New Life

[Jeraly 4]

well, at least tito is always here for entertainment.

so the rule for k1 visas is:

the foreign, female fiancee (only girls come to the US on a K1, because only male americans fall in love with their maid) comes to the US. she cannot read, write or speak and she lives in front of the stove. the USC files the AOS paperwork for her, but only if she cooks decent meals and if she gives head often enough. otherways he threatens her to not file for AOS for her. is that what happened to you and your maid, tito?

I cannot read or write either - glad it is not just me

how do I prepared my new life? (it depends who you're with) me and hubby get along very well its why we are married.

Thats true!!! The 'BIG' question is.... How many will falter when the real tests of life happen???

is there another real test? I thought I'm done with real test.. then I will answer that real test.

Nope - there are real tests but the only way to pass them as a RANUSC is to try and get a negative score to prove your inferiority

Tito's posts went over muh head

guess my ####### detector must be broken today

No StP - it is because you are a RANUSC and therefore unable to comprehend anything that tito's superior mind can create

[StillThePrettiest 3]

[Krikit 1,164]

Oh good Lord, Tito. You not only didn't let this thread die, but you came back with the same thing. I can't believe you are being purposely obtuse, so it must be something else. The reason that "many of these threads deal with immigrants who seem to be having a difficult time adjusting" is because they are the ones who ARE adjusting. "Adjusting" meaning status; changing from one immigration status to another. Hence the "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" forum. "But what about the USC's perspective?" you have asked. Well, take a look at the next four threads following this one. They are ALL by USC's. You are conveniently not seeing them because it does not suit your agenda. The OP asked for thoughts and perspectives from both sides (specifically stating both the USC and the SO) on immigration preparation and how to adjust to change. But you jump into the thread and insist that members are only focussed on the immigrant's perspective.

I understand that the work that you do is focussed on the USC's situation and perspective and that it is beneficial to your firm that you buy into the immigrants-are-dumb-@ss-opportunists-who-take-no-responsibility-for-their-own-actions and "just can't understand the stressors and strains" on the almighty American scenario, and that "the USC bears all the risk of the relationship." That's great. It ups the successful litigation count. But don't get so blindsided by your very narrow perspective that you fail to see that there are underlying issues in every relationship which don't necessarily point directly to the "irresponsible" immigrant. Keep that perspective at the office. The real world is very different.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Very nice post, Crikey

Adjustments are made from both sides of the relationship - the immigrant and the USC. While there are certainly less adjustments needed coming from a country like Canada, still there are differences that surprise you when you arrive and take some getting used to. The Canadian and the American 'attitudes' to life are distinctly different and probably based in our different respective origins as countries. From my own perspective, I have an incredible amount of respect and admiration for those individuals moving to the States from countries with very different cultures - that takes a lot of courage and a lot of love - and those are the very same traits that will help make a marriage work as well. Love we can all understand but it takes courage to face the differences, the unknowns, to be vulnerable, to depend on another, to blend your lives together so that they become intermingled - sometimes a difficult thing to do for a person who is used to being independent and on their own - and to do this with a person from a cultural environment different than your own. That works both ways, btw - for the USC and the immigrant spouse.

I don't know if you can plan enough ahead of time. In spite of all of the planning there will be things that take you by surprise - from little personal idiosyncrasies to major challenges caused by unexpected disruptions to your plans. You just have to make the commitment to the other person, give them the benefit of the doubt and try not to sweat the little things.

In our marriage I have found it is the little things that took us more by surprise than the bigger issues that we discussed. Those are the ones that generally you don't discover until you are actually faced with them. So, do as much planning as you can - and then expect that there will be things that you can't plan for, but try to minimize those by really getting to know both yourself and your partner individually - and then together as a couple - before you get married. The process will definitely continue after you are married as well.

(Oh, yeah, I am another one of those dumb immigrants who has done all of the paperwork associated with this process - and the majority of that before we found VJ)

[Jeraly 4]

LMAO :lol:

[Caladan 19]

Bitter....table for one...........

And yet they'll be insisting in other threads that's it's only the poor women who had nothing that are suitable wives for American men.

To the OP:

This section is full of horror stories. People who didn't know each other well, people who got taken advantage of, people who rushed into things. It's very sad. But it's not a risk that every international couple faces, and I'd venture to say that it's not a majority of cases. Most people don't come on to post just "Whee, everything's great! I need no advice!"

Point is, whether some other couple's marriage failed has no bearing on my relationship. So, they filed for a visa like we did. So what? Other couples married at my church, and I don't think that if they break up, my marriage is doomed, even though I likely have more in common with them that I do with people here. Don't borrow trouble; their problems are not yours.

Getting married is a huge adjustment. Immigrating is a huge adjustment both for the immigrant and for the USC. There will be minor annoyances and real tests. This is true of every couple, not just those that had to fill out extra paperwork. But if you know your spouse well and you love them and you're committed to communicating well, you can work through the adjustment.

[TracyTN 237]

Tito's got a one-track mind. He posts only in this forum, and he posts only the one argument. Over and over and over. All the while insisting he doesn't have an agenda. Pretty sure that kind of behavior is the very definition of an agenda, but maybe I've got immigrant-tard syndrome or something.

I think it's closer to the definition of insanity (you know...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result)?

FWIW, 'immigrant-tard syndrome' literally made me laugh aloud.

[mox 298]

FWIW, 'immigrant-tard syndrome' literally made me laugh aloud.

Otherwise known as ITS. For only a few hundred dollars a day, you can help an ITS-challenged person make a new and better life for themselves. Send your donations now, and we'll keep you updated on your immigrant's process. From their initial consulate interview, to their port of entry and beyond. Order now and you'll even get photos of your immigrant conspiring for a green card and faking abuse at the hands of their angelic USC's. But act now. Once all the foreigners are inside the United States, they'll all be gone. So don't delay!

[DanielParul 50]

Just got done catching up on this thread... I missed out on a lot of action yesterday

I will now be officially posting on VJ after my interview tomorrow.. Hugs to all

[sara..... 371]

Just got done catching up on this thread... I missed out on a lot of action yesterday

I will now be officially posting on VJ after my interview tomorrow.. Hugs to all

Good luck to you our prayers are with you im sure you will do fine..... :)

[Jeraly 4]

Good luck Parul - I know you'll do great

[TracyTN 237]

FWIW, 'immigrant-tard syndrome' literally made me laugh aloud.

Otherwise known as ITS. For only a few hundred dollars a day, you can help an ITS-challenged person make a new and better life for themselves. Send your donations now, and we'll keep you updated on your immigrant's process. From their initial consulate interview, to their port of entry and beyond. Order now and you'll even get photos of your immigrant conspiring for a green card and faking abuse at the hands of their angelic USC's. But act now. Once all the foreigners are inside the United States, they'll all be gone. So don't delay!

:lol:

[tito 1]

You people are all so helpful!! That's so great!

The crises in relationships occur mostly in situations where the immigrant does not have the background and experience that is part of a way of life in, say, Canada or England. Instead, the immigrant comes to the US without the benefit of the things that many of you gratuitous intervenors take for granted. If you can leave the myopic world for a minute, you might just recognize that the problems to which I am referring are very real. Why so many of you are continuously so defensive about all this is quite curious. I suppose that ignorance of the reality can BE bliss...so carry on.

Edited March 3, 2008 by tito

[*JG* 2]

Any relationship must have a commitment, and the commitment must be mutual. Lots of times, when a USC meets someone outside of the US, and the relationship builds and takes form during a series of trips to that place to be with the person, and/or during phone conversations in the interim that are all about missing each other and wanting to be with the other person again, the reality of life and the challenges that exist often get ignored to a certain extent. Then, once thrust into the stresses of life in the US, the reality sets in, and many times, it's nothing like what the immigrant could possibly imagine, especially in instances where the way and manner and relative quality of life in one place is so different from life in the US. Naturally, there is frustration and disillusion on the part of both parties that is compounded by differences in culture, differences in education, differences in background, differences in religion, differences in experience, differences in upbringing, differences in age, differences in world-view, differences in values...differences in virtually everything except the mutual commitment on the part of BOTH persons for themselves, for each other, and for the relationship.

There must be that level of commitment in every aspect of life for the adjustment to be viable. There must be trust, there must be compromise, and there must be understanding. In my view, those are the essential elements that underlie a relationship that works. If that triad has a weak link, the relationship is destined for a rocky road.

With respect to all these stories about abuses and threats and such? Yeah, there's got to be another side. Many times, perhaps those posting these horror stories are too proud to capitulate and compromise, and expect the USC to be a different way, like they were during the 2 week vacation when they met and decided to be a couple. In my view, and the way I see this, and that's not to say it's the gospel by any means, the immigrant simply cannot comprehend what life is like in the US and the stresses and strains put on the USC...to get the immigration documentation in order, to make all the trips, to pay all the phone bills, to set up all the travel, to get everything in order, to maintain a heavy work load in order to afford another person in the household, to pay the mortgage, to make the car payment, to pay the gas, electricity and water bill, to pay the finance charges for the new appliances, to make sure the immigrant is comfortable enough...there's a LOT on the plate of the USC that, perhaps...just maybe...the immigrant just doesn't understand. Is that abuse? Maybe the USC feels that the failure or inability on the part of the immigrant to grasp the nature of the stresses is ALSO an abuse! And it's that frustration to which the immigrant is not accustomed is, MAYBE, what the immigrant calls "abuse".

All these horror stories about abuse, control, threats, arise out of the perception on the part of the immigrant. Maybe life in the US is just a little too tough for the immigrant, much more so than they might have imagined...

Again - who bears the risk? Who is "right"? What are the options? Who gets the benefit of the doubt? The USC on the hook for 10 years if the immigrant wants to stay, so that the USC bears all the risk of the relationship? Or the immigrant who has the option of going back home to re-establish his or her life as he or she knows, in which case everyone is put back into their original position before the relationship fell apart (no harm - no foul)? Tough issue.

Bitter....table for one...........

Thanks for the chuckle, RJ!

[mox 298]

You people are all so helpful!! That's so great!

The crises in relationships occur mostly in situations where the immigrant does not have the background and experience that is part of a way of life in, say, Canada or England. Instead, the immigrant comes to the US without the benefit of the things that many of you gratuitous intervenors take for granted. If you can leave the myopic world for a minute, you might just recognize that the problems to which I am referring are very real. Why so many of you are continuously so defensive about all this is quite curious. I suppose that ignorance of the reality can BE bliss...so carry on.

Would just like to remind you, tito, of what the original post was:

Just read too many threads talking about - got the visa - just married - isn't working out - can we get a divorce??.... I am going for my interview in a few days (not that all those threads bother me).. just make me wonder if all of us really understand the change that we will go through, the adjustments that we will need to make... How do we prepare ourselves and how much is too little or too much preparation??

We = USC and SO

Would be nice to get both parties perspective

Anything in here about abuse or immigrants who abuse the system or who file false abuse charges against their spouses, or any of the other anti-immigrant ####### you care to blather? How on earth did we get to talking about "the problems to which [you are] referring?" How did we go from a poster who is experiencing some jitters about their own move to the United States to "ZOMG TEH IMIGRITZ PWNS AR USC'S!!!!!!11"? Oh that's right...you de-railed the thread purposely to once again foist your anti-immigrant views on all us unbelievers.

You know...when everyone around you is crazy except you...

Edited March 3, 2008 by mox