Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 6)

[tnw 0]

((((((((( OFF TOPIC ))))))))))

The place on Duke street told Dave his police report would be "ready" on 3/28 cause back then we paid for the 21 day services cause we had no idea the interview would come up so soon.....Can he get it before then?

Just curious for those who've done it already?

Sorry I don't know the answer to your question. Somehow, Damien got his one day. One of his friends knew someone who worked there...can't remember. It was a blessing.

Yeah...I remember u telling me about that. We coulda done that but at that point, didn't seem urgent. LOL

Dave says he can go get on that day but he was hoping he might just pick it up when he's there for the medical on the 18th. Oh well, guess we should feel lucky we're still getting it before the interview. I'm sure it could be worse.....

[Shemmy 4]

I meant to say the same day.

Good night ladies. We don't have anything planned...sounds like a Blockbuster weekend.

[tnw 0]

I meant to say the same day.

Good night ladies. We don't have anything planned...sounds like a Blockbuster weekend.

See ya Shemonya......have fun at Blockbuster

[Shemmy 4]

((((((((( OFF TOPIC ))))))))))

The place on Duke street told Dave his police report would be "ready" on 3/28 cause back then we paid for the 21 day services cause we had no idea the interview would come up so soon.....Can he get it before then?

Just curious for those who've done it already?

Sorry I don't know the answer to your question. Somehow, Damien got his one day. One of his friends knew someone who worked there...can't remember. It was a blessing.

Yeah...I remember u telling me about that. We coulda done that but at that point, didn't seem urgent. LOL

Dave says he can go get on that day but he was hoping he might just pick it up when he's there for the medical on the 18th. Oh well, guess we should feel lucky we're still getting it before the interview. I'm sure it could be worse.....

They have express service which is 3-4 days, I think.

[Shemmy 4]

I meant to say the same day.

Good night ladies. We don't have anything planned...sounds like a Blockbuster weekend.

See ya Shemonya......have fun at Blockbuster

Oh #######...the Wizards game just went to overtime. Damien thinks I'm watching the game with him

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

Yaardies!! Any of you going to the Carnival in NY Labor Day weekend? My friends and I (there will probably be 4-5 of us) are planning to come up from NC. It will be our first time in NY AND our first time at CARNIVAL! For those of you that have been or are in the area, where should we stay? We wanna do other stuff too while we're there...maybe catch a broadway show...we love to eat...We just need to plan ahead, because if we don't, we end up scrambling in the end, and everyone gets all razzled dazzled and exasperated!

COME TO D.C. CARNIVAL

You know, all the years I lived in PG County, and I never once attended Carnival in DC Was it last year's Carnival or the year before that when the crackhead lady plowed through all the people on the sidewalk? I have to check on the dates, and see if folx are available. I've been trying to get back that way for a visit since I moved to NC this past summer. Maybe this'll be the trip!!

It was was last year, but it wasn't at DC Carnival. It was other festival. I've been in several of the bands in the past, but not lately. I don't dare put on a 2-piece and PRANCE down Georgia Avenue...they might lock me up.

[clairern 0]

Claire......

Has he voiced any objections before? About moving to the US, I mean?

Do you think he had an argument or something with his father that could make him hesitant to move?

He could just be scared. It is a big step for anyone.

I think at the very least, you need to have some good sit down, heart to hearts with him to find out what the problem is.

I absolutely think you are in the most perfect situation. With those of us on K-1's & K-3's we are given little time to live together and make that smooth transition from living apart to marrying and being together almost all the time at first. Someone I know was saying she wished they gave us 4 months before the K-1 expired. I said 6 would be even better. The transition is just so sudden and difficult to work with.

Anyhow, I think you are the luckiest girl I have heard of in a long time. Yes, use the time to see how it all flows. That is a brilliant thing to do.

And, no, since his father is directly involved in this one, I think it was appropriate to discuss with him. I am almost thinking you should've said all that to Mike first though. I think I would definately discuss it before he finds out from his father.

JG, thank you for your openmindednes and great advice. I am happy that you have not voiced what I was thinking. That he might have someone there with him at nights why it's been difficult for him to talk to me.

Initially, when we talked about him coming and the progress of the visa petitoni, I got so excited, but he was like nonchalant and stated that he is not in a hurry to leave JA. He also said that he had a good job and lives in a good home and is among his family that he grew up with. The only good thing that he said was that he wanted to be with me and that makes hime want to move. He wanted to drag thing out a bit longer so maybe he is apprehensive about leaving, uprooting the life that he is used to,to try to adapt to a whole new country, lifestyle and living with a womna after not having done so in years.

Whenever I try to talk to him about the changes that are about to happen, he clams up. His step-mom suggested the same thing that you did. when he comes to Florida, I should come visit him and sit down and talk about the changes and how it is going to affect him and hoe it is making him feel.

Thank you also for saying I am fortunate to be in this situation, cause I feel the same. I want to take that time to get to know him at a closer distance before I make the big step to live with him.

Thank you once again, you smart woman you.

Claire

[clairern 0]

Well guys; I have been logged on all morning but have not been able to catch up with the goings on (I will later). Here is my issue----

Bear with me, this is gonna be long.....sigh

Mike and I were introduced back in March 8 2007 by my sis-in-law. I went to Ja to meet him in April and then again in October. After we met for the first time, it was an instant connection and we found that we had a lot in common in regards to what our expectations are in a relationship. We grew up a couple of miles apart from each other, we are the same age--he is older by 2 months. He is a Seventh-Day Adventist. I was born one. We were both married and are now divorced. We are both educated and have great conversations.

When I visited him, I did what anyone in a relationship would do, brought him gifts (it was around his birthday) and when I got back home and he lost his job after hurricaine Dean, I helped him out financially.

After I met him I found that he was everything I wanted in a life partner. I started to look into this VJ and found this site that offered a wealth of information. As we continued to get to know each other, I told him that I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives and he told me he wanted the same thing. When I mentioned to him about the ways we could go about achieving that in regards to the fiance visa, he told me that his father had filed a petition for him way back in 2000 and he has not heard anything about it. He went as far as to give me copies of his petition and his father's number and asked that I followup on it for him. That made me really happy because the process was already in place.

After I contacted his father and got his info I called USCIS got his NVC case number, I started to followup and was asked by him after explanation from me, to be his agent. Since then I have taken care of all correspondence to and from NVC and all fees have been paid by me.

I do not know if you all remember how stressed out I was earlier this year, about the DS-230 and police report? Well, we have finally gotten over the hurdle of having case complete.

Well, I called him last night to tell him the good news and he was all nonchalant and not too responsive to me. I asked him if everthing was alright and he said everthing was. I then said what was the matter then and he said "I want to go to sleep". I was very perturbed and pissed off because I find that very unusual a reaction for a situation like this.

Lately, as I stated in some post before, we have not been talking that much. He is hot and cold towards me. when I call him during the day at work, everything is alright and we have a graet conversation. When I call him at night (I try not to call him after 9:30pm--he goes to bed then) he is not too eager to talk to me and I find that disturbing.

I know what all has been said here on VJ and in the past few pages of posts--but I am here wondering what the heck is going on.

I called his father and step-mom last night and told them how I felt and told them that if and when he get the visa, I do not want him to come to my home. They should have him come to Florida and stay a while with them and I will see how things are and waht happens then. I want to wait to see if this behavior is just out of fraustration or what and will things change after he is here.

What do you all think about this and am I wrong in telling his father what I did?

Your thoughts and reaction to this would be really appreciated.

Sorry for the long post, I have no-one else to share things like this with and I am counting on my VJ sistas to give a listening ear and shoulder to lean on

Well, I feel like there could be several things going on here. I know he hasn't said anything yet...but is it possible that he could be going through some family issue or something at work? I know when my husband begins to feel really burdened with frustrations with his family or work, then he can be a bit ornery. And unfortunately, he doesn't let me know right away. I've learned to ask what is wrong, and he will say "everyting's alright", even though I know it's not. But I've learned that he will come to me in his own time, when he's able to talk about what's going on with him. I allow him to have his "man period" every now and then, because I know that I am not always the kindest or best to him when I'm having a hard time, and he gives me the time and space that I need when I need it. We've really gotten good at knowing "when to push and when not to push". If you have a gut instinct that something else may be going on, then by all means...GO WITH YOUR GUT!! I think it's good that he actually has somewhere else to go when he gets here instead of coming directly to your home, but my question is, how far are you from Florida? If/when he does come, do you think that you not allowing him to come to your home will create even more stress and tension? In the end though I think you should do what you feel is best for you and your relationship. And remember that it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I do believe that you should have this conversation with him though and let him know your intentions so there will be NO SURPRISES...and who knows...maybe that will open the door to conversation regarding the difficulties that you have been experiencing lately. Good luck. And I'm here for you!!

Thank you Mrs. Palmer. I sometimes think he is fraustrated and also scared. He got married to this women 10 years ago and she moved to Canada with all promises to file for him and till today, he is still in JA and divirced. I sometimes think he is apprehensive about starting life with someone new not knowing what to expect.

His father lives in Daytona Beach and I live in North Carolina. Couple hours by plane and as I have stated before, they have invited me to come and vist when he gets there so we can have a sit down, whether with him alone or with them in attendance.

[clairern 0]

I had an ex-BF in JA who would say that I WANT TO SLEEP NOW stuff. It was never good with him. He was just avoiding the issues.

Until you know what's going on in his head, Claire, you probably shouldn't speculate though. This LD thing makes you crazy with speculations.

True dat. Lots going on in my head, but I trust him and you know when the devile seems something good happening, he tends to cast doubts and speculations in our heads. I care for him deeply and respect the type of person that he is. Sometimes I think I am reading too much into things, because I am also scared about the big changes this new venture holds.

I own my home, have a good job and my kids ae grown and my last is in college. Basically alone in my life and live the way I want, how I want since 1998. Now here come a man to want to share that with me, that I have to to learn to live with and adjust my daily habits to. It is sooooo scary.

I am so happy that I have my VJ sistas to talk to. You all are the only ones who understand.

Much love

Claire

Claire......

Has he voiced any objections before? About moving to the US, I mean?

Do you think he had an argument or something with his father that could make him hesitant to move?

He could just be scared. It is a big step for anyone.

I think at the very least, you need to have some good sit down, heart to hearts with him to find out what the problem is.

I absolutely think you are in the most perfect situation. With those of us on K-1's & K-3's we are given little time to live together and make that smooth transition from living apart to marrying and being together almost all the time at first. Someone I know was saying she wished they gave us 4 months before the K-1 expired. I said 6 would be even better. The transition is just so sudden and difficult to work with.

Anyhow, I think you are the luckiest girl I have heard of in a long time. Yes, use the time to see how it all flows. That is a brilliant thing to do.

And, no, since his father is directly involved in this one, I think it was appropriate to discuss with him. I am almost thinking you should've said all that to Mike first though. I think I would definately discuss it before he finds out from his father.

True....sounds like he's either anxious or feeling stressed by the whole thing but I agree...Take the time to find out. Going to his dad's might be what u need to put a little distance there so you can see what he really wants and expects and what u want outta this too. I'm sure you wanted more of a reaction outta him based on all the Good News you were trying to give him etc. so hopefully.....It'll all work out for the best over time.

Thanks T

[clairern 0]

Hey Claire,

Well you've seen my post about Evan getting frustrated and how it was rubbing me the wrong way cause I didnt exactly get it. Well me and him spoke...thru text cause I said we should not talk for a few days. Anyway I'll update you all on that but he enlightened me to alot of stuff that he feels in this whole process and how it is very confusing to him and he's sometimes gets scared about the whole move.

So I think that maybe (not knowing to much about you and Mike) Mike could be coming to terms with leaving his home. i think many times during this journey we the USC or America Resident, don't quite put ourselves in our SO shoes. This can be extremely hard for some of them. For some the move is the best thing ever and they just cant wait to get to the US....for good and bad reasons. For others the thought of mving to a strange place where they know no one really and barely even know you (their SO) can be quote scarely and nerve racking making them not really show excitment about th whole move. If it was me and I was moving to a foreign country away from all the family and friends i ever knew i would be so scared. I think men have a hard time showing how vulnerable they are so sometimes it manifests itself in anger or frustration or non-chalantness, all the emotions that keep them holding their manhood intact. This to us as a woman makes no sense cause we are mush more open about showing these types of emotions to our SO.

Evan an I talked and he finally broke down and told me the real probelm, and its that he says everything in his life has changed since meeting me and know the future in which he imagined has to be shifted to a future in a place and surrounded by people he is not familiar with and sometimes that thoguht make him feel out of control of his life. Could Mike be having some issues like this? I mean essentially you are handling most of the visa work and you have VJ to read and get LOTS of info on this process...your SO doesn't so he is left in the dark not truly understanding what certain things like the police report can mean to the ending of this journey. Maybe the getting of the visa is also bittersweet. My husband has a countdown to when he will finally be with me permanently but he also has a countdown to when he will have to say goodbye to his grandmother, niece, brothers and sisters and it bothers him alot.

I think you should try to pull out the real issue Mike is having cause its apparent he is not telling you something. I wouldnt get to upset about it to the point of making him live with his parents if the 2 of you have a strong commitment to each other and already discussed him living with you. i think you should first start the communication with him before you make the reaction to the situation.

Lita, this is why I am addicted to VJ. The great advice and openmindedness that is offered.

Lita, he had expressed his hesitation to leave home but wanted to so we can be together. He has told me over and over again that he has totally committed himself to me and noone or nothing is going to change that.

The original plan was for him to go to his dad's first, cause he has not seen him and his little sisters in about 6 or so years. He says once he come to me, he is not going to want to leave my side. I am convinced that he loves me but some macho part of him is preventing him from expressing it. Sometimes I think he feels better when I don't call him for a couple of days. He has told me it is harder for him when I express my feelings to him, cause he is not here to hold me and stop the pain.

I am going to call him tomorrow and try to talk to him. He is not a phone person, he is more a writer and expresses himself more in his letters.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

*sigh* mi ketch up...by di way..ALL WHO WAAN COME CHECK MI BATTY IT NO FROWNZY AT ALL ..MI AFFI LAY DUNG BESIDE MI HUSBAND A NITE TIME SO NO SPACE FI STINKING FISH !!

Gilli ..we will talk !!!

Claire hunny was he always like that..(can't call after 9:30) ? if not then i wouldn't discount another woman we are all human..not saying that this is what he is doing but who are we fooling if we who had LD didn't think it...nUFF TIME MI ASK MY HUSBAND..and yes mi believe him...he cannot lie with iffing and buting..but if him ever tell mi something wah no mek so sense dats it....but all mi a seh is u can't be nieve...a man all over ! It's always nice to her "oh, he just this and that and all will be fine" but if wi suppose to be family why we can't be honet...most of the time

And Ton..he can go check if it's ready..cause since he paid for 21 days, just check or even call maybe they will want him to pay the dif or something

[Jengles 0]

Hey Claire,

Well you've seen my post about Evan getting frustrated and how it was rubbing me the wrong way cause I didnt exactly get it. Well me and him spoke...thru text cause I said we should not talk for a few days. Anyway I'll update you all on that but he enlightened me to alot of stuff that he feels in this whole process and how it is very confusing to him and he's sometimes gets scared about the whole move.

So I think that maybe (not knowing to much about you and Mike) Mike could be coming to terms with leaving his home. i think many times during this journey we the USC or America Resident, don't quite put ourselves in our SO shoes. This can be extremely hard for some of them. For some the move is the best thing ever and they just cant wait to get to the US....for good and bad reasons. For others the thought of mving to a strange place where they know no one really and barely even know you (their SO) can be quote scarely and nerve racking making them not really show excitment about th whole move. If it was me and I was moving to a foreign country away from all the family and friends i ever knew i would be so scared. I think men have a hard time showing how vulnerable they are so sometimes it manifests itself in anger or frustration or non-chalantness, all the emotions that keep them holding their manhood intact. This to us as a woman makes no sense cause we are mush more open about showing these types of emotions to our SO.

Evan an I talked and he finally broke down and told me the real probelm, and its that he says everything in his life has changed since meeting me and know the future in which he imagined has to be shifted to a future in a place and surrounded by people he is not familiar with and sometimes that thoguht make him feel out of control of his life. Could Mike be having some issues like this? I mean essentially you are handling most of the visa work and you have VJ to read and get LOTS of info on this process...your SO doesn't so he is left in the dark not truly understanding what certain things like the police report can mean to the ending of this journey. Maybe the getting of the visa is also bittersweet. My husband has a countdown to when he will finally be with me permanently but he also has a countdown to when he will have to say goodbye to his grandmother, niece, brothers and sisters and it bothers him alot.

I think you should try to pull out the real issue Mike is having cause its apparent he is not telling you something. I wouldnt get to upset about it to the point of making him live with his parents if the 2 of you have a strong commitment to each other and already discussed him living with you. i think you should first start the communication with him before you make the reaction to the situation.

Lita, this is why I am addicted to VJ. The great advice and openmindedness that is offered.

Lita, he had expressed his hesitation to leave home but wanted to so we can be together. He has told me over and over again that he has totally committed himself to me and noone or nothing is going to change that.

The original plan was for him to go to his dad's first, cause he has not seen him and his little sisters in about 6 or so years. He says once he come to me, he is not going to want to leave my side. I am convinced that he loves me but some macho part of him is preventing him from expressing it. Sometimes I think he feels better when I don't call him for a couple of days. He has told me it is harder for him when I express my feelings to him, cause he is not here to hold me and stop the pain.

I am going to call him tomorrow and try to talk to him. He is not a phone person, he is more a writer and expresses himself more in his letters.

aawww, he so sweet, at night he's probably wishing u were next to him..

[clairern 0]

hi guys do u think any of ur SOs would object to being a stay at home dad if need be if its cheaper than daycare? By the way what are infant daycare costs like and the times in which u can drop them off and pick them up.

I can't say this loud enough but YES, most jamaican men do not like to be at home, looking after pickney, even if it's theres. they want to work be out the house.

yup that was his response when i asked him. My thoughts were that it may be cheaper for him stay home. Its just a thought. Now if he gets paid like 11.75 im estimating at 40 hours a week that would give about 350 maybe? and that will only just cover daycare and we need a lot more than that im trying figure what cost i will cut to afford daycare and any other expenses right now i have no extra to cover that so i been praying on it and trying find a cheaper place to live.

did u price daycare where u are??? know any older ladies who want to supplement their income??? Is your mother near you she might know someone

When my daughter was in Daycare ... and I even found preschool this way ... I called churches. Both the churches that helped me happen to be Methodist but Church people know people.... They know the community.

Open the yellow pages and call and visit everyone you can.

When I moved back to Maine I cried and cried because I didnt think I could afford it. Even though I work at home I couldnt get work done with a wired kid running around. I eventually found some GREAT care.

You have to hunt the good ones down!

I been crying and cryin too already and baby is nowhere near here yet. Going to do some OT now while i can to try save up some money and finish off my jamaica travel debt and the visa stuff. Im going to start lookign into and call some places. Im still hoping the TX thing will come through for me by summer that will tremendously cut my costs. They need 8 people to leave before i can come. So far one is leaving so now thats 7. Ill keep prayin on it. Ive also been trying to find places here cheaper where i dont have to sign a 12 month lease. Thank you all for ur advice i truly appreciate it, its like noone outside this visa/adjustment process can even begin to understand.

I know u want to transfer thru your job.

have u thought about trying to find a job on your own, after u have the baby. you can apply for jobs from up here thanks to the internet and plan a week and go and interview. that is one of my friends did. companies will/should be flexible if u say i'm coming down this particular week

That's what I did when I was moving from NYC to NC. I went down for two days and set up four interviews. I had my job the summer of 2005 to start Jan 2006.

[Jengles 0]

*sigh* mi ketch up...by di way..ALL WHO WAAN COME CHECK MI BATTY IT NO FROWNZY AT ALL ..MI AFFI LAY DUNG BESIDE MI HUSBAND A NITE TIME SO NO SPACE FI STINKING FISH !!

*cha*

just tek the bottle of dettol and done!!! mi nuh say nuttin bout nuh fish....can smell yuh underarm from here....wait deh is u wuk wid Lawny.....

yuh too brawlin

Edited March 8, 2008 by Jengles

[SupportOAFJF 0]

You see it....It's been said that this thread is supposed to be a place where we give each other support. If you don't have anything positve to say why say it all...and why give an opinion based on nothing.....

That's just it, I DIDN"T say anything apart from those who ASKED....and as for positive, I did say to some who asked that I felt their relationship was sound....You are ASSUMING that I only had NEGATIVE things to say....As for giving an opinion based on nothing, it's my choice to provide it when ASKED

As for support, I believe that confirming someone's suspicions when asked is support, to reply 'stick with him everything's going to be ok' when in fact you believe the OPPOSITE is not support. It's hypocrisy.

I don't jump on people for their choices even if I think they are the wrong ones, I will offer prayers and best wishes.

I will ask a question which I think may lead someone to the conclusion I have reached, but if they refuse to see what's in front of them, I wouldn't push the issue.

If the issue is RIGHT in front of their eyes, I leave it alone, after all everyone here is GROWN.....

lawd she si fimmi picha dem already..Jengs..mi can get nuff hair wid out him even know

*sigh* mi ketch up...by di way..ALL WHO WAAN COME CHECK MI BATTY IT NO FROWNZY AT ALL ..MI AFFI LAY DUNG BESIDE MI HUSBAND A NITE TIME SO NO SPACE FI STINKING FISH !!

*cha*

just tek the bottle of dettol and done!!! mi nuh say nuttin bout nuh fish....can smell yuh underarm from here....wait deh is u wuk wid Lawny.....

yuh too brawlin

ahahahah..woieee.mi cyaa help it bi born a Town and mi grow a Portmore..tek mi outta di ghetto cyaan tek di ghetto outta mi...well sometimes