Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 6)

[*JG* 2]

Congrats Wakey,

I am happy for you, i know that must be a good feeling to know that Dwayne will finally be on his way to you.

I am tail dragging today, tired as *&^%, but happy because im leaving for Ochi tonight when i get off work so that will inspire me to get thru the day as productive ( yeah right) as possible....LOL.... I cant wait to see my SO with his stitched up self....LOL

As i tend to be the one with anxiety all the time, about everything, it didnt help to find out tropical storm Bertha has now turned into hurricane Bertha( cross your fingers and pray it doesnt head toward JA for me....LOL)

Honeychild I'm so excited for you leaving tonight. I wanna get in your suitcase and go back myself. This last trip was soo very short and if I'd known it would be a month till he gets here I would have stayed 2 weeks.

Don't forget your skeeter spray and be safe!

Wakey

mawnin yardies,

Lawny, congrats again and again girl. I'm so happy for you and marcel. How has his first couple of a days been? I hope the ex is not scaring him.... We may have to pull out a can of whipaz- on him. He's acting real simply...

Wakey, congrats on dwayne getting his visa. I can't wait until I get to that point. If I can only get a darn appt to drop off the ds-230. I haven't heard a word from them people after sending 3 e-mails....

Anyone else have interviews scheduled?

Man Sunny I don't know what the hold up is on your drop off. Want me to email with you. Maybe a different email address will grab some attention

Wakey

I'm in too, Shell. If you want me to e-mail for you, just PM the info. It can't hurt.

[Forever Young 1]

Having a bit of a rough weekend here. Wondering WTH we need family anyway. Some days..................

Funny.....I thought the same thing this weekend.........!!!!

Congrats Lawny - welcome Marcel!! My heart is exploding for you two!

Right there with ya'll!

This morning...bright and Early KJ's mom calls! Ok, she has been building a house...so she is moving this Friday! Great, cause the area she lives in now is straight Garrison! We have been sending money down to her religiously for KJ's expenses and to help wid her move. The end of every month we send her $$. She calls today to tell Ken that her house needs windows and can we send down more $$ before Friday!

I look at Ken like... ...what is she talking about we just sent her her monthly allowance LAST WEEK!!! Look this month is already bugeted and I want to get Ken's AOS out before the end of it! If we send her what she is asking for that will NOT happen!

I told him...we can't do it! I'm sorry! He understood why and seemed ok with it...but I know in his heart he is worried about his son sleeping in a home with no windows! SOOO... now what??? Do I look like a big bad meanie and stick with the plan to file or give this chick her dyam windows!!? I told him we can give her the windows...but I don't want to hear JACK about going back to Yard anytime soon b/c w/o the AOS filed...there will be No GC or AP...zeen!?

Am I wrong? I just feel so dyam conflicted with this thing! At the same time I'm like WHO THE HELL doesn't realize that windows need to be purchased PRIOR to your move! So, you know me...is this Chick trying to run GAME on us??? I just want Ken and KJ to be happy and safe...but I don't want to be manipulated! Which is EXACTLY what I feel like I am being right now!

URRRRRRRGH!!!

Bless,

Gill

[Islandwoman 0]

Having a bit of a rough weekend here. Wondering WTH we need family anyway. Some days..................

Funny.....I thought the same thing this weekend.........!!!!

Congrats Lawny - welcome Marcel!! My heart is exploding for you two!

Right there with ya'll!

This morning...bright and Early KJ's mom calls! Ok, she has been building a house...so she is moving this Friday! Great, cause the area she lives in now is straight Garrison! We have been sending money down to her religiously for KJ's expenses and to help wid her move. The end of every month we send her $$. She calls today to tell Ken that her house needs windows and can we send down more $$ before Friday!

I look at Ken like... ...what is she talking about we just sent her her monthly allowance LAST WEEK!!! Look this month is already bugeted and I want to get Ken's AOS out before the end of it! If we send her what she is asking for that will NOT happen!

I told him...we can't do it! I'm sorry! He understood why and seemed ok with it...but I know in his heart he is worried about his son sleeping in a home with no windows! SOOO... now what??? Do I look like a big bad meanie and stick with the plan to file or give this chick her dyam windows!!? I told him we can give her the windows...but I don't want to hear JACK about going back to Yard anytime soon b/c w/o the AOS filed...there will be No GC or AP...zeen!?

Am I wrong? I just feel so dyam conflicted with this thing! At the same time I'm like WHO THE HELL doesn't realize that windows need to be purchased PRIOR to your move! So, you know me...is this Chick trying to run GAME on us??? I just want Ken and KJ to be happy and safe...but I don't want to be manipulated! Which is EXACTLY what I feel like I am being right now!

URRRRRRRGH!!!

Bless,

Gill

My thoughts ...give an inch, they take a mile. Perhaps she can prolong moving until SHE works to get the funds for windows?? I'm not one for making rash decisions so I would suggest sitting on it for awhile. Whatever was meant to be will work out.

Of course, there is also the option of sending enough for a window for KJ's room....

[*JG* 2]

I'm piping in too, Gill......I agree with the inch/mile thing.

My problem is just the same.....we got a call from Andre's mom Saturday, stating his 17 year old sister is now 2 months pregnant by some school boy. She wants to abort because she isn't ready. While they did not come out and ask for anything at this point, you know it's coming.

My car door broke Thursday night, it will not close at all, and we have been driving streets ONLY with it bungee corded till I can get it fixed next Monday. Plus, we file for LOC on August 2nd in order to be able to keep his job and his driver's license....that is $545 alone. There is nothing extra.

Sadly, Andre said, I hope they are lying.....this is exactly 2 weeks, in a series of 2 week interval phone calls for money using more and more outlandish reasons. How sad is that for someone to even say?

Yesterday, Andre's older sister called from New York and left a message.....What are WE going to do about H's baby? And, did he and I want to adopt it? I was cussing all day long!

It just never stops.

[wakeywakeup 1]

Having a bit of a rough weekend here. Wondering WTH we need family anyway. Some days..................

Funny.....I thought the same thing this weekend.........!!!!

Congrats Lawny - welcome Marcel!! My heart is exploding for you two!

Right there with ya'll!

This morning...bright and Early KJ's mom calls! Ok, she has been building a house...so she is moving this Friday! Great, cause the area she lives in now is straight Garrison! We have been sending money down to her religiously for KJ's expenses and to help wid her move. The end of every month we send her $$. She calls today to tell Ken that her house needs windows and can we send down more $$ before Friday!

I look at Ken like... ...what is she talking about we just sent her her monthly allowance LAST WEEK!!! Look this month is already bugeted and I want to get Ken's AOS out before the end of it! If we send her what she is asking for that will NOT happen!

I told him...we can't do it! I'm sorry! He understood why and seemed ok with it...but I know in his heart he is worried about his son sleeping in a home with no windows! SOOO... now what??? Do I look like a big bad meanie and stick with the plan to file or give this chick her dyam windows!!? I told him we can give her the windows...but I don't want to hear JACK about going back to Yard anytime soon b/c w/o the AOS filed...there will be No GC or AP...zeen!?

Am I wrong? I just feel so dyam conflicted with this thing! At the same time I'm like WHO THE HELL doesn't realize that windows need to be purchased PRIOR to your move! So, you know me...is this Chick trying to run GAME on us??? I just want Ken and KJ to be happy and safe...but I don't want to be manipulated! Which is EXACTLY what I feel like I am being right now!

URRRRRRRGH!!!

Bless,

Gill

My thoughts ...give an inch, they take a mile. Perhaps she can prolong moving until SHE works to get the funds for windows?? I'm not one for making rash decisions so I would suggest sitting on it for awhile. Whatever was meant to be will work out.

Of course, there is also the option of sending enough for a window for KJ's room....

Gill I agree with Islandwoman. Don't make a hasty decision. Ask yourself what would she do if you weren't in her life to provide. She would make a way I'm sure. Wait it out and just be honest with her that you all don't have it right now.

Wakey

[*JG* 2]

And feeling manipulated is the best way I could ever put it.

[TRELAWNY PARISH 10]

And feeling manipulated is the best way I could ever put it.

Hey JG ---

Before Marcel and I left Jamaica on Friday, we had a long talk first with his brothers then his dad and mom (who cried for 4 hours). I had to leave I couldn't take it anymore it was very emtional. they're very close and as you know she had a stroke 2 months ago. It was easy for me to explain to them to not bother with the foolishness since I've been there done that with my own family. I told them don't ASK for nothing, nothing unless they want to be told off. I've watch my family nearly break up because of DUMB'ish. Then I spoke to his friends who had already started to ask him about buying a car and sending it down to run taxi in mobay. I said HELL NO. See, a lot of his friends still don't know I'm a born Jamaica, so they speak the RAW patwah in front of me hoping or thinking I will never understand them. I jumped out that car so fast and was like HELL no. The amount of money I've spent on him to get him to the states....you think that when he starts working he's going to send it to ya'll. They they were like they were just joking about the car thing. I said, sure right.

[Forever Young 1]

Having a bit of a rough weekend here. Wondering WTH we need family anyway. Some days..................

Funny.....I thought the same thing this weekend.........!!!!

Congrats Lawny - welcome Marcel!! My heart is exploding for you two!

Right there with ya'll!

This morning...bright and Early KJ's mom calls! Ok, she has been building a house...so she is moving this Friday! Great, cause the area she lives in now is straight Garrison! We have been sending money down to her religiously for KJ's expenses and to help wid her move. The end of every month we send her $$. She calls today to tell Ken that her house needs windows and can we send down more $$ before Friday!

I look at Ken like... ...what is she talking about we just sent her her monthly allowance LAST WEEK!!! Look this month is already bugeted and I want to get Ken's AOS out before the end of it! If we send her what she is asking for that will NOT happen!

I told him...we can't do it! I'm sorry! He understood why and seemed ok with it...but I know in his heart he is worried about his son sleeping in a home with no windows! SOOO... now what??? Do I look like a big bad meanie and stick with the plan to file or give this chick her dyam windows!!? I told him we can give her the windows...but I don't want to hear JACK about going back to Yard anytime soon b/c w/o the AOS filed...there will be No GC or AP...zeen!?

Am I wrong? I just feel so dyam conflicted with this thing! At the same time I'm like WHO THE HELL doesn't realize that windows need to be purchased PRIOR to your move! So, you know me...is this Chick trying to run GAME on us??? I just want Ken and KJ to be happy and safe...but I don't want to be manipulated! Which is EXACTLY what I feel like I am being right now!

URRRRRRRGH!!!

Bless,

Gill

My thoughts ...give an inch, they take a mile. Perhaps she can prolong moving until SHE works to get the funds for windows?? I'm not one for making rash decisions so I would suggest sitting on it for awhile. Whatever was meant to be will work out.

Of course, there is also the option of sending enough for a window for KJ's room....

LOLOLOLOLOL...I LOVE THAT!!! Thanks for the chuckle Chica!!

Gill

[*JG* 2]

And feeling manipulated is the best way I could ever put it.

Hey JG ---

Before Marcel and I left Jamaica on Friday, we had a long talk first with his brothers then his dad and mom (who cried for 4 hours). I had to leave I couldn't take it anymore it was very emtional. they're very close and as you know she had a stroke 2 months ago. It was easy for me to explain to them to not bother with the foolishness since I've been there done that with my own family. I told them don't ASK for nothing, nothing unless they want to be told off. I've watch my family nearly break up because of DUMB'ish. Then I spoke to his friends who had already started to ask him about buying a car and sending it down to run taxi in mobay. I said HELL NO. See, a lot of his friends still don't know I'm a born Jamaica, so they speak the RAW patwah in front of me hoping or thinking I will never understand them. I jumped out that car so fast and was like HELL no. The amount of money I've spent on him to get him to the states....you think that when he starts working he's going to send it to ya'll. They they were like they were just joking about the car thing. I said, sure right.

Oh, we've been there with the car thing. I feel you there.

The thing with family is...you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Honestly, there are days I wish I had never gotten into this LDR thing and subsequent visa process and they are ALWAYS related to phone calls for money from Jamaica.

[Forever Young 1]

I'm piping in too, Gill......I agree with the inch/mile thing.

My problem is just the same.....we got a call from Andre's mom Saturday, stating his 17 year old sister is now 2 months pregnant by some school boy. She wants to abort because she isn't ready. While they did not come out and ask for anything at this point, you know it's coming.

My car door broke Thursday night, it will not close at all, and we have been driving streets ONLY with it bungee corded till I can get it fixed next Monday. Plus, we file for LOC on August 2nd in order to be able to keep his job and his driver's license....that is $545 alone. There is nothing extra.

Sadly, Andre said, I hope they are lying.....this is exactly 2 weeks, in a series of 2 week interval phone calls for money using more and more outlandish reasons. How sad is that for someone to even say?

Yesterday, Andre's older sister called from New York and left a message.....What are WE going to do about H's baby? And, did he and I want to adopt it? I was cussing all day long!

It just never stops.

Gurl, that is total madness!! Like I REALLY don't understand them! They have NO bloody idea how dyam rough it is up here! Yes, we are both working ...BUT the cost of living here is dyam near insane!! I wish just for one day they could actually see how dyam hard we have to work just to make ends meet!

They put you in such a bad spot. I was always raised that God, then family...but when does that 'Family' end?...it just sucks! Don't even get me started on the NY Chick! What's her issue! How much is she going to send down!?!?!?!?! So you have to put your safety and future well fair on hold to please them? Not a chance!

Dyam foolishness...I am just so sick of it...like you do the right thing...send what you can when you can and it seems like it is NEVER enough!!! Last month, Ken sent his brother a little bit of $$ for his birthday (maybe $50 or so!) Don't you know this MF'er had the NERVE to complain "that's all yuh send!?!?!" NOT ANOTHER BLOODCLAAT DIME FUH YUH!!!! Then last week he asked me to be the God mother of his daughter!? Now, how stupid do I look...you don't know JACK about my parenting skills or about me...if the Baby's mother walked up and slapped me in the face...I wouldn't know her! I mean C'MON!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!

Hang tight JG and like everyone said...I'd hold off on sending a dyam thing to them!

Bless,

Gill

[*JG* 2]

I warned you, Gill. I'm sorry just the same. I always hope when I put out the warning to someone, that I will be wrong. I'd really like to be wrong.

I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is the feelings of guilt they just keep piling on. And, you are absolutely correct on them not understanding how hard it is here. They have no concept of the bills, the hours worked just to pay those bills, and the general cost of living in the US. Andre says that all the time.....that every Jamaican should get to experience the US and then the calls would stop.

Want to know about the NY sister? She dropped her kids in Jamaica a few months ago with the premise that she would send money down each week and get herself a job in NY, a job she apparently can't get with her kids around. Wanna guess what has happened? She has not found a job. She sent money initially; but stopped after a few short weeks. She is just adding to our stress by adding two more kids to the JA household mix.

I fear for Andre. I fear they are going to stress him so much that it triggers a sickle cell episode.

I'm piping in too, Gill......I agree with the inch/mile thing.

My problem is just the same.....we got a call from Andre's mom Saturday, stating his 17 year old sister is now 2 months pregnant by some school boy. She wants to abort because she isn't ready. While they did not come out and ask for anything at this point, you know it's coming.

My car door broke Thursday night, it will not close at all, and we have been driving streets ONLY with it bungee corded till I can get it fixed next Monday. Plus, we file for LOC on August 2nd in order to be able to keep his job and his driver's license....that is $545 alone. There is nothing extra.

Sadly, Andre said, I hope they are lying.....this is exactly 2 weeks, in a series of 2 week interval phone calls for money using more and more outlandish reasons. How sad is that for someone to even say?

Yesterday, Andre's older sister called from New York and left a message.....What are WE going to do about H's baby? And, did he and I want to adopt it? I was cussing all day long!

It just never stops.

Gurl, that is total madness!! Like I REALLY don't understand them! They have NO bloody idea how dyam rough it is up here! Yes, we are both working ...BUT the cost of living here is dyam near insane!! I wish just for one day they could actually see how dyam hard we have to work just to make ends meet!

They put you in such a bad spot. I was always raised that God, then family...but when does that 'Family' end?...it just sucks! Don't even get me started on the NY Chick! What's her issue! How much is she going to send down!?!?!?!?! So you have to put your safety and future well fair on hold to please them? Not a chance!

Dyam foolishness...I am just so sick of it...like you do the right thing...send what you can when you can and it seems like it is NEVER enough!!! Last month, Ken sent his brother a little bit of $$ for his birthday (maybe $50 or so!) Don't you know this MF'er had the NERVE to complain "that's all yuh send!?!?!" NOT ANOTHER BLOODCLAAT DIME FUH YUH!!!! Then last week he asked me to be the God mother of his daughter!? Now, how stupid do I look...you don't know JACK about my parenting skills or about me...if the Baby's mother walked up and slapped me in the face...I wouldn't know her! I mean C'MON!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!

Hang tight JG and like everyone said...I'd hold off on sending a dyam thing to them!

Bless,

Gill

There is nothing to send. Won't stop them from using whatever means and outlandish stories possible to drive my husband insane. If you saw what those calls do to him......I seriously want to fly down there and hurt someone.

[Islandwoman 0]

Gurl, that is total madness!! Like I REALLY don't understand them! They have NO bloody idea how dyam rough it is up here! Yes, we are both working ...BUT the cost of living here is dyam near insane!! I wish just for one day they could actually see how dyam hard we have to work just to make ends meet!

I hear ya! But truth is they have NO idea because we don't call them complaining about this or that, or how we have to work a 2nd job in order to get just one step ahead.....

[Forever Young 1]

I warned you, Gill. I'm sorry just the same. I always hope when I put out the warning to someone, that I will be wrong. I'd really like to be wrong.

I think the hardest thing for me to deal with is the feelings of guilt they just keep piling on. And, you are absolutely correct on them not understanding how hard it is here. They have no concept of the bills, the hours worked just to pay those bills, and the general cost of living in the US. Andre says that all the time.....that every Jamaican should get to experience the US and then the calls would stop.

Want to know about the NY sister? She dropped her kids in Jamaica a few months ago with the premise that she would send money down each week and get herself a job in NY, a job she apparently can't get with her kids around. Wanna guess what has happened? She has not found a job. She sent money initially; but stopped after a few short weeks. She is just adding to our stress by adding two more kids to the JA household mix.

I fear for Andre. I fear they are going to stress him so much that it triggers a sickle cell episode.

OMG!!! No no no NO!!! Andre can't let them do that to him...to YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY...JG & ANDRE!!!

Yuh knoa somedays I just want to take Kens phone and smash it to a million pieces! The guilt...you're so dyam right about that! Cause ultimately we are good people and want to help...but when people start taking your sweetness for weakness ish has got to be locked off! And unlike Alexis Carrington, I don't like being mean and stingy with Family...but the want want wants get to you over a while!

I am so sick of the whole dyam thing! What kills me is I never even sent down this type of money to Ken! I tried to explain to Ken the sooner we do the AOS & AP the sooner we can file for KJ and he can go down and get him! But they keep throwing ish in the path of that and all Ken wants is his boy! All Ken keeps saying is I need to work harder, I need to get another job! I mean the man works dyam near 70 hours a week as is!

JG, tell Andre the same thing I tell Ken...You could work 168 hours per week (24 hours x 7days) and it wouldn't be enough for them!! So when my husband worked himself to death and I am left a widow...are they going to take care of me????

Bless,

Gill

Edited July 7, 2008 by Forever Young

[Islandwoman 0]

There is nothing to send. Won't stop them from using whatever means and outlandish stories possible to drive my husband insane. If you saw what those calls do to him......I seriously want to fly down there and hurt someone.

OMG - When I read that I had the flashback of the look in my SO's face when they did it to him while I was there!! We just chatted about this last week - his family sends him those "please call" messages so he has to use his credit to call them. I asked him if they do that because they figure he can just ask me to send him credit for his phone....

I'm listening to your warning JG! Although not sure how much good it will do me........

[*JG* 2]

I didn't send him any money when we were apart either, Gill. I honestly dont' think that part matters.

I actually did tell Andre one day that if one more person called him that day for money, I was going to drive the car over his phone. When I got home, his phone was turned off. Smart man. I was not kidding.

I will tell you guys that it comes and goes. Ironically, I think my MIL has our paydays circled on a calendar cause she calls like clockwork. Those weeks are the worse. After that, it lessens. And, if you do send some money, you won't get any calls. Again, ironically, even though they can't afford food, school, taxi fare, to go to the doctor, whatever.....they will miraculously find the money to buy phone cards and bombard you with calls.

This has been 2 years of this for us. I have learned to pick apart the stories and catch the lies. I have learned to laugh at the tall tales. And, I have learned to live with the guilt sometimes. I've also learned that me being kind is not getting us anywhere. If I catch a lie or I don't believe, which is most of the time, I flat out tell my husband that I think they are lying. Lately, he's been the one telling me first. I am doing better with it all....once the initial shock wore off. Andre is not so good at it yet. One phone call has the capability of sending him into a depression that I have a hard time bringing him out of. And, because of his illness, there is always the possibility that it will trigger an episode. I'm not sure what that answer is anymore.

Edited July 7, 2008 by Jomo's girl