enough.

That was not a test, but in hindsight - it was.

[KandD 1]

Tammy,

I hope everything works out for you. Im glad to hear he wants to talk. That is a positive sign. Could it be adjustment problems of a new country, a new way of life and all the emotions involved (fear, insecurity, depression? I havent read all of the postings so please forgive me if ive missed something. I really hope you and your husband can work it out for the best.

[dillydally 0]

i just read this...and i am in complete shock for you tammy i am soooo very sorry you are going through this...and please do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything you will get through this sweety... inshAllah all will be well and i am praying for you