How much do you really know about your MENA man?

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

WOM, you're right. Everyone is different, and even one MENA culture compared to another may not work... so you just have to take it case by case, really. Some things can be standard, but many things are not. Your wish of general happiness is a good one.

LOL doesn't it irritate you when people assume that everyone with a spouse from MENA met online ? (Not that there's anything wrong with that -- I think more than half the members on VJ met online -- but I think MENA really gets hit with the stereotype in a very negative way.) And then this assumption gets extrapolated into the perception that people who met online couldn't know each other very well.

I just want to say that there are as many different "mentalities" in MENA as there are MENA people. What one will think or do is not representative of what others across MENA will think or do, or what others in a particular country will think or do, or even what people in the same town will think or do. Two people from the very same family can be entirely different.

TammySue's advice in her OP was the best nugget in this whole thread -- take your time in getting get to know him (or her) very well before rushing into life-altering decisions.

[ennimies=My_power 0]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

he's probably met other arabs coaching him at the mosque..........................im so sorry tammy.......you need to throw him out.....he doesnt deserve papers

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

WOM- Thank You! My statement about getting to know your SO before making any decision was not specifically towards MENA people, fraudulent behavior can and does happen from any country. The only thread I post in tho is MENA, so that explains why I posted it here. My warning goes out to anyone and everyone who has a relationship with someone who needs a visa to enter this country. All cases and countries are different, all relationships are different. Using mine as a guideline may or may not be good for the next couple in line. I didn't post my experience here to make anyone back out of the relationship they are in, but to make them THINK about the relationship they are in. As far as red flags, unless both speak perfect english, or perfect foreign tongue (of SO), I am sure some can be explained by miscommunication.

Julianna: Be sure to know I would never KNOWINGLY commit fraud of any kind. He has not even received his work permit or an interview date for AOS. No, if things still stand the way they are now, I will not freely or purposely help him receive the green card.

Last night, out of the blue, he said we needed to talk. Wow, what a surprise that was. I haven't shared my thoughts with anyone about my marriage except for here, and I am sure he doesn't read vj, so I know no one could have discussed it with him.

To give a brief synopsis of the 7 hour "discussion" he said, "I am not happy in this relationship the way it is, and I know you are not happy. I want and need to change myself so that we can both be happy in our marriage". To which I replied" So, now you see that there is a problem and want to try to repair everything that has happened in the past two months. It's nice that you admit it and want to rectify the situation, but how am I to believe that you really mean it and it's not based on being fearful of not being able to stay here long enough to get your green card? The words are nice to hear, but if you can't back those words up with your actions, they are worthless."

Maybe some reading this will think I am being wishy washy and can't make a sane decision about my own life, so totally not the truth. Never once did I say that I don't love my husband, because I do. I just can't picture being happy and well adjusted the way things stood with us. So, I have set two dates in my head, I call them D dates. On the first date, I will take stock of his attitude and behavior stating from now, on the second, I will make my decision as to where I go from there.

Now, thanks to everyone who posted here, Wharaina, in another life, I would have done any and all of those things to retaliate. LOL

At the end of the days, I hope we all will be happy. Never let it be said that you can't make good friendships online, the proof is here for the reading.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

written by a moroccan about americans

Tberguat 21 November 2005 11:57 21 November 2005 11:57

If you see yourself you want to settle in this country and have a future here, I agree in marrying a US citizen just for green card, and suffer emotionally for couple years and secure your future..., things these days are only getting harder for the illigal immigrants, they even been called terrorists , because the paths to legalize yourself here are so long and uncertain. If your employer want to sponsor you it will take years and years I think between 7 to 10yrs and you have to stuck with that same employer for years with low pay and sometimes no benifits. If you have a US citizen child, he has to be 21yrs old before he/she can apply for you, so the only way is marriage!!

I remember back in the early nineties, the new comers had to find the least attractive woman in the city, all the 200lbs and up were married to Moroccan men, happy with their little toys just arrived from back home (skhoun) that he tells her horror stories about what had happened to him back home and how miserable he was back in Morocco so she'll love him and feel sorry for him and do all possible way for him not to get deported, and she will never dare to think visiting Morocco with him!! They use to call the period of their marriage "passer le service millitaire" ... If they see an ugly, old fat lady (shayta 3la 7babha) she will be perfect for lwri9at.

So, the only way to build a future here and be one of the crowd, go ahead do it, the only thing is the ugly, fat, old ladies 3a9o ..

Berguag: 31 | Fin saken daba? Wh

[~Jackie~ 30]

Yes my husband and I did have a loving marriage. He continued to say he loved and missed me up til about last month. This is why it was so hard to accept our marriage was over. I held on to a thread. Then that thread snapped when his new gf messaged me and told me to back off HER man. I said, 'tell YOUR man to stop saying he loves me and I will!'

I have moved on now with, yes, another MENA man. Difference is, this one is already here and we can take the time needed to see if this is what we both want in life. Why a MENA man? I like the coffee.

Yes, WOM, many statements here have me biting my tongue also.

I just wish I hadn't secured a 10 year card for him. I was told always that 'We are different, our family don't believe in divorce, I dont want kids, you are all I want in life.....I didnt marry you for a gc....' grrrrrrrrr hindsight is 20/20

jJ

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Tberguat 21 November 2005 11:57 21 November 2005 11:57

If you see yourself you want to settle in this country and have a future here, I agree in marrying a US citizen just for green card, and suffer emotionally for couple years and secure your future..., things these days are only getting harder for the illigal immigrants, they even been called terrorists , because the paths to legalize yourself here are so long and uncertain. If your employer want to sponsor you it will take years and years I think between 7 to 10yrs and you have to stuck with that same employer for years with low pay and sometimes no benifits. If you have a US citizen child, he has to be 21yrs old before he/she can apply for you, so the only way is marriage!!

I remember back in the early nineties, the new comers had to find the least attractive woman in the city, all the 200lbs and up were married to Moroccan men, happy with their little toys just arrived from back home (skhoun) that he tells her horror stories about what had happened to him back home and how miserable he was back in Morocco so she'll love him and feel sorry for him and do all possible way for him not to get deported, and she will never dare to think visiting Morocco with him!! They use to call the period of their marriage "passer le service millitaire" ... If they see an ugly, old fat lady (shayta 3la 7babha) she will be perfect for lwri9at.

So, the only way to build a future here and be one of the crowd, go ahead do it, the only thing is the ugly, fat, old ladies 3a9o ..

Berguag: 31 | Fin saken daba? Wh

[Ban Hammer 13,113]

Why a MENA man? I like the coffee.

jJ

hey i can say that about brazilian coffee too

[Nasturtium 500]

Julianna: Be sure to know I would never KNOWINGLY commit fraud of any kind. He has not even received his work permit or an interview date for AOS. No, if things still stand the way they are now, I will not freely or purposely help him receive the green card.

Yay Tammy! I know you have a good head on your shoulders and won't do anything knowingly illegal. I wanted to toss that out mostly for the others who were reading-- you and I have talked before. Some epople don't realize the ramifications of their actions and just think about it as "helping" you know?

I agree, you should try to salvage your marriage as a marriage shouldn't be thrown away.. but I also know you know when to cut your losses. So only you know what to do in your situatiion and yes, your advice is the best advice-- take your time and get to know your husband, MENA, American, Canadian, Taiwanese, or wherever he is from-- before you plunge in head-first.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

WOM- Thank You! My statement about getting to know your SO before making any decision was not specifically towards MENA people, fraudulent behavior can and does happen from any country. The only thread I post in tho is MENA, so that explains why I posted it here. My warning goes out to anyone and everyone who has a relationship with someone who needs a visa to enter this country. All cases and countries are different, all relationships are different. Using mine as a guideline may or may not be good for the next couple in line. I didn't post my experience here to make anyone back out of the relationship they are in, but to make them THINK about the relationship they are in. As far as red flags, unless both speak perfect english, or perfect foreign tongue (of SO), I am sure some can be explained by miscommunication.

Julianna: Be sure to know I would never KNOWINGLY commit fraud of any kind. He has not even received his work permit or an interview date for AOS. No, if things still stand the way they are now, I will not freely or purposely help him receive the green card.

Last night, out of the blue, he said we needed to talk. Wow, what a surprise that was. I haven't shared my thoughts with anyone about my marriage except for here, and I am sure he doesn't read vj, so I know no one could have discussed it with him.

To give a brief synopsis of the 7 hour "discussion" he said, "I am not happy in this relationship the way it is, and I know you are not happy. I want and need to change myself so that we can both be happy in our marriage". To which I replied" So, now you see that there is a problem and want to try to repair everything that has happened in the past two months. It's nice that you admit it and want to rectify the situation, but how am I to believe that you really mean it and it's not based on being fearful of not being able to stay here long enough to get your green card? The words are nice to hear, but if you can't back those words up with your actions, they are worthless."

Maybe some reading this will think I am being wishy washy and can't make a sane decision about my own life, so totally not the truth. Never once did I say that I don't love my husband, because I do. I just can't picture being happy and well adjusted the way things stood with us. So, I have set two dates in my head, I call them D dates. On the first date, I will take stock of his attitude and behavior stating from now, on the second, I will make my decision as to where I go from there.

Now, thanks to everyone who posted here, Wharaina, in another life, I would have done any and all of those things to retaliate. LOL

At the end of the days, I hope we all will be happy. Never let it be said that you can't make good friendships online, the proof is here for the reading.

he looked at porn..he hasnt had sex with you in 2 months...when he ruins your life beyond belief.......you have no one to blame but yourself at this point..he s on to the fact he might not aos....and hes gonna do what he has to till he does....I can see the train and your car is parked on the tracks...And I have to keep driving past your car at this point...cause the news is awful and you cannot see what is happening to you...It makes me sad

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Yes my husband and I did have a loving marriage. He continued to say he loved and missed me up til about last month. This is why it was so hard to accept our marriage was over. I held on to a thread. Then that thread snapped when his new gf messaged me and told me to back off HER man. I said, 'tell YOUR man to stop saying he loves me and I will!'

I have moved on now with, yes, another MENA man. Difference is, this one is already here and we can take the time needed to see if this is what we both want in life. Why a MENA man? I like the coffee.

Yes, WOM, many statements here have me biting my tongue also.

I just wish I hadn't secured a 10 year card for him. I was told always that 'We are different, our family don't believe in divorce, I dont want kids, you are all I want in life.....I didnt marry you for a gc....' grrrrrrrrr hindsight is 20/20

jJ

the reality is if you can determine if he mt her before he left you....you need to do something.....you were a stepping but dont be too sure she isnt either

[sandinista! 1,816]

great advice! maintaining dignity and self-respecting behavior is the last thing anyone needs in that kind of situation!

I"m confused. Who were you talking to in this post? I believe Tammy has retained her self respect and dignity and I commend her on sticking to her guns. Some women would keep this going and not admit when it's over.

i quoted the wrong post accidentally. it was supposed to be in response to wahrania's "its headgame time" #######. sorry, it's just a little too high school sixteen year old girl drama. rather undignified and pathetic to suggest a grown woman regress to such behaviours.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

great advice! maintaining dignity and self-respecting behavior is the last thing anyone needs in that kind of situation!

I"m confused. Who were you talking to in this post? I believe Tammy has retained her self respect and dignity and I commend her on sticking to her guns. Some women would keep this going and not admit when it's over.

i quoted the wrong post accidentally. it was supposed to be in response to wahrania's "its headgame time" #######. sorry, it's just a little too high school sixteen year old girl drama. rather undignified and pathetic to suggest a grown woman regress to such behaviours.

oh medicating your depression while your husband sleeps in the next room and watches porn while you are at work and chats with other women and refuses to pay bills is much much better....

I say catch his ####,pull his papers,drop his clothes off at the corner...and write letters to DOS and make sure you send a clear message that SOME Americans actually are street smart to this garbage...gees......read what she wrote...yes,dignity my butt....he needs her older brother to help him move out and her sisters to pack his bags

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

he's probably met other arabs coaching him at the mosque..........................im so sorry tammy.......you need to throw him out.....he doesnt deserve papers

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

yes maybe when he has time between porn and ignoring her.....

I am married to an Algerian.....not Moroccan....and frankly if he did one of these things...I would pull his papers and burn all his clothes and do sehour on him....I am not married to a smooth talker...Algerians are not diplomats...Moroccans are much smoother....I am pregnant and wallahi I am aisha kandisha if a man cheats....my ex is still in pain from the revenge I took...I was a doormat when I met him...catching him trying to steal equity from my house,stealing 4000fromme and cheating was alli it took for me to make sure within one year his papers were pulled and I made sure he sat in jail for a few days...Americans are naive and kind.....but after some schooling we get fallujah on those who screw us

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

he's probably met other arabs coaching him at the mosque..........................im so sorry tammy.......you need to throw him out.....he doesnt deserve papers

Hi Tammy,

First of all, I'm sorry about waht happening to you, I know you desereve the best as I also know everyone does.

My advise to you as MENA ( Moroccan Man), Please don't listen to anyone from VJ telling you what to do, nobody knows your man better than you, My wife showed me this thread and I was curious to ask WAHRANIA.

If you had such a bad experience with MENA before, why did you have the attention to marry another man from MENA?.

How easy for you to make conclusions (bad conclusions) ?

Do you consider your self helping to build a relationship or help destroy it?

Please don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Am just trying here to make my point of view about VJs Threads. VJ can help you with Visa process and AOS but it can destroy your marriage as well if we listen to the negatives replies.

Tammy I know you a strong woman and I know the baby came for a reason and I know you guys met each for a reason.

Your husband need to feel that your close to him in this time more than ever talk to him about how he feels like:

what makes him feel this way? is he ready to be a father or not ? see a counseling? make a list of what you need him to help with? talk about the bills , let him share responsabilities.

And most of all that, make him feel that he is a good provider and a man make him feel that you and your family count on him, I'm sure things will make sense after you guys will talk to each other.

I know it is not easy but with baby coming it is worth a try.

WAHRANIA!!! I'm sorry to tell you this, after reading all your posts There is something wrong that I wish you can get some help to fix it otherwise you will be dumped sometimes soon.

And again don't take it as a personnal attacks.

Tammy:

I agree not all the men are good and also we have to agree that not all the women are good as well, we make mistakes. Nobody have a perfect relationship.

Don't make any decsion to harm you marriage, ( think about your angel).

[ I have had the same issues with my wife and now we are doing good together with counseling help]

And if you want to know all about it please E-mail me and I will let you talk to my wife she can also show you the thread how bad they talked about me.

Wish you all the best.

MKK

she doesnt have kids with him....she has her own kids...and he isnt helping her kids or the household

[caybee 21]

Tammy, I'm very sorry this has been happening to you. You don't sound wishy-washy to me. In your description of your seven-hour talk with your husband, it sounds like you spoke your mind assertively. I hope you will continue to talk like that and see if you two can make the changes he talks about, or at least that you will know which direction to take.

A few pages back, there was mention of several tests, and a few of them struck me. If, shortly after meeting me, my husband had told me that he didn't believe in monogamy and didn't like American or Christian women, that he liked to stay out all night drinking, or some of the other suggestions that were mentioned, we wouldn't have continued getting to know each other, because I would have had no interest in getting close to a man with those particular values or points of view. It's the same for him; if I'd used those tests and portrayed myself that way, he would have ended things pretty early because that's not what he was looking for. And if I'd let him know it was all a test, I doubt he would have trusted my word in the future. Although I believe in having eyes wide open -- observing, learning (in the case of an intercultural or interfaith relationship), asking many, many questions and listening carefully to the answers -- I don't know how portraying myself as someone other than myself at the beginning of a relationship could have anything but a negative result.

I wish there were a foolproof way to know, though I agree that in many cases, the partner may not plan to bail from the start. We talked for hours daily about everything we could think of, including painful differences between us, our cultures, our religions, subjects that were not easy at all and which could have been avoided in favor of nothing but sweet words. I know we're not unique in that. Maybe those conversations helped us. I don't know. All I know is I still feel very secure in our relationship and believe it was the right decision for us. But I also think it's possible that we took a big risk and happened to land on our feet -- stroke of luck or a blessing, I don't know. It's painful to see so many cases where that has not happened.