AOS despair Changes Screen Name to Big Agnes!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

**PROFANITY ALERT**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PHOENIX, Ariz.--(VJ WIRE)--March 13, 2008--AOS despair today announced that she is changing her screen name to Big Agnes! because her exotic foreign husband, Jon, has finally received his green card.

"We've been waiting over two f*cking years," the elated Big Agnes said as she admired the hologram-encrusted credit-card-sized proof that her husband is a legal permanent resident. "And three years if you count when we sent in the K-1. That was so long ago, I don't even remember making 50 f*cking copies of the application. Wait, yes I do." She kicked the waste paper basket across the room and continued, "Those assf*cks at USCIS just let his file sit there for two years while they filed their nails, ate french fries, picked their noses, and pointed to the FBI as the cause of the delay. Well, #### me if the FBI can't get their $hit together."

Big Agnes said that the trouble began after what seemed like a successful AOS interview in May 2006. "The guy was nice enough," she said, "and the interview was a breeze. But afterwards he said that the FBI clearance wasn't back yet, so he couldn't approve us. I figured it might be a few months, but it was close to two years after the interview. Can you believe that $hit? What are these people doing, picking their goddamn a$$es?"

According to sources close to the happy couple, Big Agnes's disposition had been deteriorating with each passing month postinterview.

"Big Ag used to be fun company," said her close friend Bubba, "but for the last year or so, all she could talk about was how she wanted to lock USCIS employees in a dark closet with venomous, flesh-eating frogs."

"Thank God that boy finally got his residency," said the couple's elderly neighbor, Mrs. Finklestein. "Whenever I wanted to tell Big Agnes about my latest bowel adventure, she'd start harping on about the thousands of dollars they were spending for his immigration working something or other. And she said if Jon had to go for another set of passport photos, she was going to take a rusty spike to someone's--jeepers, I can't say it! Anyhoo, I guess the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

Big Agnes insisted on showing our reporters the G-325a, one of the "millions of f*cking forms" she and her husband filled out as part of his residency application and numerous interim benefits renewals. "We both had to fill out this monstrosity about 12 times. Look at this piece of $hit. It hasn't been updated since about 1972. And whoever designed it should have a blowtorch taken to his eardrum."

"Not only did we need to mark on the calendar when we'd have to apply for EAD number six or something," she continued, "but Jon had to go to the local fingerprinting office every other f*cking month. He may as well have pitched a tent in the waiting room. Bastards."

Armpit Al, the owner of Armpit Al's Liquors, was concerned when he heard that Jon's application had finally been approved. "Man, they were keeping me in business," he said. "Big Ag would come in grumbling about advance parole--I figured she was an ex-con--and walk out with three bottles of vodka and a twelvie of Sam Adams. And that was for one weekend."

Jon, described as even tempered and philosophical about his bureaucratic ordeal, said, "I'm glad to finally get the card. I was getting ready to head down to the Pruitt's immigration demonstrations with a sign of my own: NO MORE FORMS! I guess I don't have to do that now."

--30--

CONTACT: Big Agnes!

[Pinocchio Liberal 268]

Congrats on the card!

[Bootylicious!! 2]

I'm glad you finally got the card! That story was f*cking hilarious! :lol:

[eau_xplain 2]

:lol:

Congratulations Big Ag and Jon!!

[SteveLaura 0]

Congratulations!

Are you the same Big Agnes, from Chicago? Has a way of getting people to, shall we say, be less visible if needs be? Took over from Large Maureen of the SouthSide Hairnets?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Congratulations!

Are you the same Big Agnes, from Chicago? Has a way of getting people to, shall we say, be less visible if needs be? Took over from Large Maureen of the SouthSide Hairnets?

You know it.

Big Agnes isn't just a person--she's a state of mind.

[Sinergy 3]

Congrats on finally getting that GC

[greeneyedgirlfl 0]

Congrats on the GC!!!

[boardashell_2000 0]

congratulations!

[Nessa 23]

WOOHOO! CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME TO VJ!!

[Alex+R 0]

Mwahahahhahahahahaha I lawled my pants. :lol:

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Fukcinfantastic sister!!!! About #$%^&* time as well.

And yup, the story is quite "funny", with a tinge of tragedie-humouresque!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Big Agnes is nice! ...sounds like a name that gets etched into a bathroom stall at some, out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere diner.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Why, thanks, ever-buddy!

My husband actually got his card a couple of weeks ago, but because you can only change your screen name once a year, I had to wait until today to do it.

It sure is nice to be free of the AOS despair!

[*julez* 124]

Congratulations Big Agnes! I am sooooo pleased for you both! I do hope you'll stick around and keep up with your alter-ego Joyce! I am still trying to decide who I love more!

Seriously though, I am glad you are finally out of the AOS mire! We are just about to step foot into that muck ourselves! I am trying to contain my excitement! Maybe I'll go consult with Joyce for some pointers on keeping sane....