She Dumped Me!!

[russ 1]

just give her the damn ring now. I will move on.

Was this really just about a ring? Perhaps you should talk to her again, we are just speculating here. A ring can be a big deal - my wife loves hers...

[russ 1]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

[eekee 182]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

i met my guy at a bar in russia.

anyway i don't think jeffrey is saying there's something wrong with meeting someone in a bar, just that it's more convenient to meet someone in a local bar who is already a USC and skip this whole long-distance visa journey... but convenience isn't the most important thing.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

You rephrased my thoughts quite well there Eekee!. There is nothing wrong with looking for love anywhere. Not every person on an internet site is a scammer anymore than everyone in a bar is looking for a one night stand. I looked local and internationally, it wasn't until I found Alla that I found the kind of love I had been seeking. It was, and still is, worth all the effort and inconvenience to have her.

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

i met my guy at a bar in russia.

anyway i don't think jeffrey is saying there's something wrong with meeting someone in a bar, just that it's more convenient to meet someone in a local bar who is already a USC and skip this whole long-distance visa journey... but convenience isn't the most important thing.

[mox 298]

You rephrased my thoughts quite well there Eekee!. There is nothing wrong with looking for love anywhere. Not every person on an internet site is a scammer anymore than everyone in a bar is looking for a one night stand. I looked local and internationally, it wasn't until I found Alla that I found the kind of love I had been seeking. It was, and still is, worth all the effort and inconvenience to have her.

Agreed. For me, spending a year in Russia just aint gonna happen. I simply can't be away from my kids that long. It would also be very difficult to re-start my career when I came back. Plus my objective was never to find a "Russian Bride." That part just sorta happened. In fact, my online conversations with my girl started out as just me thinking what a hoot it was that I was talking with some dude pretending to be a Russian woman, and it was gonna be really fun to mess with him when he started shaking me down for money.

I remember when people thought it was cheesy to put your email address on your business card. Made you look amateur, like a college kid. Now you'd be hard pressed to find a card without one. The internet is becoming more and more a part of our social lives, and while the whole online dating thing might carry a stigma now, it's becoming more and more acceptable. The international dating scene won't be far behind. I'd say 10 years from now most people won't blink an eye when you say you met your Russian wife on the internet. It'll be that common. And the tipping point will be when you see an international style "Match.com." Once some entrepreneur steps in with the kind of money to build the respectability of a big operation, it'll be a whole 'nuther ballgame. (And I have no idea how respectable Match.com are, but they project a respectable image, as opposed to the sleezy operations you can see on late night TV.)

[kd4uvc 0]

Here's the skinny. She was embarassed and harassed by the biddies at her Woman's Day Party. It was about her being embarassed. We talked a long time, just getting off the phone. No, I did not agree to send her a ring. If we stay together, she will not get a ring until she is here. We have much damage to overcome. They, the biddies, have convinced her that I will bring her here and dump her on the streets. Now, why would I spend so much money and just do that? It does not make sense. If our talk gets more positive, I will ask some of the women from Russia to email and write her. Maybe we can get it set up where they can converse by voice on the computer. She is a very confused woman now. The biddies have done major damage to her and me. Most of them are divorced and giving advice on marriage. Go figure. It was shocking that I would talk a few minutes, then tell her what happened, talk some more and tell her another thing which happened at the party. You could tell I was hitting the nail and driving fully on the first swing. I know you think I should dump her. I still see good in her. I knew since the start that she is easily pursuaded. Especially in the wrong direction. I have always chosen well in friendship. I still believe this could be good.

I know this, no more Woman's Day parties for her. No biddie parties for her either. Before you criticize me for not giving up, what would you do if you had to fight for your loved one? What is enough? We each have our own standards. I still have no guarantee. But I do not give up because I still think she is worth fighting for.

[mox 298]

I know this, no more Woman's Day parties for her. No biddie parties for her either.

And this is a decision you're allowed to make...how?

Before you criticize me for not giving up, what would you do if you had to fight for your loved one? What is enough? We each have our own standards. I still have no guarantee. But I do not give up because I still think she is worth fighting for.

If I were in your fight, I'd throw in the towel.

But if you're bound and determined to try to work this out, the first thing you need to do is get on an airplane and go see her in her home city. You're not going to get this worked out long distance. If, as you say, your work won't let you take the time off, then you either need to quit your job (if she really is the love of your life) or move on with a more typical relationship.

Best of luck to you.

[kd4uvc 0]

I'll quit my job if you will support me. No one else will hire me because I am a diabetic and am handicapped. War wound. As far as me going there, it will make no difference. What she needed to know that I am telling the truth and they were lying, she has already seen. I just had to remind her. They told her I would abandon her. They harassed her to the point of almost brainwashing. The truth will work or we do not work. I have proven to her time and time again what lengths I'd go to help family.

[garya505 2]

Charlie Brown doing what it does best loool.

Speaking of Charlie Brown, where HAS he been lately?

[kd4uvc 0]

Also, i know you don't know everything because I don't know everything. I am finding things out because I am finally getting her to open up. it is confusing somewhat to me but as time goes, I am finding out good information as to what went on there.

[mox 298]

Well good luck with that. I hope things work out for you.

Word of advice: if you're trying to patch up a relationship, not a good idea to "no more Woman's Day parties for her. No biddie parties for her either."

[brucelene 1]

Beata dumped me because her friends fed her a line of bull about me leaving her stranded or alone. She called our life together a dream which would not be a reality. She hurt me so much when she broke up with me. She had decided weeks ago but decided to wait until after she got her Woman's Day gift. I would have given her all I had. The worst thing she took from me was my heart.

Im very sorry to hear about you... I pity on you and not to your girl. You know if she really loves you,

she would never listen or follow her friends. There are some friends that ruins a good life, and there are friends that are really true. True friends dont advised things like that, to let your girl get discourage

on you. And if her daughter is in the critical condition, girls wont do that, coz we all know girls we need our man not only in money matters but someone their for us "the concerns". and she needs you. not to leave you. She was a kind of strange girl huh.

Advise to you, you can take it or leave it. Call her again, talk to her but dont beg coz you might making her head big and spoiling her. Express to her how you love her, that youre concerned about her daughter and her family. If nothing change, i may say, she doesnt really loves you but your money alone. Im sorry to say this, but this is widely common already. I have had known lots of girls doing this tricks/ deeds. So beware. Just pray always that she will be inlighten.

For you girls who read this, please also loved your husband as you loved yourself. Its not easy to make money out there.please, please. You'll might say im hypocrites, yess i really love my husband and i would also say i loved his money. There's a saying "LOVE and MONEY is present. they are combined together."

So you kd4uvc, take a move now. Dont waste your life. Life is too short.

God Bless you,

Arlene

[slim 1,525]

just give her the damn ring now. I will move on.

Was this really just about a ring? A ring can be a big deal

"One ring to rule them all....... "

("Dude, there was only one Trilogy, and it wasn't about a Return of the King, it was about a Return of the Jedi.")

The problem, it seemed, was that the women who are already over here have much different dating goals than the women who aren't over here.

Really?

For the OP........

It sounds like you're dealing with a Class II. (Class II is the "maybe we can get a better life" scenario type internet profile poster. They're not against finding love and international romance, but they're not all the way believing it either. In the mean time, they'll see what's out there and if it sounds good; house, Mercedes, etc., then they'll give it a whirl. She may or may not have been 100% serious from the start, but now that you've pressed the issue, "will you marry me?" it's decision time.)

There's potential, but it could go either way. She may not have been against it, but she probably wasn't all the way into it either. Now that you've upped the ante, so to speak, it's her turn to call.

My only advice here is time.

Let her decide what she wants to do. Don't press the issue too much. Let her think it over for a few days and get back to you. AND DO NOT SEND ANY MORE MONEY!!! But, let her know the money is there, if she needs it. But, only if she's serious. It's for your life together, not for her life there.

And if you really want to see what's going on, put her to "Slim's tried and true international love test." Tell her you're going to quit your job and move over there so you two can be together. Her response will tell you the truth. Base your next move on her answer. Go with your gut.

Good luck, and the more you share here, the better we can help you. Although we're all individual in this, there is a trend.

[mox 298]

The problem, it seemed, was that the women who are already over here have much different dating goals than the women who aren't over here.

Really?

According to the guy I talked with, yes.

And if you really want to see what's going on, put her to "Slim's tried and true international love test." Tell her you're going to quit your job and move over there so you two can be together. Her response will tell you the truth. Base your next move on her answer. Go with your gut.

All good advice, except this part. While it may actually provide some insight, it's game-playing. Game-playing doesn't belong in a serious relationship. (And what is he to do if she says "great, I'll prepare for your arrival?")

[slim 1,525]

According to the guy I talked with, yes.

Of course they're going to have different things they're looking for. Women here have "made it" to the U.S. already and their survival instincts and mate selections have also "made it" to U.S. standards. They're not looking for simply a nice guy that can take care of them; they can take care of themselves already, have been doing quite nicely for a while, thank you very much. Now, they're looking for the nice guy that can take care of them and who is RICH. And who isn't going to "pay" for them. They're not prostitutes, they're just looking for a nice man. A nice man with money, of course.

Family plays a little bit into that as well, but as far as the dating is concerned, a meet and greet here for $1000/head lacks all the initial reasons a meet and greet works in the first place. Lots of hot chicks on the cheap. Once the probability of "scoring" one is reduced, that $1000 seems like a lot to pay for what you could get for free at the local bar.

Now, a "free" meet and greet, that's going to work any day!

All good advice, except this part. While it may actually provide some insight, it's game-playing. Game-playing doesn't belong in a serious relationship. (And what is he to do if she says "great, I'll prepare for your arrival?")

Serious being the key word.

For the guy, it's more of a hypothetical question.... "So what if I was to just drop everything and move there? Would that work for you? That way we could be together!"

She'll either be delighted or kind of hesitant. Instant ID on where the seriousness is.

And as far as games not being a part of serious relationships.... how do they get started???