URGENT! INTERVIEW ON MARCH 5TH AND TEENAGER STEPSON REFUSES TO GO!

[grrrrlygrrrl 0]

OMG.... Teenager Hormones Kicking In and our lives are in the balance....

The 16year old has gone into a typical teenager rebellion... I flew to Canada on Saturday, we are leaving tomorrow to drive to Montreal for our interview on Wednesday. The 16 year old says he is NOT going to the interview, that if he does he will tell them that he does not want to go to the states.

What do we do? Will we be denied if he is not there? Will we be denied if he makes that statement?

Lord knows WHY he's chosen now after all of this time......

Anyone have any answers or advice? HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to curl up in the fetal position and CRY!!!!!!!

[gogo 6]

tell him some people WANT to trade places with him.. he is lucky to get approved without any problems.. he doesn't know about the separation from family and the torture the USCIS is putting us through.. he doesn't know the problems that we had in filling out our forms (I-130 / I-129F).. he doesn't know about the LOCAL OFFICE INTERVIEW that other people had to go through... if he doesn't want to come, then LEAVE HIM THERE!! :angry: Then he will understand about the whole process and what many people are facing everyday being separated from their love ones.. once he starts running out of money (he is still young, so probably doesn't have a good job yet), then he will understand... When he starts missing you guys, then he will understand.. since you are guys are living close anyway, you can leave him in Canada to teach him a lesson... I WANT to be with my wife, but she is halfway across the country in China now... what is his reason for not moving to the States?.. don't know the whole story yet.....

Edited March 3, 2008 by gogo

[perfect 39]

I see you are on a K3 so he would be a K4 - which I admit I know nothing about. Does it give the teen a chance to follow-on for up to 12 months like the K2? My son, who was aged 16 at the time, came to the States 9 months after I did - mainly to finish schoo, but he did also hjave reservations about coming here. Once he had a taste of "relative freedom" and saw and heard what life was like over here, he was keen to come. He simply arranged his own interview at a separate time and got his visa.

If that's a possibility perhaps he could do that so it's not such an ordeal for you both at this time. I'm sure once he has time to think about it he will realize what's best for him.

Hope it all works out for you the best possible way. Keep us updated!

Edited March 3, 2008 by perfect

[Chica Yeyé 41]

OMG.... Teenager Hormones Kicking In and our lives are in the balance....

The 16year old has gone into a typical teenager rebellion... I flew to Canada on Saturday, we are leaving tomorrow to drive to Montreal for our interview on Wednesday. The 16 year old says he is NOT going to the interview, that if he does he will tell them that he does not want to go to the states.

What do we do? Will we be denied if he is not there? Will we be denied if he makes that statement?

Lord knows WHY he's chosen now after all of this time......

Anyone have any answers or advice? HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to curl up in the fetal position and CRY!!!!!!!

Sorry to hear you are going through this. I have no children, but can only imagine how the child in this case must feel: change is a scary thing. Leaving your friends behind, all that's familiar.... if it is difficult for us as adults, imagine his fears. I don't like giving advise, but perhaps a nice talk, addressing his reasons and fears, and letting him know that he IS NOT ALONE, and that this is an adventure might help him calm down.

I really hope you are able to solve this issue; and the best of luck in that interview.

Peace, L.

[hheaven67 2]

My son will be 16 in May, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I told him that if he didn't want to go then he will be moving in with his Dad...believe me, life is not near as good there. I am taking him to California in 3 wks so he can see what it's like AND meet his step-dad and step-brother for the first time. Remember, be a FRIEND to him, NOT an authority figure. Mom needs to put her foot down with him & tell him if he doesn't want to go, he can move RIGHT NOW! That would be the day MY son would tell me where our future is at! Good luck, they can be monsters!

PS...make sure you talk to him about this when he has a full stomach (I know, it's a constant meal going on here)... they're in a MUCH better mood after they've eaten!

good luck!

jen

[Niels Bohr 72]

He's only 16. The Embassy will not take him seriously.

[pushbrk 13,166]

OMG.... Teenager Hormones Kicking In and our lives are in the balance....

The 16year old has gone into a typical teenager rebellion... I flew to Canada on Saturday, we are leaving tomorrow to drive to Montreal for our interview on Wednesday. The 16 year old says he is NOT going to the interview, that if he does he will tell them that he does not want to go to the states.

What do we do? Will we be denied if he is not there? Will we be denied if he makes that statement?

Lord knows WHY he's chosen now after all of this time......

Anyone have any answers or advice? HELPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just want to curl up in the fetal position and CRY!!!!!!!

Your visa can be approved without him but his cannot. You can arrange to keep his option open to follow to join and then arrange a later interview. You don't mention whether he has an option for staying behind.

[Elbereth 0]

you are his parent

tell him that he is going

[Niels Bohr 72]

Try persuading him by offering him a Playstation 3 or Xbox 360. Or, maybe a HDTV. That'll probably buy him.

[sami81 0]

Try persuading him by offering him a Playstation 3 or Xbox 360. Or, maybe a HDTV. That'll probably buy him.

funny you mention this, i was bribed with a dreamcast to get here back then.

but yeah i was basically afraid of everything new, plus i had a false view of the US as being a country of no laws, crimes, discrimination, etc... because of all the movies/news. you never understand the greatness of this country till you come here i guess.

[psiprez 3]

Explain that having options in life is a good thing. Options give you power and control over your life. Having NO option is a bad, bad thing.

His going to the interview and getting approved will give him the OPTION to move to the US, because the visa doesn't necessarily HAVE to be used. However, if he doesn't go to the interview, he SURRENDERS the option and power to make the decision for himself.

And no teenager wants to be powerless.

Now of course... the reality is that his only option is to do whatever it is that you, the parent, tells him to do, but let him discover that part of it later.

[rin and john 71]

When Rin interviewed last April in Bangkok, the embassy had also set up appointments for her children (even though we had indicated in our paperwork that they would "follow to join" later in the year). When we arrived, they asked about the children, we told them they would interview in Sept/Oct and it was not a problem. In hindsight, it would have saved time and energy to go ahead and get their visa at the same time as Rin's, but it was not imperative that it be done.

One note of caution, if you get the K3 and come to the US, do not adjust status unti your son has his K4 visa. Based on what we were told, K4's derive their status from a valid K3 parent. Once you adjust status, your K3 is no longer valid.

John

[sara..... 371]

hmmm how about telling him that if he goes for the interview and allows the visa then he really is in charge of everything because he can come to the states and if he really dont like it return to live with his dad....this solves ur problem and allows him to feel like he is in charge of his life.....just a thought i dont know if it will work

[Niels Bohr 72]

Keep us posted.

[pushbrk 13,166]

When Rin interviewed last April in Bangkok, the embassy had also set up appointments for her children (even though we had indicated in our paperwork that they would "follow to join" later in the year). When we arrived, they asked about the children, we told them they would interview in Sept/Oct and it was not a problem. In hindsight, it would have saved time and energy to go ahead and get their visa at the same time as Rin's, but it was not imperative that it be done.

One note of caution, if you get the K3 and come to the US, do not adjust status unti your son has his K4 visa. Based on what we were told, K4's derive their status from a valid K3 parent. Once you adjust status, your K3 is no longer valid.

John

Good point. I want to second it. If you need to work, you can pay the EAD fee alone and apply for EAD instead of doing it for free with AOS.

Since others are piling on with advice on how to get him to the interview, I'll say I like the idea of selling options and control. Problem is, sometimes it's all about the kid making sure you don't get what you want. You want him at the interview. I also believe in Corporal punishment.