dealing with the family

[nicky51589 0]

Hi everyone,

I recently made an account about a week ago. I still don't really know how to use this site, but I'm working on it. My name is Nicole and since October I have been dating this guy named Zaki from Morocco. He is the most amazing man in the world. In June I am going to go see him, and maybe if things work out sign marriage papers so one day we can fill out a K-3 and he can come over to the US so he can be with me. Dealing with all this legal stuff is hard, but why does family have to make everything even harder. My family knows I have been talking to him, but they don't know I am going to go see him. I have recently told my father and sister. My father isn't to happy, but he supports me. My sister is another story. She doesn't support me at all and she says i am going to hurt my family. But shouldn't my family support me on something that makes me happy? How did everyone else deal with the family memebers, or were they supportive. Please help me with some advice.

Thanks,

Nicole

[DanielParul 50]

Hi Nicole, Welcome to VJ and all the best for your future.

Family can be really hard on us sometimes. When I told my parents about Daniel. They were not happy to say the least. Daniel and I went though a really difficult time cuz my parents were rude to him and just not willing to give us a chance either. D came to India and stayed at home with us. I still get goose bumps thinking how tense the air used to be. The good thing is that after spending time with him, my dad told us that if the two of us can put in so much into this then we deserve a chance... the rest is history... They adore him now.

The moral of the story - Don't worry too much about it right now. Concentrate on the both of you and if it does work out. Family will come around too after seeing you happy with him

[Hannah+Vito 0]

thats some good advice parul...

i feel your frustraition. my sister was lucky she didnt get flug through a window for her comments when she found out we were engaged but at end of the day her comments, which i think were very simular to what yours said, were unfounded rubbish spouted out through either fear or jellousy or probs bit of both and my parents are just scared about loosing me to another country like they were when i first wanted to go out on my own or my first day of uni. its not easy for them to adjust to letting go and letting your kids make their own mistakes. so i just give my parents so time to adjust and vito does his best to show them how much he cares and wants to be part of family. they allready love him, now they just have to adjust to the idea of me moving country.

as for my sister im afraid i have little patience for her out bursts. and give it no attention as i know she is wrong.

give them some time to get used to the idea and the oportunity to know him and they should eventualy come round.

Edited March 2, 2008 by Hannah+Vito

[Maeve 2]

nicky51589 - I'm in a similar place. My FI is from Canada and we're waiting on our visa. His parents have been great - his mom really likes me, even though we've not met - but my folks are giving me a lot of trouble. I think it'sjust a bit of a shock for them and eventually they'll come around. When my little sis got pregnant at 17, they flipped out completely; but now she's married with a beautiful 2-year-old little girl who my parents absolutely adore. It may take a while, but I think eventually they'll come around to the idea. Your family's probably jsut the same - worried about you, although not expressing it in the best way. They just need some time to get used to the idea.

Take care,

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Its very common when 2 totally different cultures collide. First there will be a little friction, but eventually there will be a nice blend. Good luck!

[Dr. Obvious 49]

She doesn't support me at all and she says i am going to hurt my family. But shouldn't my family support me on something that makes me happy? How did everyone else deal with the family memebers, or were they supportive. Please help me with some advice.

Thanks,

Nicole

My husband's parents were far less than pleased when they found out we were going to marry. I guess. They barely knew me, had no idea my intentions, didn't understand why we had to marry in the first place. Well, after we received permission from the German government to marry there, they decided it was best just to get over it and support us. However, it was a long 6 months. My husband's father refused to speak to him for a long time. Now that I am the mother of their only grandchild things have bettered themselves considerably.

It was so interesting against my family's reaction which was that they thought it was a little weird at first, but after they met him and found they liked him a lot, they gave me their full support. Go figure.

I would just give it time. Everyone is skeptical at first. Let them have it. In the end, it is their problem, not yours.