New Life

[*JG* 2]

Just read too many threads talking about - got the visa - just married - isn't working out - can we get a divorce??.... I am going for my interview in a few days (not that all those threads bother me).. just make me wonder if all of us really understand the change that we will go through, the adjustments that we will need to make... How do we prepare ourselves and how much is too little or too much preparation??

We = USC and SO

Would be nice to get both parties perspective

Every relationship and marriage is an adjustment. As is every move to a new house, a new city, a new country. Combine them and, IMO, it is a huge adjustment. Like every relationship, some make it and some don't. Communication, patience, and compromise.....it CAN be done.

I'm not going to lie, though.......it is not all smooth sailing. You think just cause the visa is in your hand, it's all going to be sunshine and rainbows. That is often not the case. There's more paperwork, huge frustrations, and some disappointments along the way. I have found that we are constantly changing the course on which we were headed. It hasn't killed us. In fact, I think it's made us smarter and stronger.

Edited March 1, 2008 by Jomo's girl

[mox 298]

Personally I think you do have an agenda. Looking back over the thread you have ONE perspective on immigrants and ONE perspective on what they should do in the event of the relationship breaking down. Much of the content of your posts reveals a negative attitude towards fiance visa relationships. Sure, not all of them survive. No one is arguing that. Sure, no one can ever be *really* prepared for what happens after marriage - but these aspects are common to all human relationships. At least give us some credit for having thought about the choices we are making.

You don't have to just look over this thread, it's in every thread he posts to. Tito's got a one-track mind. He posts only in this forum, and he posts only the one argument. Over and over and over. All the while insisting he doesn't have an agenda. Pretty sure that kind of behavior is the very definition of an agenda, but maybe I've got immigrant-tard syndrome or something.

[Jeraly 4]

That's so nice that you will have Daniel with you. My hubby (then fiancé) was with me, too, and it sure helped to take the pressure off.

Am jealous - will be all alone when I have mine... boo!!!!

Oh and just on the sidenote - I had to help Daniel with all his documentation and then do mine also.

TOTALLY agree. I had to take care of all the documentation too. My husband didn't have a clue. But that's okay, because attention to detail is one of my strengths and most in tune with my line of work. His strengths lie in other areas. Not that I can "comprehend the nature and scope of the pressures and dynamics involved", mind you.

Yeah - I must say Jeremy helped out a lot at first but now I know a hella lot more than he does

I'm liking the metaphors

Met a fours help us simpel foke unnerstan stuff that's beyon ... beyon... way past our comm prenn shun.

Can't compute - words contain more than one syllable...

Same here! I suppose the assumption is that because the USC petitions the K1 visa, the fiance(e) is redundant in this process. (S)he simply needs to wait for the plane ticket to arrive in the post (because a NON-USC could never possibly have either the sense or financial means to buy a plane ticket), pack a bag, hop on the plane and then spend the next 10 years doing ####### all (due to inability to do anything constructive) except flicking light switches and marvelling at the wonder of electricity and threatening the USC with the affadavit of support.

No no no no no - electricity doesn't work light switches - those are activated by magic cockroaches. *sigh* wow - you're even stupid for a RANUSC

You don't have to just look over this thread, it's in every thread he posts to. Tito's got a one-track mind. He posts only in this forum, and he posts only the one argument. Over and over and over. All the while insisting he doesn't have an agenda. Pretty sure that kind of behavior is the very definition of an agenda, but maybe I've got immigrant-tard syndrome or something.

RIGHT ON!!11!!!!!1

Keerk - maybe you are really a RANUSC... were you born outside the US? Or is it just too much time spent in other countries?!

[mox 298]

RIGHT ON!!11!!!!!1

Keerk - maybe you are really a RANUSC... were you born outside the US? Or is it just too much time spent in other countries?!

Yeah, I think all those years spent abroad must have addled my brain. Would explain why I can't seem to balance my checkbook--math is HARD! Darn you immigrants and your infernal un-American ways!

[dbears 1]

Jeraly you are just too much! I hereby grant you the award "MOST RETARDED RANUSC"! Pls accept your trophy ... SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH!!! (your reatarded fans are clamoring)

Oh and just on the sidenote - I had to help Daniel with all his documentation and then do mine also.

TOTALLY agree. I had to take care of all the documentation too. My husband didn't have a clue. But that's okay, because attention to detail is one of my strengths and most in tune with my line of work. His strengths lie in other areas. Not that I can "comprehend the nature and scope of the pressures and dynamics involved", mind you.

Same here! I suppose the assumption is that because the USC petitions the K1 visa, the fiance(e) is redundant in this process. (S)he simply needs to wait for the plane ticket to arrive in the post (because a NON-USC could never possibly have either the sense or financial means to buy a plane ticket), pack a bag, hop on the plane and then spend the next 10 years doing ####### all (due to inability to do anything constructive) except flicking light switches and marvelling at the wonder of electricity and threatening the USC with the affadavit of support.

You did too? Gosh, I thought I was the only RANUSC who was granted the "entitlement'" to compile and arrange 95% of the documents we submitted for I-129F. Had to photoshop dates on all our pics (made montages also--not necessary but i wanted to show off our cute pics as much as i could), scanned & pinted all the necessary tickets and receipts, wrote all the needed supplements including cover letter and letters of intent and pre-filled I-129F & G-325 for him. All that was left for him was to insert his BC & divorce papers, 2x2pic, affix his signature where it is needed, pay the application fee and send it off. Of course I had VJ as my guide but still it was too much for my RANUSC brain to handle... my IQ further dropped to -311 and my nose was totally bleeding after that.

[dbears 1]

I was supposed to respond to tito's "went right above your head" but mox and others have already done so and it is pointless to add anything more to that especially when it seems it will never get across. And I was not offended in anyway coz though it was a response to my post, i am sure he was directing it to all RANUSC.... the truth is I actually feel sorry for tito.

Tito, are you still madly in love with your ex-wife whom you petitioned for K1 visa not a long time ago? If so, then it explains why you sound so bitter... If not, then why are you cementing her memory in your heart and mind by spewing your anger towards alien k1 beneficiaries and alien spouses/immigrants? It will never make her come back nor will it make your wounds less painful... it will only make you remember her and what she did to hurt you more and more.

when all things are said and done, most of us here will turn off the pc and have a life with our friends and family.... when all things are said and done, we will keep holding on to the hope that we will have a wonderful life with our SO's soon... some of us may fail, it might even be me but i will never take my pains out on others. I have been through a lot of pains in my life already but I have never allowed it to turn me into a bitter, hopeless, miserable, joyless person.... how about you? when all things are said and done, when you turn off your pc, how are you then?

i just hope in time, you will learn not only to forgive her but also forgive yourself... i just hope in time, you would be able to free yourself from your pains and anger and that your wounds would finally heal and you could begin to see that the world is not that dark after all.

my prayers goes out for you.

[tucson_chick 0]

well, at least tito is always here for entertainment.

so the rule for k1 visas is:

the foreign, female fiancee (only girls come to the US on a K1, because only male americans fall in love with their maid) comes to the US. she cannot read, write or speak and she lives in front of the stove. the USC files the AOS paperwork for her, but only if she cooks decent meals and if she gives head often enough. otherways he threatens her to not file for AOS for her. is that what happened to you and your maid, tito?

[tito 1]

You're all making this too easy.

First of all, everything's ironed itself out fine, thanks. I have personal and professional experience that I'm sharing.

The point of view that is being confused for an "agenda" is a perspective based in a practice that deals in exactly these situations. There are many immigrants in situations that they find difficult, and they dump their frustration out on the USC, and in the process, foist all the blame on the USC and look around for sympathy in a captive audience that sometimes involves a handful of participants here. But what about the USC's perspective? Many of these threads deal with immigrants who seem to be having a very difficult time adjusting. Of course, in a strange place with different circumstances, it's easier to make someone else responsible than to accept responsibility for the relationship onesself.

I don't see what the confusion is all about. But if you have not experienced both sides of the issue in a professional context, or have been through the process yourself, or do not have another basis for understanding what happens A LOT in these situations, then you're really not in a position to render judgment. There ARE 2 sides to the story, and in these threads, much of the time, we're only hearing one. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yet everyone seems to be quick to jump on the sympathy bandwagon without really knowing what's going on beyond what the poster is writing about. Maybe...just maybe...it's a matter of perception, or a different sort of expectation that the immigrant might have had than the reality of life here. Very simple, really. Life in one place is quite a bit different from life in another place...no matter your mathematical proclivities.

Edited March 2, 2008 by tito

[Ta Ta 1]

Having been on both sides of the fence I belief my experience renders valid advice.

I was an immigrant and was married to my petitioner for 24 years and then divorced him due to his emotional abuse and

cheating.

I am now a USC and petitioning an immigrant.

My advice : Be responsible and accountable for your own choices and actions, look within yourself and change what needs to be changed.

Look deep before you leap when selecting your mate.

Communication, compromise and respect are the essence in any relationship. When your SO has completed the adjustment period, respect his freedom to maneuver his new environment without resenting his new found navigation skills, without feeling compelled to " be needed " at every corner.

Respect his growth. Check yourself for co-dependency issues.

Do you " need to be needed ? " Resent it if he doesn't as much anymore ? See his emerging new confidence as threatening ?

Check yourself, what drives you ?

If the relationship doesn't work out and your foreign SO has wronged you and it can't be fixed then you move on.

Forgive and move on with hope. Life is short. A pancake always has two sides. B)

[mox 298]

You're all making this too easy.

You just think it's easy. But actually it's just that you don't know when you've been called out, beaten, tarred, feathered, and run out of town.

First of all, everything's ironed itself out fine, thanks. I have personal and professional experience that I'm sharing.

Do yourself a favor and NEVER tell anyone what firm you work for. You've got one of the absolute worst professional demeanors of anyone I've ever run across. If your employers ever knew the ####### you were spewing I'm sure they'd throw your asz out on the street faster than you could clean out your desk.

The point of view that is being confused for an "agenda" is a perspective based in a practice that deals in exactly these situations. There are many immigrants in situations that they find difficult, and they dump their frustration out on the USC, and in the process, foist all the blame on the USC and look around for sympathy in a captive audience that sometimes involves a handful of participants here. But what about the USC's perspective? Many of these threads deal with immigrants who seem to be having a very difficult time adjusting. Of course, in a strange place with different circumstances, it's easier to make someone else responsible than to accept responsibility for the relationship onesself.

Again with the arrogance. It's funny how your professional experience seems to only see a problem with the immigrant, and doesn't acknowledge the entire story, as you insist there are 2 sides to. You keep preaching there are 2 sides of the story, but you only acknowledge the single side of the story. You keep saying this forum is filled with stories about how the immigrant is mistreated, but you refuse to acknowledge that a) there are just as many posts the other way round and b) by its very nature a post is going to be one-sided because it's being posted by only the one person. As Jeraly and MANY MANY others have suggested, you need to address the immigration issues in the post, and stfu up the OTHER side of the story. Of course there's another side of the story, but it's a moot point. The other side of the story can't be told unless the other side happens to log into VJ and tell it.

I don't see what the confusion is all about. But if you have not experienced both sides of the issue in a professional context, or have been through the process yourself, or do not have another basis for understanding what happens A LOT in these situations, then you're really not in a position to render judgment. There ARE 2 sides to the story, and in these threads, much of the time, we're only hearing one. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yet everyone seems to be quick to jump on the sympathy bandwagon without really knowing what's going on beyond what the poster is writing about. Maybe...just maybe...it's a matter of perception, or a different sort of expectation that the immigrant might have had than the reality of life here. Very simple, really. Life in one place is quite a bit different from life in another place...no matter your mathematical proclivities.

And again with the "you are unqualified because you have no professional experience" arguments. Bullsh1t. When it comes to the particulars of the law, then you might have an argument. But so far nothing in this thread, nor the many threads you leech onto have dealt with particulars. So again, stfu about telling everyone they're not qualified to speak on an issue. You might want to note that the very nature of a forum is self-correcting. If anyone gets it wrong you bet someone will step in and correct them. Your argument, like all your arguments, holds no water.

Tell me tito...if you have no agenda then why is it that you post only in this forum, and only on the same subject. You never talk about anything else, and you always try to steer the conversation to fit your "2 sides of every story" argument. Again I say, this is the very definition of an agenda. So at least have the intellectual honesty to admit your agenda. It won't garner your skin-headed supremest motives any more respect, but at least you can stop blathering on about how you have no agenda.

[Ta Ta 1]

You're all making this too easy.

First of all, everything's ironed itself out fine, thanks. I have personal and professional experience that I'm sharing.

The point of view that is being confused for an "agenda" is a perspective based in a practice that deals in exactly these situations. There are many immigrants in situations that they find difficult, and they dump their frustration out on the USC, and in the process, foist all the blame on the USC and look around for sympathy in a captive audience that sometimes involves a handful of participants here. But what about the USC's perspective? Many of these threads deal with immigrants who seem to be having a very difficult time adjusting. Of course, in a strange place with different circumstances, it's easier to make someone else responsible than to accept responsibility for the relationship onesself.

I don't see what the confusion is all about. But if you have not experienced both sides of the issue in a professional context, or have been through the process yourself, or do not have another basis for understanding what happens A LOT in these situations, then you're really not in a position to render judgment. There ARE 2 sides to the story, and in these threads, much of the time, we're only hearing one. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yet everyone seems to be quick to jump on the sympathy bandwagon without really knowing what's going on beyond what the poster is writing about. Maybe...just maybe...it's a matter of perception, or a different sort of expectation that the immigrant might have had than the reality of life here. Very simple, really. Life in one place is quite a bit different from life in another place...no matter your mathematical proclivities.

A valid point that different perspectives and especially expectations can often cause problems. Therefore they must be

expressed and talked about.

Cover every issue that comes to mind.

Another very important fact, if you do not do the homework of what is all involved financially, emotionally, physically,

and understand the risk involved then it is in your best interest to not petition a foreign SO and look within your

own country.

Therein lies your responsibility and accountability. You made a choice and if it doesn't work out you deal with the consequences.

[Perseverance 1]

This is giving me deja vu

We have similar "disagreements" in sub saharan...however I dont find titos posts NEARLY as offensive as some of the others I have read...

The way I now choose to deal with this conflict is to ignore the offender. These posting wars never solve anything...and lead to locked threads...

That is my opinion...

[sj5 4]

how do I prepared my new life? (it depends who you're with) me and hubby get along very well its why we are married.

Thats true!!! The 'BIG' question is.... How many will falter when the real tests of life happen???

is there another real test? I thought I'm done with real test.. then I will answer that real test.

[Ta Ta 1]

Yes, Perseverance, I know what you mean, except our regional " disagreements " were mostly like" happy thread intrusions " no ?

At least here they are contained to the 'effects forum ' and not offensive to me. Some valid points were made. But a constant eroding negativity can bring on discord as we have recently seen in our regional forum.

A more balanced approach may be the answer.

[StillThePrettiest 3]

Tito's posts went over muh head

guess my ####### detector must be broken today

this, however, I got:

But actually it's just that you don't know when you've been called out, beaten, tarred, feathered, and run out of town.