New Life

[DanielParul 50]

Just got done catching up on this thread... I missed out on a lot of action yesterday

I will now be officially posting on VJ after my interview tomorrow.. Hugs to all

[sara..... 371]

Just got done catching up on this thread... I missed out on a lot of action yesterday

I will now be officially posting on VJ after my interview tomorrow.. Hugs to all

Good luck to you our prayers are with you im sure you will do fine..... :)

[Jeraly 4]

Good luck Parul - I know you'll do great

[TracyTN 237]

FWIW, 'immigrant-tard syndrome' literally made me laugh aloud.

Otherwise known as ITS. For only a few hundred dollars a day, you can help an ITS-challenged person make a new and better life for themselves. Send your donations now, and we'll keep you updated on your immigrant's process. From their initial consulate interview, to their port of entry and beyond. Order now and you'll even get photos of your immigrant conspiring for a green card and faking abuse at the hands of their angelic USC's. But act now. Once all the foreigners are inside the United States, they'll all be gone. So don't delay!

:lol:

[tito 1]

You people are all so helpful!! That's so great!

The crises in relationships occur mostly in situations where the immigrant does not have the background and experience that is part of a way of life in, say, Canada or England. Instead, the immigrant comes to the US without the benefit of the things that many of you gratuitous intervenors take for granted. If you can leave the myopic world for a minute, you might just recognize that the problems to which I am referring are very real. Why so many of you are continuously so defensive about all this is quite curious. I suppose that ignorance of the reality can BE bliss...so carry on.

Edited March 3, 2008 by tito

[*JG* 2]

Any relationship must have a commitment, and the commitment must be mutual. Lots of times, when a USC meets someone outside of the US, and the relationship builds and takes form during a series of trips to that place to be with the person, and/or during phone conversations in the interim that are all about missing each other and wanting to be with the other person again, the reality of life and the challenges that exist often get ignored to a certain extent. Then, once thrust into the stresses of life in the US, the reality sets in, and many times, it's nothing like what the immigrant could possibly imagine, especially in instances where the way and manner and relative quality of life in one place is so different from life in the US. Naturally, there is frustration and disillusion on the part of both parties that is compounded by differences in culture, differences in education, differences in background, differences in religion, differences in experience, differences in upbringing, differences in age, differences in world-view, differences in values...differences in virtually everything except the mutual commitment on the part of BOTH persons for themselves, for each other, and for the relationship.

There must be that level of commitment in every aspect of life for the adjustment to be viable. There must be trust, there must be compromise, and there must be understanding. In my view, those are the essential elements that underlie a relationship that works. If that triad has a weak link, the relationship is destined for a rocky road.

With respect to all these stories about abuses and threats and such? Yeah, there's got to be another side. Many times, perhaps those posting these horror stories are too proud to capitulate and compromise, and expect the USC to be a different way, like they were during the 2 week vacation when they met and decided to be a couple. In my view, and the way I see this, and that's not to say it's the gospel by any means, the immigrant simply cannot comprehend what life is like in the US and the stresses and strains put on the USC...to get the immigration documentation in order, to make all the trips, to pay all the phone bills, to set up all the travel, to get everything in order, to maintain a heavy work load in order to afford another person in the household, to pay the mortgage, to make the car payment, to pay the gas, electricity and water bill, to pay the finance charges for the new appliances, to make sure the immigrant is comfortable enough...there's a LOT on the plate of the USC that, perhaps...just maybe...the immigrant just doesn't understand. Is that abuse? Maybe the USC feels that the failure or inability on the part of the immigrant to grasp the nature of the stresses is ALSO an abuse! And it's that frustration to which the immigrant is not accustomed is, MAYBE, what the immigrant calls "abuse".

All these horror stories about abuse, control, threats, arise out of the perception on the part of the immigrant. Maybe life in the US is just a little too tough for the immigrant, much more so than they might have imagined...

Again - who bears the risk? Who is "right"? What are the options? Who gets the benefit of the doubt? The USC on the hook for 10 years if the immigrant wants to stay, so that the USC bears all the risk of the relationship? Or the immigrant who has the option of going back home to re-establish his or her life as he or she knows, in which case everyone is put back into their original position before the relationship fell apart (no harm - no foul)? Tough issue.

Bitter....table for one...........

Thanks for the chuckle, RJ!

[tito 1]

Maybe in your haste to deal with the poster instead of the message because you became tweaked about my comments regarding Russian mail order brides a while ago, you missed not only the message, but this: "Would be nice to get both parties perspective" And you obviously didn't pay much attention to my first contribution to this thread, either.

Good to know that a handful of posters constitutes "everybody" important. If a billion flies eat feces, does that mean it's good? Bon apetite! Thanks...but no thanks.

I could go on and on with a series of insults as well, but those don't do a lot of good for anyone, despite the page after page here.

Stick to the message.

Edited March 3, 2008 by tito

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I think it important to bear in mind that tito's personal experience may be spilling over into his professional judgment. With that thought, let's remain compassionate. He's experienced something that many people on here cannot begin to fathom. And it bring with it scars that apparently have yet to heal properly. Please folks ...be gentle

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I think it important to bear in mind that tito's personal experience may be spilling over into his professional judgment. With that thought, let's remain compassionate. He's experienced something that many people on here cannot begin to fathom. And it bring with it scars that apparently have yet to heal properly. Please folks ...be gentle

I can't help but feel like I just got looked at.

Tell ya what. I'll stand down. I'll give tito the opportunity to make good on what he insists he is trying to do, which is to use his personal and professional experience to contribute to the conversation. I (and others) only expect that he do exactly that...participate in a helpful and positive manner. Fair enough?

That's fair enough. It's OK to challenge someone's facts, especially if they appear to be very sweeping comments (which tito's are), but the general feeling I get from his posts is that he has not yet reached a point of peace over the matter.

But it is worth noting that you can't help heal others until you are healed yourself.

And, yes, that's true. From someone who knows only too well

[sj5 4]

well, at least tito is always here for entertainment.

so the rule for k1 visas is:

the foreign, female fiancee (only girls come to the US on a K1, because only male americans fall in love with their maid) comes to the US. she cannot read, write or speak and she lives in front of the stove. the USC files the AOS paperwork for her, but only if she cooks decent meals and if she gives head often enough. otherways he threatens her to not file for AOS for her. is that what happened to you and your maid, tito?

I cannot read or write either - glad it is not just me

how do I prepared my new life? (it depends who you're with) me and hubby get along very well its why we are married.

Thats true!!! The 'BIG' question is.... How many will falter when the real tests of life happen???

is there another real test? I thought I'm done with real test.. then I will answer that real test.

Nope - there are real tests but the only way to pass them as a RANUSC is to try and get a negative score to prove your inferiority

Tito's posts went over muh head

guess my ####### detector must be broken today

No StP - it is because you are a RANUSC and therefore unable to comprehend anything that tito's superior mind can create

lmfao.. Of course I know what she means. I joke about it.

I give you one of the easy testing I get through!

The GOD tested me if I can through when he took my mother last 1991(Deceased)

I hated talking about problems.. its hurts me when I look back about TESTING jeeeeeeeeeeez go hunt it on your own.

Edited March 4, 2008 by SJ

[sj5 4]

how do I prepared my new life? (it depends who you're with) me and hubby get along very well its why we are married.

Thats true!!! The 'BIG' question is.... How many will falter when the real tests of life happen???

Then I will face that test.

[tito 1]

It's ironic that there is this swarming of ridicule in this context. So, glad you're all entertained, because there's not much of the true essence and substance that is being afforded appropriate dignity. But really - laugh all you want. In the real world, the joke is on some of you, sorry to say.

[tucson_chick 0]

It's ironic that there is this swarming of ridicule in this context. So, glad you're all entertained, because there's not much of the true essence and substance that is being afforded appropriate dignity. But really - laugh all you want. In the real world, the joke is on some of you, sorry to say.

tito, may i ask you one question?

what are you doing here in this community? is it your mission to spread your opinion about K1 visas and the foreign spouses into the world?

well, because if this is the reason you are here, i don't think it does any good for you. you only become more bitter to see other people happy (90%) and then those whose marriages and relationships fail (10%). these 10% are fuel in your fire.

it is never good to be bitter about love.

[mnieto 2]

Just read too many threads talking about - got the visa - just married - isn't working out - can we get a divorce??.... I am going for my interview in a few days (not that all those threads bother me).. just make me wonder if all of us really understand the change that we will go through, the adjustments that we will need to make... How do we prepare ourselves and how much is too little or too much preparation??

We = USC and SO

Would be nice to get both parties perspective

All of us immigrants will have to make huge adjustments, that's for sure. And the only way to prepare ourselves is to keep our immense expectations realistic and in perspective. Like everything else, everything will be exciting and new in the beginning, but once reality settles in we'll have to make sure to remember what we came for...which was for a loved one.

My fiance and I talk a lot about how we imagine our life together, what our life should look like, what we like and dislike...we try not to leave each other in the dark regarding mutual expectations.

I have been to the US many times and think that I have a pretty good idea about what the lifestyle and people are like. But as a matter of fact, often times I get totally overwhelmed there by things which seem strange or odd to me. That's when I start feeling like a stranger and a real alien (BTW, that's one of the funny little things -that the US uses the same term for somebody who's not from America and somebody who's from Mars...)

Ehm....anyways....

It is crucially important to talk to each other. It's important in regular relationships where both people share the same background, and even more in relationships where sometimes worlds collide. That's the reason why I think people should try to get to know each other as well as possible, before the immigrant makes this huge leap and comes to the US.

I'm determined to adjust myself as much as I can to the country I'm immigrating to. Not only because of the man I love, but also out of respect for the people of that country.

I guess that's a good basis to start from, once the immigrant walks off that plane at the Port of Entry (to put it in a pathetic way.... B) )

I know that my fiance and I are very different in many ways because of different backgrounds, language issues, attitudes, ........ a lot of understanding and mutual support is crucially important in any relationship, but even more in this kind of relationship or marriage.

Edited March 5, 2008 by mnieto

[tito 1]

"what are you doing here in this community? is it your mission to spread your opinion about K1 visas and the foreign spouses into the world?

well, because if this is the reason you are here, i don't think it does any good for you. you only become more bitter to see other people happy (90%) and then those whose marriages and relationships fail (10%). these 10% are fuel in your fire.

it is never good to be bitter about love."

Might I ask what so many doe-eyed, brightly optimistic persons not unlike yourself are doing here! That was my question to one other poster who keeps pointing to this illusory agenda. I have professional experience that I am sharing in instances where that experience bears a direct relationship to the circumstances. I dare say that many, many others not unlike yourself are lost in the 'warm-fuzzies' of wishes and hopes, buying into all of these repeated claims of abuse, threats, controlling spouses, and on and on the threads go, without contemplating another VERY important aspect...the other side of the story!

There's no bitterness...there is the reality I see in my practice on a daily basis that bears a very striking relationship to the stories in these threads. If everything is so perfect...why would anyone in their right mind be cruising these threads that are replete with examples of failed relationships, divorce, claims of violence and abuse, threatened spouses, and the like? That is the better question.

If 90% of the relationships are happy ones, THAT'S GREAT!!! But...really...of the many threads in this particular forum, there aren't many success stories! Or perhaps that fact might have escaped you. My observations deal with the 10% that fail, which seem to compromise 99% of the threads in this particular forum! There's no fire, there are observations I am sharing. It's never good to look into Pandora's Box, either, especially when there's nothing in it for you.

Edited March 6, 2008 by tito