The distance

[marie007 1]

Hello all. My name is Marie, my husband is Roy. I live in Canada, he in Missouri.. Yes, Missouri,USA the west.I wonder how insane this is. I mean why didn't we all just choose someone a whole lot closer?Many of us leaving our homes, some of us, think well that could be a great thing.Each of us who leave miss our homes, once we do get to join our spouces.Life is so different in the USA. When I went to visit there twice, I just couldn't believe it. It was like time had forgotten this place.I love my husband, and I know how to survive loneliness.There will be good times and bad times.It's just that some people there treated me like I was some kind of an idiot.Just venting , really.I worry about the "IF". What if we fight too much?. What if we stop loving each other?What if OMG,I hate it there?Ahhh. I will feel better tomorrow.You see, we are getting closer and closer to unite. Yes, I am happy and ...............then, I worry, and then I am happy.LOL.

I wish for all to have an easier faster times with Immigrations process..I pray for who are living apart and going through the same as I...

Marie

[Steve'sGirl 0]

I completely understand your feelings.

Two individuals planning a future together is a challenge in itself and when they come from different countries/backgrounds things don't get easier. I'm sure that we all, at one point or another, when we have those bad days, think about what 'if things don't last'. I'm a firm believer, however, that whoever is going to such greath lengths like we do with the tedious visa process, we have a very special connection with our SOs. Because of the distance, we are forced to communicate better/more with our SOs than couples that can see each other whenever they want to.

In my case I believe that all the stresses of being apart and going through this visa process has made our relationship stronger. We talk a lot and have learned to communicate our deepest feelings, share our good and our bad days, discuss our future without any distractions.

Every relationship needs work, committment, love, understanding and the will to make things work. And you will. If you have bad days, even in the future once you and your SO are together, always remember the good times. How and why you fell in love. All the things you have in common. All the times you laughed together.

I'm a firm believer that everything will work out just fine if each person is willing to do their best. Believe in yourself, your SO and the love you share!!!

All the very best for the two of you!!!! The best days are still ahead of you!!!!!!!!

[marie007 1]

You are so right. because I have gotten to know my husband so well. It is amaxing how we talk about everything. Maybe things we would have never talk about. My husband is very honest. A quality I love. Being apart has made us stronger and we have learn how to be patient with the wait.Thanks for responding.

I completely understand your feelings.

Two individuals planning a future together is a challenge in itself and when they come from different countries/backgrounds things don't get easier. I'm sure that we all, at one point or another, when we have those bad days, think about what 'if things don't last'. I'm a firm believer, however, that whoever is going to such greath lengths like we do with the tedious visa process, we have a very special connection with our SOs. Because of the distance, we are forced to communicate better/more with our SOs than couples that can see each other whenever they want to.

In my case I believe that all the stresses of being apart and going through this visa process has made our relationship stronger. We talk a lot and have learned to communicate our deepest feelings, share our good and our bad days, discuss our future without any distractions.

Every relationship needs work, committment, love, understanding and the will to make things work. And you will. If you have bad days, even in the future once you and your SO are together, always remember the good times. How and why you fell in love. All the things you have in common. All the times you laughed together.

I'm a firm believer that everything will work out just fine if each person is willing to do their best. Believe in yourself, your SO and the love you share!!!

All the very best for the two of you!!!! The best days are still ahead of you!!!!!!!!

[Maeve 2]

You are so right. because I have gotten to know my husband so well. It is amaxing how we talk about everything. Maybe things we would have never talk about. My husband is very honest. A quality I love. Being apart has made us stronger and we have learn how to be patient with the wait.Thanks for responding.

I can *totally* identify. My fiance's in Canada and I'm in Kentucky and we talk on the phone at least once a day. It sucks to not get to see him on a regular basis in the way most engaged couples can...but you're right I have noticed that we talk about so many deeper things now, since all we have is talk. I worry about once we're together if that will go away...but I'm hoping since we've gotten so used to talking so much, we'll keep that going.

Take care

[*JG* 2]

Exactly what has time forgotten about Missouri, Marie?

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Hi Marie

First, I wanted to say I'm so sorry people are treating you like you are an "idiot". You are the furthest thing away from that.

Welcome to VJ, a place filled with distance loves and long distance relationships, you fit right in.

Second, you didn't choose...your heart and soul did. You can't choose who you love. There are so so SO many people today who are married, engaged and dating people from other countries. I can see how people who have never ever been in a situation like ours would judge and think it's insane but it boils down to this, they don't know and they don't get it. You love Roy, yes, you could have turned your back on him simply because he is from the States, I'm sure many have given up the true loves of their lives simply because of this factor. You followed your heart and there is nothing, completely, NOTHING wrong with that!

Don't worry about what the others say, it's not their life, it's yours and Roy's.

I also see you worrying about the "what if's"...

Marie, nothing...nothing in life is guaranteed. Sure, it could end 10 years down the road, sure, you may not like it in Missouri but Marie, don't you think Roy is worth the chance? I wouldn't want to miss out on the love of my life and happiness just because of fears and the what if's.

If something changes down the road and you are unhappy, you will work at it to become happy again, such is life. There are ups and there are downs. You will face them together.

All I can say is take each day, make sure you are doing things in your life that make your heart happy and work together with Roy and make the life you want.

All the best to you!!!

~Laura

[marie007 1]

Sorry, if your from there, was not thinking when I said that. Actually my husband is from a small town in Missouri. There sidewalks are only wide enought for one. I come from a very modern city. Every thing where my husband live is very old. No shopping, but I love small towns.Of course there is shopping in St-Louis

Exactly what has time forgotten about Missouri, Marie?

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Sorry, if your from there, was not thinking when I said that. Actually my husband is from a small town in Missouri. There sidewalks are only wide enought for one. I come from a very modern city. Every thing where my husband live is very old. No shopping, but I love small towns.Of course there is shopping in St-Louis

Exactly what has time forgotten about Missouri, Marie?

If you grew up or are from a very busy or modern city, it is hard to adapt and get over the culture shock in the midwest and south.. this was my experience anyway, and I moved within the US.

The things that I once thought so very strange and behind in Kentucky.. I have gotten used to and a few things I appreciate actually. I wouldnt want to go back to live in So Cal, its busy,crouded and people are rude. yes.. sweeping generalization but I grew up there so im allowed hee hee

I like my mid sized city, and I appreciate the fact that they dont simply tear down the old to build new buildings here.

So I hope in time you can adapt and appreciate your new home (once you get there ). You will always think of your home as home, but maybe Missouri can become a new home for you.

[sib 7]

Hi Marie,

everything will work out the way you make it work out.

I moved to US from Europe in 2000, 7 month pregnant, I left nearly everything (my appartment, sold all my furniture, books, etc., most of my friends, most of my job, my family ...) to be with my husband.

Was it easy. Heck no, but worth every minute!

You will succeed and your love, too.

And you will adapt and it will be ok.

Sending you strength.

Sibylle

[Southern_Canadian 0]

Sorry, if your from there, was not thinking when I said that. Actually my husband is from a small town in Missouri. There sidewalks are only wide enought for one. I come from a very modern city. Every thing where my husband live is very old. No shopping, but I love small towns.Of course there is shopping in St-Louis

Exactly what has time forgotten about Missouri, Marie?

I'm from a big city and Eric lives in a smaller town and I love it. I never thought I would live outside of the city but I can't wait. It is a great change and the people are much more friendlier. We are only 30 min outside of Atlanta, so when I need a good shopping day I can just drive there. Try to look at the upside of living in a small town. I'm sure you can come up with a lot of good things and the main one is being with your husband!

[Southern_Canadian 0]

Hi Marie

First, I wanted to say I'm so sorry people are treating you like you are an "idiot". You are the furthest thing away from that.

Welcome to VJ, a place filled with distance loves and long distance relationships, you fit right in.

Second, you didn't choose...your heart and soul did. You can't choose who you love. There are so so SO many people today who are married, engaged and dating people from other countries. I can see how people who have never ever been in a situation like ours would judge and think it's insane but it boils down to this, they don't know and they don't get it. You love Roy, yes, you could have turned your back on him simply because he is from the States, I'm sure many have given up the true loves of their lives simply because of this factor. You followed your heart and there is nothing, completely, NOTHING wrong with that!

Don't worry about what the others say, it's not their life, it's yours and Roy's.

I also see you worrying about the "what if's"...

Marie, nothing...nothing in life is guaranteed. Sure, it could end 10 years down the road, sure, you may not like it in Missouri but Marie, don't you think Roy is worth the chance? I wouldn't want to miss out on the love of my life and happiness just because of fears and the what if's.

If something changes down the road and you are unhappy, you will work at it to become happy again, such is life. There are ups and there are downs. You will face them together.

All I can say is take each day, make sure you are doing things in your life that make your heart happy and work together with Roy and make the life you want.

All the best to you!!!

~Laura

Oh Laura, you are so wise! Everything that you said is true! I agree... nothing in life is guaranteed but that is what I love. Sure, I would like to know how things will go in life but then again, I love not knowing. :-D lol

[marie007 1]

Hi Marie

First, I wanted to say I'm so sorry people are treating you like you are an "idiot". You are the furthest thing away from that.

Welcome to VJ, a place filled with distance loves and long distance relationships, you fit right in.

Second, you didn't choose...your heart and soul did. You can't choose who you love. There are so so SO many people today who are married, engaged and dating people from other countries. I can see how people who have never ever been in a situation like ours would judge and think it's insane but it boils down to this, they don't know and they don't get it. You love Roy, yes, you could have turned your back on him simply because he is from the States, I'm sure many have given up the true loves of their lives simply because of this factor. You followed your heart and there is nothing, completely, NOTHING wrong with that!

Don't worry about what the others say, it's not their life, it's yours and Roy's.

I also see you worrying about the "what if's"...

Marie, nothing...nothing in life is guaranteed. Sure, it could end 10 years down the road, sure, you may not like it in Missouri but Marie, don't you think Roy is worth the chance? I wouldn't want to miss out on the love of my life and happiness just because of fears and the what if's.

If something changes down the road and you are unhappy, you will work at it to become happy again, such is life. There are ups and there are downs. You will face them together.

All I can say is take each day, make sure you are doing things in your life that make your heart happy and work together with Roy and make the life you want.

All the best to you!!!

~Laura

Oh Laura, you are so wise! Everything that you said is true! I agree... nothing in life is guaranteed but that is what I love. Sure, I would like to know how things will go in life but then again, I love not knowing. :-D lol

Yes, Laura you are wise. thank-you. I do know some people who have been too afraid and have lost the love of their life.There is never any guarantees ever.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Yes, Laura you are wise. thank-you. I do know some people who have been too afraid and have lost the love of their life.There is never any guarantees ever.

Just wanted to make you smile.

You aren't alone.

Best of luck always

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm from Missouri. I live in St. Louis county, which is actually only a suburb of St. Louis....

I came from Saskatchewan. I lived in a small town there for about 15 years, before moving to Saskatoon (the largest city at 200,000).

I think the only thing you'll find different is the food, and living in a small town, depending on where you're from in Canada.

Being apart is very hard, but know that this process will be over soon!

What town will you be living in? How far from St. Louis? There are a few people here from the St. Louis area that actually live close by, but not necessarily in the city.

It's okay to vent! Check out our Canadian Vent thread in the Canada Forum!