How much do you really know about your MENA man?

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

unfortunately yes i heard a similar story just a few months ago, he made a little money and didnt see why he should help her because she already had these bills when he came. Everyones case ends up being different, some it works out well others it doesnt, we hope best for everyone but also know what you say is truth

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

he's probably met other arabs coaching him at the mosque..........................im so sorry tammy.......you need to throw him out.....he doesnt deserve papers

[SaadBell 0]

Tammy,

Oh sweetie, I feel my heart ripped up hearing this. You did what you did for love, never forget that, you have a heart. Shame shame shame on your husband, I wish I could take the pain from you, and replace the money you lost. Hold your head up high, you are a wonderful women, who showed this man true love. Totally understand your pain, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to, just throw me a line. I am the last person that would ever judge you, I do things out of love also, and get screwed also. You are in my thoughts sweetie.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

You need to tell hiim that he needs to leave.You are not his mom.You are his wife.Ihad to throw someone out 5 years ago I really loved.Hes an ####,do not help him.You need to stop the AOS and tell him to leave...Its not your responsibility and you arent his mom....Clearly he used you...dont let him do anything else

[~Jackie~ 30]

Tammy only you can make the 'big girl decisons', I can only give you my advice after just going thru a MENA divorce. Each man is different, different in his motives and his family's motives. Many of these men left their country promising to return, marry in their culture and make babies.

After getting here and experiencing American life, maybe that girl back home is not looking so great. Now they become conflicted. Do they settle in and make a life with the woman that sacrificed all to get him here? In most cases, no. Do they now marry the girl from their country, some do and some move on to another American woman. (like my ex)

As we have seen here on the forum, having his child is not always the dealmaker. These men walk out with or without reproducing.

If he is not what you expected, chances are you are not what he expected either. Cut your losses and save yourself and your family added misery. If he is headed to the door, let him go. There is no hanging onto what is already gone. In my situation, I didn't see it coming. I had on the rose colored glasses all the way up til the end. Seems yours are slipping down your nose...things are definately clearer in looking back. When you are in it, the world and everything in it is fuzzy. I hope you find comfort in your family and friends. They were around before he came and they will be around after he's gone.

You are not alone. This is becoming a 'norm' even tho most don't post it here. You are brave to do so. In sharing our 'realities' it willl help others in the future when they need to make their own decisions.

Jackie

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Tammy,

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this painful situation. ***(((HUGS)))****.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

D.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Tammy only you can make the 'big girl decisons', I can only give you my advice after just going thru a MENA divorce. Each man is different, different in his motives and his family's motives. Many of these men left their country promising to return, marry in their culture and make babies.

After getting here and experiencing American life, maybe that girl back home is not looking so great. Now they become conflicted. Do they settle in and make a life with the woman that sacrificed all to get him here? In most cases, no. Do they now marry the girl from their country, some do and some move on to another American woman. (like my ex)

As we have seen here on the forum, having his child is not always the dealmaker. These men walk out with or without reproducing.

If he is not what you expected, chances are you are not what he expected either. Cut your losses and save yourself and your family added misery. If he is headed to the door, let him go. There is no hanging onto what is already gone. In my situation, I didn't see it coming. I had on the rose colored glasses all the way up til the end. Seems yours are slipping down your nose...things are definately clearer in looking back. When you are in it, the world and everything in it is fuzzy. I hope you find comfort in your family and friends. They were around before he came and they will be around after he's gone.

You are not alone. This is becoming a 'norm' even tho most don't post it here. You are brave to do so. In sharing our 'realities' it willl help others in the future when they need to make their own decisions.

Jackie,mena men marrying western women and dumping them after they aos has always been a reality....You never can really talk about it here but its a constant...I have not met one woman in my town who married a Tunisian still married,about 25 of the moroccans hang in there,50percent palis 50percentalgerians,about 25 percent of the egyptians ,absoulutely no Jordanians I know stayed in the marriage.If my husband did this to me after all the ####### I had seen,He would not only not see me anymore,I would cut him out of our baby's life.Ihave no patience for this monstrous #######...I don't play nice and as American,you cannot play nice.Stop his AOS and a message in his suitcase...Hes probably got a wife back home waiting...I say screw all of these jerks....They get coached by other arabs upon arrival and back home...He was nice until she filed aos I bet...Mines coming with a cr1.I will not lift conditions if he does anything shifty...These mena men who are like this take advantage of soft weak American women...Girls back home wouldnt play this

[Jenn! 918]

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

Very good advice, Tammy. I'm so sorry things have worked out this way for you. Take care of yourself and your kids.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

oh and one more thing....file for divorce,drop him off at the mosque,and go on with your life.2 months in the bed by yourself.#######...

[SaadBell 0]

..I don't play nice and as American,you cannot play nice.Stop his AOS and a message in his suitcase...Hes probably got a wife back home waiting...I say screw all of these jerks....They get coached by other arabs upon arrival and back home...He was nice until she filed aos I bet...Mines coming with a cr1.I will not lift conditions if he does anything shifty...These mena men who are like this take advantage of soft weak American women...Girls back home wouldnt play this

You are right

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Tammy,

Oh sweetie, I feel my heart ripped up hearing this. You did what you did for love, never forget that, you have a heart. Shame shame shame on your husband, I wish I could take the pain from you, and replace the money you lost. Hold your head up high, you are a wonderful women, who showed this man true love. Totally understand your pain, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to, just throw me a line. I am the last person that would ever judge you, I do things out of love also, and get screwed also. You are in my thoughts sweetie.

Love your avatar!!!!!

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

..I don't play nice and as American,you cannot play nice.Stop his AOS and a message in his suitcase...Hes probably got a wife back home waiting...I say screw all of these jerks....They get coached by other arabs upon arrival and back home...He was nice until she filed aos I bet...Mines coming with a cr1.I will not lift conditions if he does anything shifty...These mena men who are like this take advantage of soft weak American women...Girls back home wouldnt play this

You are right

and one more thing.....being weak strings it along.....cut it hard.....I am telling you from experience I had with a nasty,cheating,manipulative mena man 5 years ago.I not only suffered,the kids suffer horribly....He will pull out all the stops...another trick you can pull is this.....let him aos,but then have him move completely out...Quietly publish for divorce,get one,then quietly tell the uscis he used you for papers and quietly pull his papers,change your phone,your locks, and if he comes near you,get a restraining order...He doesnt love you..You deserve to be loved..Pull the plug and fast and hard and sneaky.....you will feel better right after that...TRUST ME...The hardest thing is coming to terms with the fact he doesnt love you.When you do that,you can do the nasty things you will have to do

[MelindaandTarek 0]

Tammy,

I am so sorry to hear about this. I hope that you find support and comfort in family and friends...My thoughts are with you..

[amrssnowangel 0]

Okay, so we all love our MENA men, but what do we know about him? I mean, come one, I can be anyone you want me to be online, but how much will I follow thru with when you meet me in the real? So, online he seems to be kind, loving, funny, deep, romantic, everything you want in a man, right?

But, how much of it is really "him"?

In my experience it has been not much at all.

Soon after my hubby arrived here, eveything was sunlight and roses, perfect.

Then, two weeks later, he moved into the spare bedroom.

I didn't make much of it at first, we still had our "nightly visits" and he said it was because my kids kept him from sleeping. I kinda like having the bed and the blankets to my self, so I didn't protest to much.

Then, the night visits became few and far between, and for the past two months have been non existant.

He kept saying he needed to find work so he could help me and his family also. Okay, I agree he should help his family, as long as ours is taken care of. But, he landed a small temporary job for cash. Helping out a friend of mine with snow removal, on a short term basis. Guess what? He has hung onto every penny of that money except to buy a few packs of cigarettes for himself. I had to use my tax refund to buy food for the house, all the while he is hanging onto his money. He brought no money with him when he came, I have paid for everthing all of this time.

I know, you have heard this story before, and I am not out for sympathy, or "I told you so". Yeah, I knew the risks I was taking when I got into this relationship for the most part. Of course I was sure that he loved me, I loved him, our lives would be perfect. Same old story. For a while I was happy, for a while we lived as friends, now the AOS has been filed and he is waiting for his work permit. I am hoping that when he get's his work permit he will remove himself from my house and I can get my life back to normal. I kinda feel sorry for him and won't throw him out with no where to go and no way to support himself, that's just me.

I guess the point I am trying to make is this: Make sure, before you sign the first paper, before you marry, before you do anything, that you really KNOW the person. Divorce is hard at best, but when you add all the other things to it, the waiting, the money, the turmoil, it's really devastating.

Wow, did he ever mention helping his family before coming? How long did you know him before? This is scarey. Im soo sorry you are going through this. What warning signs did you see maybe before he came...that you see now? Anything that would shed light for the rest of us?