How important was getting/giving an engagement ring?

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I read this and got a little curious:

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

I never believed an engagement ring to be all that important. I never had one and never cared that I never had one. I don't even know if it is tradition or not to give them in Germany. Never occurred to me to want to find out. So being the (female) USC, and a weird one at that who is admittedly out of touch with a lot of wedding customs and traditions, I would like to ask other USCs: How important is giving or getting an engagement ring really? Why? If you are a (USC) woman, would you have married your husband without one?

(There was supposed to be a poll, but apparently it is too early in the morning for me or something. Feel free to move it.)

Edited March 10, 2008 by Wacken

[Otto 83]

In Germany (for example) it is not as much a custom as it is here in the US (and perhaps other parts of the world)...

[sara..... 371]

I never believed an engagement ring to be all that important. I never had one and never cared that I never had one. I don't even know if it is tradition or not to give them in Germany. Never occurred to me to want to find out. So being the (female) USC, and a weird one at that who is admittedly out of touch with a lot of wedding customs and traditions, I would like to ask other USCs: How important is giving or getting an engagement ring really? Why? If you are a (USC) woman, would you have married your husband without one?

(There was supposed to be a poll, but apparently it is too early in the morning for me or something. Feel free to move it.)

hmmm good question........i know that we dont have the kind of money that is required for the type of engagement ring that he would like to give me so.......i made the choice of wearing my moms .........its very special to me......... ..........for me starting my life with my finance was way more important than an engagement ring.........

[Zee Bee 61]

Not really important to me (I am the USC). I don't really wear jewelry and even though I have been wearing my ring for a few months now, sometimes it does feel weird. Its not really something customary in Ghana even though it is more common now.

[Jenn! 918]

It's not important to me at all - for me, it would be a waste of money. I would much rather spend that money on something else - travel, or something else that might improve day-to-day life. I just don't get anything from diamonds.

I've also gotten flak for this...as if deep down I must really want a diamond, girls' best friend and all.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Not really important. I think it's a waste of money. However, I still got my wife an engagement ring just so that she can prove that she's married and we're not poor.

[Caladan 19]

I would have married him with a ring from a Cracker Jack box.

But I do have a small diamond, and I like it, and it was important to him to get me a ring.

[Mononoke28 135]

Not really important. I think it's a waste of money. However, I still got my wife an engagement ring just so that she can prove that she's married and we're not poor.

You don't need an engagement ring to "prove" that you're not poor. In fact, you don't need to prove that you're not poor at all.

Diana

[Niels Bohr 72]

Yeah. It's the people around you that gossips and condescends you. Adding to the fact that I'm a minority. Many people in this town like to view asians as welfare recipients, ssi recipients, work minimum wage..etc...

[KimandRuss 0]

I spent almost 20 years with a huge honkin diamond ring on my finger. It was lovely but big diamonds and long curly hair aren't a good mix!

The significance of the bands matters so much more to me now.

I could really care less about an engagment ring now but having something I can wear every day that reminds me of him and of our love is nice. Especially as we wait this time apart.

I do notice other men checking my hand out, though.

[Cassie 8]

It was important for my USC hubby -- had that sucker bought within 5 weeks of meeting me (and I didn't know until much later)!

It's nice to have an engagement ring, but it isn't my personal list of must haves. It's not a huge ring, and that's ok with me. I get nervous thinking of wearing a huge honking ring!

[rebeccajo 14]

I'm the USC.

I had an engagment ring but it wasn't the typical diamond. And the style of the ring was such that after we got married, there was no way to wear it on the ring finger with the wedding band.

I switched it to my right hand after the wedding.

I'll admit, the plain wedding band (even though it's wide) just didn't do it for me. I didn't care if I had a diamond, but I really felt the wedding band needed a partner.

There was a jeweler in town going out of business. So about 60 days after our wedding, we decided to go in there and take a look. His prices (at that point) were rock-bottom. We found a quarter-carat solitaire for $150.00. So we took the 'plunge'.

So yeah, I admit - I wanted another ring to go with the band. BUT - my engagement ring is connemara marble mounted in sterling silver. It cost less than 50 bucks. I was perfectly happy with that during the engagment.

Does that even make sense?

Edited March 10, 2008 by rebeccajo

[Imua 0]

Not really important. I think it's a waste of money. However, I still got my wife an engagement ring just so that she can prove that she's married and we're not poor.

You don't need an engagement ring to "prove" that you're not poor. In fact, you don't need to prove that you're not poor at all.

Diana

This is why I married a 'village Nepali guy'(well, one reason among many). When I married him I knew he was poor, and it's not for a lack of working hard. He is not the typical American player wannabe 'fronting' that he is rich with an important job, going into debt for a fancy car so they can impress the hot chicks, etc. Guys like this wonder why they get divorced 2 years down the line by women who only want them for their money. He is simply who he is, and I love him. I do not need a big 'rock' to flash as I'm walking down the street to prove that I've got a good man. I wear my $5 Nepali silver band with pride - even if he could afford a diamond some day I wouldn't want it - it's not important to me. If he wants to spend the money take me on a pilgrimage around Mt. Kailash - that's what I dream of...

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I'm an old fashioned kind of American guy. I bought Sasha an engagement ring. Not because it was supposed to be that way, but because I really wanted surprise her and give her a taste of American tradition. The whole engagement ring thing is just another way for the diamond industry to make more money. Its like Valentine's Day. I love Sasha more than life and I would do anything to surprise her and make her smile. And she adores her ring. And that's enough for me. She would marry me even if she had no ring at all (engagement or wedding). she's successful and doesn't need material items, but I felt buying her a nice ring was important.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

It's not important to me at all - for me, it would be a waste of money. I would much rather spend that money on something else - travel, or something else that might improve day-to-day life. I just don't get anything from diamonds.

I've also gotten flak for this...as if deep down I must really want a diamond, girls' best friend and all.

I don't feel anything particularly attractive about diamonds either. I guess I am not the world's biggest fan of jewelery in general.

My wedding band was about 200 or 250 euros, made of gold and silver in an artisan blacksmith. My husband had a matching band, but then he lost it in some snowball fight a few months after we got married. My husband said that he thought women looked at him more when he did have it, so maybe it wasn't a bad thing that he lost it. I do like my wedding band, but I wouldn't feel any less married if it were gone. We also waffled about whether or not to get the rings. I think we had them made just 6 or 7 days before the wedding. /ramble

The answers here are pretty interesting so far.