New Life

[sara..... 371]

ya know before i even say this i know im gonna get told off ...................

this thread was about how to be prepared for your new life.....can you ever be prepared enough........

not a court room to try anything in..................

not a thread for lost love or being cheated...........

some of u are starting to sound like spoiled two year olds that have not had a nap.......

if you feel the need to fight as a spoiled children plz oh plz take it someplace else..... people click on this topic so that

they see if there is anything that they have not done or any information that is new that they might do to prepare for their journey ........ not to see adults becoming children

[mox 298]

if you feel the need to fight as a spoiled children plz oh plz take it someplace else..... people click on this topic so that

they see if there is anything that they have not done or any information that is new that they might do to prepare for their journey ........ not to see adults becoming children

Fine. Tell jeraly to stop touching me.

[sara..... 371]

if you feel the need to fight as a spoiled children plz oh plz take it someplace else..... people click on this topic so that

they see if there is anything that they have not done or any information that is new that they might do to prepare for their journey ........ not to see adults becoming children

Fine. Tell jeraly to stop touching me.

:lol: oh man im never gonna make a good parent i cant keep a straight face after that one :lol:

[tito 1]

"So, are you here on VJ to share your professional opinion as lawyer? Just curious."

No. I'm not rendering legal advice. I am sharing experiences I have encountered in my profession. Amidst all the warm and fuzzy sympathy is a different perspective that I have tried to bring to the forefront despite the officious intermeddling on the part of others who, for one reason or another, take things personally and see fit to make repeated personal attacks. Some of the optimism here is curious because it takes things for face value without taking into consideration the reality of these situations. Unfortunately, yes, these are horror stories that keep repeating. My point is that, if the immigrant thinks things are so bad, going home is an option. In the alternative, perhaps the perspective of the immigrant is narrow and ignorant of the perspective of the USC under the circumstances.

It takes a commitment on the part of 2 in a relationship. If one simply expects everything to be loaded on to a silver platter, that person will be disappointed, feel frustrated, feel as though their other half is manipulative and controlling, or that they are being abused, but then, under those circumstances, who is the abuser? Yet that theme repeats, with the same sympathy being thrown at the immigrant without any deference to the point of view of the USC...

[mox 298]

Yet that theme repeats, with the same sympathy being thrown at the immigrant without any deference to the point of view of the USC...

The threads on this forum do not correlate with your assertion. There are many, many examples of "abusive" (or however you want to label the behavior) conduct on this forum. Some are from the immigrant's point of view, some from the USC's. If there is "sympathy being thrown at the immigrant," it is because the OP of that particular thread is the immigrant. When USC's post their sad stories, you will see sympathies thrown their way too. The lopsided behavior that you keep insisting you see simply is not here.

Edited March 6, 2008 by mox

[Jeraly 4]

My point is that, if the immigrant thinks things are so bad, going home is an option. In the alternative, perhaps the perspective of the immigrant is narrow and ignorant of the perspective of the USC under the circumstances.

I can't speak for yours or anyone else's relationship but with respect to the OP and this topic, I think that part of building a successful relationship and adjusting isn't just the immigrant "going home". Of course it is an option, but most would prefer to try and work things out before spending a lot of time and money and emotional turmoil uprooting their lives.

Of course, you may view this differently, which I am sure you do and am sure we will all hear about it. Please do share, I am sure it will be a valuable insight to everyone in this thread about the adjustments you and your immigrant spouse made to ensure a successful transition from one country to another.

[Mags 112]

Some of the optimism here is curious because it takes things for face value without taking into consideration the reality of these situations.

Curious.

The same could be said regarding your advice always focusing on the negative. Sometimes, an orange IS just an orange.

[Jeraly 4]

Some of the optimism here is curious because it takes things for face value without taking into consideration the reality of these situations.

Curious.

The same could be said regarding your advice always focusing on the negative. Sometimes, an orange IS just an orange.

I personally like to be optimistic and realistic at the same time - it *is* possible. First you look at your cr@ppy situation. Then you look at every worst possible scenario and address each one so you have a plan for each. Then you get on with your life looking at the best possible outcome (or how you can make the best of a bad situation) with a positive outlook so you don't a) drag down everyone around you B) sink into a deep suicidal depression and c) bore everyone to death with how terrible everything is

[tito 1]

You have no idea about MY particular life...so once again, don't make this personal, and don't make any assumptions. I've done absolutely nothing to make any derogatory comment about you, and I have not made this personal despite the repeated attacks by a handful of posters.

The harsh reality is, once again, that these threads are FULL of examples of really bad situations...perhaps for the immigrant; perhaps for the USC; perhaps for both. Without knowing the other side of the story, it's not really fair to jump on a sympathetic bandwagon especially when the likelihood is in many of these cases, which are representative of what happens in a practice that has as its emphasis immigration issues, is that the other side of the story is equally as compelling and in many cases the immigrant crying 'foul' is hardly a victim at all. I feel that it's important to bring that possibility to the attention of those who buy into the victim claim hook, line and sinker. Plain and simple. You don't agree with the assessment, that's fine! You don't like how I say it, that's fine too! But this incessant personal attack? Well, it doesn't bother me in the least. Everyone is free to stumble around in the dark tilting at windmills. There is sound reason that is being overlooked in the process.

Sometimes an orange may, indeed, be an orange. But when the orange being complained of in the majority of cases turns out to be a loaf of bread, one ought take away the wrapper before rendering a judgment. It just so happes that this forum IS in the bakery, no matter how orange it may seem. My focus is not on the negative, per se, it has more to do with an alternative perspective that is being overlooked repeatedly. This forum deals with a lot of negative things happening, and life isn't all warm and fuzzy under the circumstances.

Edited March 8, 2008 by tito

[Jeraly 4]

Some of the optimism here is curious because it takes things for face value without taking into consideration the reality of these situations.

Curious.

The same could be said regarding your advice always focusing on the negative. Sometimes, an orange IS just an orange.

I personally like to be optimistic and realistic at the same time - it *is* possible. First you look at your cr@ppy situation. Then you look at every worst possible scenario and address each one so you have a plan for each. Then you get on with your life looking at the best possible outcome (or how you can make the best of a bad situation) with a positive outlook so you don't a) drag down everyone around you B) sink into a deep suicidal depression and c) bore everyone to death with how terrible everything is

You have no idea about MY particular life...so once again, don't make this personal, and don't make any assumptions. I've done absolutely nothing to make any derogatory comment about you, and I have not made this personal despite the repeated attacks by a handful of posters.

Apologies if you felt my post was personal, I was using the word "you" as a second person grammatical perspective rather than directing it at anyone in particular. If it makes you (intended to refer to tito) feel better then please feel free to substitute the boldened text in my previous post with the word "one".

I was actually referring to some not-so-great situations that I personally have been in but if you (again intended to refer to tito) would like to make this personal then feel free - I was merely making a general statement about how I have handled less-than-desirable situations.

[Mags 112]

The harsh reality is, once again, that these threads are FULL of examples of really bad situations...perhaps for the immigrant; perhaps for the USC; perhaps for both.

Once more the reason that this is so is because this is the Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits section of VJ. ALL the threads here are going to be sad stories about broken relationships. To put in in perspective though the remainder of VJ tends to be a happy place (relationship wise) once the beneficiary is over in the USA. There is probably ONE sad thread for every 30/40 (or more) happy threads.

Without knowing the other side of the story, it's not really fair to jump on a sympathetic bandwagon especially when the likelihood is in many of these cases, which are representative of what happens in a practice that has as its emphasis immigration issues, is that the other side of the story is equally as compelling and in many cases the immigrant crying 'foul' is hardly a victim at all.

Oh you have a valid point. Of course perhaps the same could be thrown back at you and we could say that perhaps you shouldn't be so eager to jump on the "she's only doing it for a GC!" or "you've been lied to and tricked!' bandwagon.

I feel that it's important to bring that possibility to the attention of those who buy into the victim claim hook, line and sinker. Plain and simple. You don't agree with the assessment, that's fine! You don't like how I say it, that's fine too!

Once more, it IS important to bring into play certain potential aspects. But to focus on THOSE aspects and ONLY those aspects is also misleading. You clearly only focus on the negative sides of it all rather than weighing up both sides of the coin.

The other thing to remember is that you have clearly stated that you give information on what you have heard and seen at your legal practice. Many of the posters dedicated to this section of the forum have actually experienced it THEMSELVES, first hand, rather than second, third or fourth hand.

Something to think about.

Sometimes an orange may, indeed, be an orange. But when the orange being complained of in the majority of cases turns out to be a loaf of bread.

I've never had an orange turn into a loaf of bread. You need to shop in better places.

Edited March 8, 2008 by Mags

[mox 298]

You have no idea about MY particular life...so once again, don't make this personal, and don't make any assumptions. I've done absolutely nothing to make any derogatory comment about you, and I have not made this personal despite the repeated attacks by a handful of posters.

Tito, you keep refusing to address any questions about your situation or your professional experience. Which is fine, it is of course your prerogative. However, stop with the "in my professional experience" #######. If you refuse to discuss where your experience comes from, then you don't get to legitimize your arguments based on your experience. Nothing you have said yet indicates any experience past what the typical clerk or VJ member would know. So either put up or shut up.

The harsh reality is, once again, that these threads are FULL of examples of really bad situations...perhaps for the immigrant; perhaps for the USC; perhaps for both. Without knowing the other side of the story, it's not really fair to jump on a sympathetic bandwagon especially when the likelihood is in many of these cases, which are representative of what happens in a practice that has as its emphasis immigration issues, is that the other side of the story is equally as compelling and in many cases the immigrant crying 'foul' is hardly a victim at all.

And yet you continue to only address the one side of the case. You say there are two sides, but inevitably (in tito world) the one side of the case is the immigrant screaming abuse. That's not 2 sides, tito. That's the same side of a very ugly and inaccurate opinion.

I feel that it's important to bring that possibility to the attention of those who buy into the victim claim hook, line and sinker. Plain and simple. You don't agree with the assessment, that's fine! You don't like how I say it, that's fine too! But this incessant personal attack? Well, it doesn't bother me in the least. Everyone is free to stumble around in the dark tilting at windmills. There is sound reason that is being overlooked in the process.

For someone who isn't bothered by personal attacks, you sure bring them up often enough, and even manage to lob a few out to the "windmill tilters." (By the way, you might actually want to read Don Quixote, where your quote comes from. You might get a better idea of what tilting at windmills actually means...and then you'll laugh!

Sometimes an orange may, indeed, be an orange. But when the orange being complained of in the majority of cases turns out to be a loaf of bread, one ought take away the wrapper before rendering a judgment. It just so happes that this forum IS in the bakery, no matter how orange it may seem.

You know tito, a bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver.

My focus is not on the negative, per se, it has more to do with an alternative perspective that is being overlooked repeatedly. This forum deals with a lot of negative things happening, and life isn't all warm and fuzzy under the circumstances.

Well...sorry but your view *is* a negative view. And you know what? That would be fine if you had whatchacall an objective viewpoint. If you were bashing the USC as often (or hell, even at all) as you bash the immigrant, at least you'd be honestly negative. But time and time again you paint them with the broadest, nastiest brush you can find. That's why I keep saying you have an agenda. You keep saying there are 2 sides, but you say it like when one political party acknowledges that voters really have a choice, and say something like "you can vote for America or you can vote for the terrorists." You would have us believe that the 2 sides of the coin are the pure and holy USC, and the evil and money-grubbing immigrant. You present a false argument, and that's why--except for the occasional minion who shows up in your defense (and they're hillarious with their lack of puncuation and their bold-facing, don't get me wrong)--everyone here is always jumping in the middle of your #######.

Edited March 8, 2008 by mox

[bakofoil 27]

Tito, I think everyone here realises that not all stories are as they seem and that not every relationship ends up the way we hope and expect it to.

As for personal attacks, in a number of your posts you have accused those frequenting this particular forum of having an ulterior motive for doing so. That is presumptuous and unfair of you. Besides which, this thread was only ever about avoiding possible pitfalls.

Perhaps people post 'I'm so sorry you are going through this!' because they are compelled by conscience to do so. Short of having anything really constructive to say it is the best that person could do at that time and it makes THEM feel better. Maybe they shouldn't post at all. However, I think it is equally unhelpful to post a one-sided opinion or knee-jerk reaction to an OP's statement or question. Whilst it may be true that the immigrant could go home this is one of a number of options available. In the circumstances generally described in these threads it is best to remove your emotions from your response and use your head. That is what is most helpful to the OP.

It's no good complaining about people making personal attacks towards you when you have done precisely the same to them. I am of the opinion that you see and read what you want to see or read. A lot of really constructive responses to your posts you have completely overlooked. You choose to see the ones which you personally find derisive. Your choice.

eta: address to tito since I didn't expect half of VJ to post a response faster than me!

Edited March 8, 2008 by babblesgirl

[Jeraly 4]

Well...sorry but your view *is* a negative view. And you know what? That would be fine if you had whatchacall an objective viewpoint. If you were bashing the USC as often (or hell, even at all) as you bash the immigrant, at least you'd be honestly negative. But time and time again you paint them with the broadest, nastiest brush you can find. That's why I keep saying you have an agenda. You keep saying there are 2 sides, but you say it like when one political party acknowledges that voters really have a choice, and say something like "you can vote for America or you can vote for the terrorists." You would have us believe that the 2 sides of the coin are the pure and holy USC, and the evil and money-grubbing immigrant. You present a false argument, and that's why--except for the occasional minion who shows up in your defense (and they're hillarious with their lack of puncuation and their bold-facing, don't get me wrong)--everyone here is always jumping in the middle of your #######.

Boo - go away evil USC!!! RIGHT ON!!1!

Perhaps people post 'I'm so sorry you are going through this!' because they are compelled by conscience to do so. Short of having anything really constructive to say it is the best that person could do at that time and it makes THEM feel better. Maybe they shouldn't post at all. However, I think it is equally unhelpful to post a one-sided opinion or knee-jerk reaction to an OP's statement or question. Whilst it may be true that the immigrant could go home this is one of a number of options available. In the circumstances generally described in these threads it is best to remove your emotions from your response and use your head. That is what is most helpful to the OP.

I must agree here (maybe because we are both RANUSCs from the UK - we have to stick together, right?!) - If I were in a situation where I felt trapped, miserable, at my wit's end, useless etc etc with no-one to turn to, I would welcome sympathy and even positive viewpoints. Chances are that by the time I posted in this particular forum I was already feeling pretty worthless and like all hope was lost. Sometimes the positive outlooks are needed to make people realise that even though they think the worst and feel the worst, there are alternative POSITIVE viewpoints, whether they are the case or not.

I am sure that there are instances, even in this forum, where someone has jumped to a conclusion or felt like nothing was working out only to realise later, after some REAL constructive advice and support, that things aren't so bad after all. By all means, shoot me if I am wrong, but I would wager that there are even cases where, *gasp* things worked out alright in the end in spite of the initial post/reaction/bad situation.

[bakofoil 27]

I must agree here (maybe because we are both RANUSCs from the UK - we have to stick together, right?!) - If I were in a situation where I felt trapped, miserable, at my wit's end, useless etc etc with no-one to turn to, I would welcome sympathy and even positive viewpoints. Chances are that by the time I posted in this particular forum I was already feeling pretty worthless and like all hope was lost. Sometimes the positive outlooks are needed to make people realise that even though they think the worst and feel the worst, there are alternative POSITIVE viewpoints, whether they are the case or not.

I am sure that there are instances, even in this forum, where someone has jumped to a conclusion or felt like nothing was working out only to realise later, after some REAL constructive advice and support, that things aren't so bad after all. By all means, shoot me if I am wrong, but I would wager that there are even cases where, *gasp* things worked out alright in the end in spite of the initial post/reaction/bad situation.

I think this is a completely fair assessment. And yes, if the OP is the non-USC, where do they turn to for advice/support? Maybe the situation described is six of one and half a dozen of the other. We're all mature people who know that there are two sides to the story. Even in the case of the USC being the OP, there's sufficient outrage/lack of understanding in society about bringing home a foreign bride/husband to make the USC feel scared about admitting defeat to his/her family and friends.

The OP deserves to receive constructive advice on the situation whether they are guilty or not, because until proven otherwise we cannot assume either innocence or guilt. Any good lawyer knows that.