Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 6)

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Honey; I'd have to agree with Jawi on the trust. Marcel would go out with his friends and be out until 6 or later. They usually leave the club and go to a street dance. I NEVER had any issues with it and he never and still does not have any issues with me hanghing with my girls. In November while we were at Pier One this girl from England tried to push her big behind on him...he'd move and she'd move. His friends and I were watching and cracking up, so you know what I had to do...walk over there and show her who had the biggest BAXIDE. We didn't see her for the rest of the night. He says women alway try him... Like my husband say, you have to know what you want when you start a relationship. For someone as young as he is, the things that come out of his mouth just make me say wow...this is why I love this man. He has values when it comes to love, life, family and friends and that's why I love him so much. He also reminds me of my father. My dad didn't have much growing up, but managed to make it on his own and did very well. My father said if he had to walk from one end of othe world to the other end to make sure his family was saf, healthy and happy...he would do it.

Jawi -- you not joking about the men in ATL...OMG...girl don't get me started. If my cell phone was able to take pictures or record videos back in the day. I've also learned that I'm not going to just settle for the best in a man...I want a make who can not only rock my world, but give me something to appreciate at the end of the day.

Women will always say that we won't let a man stress us...that we will not put up with it...and we don't have a problem walking away. Then, we discuss it with our man...draw our lines in the sand...I will not tolerate "this...ray tay tay". Well, our man forgets the line in the sand...or he doesn't care because he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. What do we do? Argue...cry...nag...then draw another "shaky" line in the sand a little further away from the first.

That being said...Honeychild, I'm not picking on you...you are just convenient because your discontent is more recent (love you babes). Have a real conversation with D...no jokes...no trying to soften the blow or prove that you are "a cool and understanding girlfriend". Let him know what are breaking points for you...what will make you uncomfortable trusting him. Only you know what you can and can't tolerate. You guys need to discuss what happens when he violates that trust. You can still be the mad cool girlfriend/fiancee, and stand your ground on agreed upon boundaries. If you don't want him to come in at 4 in the morning...tell him just that.

Unfortunately, you can't do that by "joking through the issues"...I don't you are really resolving them because then you post here afterwards that you are still pissed...PMS'ng...etc.

A once told me (actually a lot of guy friends have) that I think like a man about relationships. Well, A and I had the discussion about infidelity. He tried that mess about men being men and getting weak...and sometimes thinking they "need to explore new territory". I said very calmly "I totally understand human nature...being attracted to someone outside of the relationship. However, if you decide to explore new territory or old trodden down past territory in this relationship...remember I approach relationships JUST like a man." Nuff said.

Jomo and I had a discussion a while back about this topic. Any type of infidelity is a breaking point for her.

For me...it may be/ it may not...depends entirely on the situation. I have never been one of those women that got jealous over a man going out with his friends...or needing constant communication all day to assure me that I could trust him. I approach relationships with men and women the same...I will trust you completely until you show me otherwise that you can't be trusted. Yeah...I've been hurt and disappointed a lot this way...but it's just my nature. Now, it doesn't make me a fool or gullible...because I'm not going to be a fool for anyone. I will call a spade a spade all day everyday. Many have found themselves coming up short by taking my kindness for weakness.

What the hell am I talking about? Geez...rambling.

I totally agree, that is me as well. I trust you until you show me other wise. I always say, don't rock no boat you ain't willing to row.

Roxcie

[dancehallquana 5]

Good morning Ladies,

Hope everyone has a good day.

You know after experiencing JA, i have seen the parties and the dancing, and initially i would tell D, dont let none of them big booty gyals be whinin on ya, ok....LOL.. and he would just laugh and say OK, but then i realized i would drive myself nuts if i allowed myself to worry about that, and that being in a LDR requires TRUST, so i figure i have to trust him and let it go( though i dont necessarily have to like it).....

Now the killing thing is, is when i was on the phone being obnoxious with D, about the 4 oclock issue, i asked him how would you feel if i stayed out until 4 am, and he had the nerve to say... there is no place that you need to be until 4 in the morning ..

You are going to drive yourself insane IMHO Honey. If you don't trust him now...bringing him here is not going to change that. I personally feel that American women are waaaaaayyyy more ruthless in their pursuit to snag a man...your man...any man for that matter. Maybe it's not that bad in Michigan...but here in Atlanta? Atlanta women are ruthless! There is always some office drama at my job because some women are fighting over the few straight men working there. One of my employees had the nerve to tell me that if she didn't love me so much, she would be after A...even if she had to fly to Jamaica and find him. WTH!!?? I told her if she could get him that easily...then she just helped me find out he wasn't for me.

The men here know they have the power too. I have been approached with "Look I'm married. I won't lie and tell you that things are bad with my wife. But, I don't mind paying a few bills to keep you happy and satisfied too." I mean it's been a long time since I've actually dated an American man...so I'm like "Wow. Does that really work for you?"

I have a co-worker that was so tired of being alone that she married a "reformed" crackhead. She told me that he had been clean for 10 months that they dated...so she decided to marry him. They have been together now at total of 1 year (he supposedly cleaned up to win her heart...and if he doesn't check in 3-4 times during the day...she thinks he has gone to find a nice little crackhouse). I have another one that is anxiously waiting to START a new relationship with a man in prison. She even signed to have him released to her home and "custody" while on parole. ####! I can't deal with those types of odds.

Jamaica anyone? If I have to compete for those options...I will be called STELLA all day everyday. LOL

I totally agree w/ u on this Jawi, in fact that was my biggest fear b4 RG came to the US.. the women here would try to eat him alive, some of them have no qualms about doing it right in front of u too.. My friend went on a blind date along w/ us and a lady from the table RIGHT NEXT TO US had the waitress give the date her phone number!!! CAN U BELIEVE IT. and u know how some men are all cheesing and grinning cuz they got a lil attention..

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

dang you guys are all writing books this morning, ugh and i'm so trying to keep up but it seems like i always got to run out...

mrs scott - mr jengs said he soon go and tell everyone to kiss dem bloodclaat...it seem to be always something, and some of dem nuh realize they would be far better off if they kept their mouth shut, cause he'll say this week I'm going to send so and so money on friday and by weds they calling with a story...it's not like his kids are starving and he send dem money on a regular...the best was last week when somebody wanted $40.00 U.S for cab fare....

What's up sexy JENGS;

You've have got to be kidding me.

I've had requests of money for a car, a computer, and a plane ticket. Yeah, I can see you are dying without those things. I cuss like a sailor when the phone rings.

JG -- Marcel found my notebook with all the notes from everyone here and thing that I've highlighted and he's cracking up. He's like none of this is going to happen. So, far so good. Tomorrow will be one month since he's here and noone has asked for anything. His people them stopped calling about wanting him to come stay with them. When they found out he got married the AUNT went through the roof and was calling everyone from the U.S. to England. She told his family that he came all the way to New York and didn't have the decency to come see her and that she offered as well as his uncle to pay for a flight to come see them.

[Jengles 0]

HEY FAM!!

He is here and man I didn't think I would ever stop smilng. We didn't get all sloppy at the airport with the kiss. I think he couldn't believe the # of people. I haven't asked for all the POE details I will get back to you after I interview him on what happened. They did give him the bottom part of his I-94 back as they should. He was very quiet and just looking around on the way home from the airport but once he got in the house and got settled we were back to our normal talkative selves.

So we were just staring at each other , their were some tears of happiness shed. I made him some meatloaf and he really liked it. We had a glass of white zinfandel something he has never tried. He said he liked it but it's different from how their wine taste.

Only thing is he thinks the airconditioning in the house was too cold so I ended up cutting it off. Lawd what mi fi do without mi air. Other thing is my dog Mckenzie a Shi Tzu fell in love with him on first glance and now won't leave his side. He normally sleeps at the foot of the bed but last night he kept creeping up to sleep next to Dwayne. I keep having to move him and he was being stubborn and tried to make his body heavy so I couldn't lift him. We will see how this goes but I think his little but is gonna have to start sleeping in his own bed.

The ENTIRE evening was the bomb ! I am blessed beyond measure to have him home. When your SO comes home it will be pure magic

He is still asleep but I will send him ya'll good love and vibes.

Oh guess what the check engine light in my car came back on when going to pick him up. Now, we have to drop our plans to day to go back to repair shop. I'm major P O'd

Girl, STAY home FORGET THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT....it's proably your gas tank cover (make sure it's on tight)....get back in bed. I told you that would be the best feeling to have him home. My husband don't like the airconditioning either, but he'll get use to it Wakey. Give him a few weeks. I'm so happy for you.

You know you are right about getting back in the bed. The car will be fine! My man is HOME!!

On the topic of your man hanging out and going to clubs til wee hours of the morning. I honestly never felt upset Dwayne would tell me all about where they were going and then call during the party to tell me what he was doing and then on his way home. I never asked him to do this but he just did to let me know how I could trust him.

Honestly, my biggest issues I had was when I would call and he would be playing dominoes. I could hear him slapping them on the table and talking one or two word answers to me and it made me mad as hell. Then my sis had a heart to heart and was like so what him fi do while him past di time to see ya again. She reminded me that he doesn't get mad when I call him and tell him I'm hanging out with her or my girlfriends. His dominoes is the same thing him hanging out with friends. It made sense. If I were hanging out with friends my conversation with him would be shortened too.

Feel better Sus!

Alright I'm leaving now to get back inna di bed.

for me it was ludy....which i still haven't figured out what it is....and a male friend of mine said to me better he is doing dat than something else, from den on i just kept my mouth shut and dealt with the cussing in the background and the distracted answers i was getting....

[dancehallquana 5]

Good morning Ladies,

Hope everyone has a good day.

You know after experiencing JA, i have seen the parties and the dancing, and initially i would tell D, dont let none of them big booty gyals be whinin on ya, ok....LOL.. and he would just laugh and say OK, but then i realized i would drive myself nuts if i allowed myself to worry about that, and that being in a LDR requires TRUST, so i figure i have to trust him and let it go( though i dont necessarily have to like it).....

Now the killing thing is, is when i was on the phone being obnoxious with D, about the 4 oclock issue, i asked him how would you feel if i stayed out until 4 am, and he had the nerve to say... there is no place that you need to be until 4 in the morning ..

Bwoy, men do not even blink when they rattle off these double standards do they??? I know it is looked down on a woman to do this, but what is good for the goose is good for the gander and I nuh lie bout my runnings, LOVE ME or LEAVE ME BABY..

[Jengles 0]

dang you guys are all writing books this morning, ugh and i'm so trying to keep up but it seems like i always got to run out...

mrs scott - mr jengs said he soon go and tell everyone to kiss dem bloodclaat...it seem to be always something, and some of dem nuh realize they would be far better off if they kept their mouth shut, cause he'll say this week I'm going to send so and so money on friday and by weds they calling with a story...it's not like his kids are starving and he send dem money on a regular...the best was last week when somebody wanted $40.00 U.S for cab fare....

What's up sexy JENGS;

You've have got to be kidding me.

I wish...but now mr jengs is getting it and seeing how people stay....I won't go over it again about how some of these people need to work....

[*SunRay* 1]

dang you guys are all writing books this morning, ugh and i'm so trying to keep up but it seems like i always got to run out...

mrs scott - mr jengs said he soon go and tell everyone to kiss dem bloodclaat...it seem to be always something, and some of dem nuh realize they would be far better off if they kept their mouth shut, cause he'll say this week I'm going to send so and so money on friday and by weds they calling with a story...it's not like his kids are starving and he send dem money on a regular...the best was last week when somebody wanted $40.00 U.S for cab fare....

I'm with you Jengles. I can't seem to catch up either. lol

[dancehallquana 5]

Ladies:

Can everyone say a little prayer for Sus today as she goes to the hospital for minor surgery?

ya Sus - get well soon!

Tanya

Aww. I definately will,

C'mon back sus, well and ready fi chat s'more, mi miss seeing ya MEEZ typing on har computer dem!

[JaHoney 3]

I will keep sus in my prayers...LOL

[*JG* 2]

dang you guys are all writing books this morning, ugh and i'm so trying to keep up but it seems like i always got to run out...

mrs scott - mr jengs said he soon go and tell everyone to kiss dem bloodclaat...it seem to be always something, and some of dem nuh realize they would be far better off if they kept their mouth shut, cause he'll say this week I'm going to send so and so money on friday and by weds they calling with a story...it's not like his kids are starving and he send dem money on a regular...the best was last week when somebody wanted $40.00 U.S for cab fare....

What's up sexy JENGS;

You've have got to be kidding me.

I've had requests of money for a car, a computer, and a plane ticket. Yeah, I can see you are dying without those things. I cuss like a sailor when the phone rings.

JG -- Marcel found my notebook with all the notes from everyone here and thing that I've highlighted and he's cracking up. He's like none of this is going to happen. So, far so good. Tomorrow will be one month since he's here and noone has asked for anything. His people them stopped calling about wanting him to come stay with them. When they found out he got married the AUNT went through the roof and was calling everyone from the U.S. to England. She told his family that he came all the way to New York and didn't have the decency to come see her and that she offered as well as his uncle to pay for a flight to come see them.

Don't you just love family?

I hope you never do get any calls, Tre. I really hope that for everyone. It is the one issue that can break you if you let it. I've come to terms. It is what it is. Sometimes we give in. And, sometimes we tell them all to go to hell. I'll not feel a second of guilt for feeling like I do. I used to. But, I am way past that.

[JaHoney 3]

LMAO... Hope D's family dont come calling, cuz im a broke heffa.... my kids eat me out of house and home, nothing extra....sorry

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

HEY FAM!!

He is here and man I didn't think I would ever stop smilng. We didn't get all sloppy at the airport with the kiss. I think he couldn't believe the # of people. I haven't asked for all the POE details I will get back to you after I interview him on what happened. They did give him the bottom part of his I-94 back as they should. He was very quiet and just looking around on the way home from the airport but once he got in the house and got settled we were back to our normal talkative selves.

So we were just staring at each other , their were some tears of happiness shed. I made him some meatloaf and he really liked it. We had a glass of white zinfandel something he has never tried. He said he liked it but it's different from how their wine taste.

Only thing is he thinks the airconditioning in the house was too cold so I ended up cutting it off. Lawd what mi fi do without mi air. Other thing is my dog Mckenzie a Shi Tzu fell in love with him on first glance and now won't leave his side. He normally sleeps at the foot of the bed but last night he kept creeping up to sleep next to Dwayne. I keep having to move him and he was being stubborn and tried to make his body heavy so I couldn't lift him. We will see how this goes but I think his little but is gonna have to start sleeping in his own bed.

The ENTIRE evening was the bomb ! I am blessed beyond measure to have him home. When your SO comes home it will be pure magic

He is still asleep but I will send him ya'll good love and vibes.

Oh guess what the check engine light in my car came back on when going to pick him up. Now, we have to drop our plans to day to go back to repair shop. I'm major P O'd

Girl, STAY home FORGET THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT....it's proably your gas tank cover (make sure it's on tight)....get back in bed.

I told you that would be the best feeling to have him home. My husband don't like the airconditioning either, but he'll get use to it Wakey. Give him a few weeks. I'm so happy for you.

You know you are right about getting back in the bed. The car will be fine! My man is HOME!!

On the topic of your man hanging out and going to clubs til wee hours of the morning. I honestly never felt upset Dwayne would tell me all about where they were going and then call during the party to tell me what he was doing and then on his way home. I never asked him to do this but he just did to let me know how I could trust him.

Honestly, my biggest issues I had was when I would call and he would be playing dominoes. I could hear him slapping them on the table and talking one or two word answers to me and it made me mad as hell. Then my sis had a heart to heart and was like so what him fi do while him past di time to see ya again. She reminded me that he doesn't get mad when I call him and tell him I'm hanging out with her or my girlfriends. His dominoes is the same thing him hanging out with friends. It made sense. If I were hanging out with friends my conversation with him would be shortened too.

Feel better Sus!

Alright I'm leaving now to get back inna di bed.

for me it was ludy....which i still haven't figured out what it is....and a male friend of mine said to me better he is doing dat than something else, from den on i just kept my mouth shut and dealt with the cussing in the background and the distracted answers i was getting....

Wakey, enjoy your day, you cann't repeat this day. When it is over tonight, tomorrow will be recognize as the second day he is here, not the first. So enjoy your first day together in America.

Be Bless

Roxcie

Edited July 31, 2008 by RoxcieJoe

[dancehallquana 5]

Honey; I'd have to agree with Jawi on the trust. Marcel would go out with his friends and be out until 6 or later. They usually leave the club and go to a street dance. I NEVER had any issues with it and he never and still does not have any issues with me hanghing with my girls. In November while we were at Pier One this girl from England tried to push her big behind on him...he'd move and she'd move. His friends and I were watching and cracking up, so you know what I had to do...walk over there and show her who had the biggest BAXIDE. We didn't see her for the rest of the night. He says women alway try him... Like my husband say, you have to know what you want when you start a relationship. For someone as young as he is, the things that come out of his mouth just make me say wow...this is why I love this man. He has values when it comes to love, life, family and friends and that's why I love him so much. He also reminds me of my father. My dad didn't have much growing up, but managed to make it on his own and did very well. My father said if he had to walk from one end of othe world to the other end to make sure his family was saf, healthy and happy...he would do it.

Jawi -- you not joking about the men in ATL...OMG...girl don't get me started. If my cell phone was able to take pictures or record videos back in the day. I've also learned that I'm not going to just settle for the best in a man...I want a make who can not only rock my world, but give me something to appreciate at the end of the day.

Women will always say that we won't let a man stress us...that we will not put up with it...and we don't have a problem walking away. Then, we discuss it with our man...draw our lines in the sand...I will not tolerate "this...ray tay tay". Well, our man forgets the line in the sand...or he doesn't care because he is going to do what he wants to do anyway. What do we do? Argue...cry...nag...then draw another "shaky" line in the sand a little further away from the first.

That being said...Honeychild, I'm not picking on you...you are just convenient because your discontent is more recent (love you babes). Have a real conversation with D...no jokes...no trying to soften the blow or prove that you are "a cool and understanding girlfriend". Let him know what are breaking points for you...what will make you uncomfortable trusting him. Only you know what you can and can't tolerate. You guys need to discuss what happens when he violates that trust. You can still be the mad cool girlfriend/fiancee, and stand your ground on agreed upon boundaries. If you don't want him to come in at 4 in the morning...tell him just that.

Unfortunately, you can't do that by "joking through the issues"...I don't you are really resolving them because then you post here afterwards that you are still pissed...PMS'ng...etc.

A once told me (actually a lot of guy friends have) that I think like a man about relationships. Well, A and I had the discussion about infidelity. He tried that mess about men being men and getting weak...and sometimes thinking they "need to explore new territory". I said very calmly "I totally understand human nature...being attracted to someone outside of the relationship. However, if you decide to explore new territory or old trodden down past territory in this relationship...remember I approach relationships JUST like a man." Nuff said.

Jomo and I had a discussion a while back about this topic. Any type of infidelity is a breaking point for her. For me...it may be/ it may not...depends entirely on the situation. I have never been one of those women that got jealous over a man going out with his friends...or needing constant communication all day to assure me that I could trust him. I approach relationships with men and women the same...I will trust you completely until you show me otherwise that you can't be trusted. Yeah...I've been hurt and disappointed a lot this way...but it's just my nature. Now, it doesn't make me a fool or gullible...because I'm not going to be a fool for anyone. I will call a spade a spade all day everyday. Many have found themselves coming up short by taking my kindness for weakness.

What the hell am I talking about? Geez...rambling.

once again.. i know this is a moot issue by now, but I mus give my 2 cents HA

If u are in anyway vexed by the 4am issue and he is not willing to budge, then u should def THINK..

I spent 7 yrs wanting certain things outta my man and not getting them and just accepting it. Lieing to myself everyday that it "wasn't that big of a deal" that he was such a good man in other areas that I should learn to get along. That ish ate away at me and I had to come to a realization, there is compromise and there is totally killing oneself to make the relationship work.

Its nothing wrong with having expectations and ideals. Believe me, I am not a hypocrite either. It goes both ways. I tell any man that I do stay out late when I go out, I am not a good cook but I will try (sometimes) and I am as absent minded as heck at times, so if u can't handle it, dont fool urself into thinking that u can just cuz u are in love w/ me, it will only hurt us both in the end.

[dancehallquana 5]

HEY FAM!!

He is here and man I didn't think I would ever stop smilng. We didn't get all sloppy at the airport with the kiss. I think he couldn't believe the # of people. I haven't asked for all the POE details I will get back to you after I interview him on what happened. They did give him the bottom part of his I-94 back as they should. He was very quiet and just looking around on the way home from the airport but once he got in the house and got settled we were back to our normal talkative selves.

So we were just staring at each other , their were some tears of happiness shed. I made him some meatloaf and he really liked it. We had a glass of white zinfandel something he has never tried. He said he liked it but it's different from how their wine taste.

Only thing is he thinks the airconditioning in the house was too cold so I ended up cutting it off. Lawd what mi fi do without mi air. Other thing is my dog Mckenzie a Shi Tzu fell in love with him on first glance and now won't leave his side. He normally sleeps at the foot of the bed but last night he kept creeping up to sleep next to Dwayne. I keep having to move him and he was being stubborn and tried to make his body heavy so I couldn't lift him. We will see how this goes but I think his little but is gonna have to start sleeping in his own bed.

The ENTIRE evening was the bomb ! I am blessed beyond measure to have him home. When your SO comes home it will be pure magic

He is still asleep but I will send him ya'll good love and vibes.

Oh guess what the check engine light in my car came back on when going to pick him up. Now, we have to drop our plans to day to go back to repair shop. I'm major P O'd

Girl, STAY home FORGET THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT....it's proably your gas tank cover (make sure it's on tight)....get back in bed. I told you that would be the best feeling to have him home. My husband don't like the airconditioning either, but he'll get use to it Wakey. Give him a few weeks. I'm so happy for you.

You know you are right about getting back in the bed. The car will be fine! My man is HOME!!

On the topic of your man hanging out and going to clubs til wee hours of the morning. I honestly never felt upset Dwayne would tell me all about where they were going and then call during the party to tell me what he was doing and then on his way home. I never asked him to do this but he just did to let me know how I could trust him.

Honestly, my biggest issues I had was when I would call and he would be playing dominoes. I could hear him slapping them on the table and talking one or two word answers to me and it made me mad as hell. Then my sis had a heart to heart and was like so what him fi do while him past di time to see ya again. She reminded me that he doesn't get mad when I call him and tell him I'm hanging out with her or my girlfriends. His dominoes is the same thing him hanging out with friends. It made sense. If I were hanging out with friends my conversation with him would be shortened too.

Feel better Sus!

Alright I'm leaving now to get back inna di bed.

for me it was ludy....which i still haven't figured out what it is....and a male friend of mine said to me better he is doing dat than something else, from den on i just kept my mouth shut and dealt with the cussing in the background and the distracted answers i was getting....

Isn't that the board game w/ the Jamaican flag on the board?? If so, I love to play, I tink cuz mi halways seem to win.. mi tell dem "its just beginners luck!!!" LOL

[JaHoney 3]

or new topic...

Okay, so as you guys im a social worker, and have been for some years now... i love my job( sometimes) and i feel like I make a difference in peoples lives...Mrs.P arent you a social worker as well??? ... but anyhoo, my job is never going to make me rich, and i will forever be under a microscope with the county, in regards to treatment outcomes, blah blah blah. My question, is i have seriously been considering returning to school to obtain a degree in a whole different field, im thinking something in the healthcare field, like an x ray tech or a therapeutic masseuse or something not requiring the viewing of body fluids. I am torn between going for a master's in social work, as right now im only a LBSW, with the hopes that with a masters i can find another job in the same field making more money, or trying something new???

What do you guys think, im just looking for opinions, im not really certain what i want to do, so i thought i would throw it out to my VJ sistren and see how they would weigh it??