Is Chatting With A Member Of The Opposite Sex Cheating?

[PeterFB 0]

I have found every successful happy marriage/relationship is based on being friends, loving each other, honestly, truefuliness and openness. Also remembering we are all human and make mistakes so to forgiveness is also important.

High divorce rates reflect the concept of instant gratification, "perfect love", control and replaciblity that most people believe in today.

If he/she does this it's over between us is just a method of controlling the other person. Falling in love at first sight usually means lust not love. If he/she would just do this, it would be perfect between us (if the other person needs to be fixed then how about you?). The list goes on with examples of what will lead to the failure of relationships and marriages.

Peter and Thi

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POE 2008-03-05 LAX

[one...two...tree 2,762]

There have been partners who have strayed from otherwise happy marriages by getting involved in what started out as an innocuous encounter, whether it was online or in person. I know we've had these discussions before. Of course you should trust your spouse, but there are situations that married people shouldn't put themselves into, but I don't know if anyone can really come up with specific do's and don'ts. Both partners should be able to openly tell each other what they are uncomfortable with and if that level of discomfort is high (doesn't like you to chat with anyone online) then perhaps some counseling would help.

[Peikko 1,575]

What situations shouldn't married people put themselves into? I am curious. Obviously, a married person who wishes to stay married shouldn't put themselves into bed with someone who is not their partner, but what are these seemingly innocent but could turn into something else situations that should be avoided?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

It depends on the context, but in most cases its flirting with disaster IMO. Especially if its a "new" friend.

I would imagine people who met their SO online are especially sensitive to this. There are always variables of course. But I dont think I would approve, does this make me jealous? yep. I know my husband would strongly disapprove of me engaging in chats with some new random dude.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What situations shouldn't married people put themselves into? I am curious. Obviously, a married person who wishes to stay married shouldn't put themselves into bed with someone who is not their partner, but what are these seemingly innocent but could turn into something else situations that should be avoided?

That's just it...I don't think one could make a list that holds true for every situation. I could try to give an example though, but even with this one, there could be exceptions - like inviting a friend of the opposite sex inside your home where the two of you would be alone for a period of time. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable in such a situation and I couldn't imagine why I would ever need to be in that kind of situation, but again, there certainly would be exceptions.

Edited March 10, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[Peikko 1,575]

Still not getting it. Why wouldn't someone invite a friend to their home? That's just the same as saying, I can be trusted in some situations but not in others. To me, trust simply doesn't work like that. I trust my husband end of story. He can invite whoever he likes to the house and I know he will not have sex with them whether I am there, or whether I am not there. Why do I know this? Because he has engaged in a monogomous relationship not because he was co-erced, or forced but because he chose it, he likes it, and he wants it to continue. I feel the same way. This means that when we have friends, they are friends and not potential lovers that we just haven't yet had sex with because the circumstance hasn't arisen.

[Alex+R 0]

Steven, you have to admit that you're a fairly jealous guy. I think if you are not afflicted with jealousy, you won't care who they invite over.

[eekee 182]

Still not getting it. Why wouldn't someone invite a friend to their home? That's just the same as saying, I can be trusted in some situations but not in others. To me, trust simply doesn't work like that. I trust my husband end of story. He can invite whoever he likes to the house and I know he will not have sex with them whether I am there, or whether I am not there. Why do I know this? Because he has engaged in a monogomous relationship not because he was co-erced, or forced but because he chose it, he likes it, and he wants it to continue. I feel the same way. This means that when we have friends, they are friends and not potential lovers that we just haven't yet had sex with because the circumstance hasn't arisen.

i've slept over at guy friends' houses before (in the living room, of course) because no one was sober enough to drive me home. i am sure that my SO would prefer that i do that rather than risk walking home alone in the dark at night or having someone who is drunk drive me. it's not a problem at all.

[msu17 0]

It depends on the context, but in most cases its flirting with disaster IMO. Especially if its a "new" friend.

I would imagine people who met their SO online are especially sensitive to this. There are always variables of course. But I dont think I would approve, does this make me jealous? yep. I know my husband would strongly disapprove of me engaging in chats with some new random dude.

I totally agree with this. I have no problem with my husband making friends through work or sports or online groups. HOWEVER if he went out searching for women to make friends with or would rather spend time online chatting with his "friend" rather than talking with me, I'd have some issues with it. We have both talked about where our limits are and ok with what makes the other uncomfortable. I dont ever what him to be controlling of my behavior but I also don't expect him to be 100% comfortable with new men who he doesn't know. I guess each couple has their limits and they need to discuss these with each and come to some sort of agreement regarding it other BEFORE marriage.

[Teacher Mark 53]

If it were me chatting with a memeber of the oppsoste sex would be an automatic divorce. I've seen this turn from innocent chatting to divorce several times with family and friends. Want a friend? Get a dog.

seriously?????????????????????????? shouldn't you trust your spouse to have FRIENDS?

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

I was gonna go with control, but borderline abusive seems more appropriate. Wow, I'll bet your wife feels great knowing you own everything, and ahs no right to use her time as she wishes.

Are you afraid your wife might meet someone less controlling out there and the prospect might end up being enticing?

Spoken like a true lib!

[Peikko 1,575]

It doesn't depend on context, it depends on whether you have trust, or you have a distorted version of trust. Trust isn't conditional.

[Ban Hammer 13,364]

i think it's not only about context but also if the partner is secretive about the chats. like if you can't read them while they are typing away, or if they close the window when you walk in....

Edited March 10, 2008 by charlesandnessa

[Alex+R 0]

If it were me chatting with a memeber of the oppsoste sex would be an automatic divorce. I've seen this turn from innocent chatting to divorce several times with family and friends. Want a friend? Get a dog.

seriously?????????????????????????? shouldn't you trust your spouse to have FRIENDS?

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

I was gonna go with control, but borderline abusive seems more appropriate. Wow, I'll bet your wife feels great knowing you own everything, and ahs no right to use her time as she wishes.

Are you afraid your wife might meet someone less controlling out there and the prospect might end up being enticing?

Spoken like a true lib!

How does that have anything to do with politics? Or is that just all you've got?

It doesn't depend on context, it depends on whether you have trust, or you have a distorted version of trust. Trust isn't conditional.

But I agree with Charles that if you feel you have a reason to be hiding what you say from your spouse, then you might have a problem.

[Peikko 1,575]

If you are hiding what you are doing, you are not worthy of the trust that your spouse places in you. That isn't the problem of what trust is, that's the problem of how to live up to the ideal of trust. Being secretive is not the behaviour of someone who is participating in a trusting relationship.

[Teacher Mark 53]

If it were me chatting with a memeber of the oppsoste sex would be an automatic divorce. I've seen this turn from innocent chatting to divorce several times with family and friends. Want a friend? Get a dog.

seriously?????????????????????????? shouldn't you trust your spouse to have FRIENDS?

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

I was gonna go with control, but borderline abusive seems more appropriate. Wow, I'll bet your wife feels great knowing you own everything, and ahs no right to use her time as she wishes.

Are you afraid your wife might meet someone less controlling out there and the prospect might end up being enticing?

Spoken like a true lib!

How does that have anything to do with politics? Or is that just all you've got?

It doesn't depend on context, it depends on whether you have trust, or you have a distorted version of trust. Trust isn't conditional.

But I agree with Charles that if you feel you have a reason to be hiding what you say from your spouse, then you might have a problem.

Actually I have alot more than that, but it's a family site.