She Dumped Me!!

[eekee 182]

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

Edited March 9, 2008 by eekee

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

Well said. I agree 100%.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

I never thought about it the other way around. Russian man/American woman. I can see where it would take a little convincing. They dont have this same tradition. And I can understand why you wanted one.

[Bobalouie 0]

She is an attorney there but she has a slight confidence problem with English.

She makes $200 a month

the daughter, she is 19 and will be 20 by the interview?

My fiancee's daughter has leukemia.

I drive a Mercedes, 2006, Harley 2006, own my own home.

I am a diabetic and no one will hire me now

It took me 44 years to find the one which stole my heart.

I made a promise to her and to God. I cannot break that promise. I promised to be faithful to her, and I shall

I met her on a website. I don't even remember the name of it. We have been talking on the phone for the last 1 1/2 years. I went to St. Petersburg and paid for her flight to join me there. She will not come.

Okay here is what I have summarized so far:

She is an attorney making only $200 a month, in the capital of Siberia, Novosibirsk, kind of low considering Russia's inflation. Store clerks make that much these days. You are well off, 44 years old, yet unhireable. You sound religious and she has been through a hard life. She must be closer to your age because she has a daughter age 19. She is suffering from Lukemia, which is very expensive to treat without insurance here in the US, and she will age out of your insurance in a few years time. You met on a website, spoke on the phone for 1.5 years, yet never met in person?

Maybe the best thing to say to all this: all goods things must come to end. Considering all the communication issues, lack of trust and confidence, and all the possible baggage this lady would bring to your situation, perhaps it was all for the best.

The $200 per month is not that far off. My fiancee is a lawyer as well and works as a government lawyer who deals in the leagalization of real estate deals. Her bottom line salary is $100/month, and the most she can make is $400/month. Basically she is guaranteed the $100 but if she does all the work they ask her to do (which means she works 14 hour days seven days a week) she gets the $400. Most of the time she averages $275-$325 per month. So, I dont think he is that far off with how much she makes.

[mox 298]

Nobody, including myself, takes any glee in your situation. The directness in my post was the result of not only seeing yet another man taken in by a scam, but seeing yet another victim trying to justify her behavor in his own and other minds. I felt like you needed the verbal equivelant of a 2x2 to the head to pull you out of htat spiral. But you do have my sympathies, especially now that you're ready to accept the truth of your situation.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman that's out there there are 2 dishonest ones and about 5 men pretending to be women. It's a minefield. And because he's not allowed to mention it for some stupid forum rules, I'll just say that if you're interested in a good Russian dating website, pm Kazan' Tiger. I'm sorry, I don't have the direct link to his website handy. Maybe someone else will post it. (Having said that, I'm not callous enough to think that you should just get over her right now and jump back into the international dating sea. I know it's gonna take some time to move on.)

Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you'll stick around and let the water under the bridge float on by. There's a lot of experience and know-how in this group who could help you along when you decide to jump back up in the saddle again.

[eekee 182]

Nobody, including myself, takes any glee in your situation. The directness in my post was the result of not only seeing yet another man taken in by a scam, but seeing yet another victim trying to justify her behavor in his own and other minds. I felt like you needed the verbal equivelant of a 2x2 to the head to pull you out of htat spiral. But you do have my sympathies, especially now that you're ready to accept the truth of your situation.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman that's out there there are 2 dishonest ones and about 5 men pretending to be women. It's a minefield. And because he's not allowed to mention it for some stupid forum rules, I'll just say that if you're interested in a good Russian dating website, pm Kazan' Tiger. I'm sorry, I don't have the direct link to his website handy. Maybe someone else will post it. (Having said that, I'm not callous enough to think that you should just get over her right now and jump back into the international dating sea. I know it's gonna take some time to move on.)

Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you'll stick around and let the water under the bridge float on by. There's a lot of experience and know-how in this group who could help you along when you decide to jump back up in the saddle again.

i think it's also worth noting that you can be scammed whether you meet in russia or over the internet. sure, it's harder to fake feelings in real life, but a good actor/con artist could do it easily.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

Well said. I agree 100%.

Woops! I should clarify. I'm not against meeting online. Its not for me, but I wouldnt say its all bad. But the rest of this post I do agree with 100%.

[russ 1]

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

[mox 298]

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

There was an agency about 6 months ago that was setting up a meet-and-greet in San Francisco for single Russian women already in the US. They were charging $1000 a head for the men, and they were doing all expenses paid for the women. I thought it was an interesting concept, and $1000/head would be pretty cheap when compared to the expense of going over there to meet. I struck up a conversation with one of the organizers (I'd already met Nadya so had no interest in the function, but I was curious to see how they saw the immigration part going), and he later wrote to me that it was a complete disaster and they were now out of business. The problem, it seemed, was that the women who are already over here have much different dating goals than the women who aren't over here.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone. I was on a hunt for a life partner, a future wife. I was happy to explore many avenues, included websites, to accomplish that task. There is nothing wrong with using a reputable site.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

[visaveteran1 33]

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

There was an agency about 6 months ago that was setting up a meet-and-greet in San Francisco for single Russian women already in the US. They were charging $1000 a head for the men, and they were doing all expenses paid for the women. I thought it was an interesting concept, and $1000/head would be pretty cheap when compared to the expense of going over there to meet. I struck up a conversation with one of the organizers (I'd already met Nadya so had no interest in the function, but I was curious to see how they saw the immigration part going), and he later wrote to me that it was a complete disaster and they were now out of business. The problem, it seemed, was that the women who are already over here have much different dating goals than the women who aren't over here.

In the DC area there's a online outfit called Encounters International. A Russian woman named Natasha (now a US citizen I think) runs it and it's quite unique. She has women from Russia, Ukraine and the USA. Locally, they have monthly "meet and greet" socials so American men can mingle with Russian ladies. The socials are free to members and men thinking about joining can attend a couple socials for a small fee. It's pricey to join but you're in for life and she has a one-year marriage guarantee IF you follow her instructions. One distinct thing about Encounters is Natasha keeps and posts statistics on engagements, marriages and children born from her matches...her company has been the subject of many articles including Washingtonian Magazine and The Washington Post.

Personally, I'd be concerned about the Americanization factor and also I think some of these women probably divorced their first American husband...not exactly reassuring.

[kd4uvc 0]

I have plenty of time to heal. The last time between girl friends was two years. I was honest enough to end that one, American, because even though I liked her, I did not love her and it was not fair to her. I keep no secrets and expect the same. I am honest when I make a mistake and will admit to it and come up with a solution when I can, I expect the same. I will talk and try to work out any problem, and expect the same. It wasn't religion which kept most of my father's and grandfather's generation together for over 50 years of marriage, it was respect. I was taught that well.

She and her friends have come up with something which cost us the relationship. She doesn't expect me to give up, just give her the damn ring now. I will move on. Novosibirsk's Desperate Divorced Housewives Club came up with another brainchild, but they still wonder why they stay divorced. Go figure.

[eekee 182]

I have plenty of time to heal. The last time between girl friends was two years. I was honest enough to end that one, American, because even though I liked her, I did not love her and it was not fair to her. I keep no secrets and expect the same. I am honest when I make a mistake and will admit to it and come up with a solution when I can, I expect the same. I will talk and try to work out any problem, and expect the same. It wasn't religion which kept most of my father's and grandfather's generation together for over 50 years of marriage, it was respect. I was taught that well.

She and her friends have come up with something which cost us the relationship. She doesn't expect me to give up, just give her the damn ring now. I will move on. Novosibirsk's Desperate Divorced Housewives Club came up with another brainchild, but they still wonder why they stay divorced. Go figure.

That's the right attitude to have I think. usually when something doesn't work out, it's for a good reason.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Something just does not add up. Joined Feb 28, filed N/A,...

If this situation is real, I am sorry for you - I really am.

If it's not.... well...

[mox 298]

She and her friends have come up with something which cost us the relationship. She doesn't expect me to give up, just give her the damn ring now. I will move on. Novosibirsk's Desperate Divorced Housewives Club came up with another brainchild, but they still wonder why they stay divorced. Go figure.

Good for you, I think that's a pretty healthy way of looking at it.

Best of luck to you.