Is Chatting With A Member Of The Opposite Sex Cheating?

[Peikko 1,575]

If your wife agrees with you, this isn't an issue but I wouldn't like to be in that situation. It's called trust because you allow your patner the freedom to make the choices while knowing that they will always make the choice that is best for the relationship. It seems you are saying that you don't think your wife would make the right choices given the freedom to make them herself. If you feel like that, how does your relationshi work? Surely you are on borrowed time because you can't control what she does when she is not at home so if you believe she is going to cheat, then sometime, she will no matter what you do. I don't get it.

[Alex+R 0]

If it were me chatting with a memeber of the oppsoste sex would be an automatic divorce. I've seen this turn from innocent chatting to divorce several times with family and friends. Want a friend? Get a dog.

seriously?????????????????????????? shouldn't you trust your spouse to have FRIENDS?

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

I was gonna go with control, but borderline abusive seems more appropriate. Wow, I'll bet your wife feels great knowing you own everything, and ahs no right to use her time as she wishes.

Are you afraid your wife might meet someone less controlling out there and the prospect might end up being enticing?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Depends on the context. If its a new cyber friend, then it can't be going in the right direction. If it's a preexisting friend that stays in touch via the internet, then perhaps there's nothing wrong with this. But as soon as any type of flirting begins, its emotional cheating. At least, in my book. I don't think Sasha or I would tollerate this behavior. And neither one of us needs a new cyber friend.

I might have said this before I started hanging out on some forums and talking to new people. Sometimes it has led to PM's, IM's, e-mails, phone calls, and on several occassions, face to face meetings.

The key I think is to keep it plantonic. And, I agree with what someone said about keeping it out in the open. I think things you have to intentionally hide from your spouse is where the problems develop.

Well said. Context is everything. Simply seeking out friendship with total strangers would be odd in person or over the internet, but becoming aquainted with people at the office or through forums is natural if it leads to ongoing friendships.

[Peikko 1,575]

Huh? Still don't get it How is seeking out friendships with total strangers odd or suspicious? I joined a meetup hiking group to get to know new people because I wasn't able to bring my friends to the US. I don't discriminate by gender, but by interests and compatibility on a friendship level. If my husband thought that was weird, we wouldn't be married.

Edited March 9, 2008 by Purple_Hibiscus

[Kathryn41 3,205]

My husband and I both have friends from before our marriage of both genders - as well as friends in common of both genders, both single and married. We have maintained these friendships after marriage with each other's full awareness. We have also picked up new friends through our own individual interests. Neither of us feel threatened by these friendships - we had to trust each other while we were apart waiting for the visa to process; we trust each other still while we are together. Both of us take our commitment to each other and to our relationship seriously. I would never tell him he is not allowed to talk with one of his female friends nor would I expect him to tell me I cannot talk with one of my male friends. Some of his female friends were uncertain about how our marriage would affect their friendship, but now they have discovered that I do not feel threatened by them, they don't feel that they have to 'compete' with me for his friendship, and accept our relationship graciously and completely. We have accepted each other's friends into our life together and we are both richer because of the experience. The issue is not about having friends or talking on line with someone of the opposite gender - it is behaving with integrity to yourself and to your partner in your dealings with other people , recognizing the commitment you have to each other and honouring who each of you are as an individual as well as a couple. If you don't have that degree of trust, how will you ever feel comfortable - the world at large never goes away no matter how much you try to 'control' it.

Edited March 9, 2008 by Kathryn41

[Caladan 19]

A lot depends on context. In any case, I see no reason to treat online interactions much differently from real-life ones. The same rules would apply: no cheating on your partner, no lying, and no controlling.

[Alex+R 0]

A lot depends on context. In any case, I see no reason to treat online interactions much differently from real-life ones. The same rules would apply: no cheating on your partner, no lying, and no controlling.

...unless you're into those kinds of things.

[eekee 182]

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

The incident that me and a friend were discussing had him catching his wife with a chat window open. The user name was in English and sexually suggestive. She claimed she didn't know it was suggestive and that is probably true, BUT with a user name like this he only had one thing on his mind. They were chatting in another language that the man did not speak. He then had her open her account and it was loaded with chat partners. She claimed that she had not talked to any of them since she met him, but was caught red handed talikng to one. I'm sorry, she would have to go.

If my guy had that attitude, I would dump him before he could dump me. If you don't trust em, don't marry them. Does it matter who pays for the computer or the internet? You're MARRIED.

Most of my close friends are guys, and I'll go out with them to bars/dinner etc. one-on-one and my guy trusts me completely and knows that they are all my platonic friends. It's the same for me with my guy and his female friends. like someone said before, if someone wants to cheat, they'll find a way--but hopefully you should be able to actually TRUST your partner.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Divorce rates are high in America. I wonder why.

[Peikko 1,575]

Not enough control by the husbands?

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I understand what you are saying, Jason. That's why I said, I may not care for it and italicized the word true. It is 100% inappropriate in the way you described, but I can't consider it cheating in the real sense of the word. Its like I never got into the religious belief that the thought is as bad as the deed. Unless you physically perform the act, you have not done it, IMHO.

I don't consider anything that does not have a physical connection true cheating. I may not care for it, but it is not cheating. The line gets drawn if you go out and meet the person in the flesh and then continue this activity.

Yeah, but what if you discovered that there was flirting and sexual interest being displayed in these chats? Just because its not actually physical, does it make it ok?

*note...Jeff I know this wouldn't happen, but you know what I mean.

[sereia 0]

my husband would have a fit if i were chatting with a man i hadn't already known long before i met him. frankly he also doesn't like that i talk to my male friends at all! but thats another story.

[Niels Bohr 72]

My wife would tell me that she's talking to a male friend. I think nothing of it. She let me know, and I let her talk. I don't stop her. I didn't even have to ask who's she talking too. She always tell me without me asking. Sometimes I'm interested in who her friends are because if it's her friends, they're my friends too.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Depends purely and solely on the intention of the chatter, and since they haven't invented a machine to see a person's feelings or intentions, communication and trust is requiered . If I'd felt uncomfortable with anything, I'd let my husband know and let him explain the situation. You have to be honest and trust your spouse

Saludos,

Caro

[Peikko 1,575]

If it were me chatting with a memeber of the oppsoste sex would be an automatic divorce. I've seen this turn from innocent chatting to divorce several times with family and friends. Want a friend? Get a dog.

seriously?????????????????????????? shouldn't you trust your spouse to have FRIENDS?

I encorage her to have friends. I draw the line at chatting with other men though (relatives excluded). Call it control or what you will but I have would have a problem with her chatting with another man on a computer that I bought, over the Internet that I pay for, on the time that she has free because I support her.

The incident that me and a friend were discussing had him catching his wife with a chat window open. The user name was in English and sexually suggestive. She claimed she didn't know it was suggestive and that is probably true, BUT with a user name like this he only had one thing on his mind. They were chatting in another language that the man did not speak. He then had her open her account and it was loaded with chat partners. She claimed that she had not talked to any of them since she met him, but was caught red handed talikng to one. I'm sorry, she would have to go.

I am interested, how would this husband have prevented his wife from cheating simply by restricting what she does on the internet? The wife was disatisfied in the marriage, for some reason and was intent on being unfaithful at some level. She would have found an outlet to satisfy this discontent or she would have become her husband's prisoner. Not the basis for a satisfactory relationship.