January Filers at the CSC - How are you doing?

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Your children are beautiful! And I love the crazy mom page - that's made me giggle.

I do love the UK.

Here's what I'll miss:

The Peak District (just outside of Sheffield. I never tire of the views!) There are many photos in that directory - most of them were taken by me - I couldn't possible choose a favourite! England is lovely and green; there's no other country that quite comes close to the same shade of green that you'll find in fields and gardens here.

My family - of course! I don't actually see them all that often (3-4 times a year) but we're still quite close-knit. On the other hand, sometimes my family is best kept at a bit of a distance - I love chatting to them on the phone but visiting them can grow tiring after a while! I look forward to taking my parents on trips around the US, too.

The convenience of living in an inner city - England is a little too cramped, sometimes - but it's not always a bad thing! America doesn't quite get the concept of 'local' shops and a pub! It's great being able to walk into the city centre and the big entertainment complex is easily reached via the city trams. I've never needed a car here.

My friends - it's taken me years to form some very solid friendships, and I know it's going to be hard to start afresh! I have a wonderful housemate and another friend here in Sheffield I see nearly every day and I'm not looking forward to leaving them behind.

NHS - it's always been good to me, and I'll miss my free birth control and being able to get a doctor's appointment almost immediately with no additional costs incurred. Alex made an appointment the other day at his doctor's and not only does he have to wait a month for a free slot, he has to pay $75.

Food - Jaffa Cakes, decent chocolate, so many curry houses, my mother's Sunday Roasts...the list is endless! On the other hand California has eggnog and Trader Joe's.

Easy access to the rest of Europe - thanks to plenty of holiday time and cheap flights I've had plenty of opportunities to visit other European countries. My dad often takes one of us on a weekend break to a European city.

Now for some photos!

My current house. My housemate owns it, and has decorated it very nicely! It has new windows now and she's also done a tremendous amount of work in the garden.

My parents' house in my home town. They live by the sea.

My dad and three of my brothers and sisters walking the dogs in the local woods. I love those dogs - they're so utterly stupid and completely adorable.

A clearer photo of my sister and one of my grandfathers with his legendary eyebrows.

My littlest brother and sister - they're twins, and they're so cute.

My sister and the family cat. That's as big as he'll grow - he has a disability that restricted both his physical and mental growth - he's not quite all there. But he's as adorable as the dogs - very affectionate.

[Chris Future 0]

Why? Do you expect me to tell you all our personal reasons why we have to leave by August and not earlier? Do you honestly believe that we would intentionally wait till august without a valid reason? I would give my arms and legs to be with him again even for just one day.. how much more a lifetime?! It's not all "bask" and "stuff" dear, we have deeper and more serious reasons which you are not entitled to know.

And if you think your negative and hateful comment can turn me into a negative person like you. I'm sorry to disappoint you, I have been through a lot in my life already and the only reason I am still surviving is because I chose to stay positive and not let my trials get me down, and you definitely won't be a reason for me to start loving misery now.

Being negative won't help anybody, that will only foster frustration more, and I believe Blake wanted to help other's combat those frustrations in a positive way by positive interaction with others on the same boat. And if having a positive outlook is really hard for you, pls do give blakes thread the respect it deserves because so far, Blake and other wonderful people in this thread have managed to keep it as positive as possible, in case you haven't noticed.

Goood luck on your journey.

dbears, I like you a little bit more with every post you make!

You are completely right, and I am in a similar situation - if I were approved tomorrow, I'd also be delaying my entry into the US until late August/September. For me this is because both Alex and I need to save up as much money as possible, and because we have given late October as a tentative wedding date to our friends and family. That does not, however, mean that I don't miss Alex terribly and it's a little insulting to have it insinuated that I don't love Alex as much as I could just because I am trying to be practical about the whole visa situation.

I am glad that you are not allowing yourself to be beaten down by anyone; I really appreciate your positive outlook on this forum and you've been a tremendous help to so many of us. I have no doubt that you're an amazing mother to your children.

Wow - you guys are pretty amazing. Susan tells you how she feels and not only do you slam her, you pat each other on the back for slamming her. We have tons of reasons to want to be together as soon as possible, and its inconceivable to us that anyone would want to delay their entry into the US. Of course everyone has reasons for this and that, but she never asked you to reveal anything - if anything your response was negative and hateful - you dont know her at all so making those kinds of assertions is just that. If you read the post you will see its railing against frustrations we all feel as others who submit at the same time as us or even after us get approved simply due to the luck of the draw.

I love the way most people in face to face support groups are allowed to vent their frustrations, but in online support groups are required to keep everything light and positive. Thats just not reality, sisters.

And then you guys start sharing pictures, like wow - we agreed with each other on slamming someone and now we are buddy buddy? You remind me of the soccer moms at a gymnastics class I used to take my kids to, where the they got together to talk about how their husbands were idiots and how work was overrated, comparing pedicures etc.

The post title is "How are you doing" Susan told you how she was doing and she got slammed. Nice.

[dbears 1]

I don't really like when the temperatures are very high, but it makes me dream to see these wonderful lanscapes! Sand, sea, trees,... so beautiful!

Sounds lovely. I hope you could share some pics.. i can only dream of visiting France while you live there. I honestly envy you.

Your children are beautiful! And I love the crazy mom page - that's made me giggle.

I do love the UK.

Here's what I'll miss:

The Peak District (just outside of Sheffield. I never tire of the views!) There are many photos in that directory - most of them were taken by me - I couldn't possible choose a favourite! England is lovely and green; there's no other country that quite comes close to the same shade of green that you'll find in fields and gardens here.

My family - of course! I don't actually see them all that often (3-4 times a year) but we're still quite close-knit. On the other hand, sometimes my family is best kept at a bit of a distance - I love chatting to them on the phone but visiting them can grow tiring after a while! I look forward to taking my parents on trips around the US, too.

The convenience of living in an inner city - England is a little too cramped, sometimes - but it's not always a bad thing! America doesn't quite get the concept of 'local' shops and a pub! It's great being able to walk into the city centre and the big entertainment complex is easily reached via the city trams. I've never needed a car here.

My friends - it's taken me years to form some very solid friendships, and I know it's going to be hard to start afresh! I have a wonderful housemate and another friend here in Sheffield I see nearly every day and I'm not looking forward to leaving them behind.

NHS - it's always been good to me, and I'll miss my free birth control and being able to get a doctor's appointment almost immediately with no additional costs incurred. Alex made an appointment the other day at his doctor's and not only does he have to wait a month for a free slot, he has to pay $75.

Food - Jaffa Cakes, decent chocolate, so many curry houses, my mother's Sunday Roasts...the list is endless! On the other hand California has eggnog and Trader Joe's.

Easy access to the rest of Europe - thanks to plenty of holiday time and cheap flights I've had plenty of opportunities to visit other European countries. My dad often takes one of us on a weekend break to a European city.

Now for some photos!

My current house. My housemate owns it, and has decorated it very nicely! It has new windows now and she's also done a tremendous amount of work in the garden.

My parents' house in my home town. They live by the sea.

My dad and three of my brothers and sisters walking the dogs in the local woods. I love those dogs - they're so utterly stupid and completely adorable.

A clearer photo of my sister and one of my grandfathers with his legendary eyebrows.

My littlest brother and sister - they're twins, and they're so cute.

My sister and the family cat. That's as big as he'll grow - he has a disability that restricted both his physical and mental growth - he's not quite all there. But he's as adorable as the dogs - very affectionate.

Are you serious? including his mental growth? You cracked me up with that one

The peak district is simply AMAZING! It's sooo beautiful! How could you leave such a place? Ahh, LOVE

Your brothers and sisters are all good looking and the kids are soo cute... are they all your siblings or cousins? it seems there are so many of you in the family... and your granpa, are those eyebrows real????

[Alex & Rachel 78]

There is nothing wrong with venting frustration but I don't see why you have to bash others at the same time. Susan made assertions and assumptions of her own - dbears is not living the perfect VSC life - she has not been approved yet - and to suggest to any of us that we are wrong to not want to be with our other halves immediately is very hurtful.

[Chris Future 0]

There is nothing wrong with venting frustration but I don't see why you have to bash others at the same time. Susan made assertions and assumptions of her own - dbears is not living the perfect VSC life - she has not been approved yet - and to suggest to any of us that we are wrong to not want to be with our other halves immediately is very hurtful.

If you agree that bashing others is not good, then why do you did you do it? And I don't think she was bashing her specifically, it was venting frustration that others will get speedy approvals and will be able to take their time and be all leisurely about coming to the US, when others of us are desperate to be together.

The other thing we hear is about all these people getting their approvals so fast that they aren't prepared to move. To those people I say - I'll trade places with you any day.

What it like living in you country and what will you miss most:

Lets see:

- the cost of living was so high that we needed two paychecks to survive

- the socialized health care was "free" but cost a tons in taxes, both personal and sales

- the weather was hot and humid in the summer and tons of snow and horrible storms in the winter

- the only things I miss are the rest of my family and some of the foods I can't get here, and some of the Greek culture I used to enjoy in the Greektown in Toronto

We will all miss something about where we came from, but unless you embrace the good things about the US you wont be happy. No socialized medicine, but health care quality is better etc... I know two kinds of immigrants, those who move and embrace the culture and people of the country they move to, and those who spend every day pining for their homeland - trust me the latter are never happy. When you move, its not just to be with your love, its also to embrace the country and culture that they live in, otherwise you will never be totally happy.

Edited March 6, 2008 by Chris Future

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I don't believe that I bashed Susan - and if she thinks I did, then I am very sorry - I just said I was glad that dbears was not allowing anyone to pull down her sunny disposition. Susan's post was specifically aimed at dbears and I think dbears was right to say what she did; perhaps we read the posts a little differently from each other.

There is plenty I love about the US and there is also plenty that I won't miss about the UK - if I thought that I could not bear to leave the UK I would have asked Alex to move here, instead. I don't think there is anything wrong with acknowledging what you may miss, though - it helps to be realistic; life is not always a bed of roses and I don't expect my life to suddenly turn perfect once I am in the US.

Are you serious? including his mental growth? You cracked me up with that one

The peak district is simply AMAZING! It's sooo beautiful! How could you leave such a place? Ahh, LOVE

Your brothers and sisters are all good looking and the kids are soo cute... are they all your siblings or cousins? it seems there are so many of you in the family... and your granpa, are those eyebrows real????

I'm serious - I can't think of the condition he had, but it was related to a growth on his head - he needed an operation to turn his eyelids the right way out when he was a kitten, and he has a very domed head. My dad is a vet and the one who operated on him and after that decided to adopt him.

He's a bit vacant and not very cat-like - my mother cheered when he first killed a bird because it showed that he was developing better than they'd hoped for. He has the cutest, tiniest meow and he'll allow anyone to pick him up.

I know - I shall miss the Peak District, but California has some lovely forests and parks, too, and I must admit it will be nice to have a little more sunshine - England's not nearly as warm or as sunny as my photos would have you believe! The last three times I have visited the Peak District it has been all foggy and grey.

I joke that I'm the short, ugly one of the family - seriously, though, the twins will probably grow up to be taller than me and my sisters are very, very good-looking. I'm 5'7 - the women are all 5'8 or taller, and the men are all above 6' in my family. I'm taller than most of Alex's relatives, however

The kids in the photos are all my siblings - three brothers, two sisters. My grandfather's eyebrows are very real, and a bit of a family legend.

Edited March 6, 2008 by Alex & Rachel

[dbears 1]

dbears:

you are living the perfect VSC life... must be nice... if i had my chance i would give up everything at the first chance to be with the man i love... i wouldnt wait to "bask" and "stuff" the thought of the "jackpot" was intended as "fun" as such from what i read from your last posts... how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? and you were with CSC and watching the VSC approvals wiz by..i guess a lot of praying would make you feel better but it wouldnt make it happen any faster.

Wow - you guys are pretty amazing. Susan tells you how she feels and not only do you slam her, you pat each other on the back for slamming her. We have tons of reasons to want to be together as soon as possible, and its inconceivable to us that anyone would want to delay their entry into the US. Of course everyone has reasons for this and that, but she never asked you to reveal anything - if anything your response was negative and hateful - you dont know her at all so making those kinds of assertions is just that. If you read the post you will see its railing against frustrations we all feel as others who submit at the same time as us or even after us get approved simply due to the luck of the draw.

I love the way most people in face to face support groups are allowed to vent their frustrations, but in online support groups are required to keep everything light and positive. Thats just not reality, sisters.

And then you guys start sharing pictures, like wow - we agreed with each other on slamming someone and now we are buddy buddy? You remind me of the soccer moms at a gymnastics class I used to take my kids to, where the they got together to talk about how their husbands were idiots and how work was overrated, comparing pedicures etc.

The post title is "How are you doing" Susan told you how she was doing and she got slammed. Nice.

Since when have I become the system? You read her post, isn't that specifically attacking me? So you mean it is ok for you and susan to be saying not so nice comments directed to other people but it is not ok for those people to react? WOW! and you cry fairness???? GEE!!!

You have your frustrations, vent away, nobody is stopping you. Say all the nasty things you can say about your system, about your government, because after all, that is your government BUT do not direct it at other people who are also in the process like you.

And now, your taking offense to even our way of passing time? Why? what would be more productive then? To spend our time venting and venting and venting and venting? Get a life!

[BlakeandOlha 0]

First of all, I think every path is an individual path and no one person can really judge another here. Susan, dbears, Chris, Cecil, and me are all trying to make it through this process the best way we can. I know for myself and for Olga the complexities of moving a child around the world where there is a new language, new surroundings, and new culture are taken very seriously. It doesn't matter if one is moving from Canada or from the Ukraine, or from France - there's a lot involved here. And as parents we all feel a special responsibility for our children or children of the person moving. There's a lot of anxiety in this process, and we all feel it. So I think the best process is one where we keep our eyes on our own prize, while at the same time we reach out to support others as they journey to theirs.

My initial intention was to file in early December so that Olga and her son would be able to arrive in July - not only for her son's acclimation, but also so we could all spend long evening hours together doing activities that are best done during the warm summer months. It is hard to play tennis with a gale blowing in off Lake Michigan ya know. But in the words of Robert Burns...."the best laid plans of mice and men...." My filing didn't take place until the end of January, so here I am in a scramble - watching approvals closely and trying to figure ways to shave days off the process once it gets past the NVC stage. Although I'm not sure how long it takes dBears' SO to get to her, I'm sure it is a difficult and expensive process. For me to travel to see Olga takes at least 20 hours, some of which are spent in airplanes from the Kruschev era - it's also very expensive, and only getting more so. I love the fact that wherever you look, there are so many different flags underneath the profiles of posters - it points out to me that we are all different, yet we are all the same.

What each of us would do, given the chance to be in someone else's shoes, is kinda irrelevant. We all have our own realities to deal with, and if we look back to when we filed - we each probably had an expectation that this process would take a certain number of days or months. If the VSC has stepped up the approval process, great, does that change the expectation that I had when I entered this process, no it does not. Honestly, I am sometimes envious of the rapid approvals of some of the VSC filers, but that still doesn't change the rules of the game I signed up for.

Having run face to face support groups, I know ythat being able to vent frustration is important. But even there, there are rules...the individuals should only talk about their own feelings, and not direct them at other members of the community. Nothing breaks down a group faster than when the word "You" replaces the word "I". The reason why I started this thread was so that we could all talk about and deal with the frustration that Susan, Chris, and so many others are experiencing, and to receive support from other January filers, regardless of which service center they are applying to. I would like this thread to continue to be one of support and productive conversation.

Rachel - those are the most amazing eyebrows I've ever seen! Can you get those bronzed? You'll also be happy to know we do have cities and neighborhood pubs

dbears - your kids are beautiful, how are you planning to work with them to prepare them for a new language and a new school?

Susan - moving a teenager must be a whole different adventure, how is he dealing with the prospect of leaving all his friends behind?

Cecil - Why do you have to give three mos. notice? Is that a legal requirement, or just your contractual obligation? Does giving that much notice put you at any risk of just having your contract terminated?

Chris - On another thread you talked about your frustrations with the whole immigration process, and your history in dealing with this subject. I'd be interested in knowing how you've dealt with the frustrations in the past- any strategies you might have could help me and perhaps others?

One thing that strikes me is how many thoughtful and articulate people there are involved with VJ, getting to know some of you has made a big difference in how I've been able to manage my own personal journey.

[BlakeandOlha 0]

Are all schools in the US need to have very early registration? Ricky & I have been assuming that would still be July or August... Our school year here starts june and ends in March. I would still be enrolling my kids for june and july so they will have something to do while waiting to go there and also for them to be able to say goodbye to their friends in school.

No problem with registering in July or August - people move all the time, and normally the children move with them (if they are behaving well ) You should be fine, but make sure you have all your kids vaccination paperwork translated (if they are not in english) because this is a precondition for enrollment.

[MissYoko 4]

Cecil - Why do you have to give three mos. notice? Is that a legal requirement, or just your contractual obligation? Does giving that much notice put you at any risk of just having your contract terminated?

Yes its the legal requirement in France, for work, for rent...

I will have to do the same.

Its one of the big point for me. I wait for the NOA2 to notice my employer i will leave 3 months later. I can't do that before, as i can't take the risk to stay some weeks without money and the same for my rent. If i was alone maybe, but i have my daughters with me.

And by the way, as i have and agreement with my daughter's father, i have to take care about that she'll have to spend Christmas with her father. So between the 3 months for work and rent, and the obligation that my daughter have to be back in France for Christmas. I really hope to get the NOA2 in june...

[BlakeandOlha 0]

Cecil - Why do you have to give three mos. notice? Is that a legal requirement, or just your contractual obligation? Does giving that much notice put you at any risk of just having your contract terminated?

Yes its the legal requirement in France, for work, for rent...

I will have to do the same.

Its one of the big point for me. I wait for the NOA2 to notice my employer i will leave 3 months later. I can't do that before, as i can't take the risk to stay some weeks without money and the same for my rent. If i was alone maybe, but i have my daughters with me.

And by the way, as i have and agreement with my daughter's father, i have to take care about that she'll have to spend Christmas with her father. So between the 3 months for work and rent, and the obligation that my daughter have to be back in France for Christmas. I really hope to get the NOA2 in june...

I hope you get your June approval, actually I think we're tracking that way. CSC is generally working on October filers which would only put you 3 months away (hopefully!!!) Does your daughter have to return to France or can her father spend Christmas with her in the States - if the dollar keeps falling against the Euro it might be a lot cheaper for him to visit her here. In the Ukraine they do not have much protection for workers, or requirements that they give a certain number of days notice before leaving a job. So when I go over to be at the interview with Olga I am intending to bring her and her son back with me on this same trip but she will be working up until we get word that the visa has been approved. Bon chance

[Alex & Rachel 78]

What each of us would do, given the chance to be in someone else's shoes, is kinda irrelevant. We all have our own realities to deal with, and if we look back to when we filed - we each probably had an expectation that this process would take a certain number of days or months. If the VSC has stepped up the approval process, great, does that change the expectation that I had when I entered this process, no it does not. Honestly, I am sometimes envious of the rapid approvals of some of the VSC filers, but that still doesn't change the rules of the game I signed up for.

Rachel - those are the most amazing eyebrows I've ever seen! Can you get those bronzed? You'll also be happy to know we do have cities and neighborhood pubs

I agree whole-heartedly with the paragraph quoted above. I still do have expectations - I'd love to be approved in time to move to the US in early September - but if it takes longer, c'est la vie and I shall be married in February or perhaps spring instead.

When I was little I used to think that having luxurious, thick facial hair was a requirement of growing old - my other grandfather has the most enormous beard

I'll be living in one of the largest metropolitan areas in the US - the Bay Area - but Alex's family live in the suburbs, and it's a mile and a half to the nearest shops. Still, we'll have to move soon after I arrive, so who knows where we may end up! Perhaps I'll get inner city living after all!

It's 20 hours for me to travel to see Alex, too. Only 12 of those hours are spent in the air, but when you factor in waiting at airports in-between flights and checking-in times it's of course a lot longer. I always try to leave plenty of time between flights after the first visit I made to California. On the way there I had a 1 1/2 hour layover at Chicago and although my flight was on time I only just made the connecting flight. On the way back tornadoes delayed my flight by 5 hours - we had to emergency touch down in Des Moines and I missed my flight back home. The next available flight was 24 hours later - and I was due in Italy the day after that! I had an uncomfortable (and cold) night attempting to sleep on Chicago airport's floor and I didn't have a shower for three days - yuck! Oh, and my luggage was lost along the way and I spent my time in Italy having to share my sister's clothes.

This Christmas I left 5 hours between flights - everything ended up being on time but I am still glad I did it as I never really want to go through that experience again! I just made sure I brought along my PSP and plenty of Futurama episodes to pass the time.

Sorry - rambling again. This must be the most verbose thread I've seen on these forums.

Edited March 6, 2008 by Alex & Rachel

[MissYoko 4]

Cecil - Why do you have to give three mos. notice? Is that a legal requirement, or just your contractual obligation? Does giving that much notice put you at any risk of just having your contract terminated?

Yes its the legal requirement in France, for work, for rent...

I will have to do the same.

Its one of the big point for me. I wait for the NOA2 to notice my employer i will leave 3 months later. I can't do that before, as i can't take the risk to stay some weeks without money and the same for my rent. If i was alone maybe, but i have my daughters with me.

And by the way, as i have and agreement with my daughter's father, i have to take care about that she'll have to spend Christmas with her father. So between the 3 months for work and rent, and the obligation that my daughter have to be back in France for Christmas. I really hope to get the NOA2 in june...

I hope you get your June approval, actually I think we're tracking that way. CSC is generally working on October filers which would only put you 3 months away (hopefully!!!) Does your daughter have to return to France or can her father spend Christmas with her in the States - if the dollar keeps falling against the Euro it might be a lot cheaper for him to visit her here. In the Ukraine they do not have much protection for workers, or requirements that they give a certain number of days notice before leaving a job. So when I go over to be at the interview with Olga I am intending to bring her and her son back with me on this same trip but she will be working up until we get word that the visa has been approved. Bon chance

i already have the chance that he agree that i go to the US with our daughter. I can't ask him for that. And i'm pretty sure he want to spend Christmas with all his family....

So... i pray

Good luck to you too

[BlakeandOlha 0]

Sorry - rambling again. This must be the most verbose thread I've seen on these forums.

haha - we got lots of time here, so ramble on. I don't envy you having to deal with Heathrow - I've never had a good experience flying through there, delays, confusion, missed flights, lines, and lines, and lines. I'd much rather fly through Frankfurt or Brussels (or in the perfect world direct to Kiev). Can't you fly direct to SF? or is that just too expensive. When I'm sitting in Kiev waiting for the one flight to Olga's city each day I pull out the old laptop and take out my frustrations zapping horde on WOW. That helps.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I usually fly from Manchester - I really like Manchester, it's not nearly as busy and dirty as Heathrow. But on that return journey I did have to use Heathrow - I flew: San Jose - Chicago - Manchester - five hour train journey to Heathrow - Frankfurt - Florence. I have no idea how people can travel regularly for business purposes - they must grow so tired of it all!

I could fly direct to San Francisco but San Jose is much more convenient for Alex. He's not been driving very long and it usually works out that I arrive late at night - when we're both more interested in getting to bed as soon as possible!

I saw many people with laptops at Chicago - a little one would be perfect for those times! I also take a few books; long journeys are prime reading time.

I think the one thing I am really not looking forward to is when we have young children and have to fly back to England for the holidays.

By the way, good luck to you, Miss Yoko - and to anyone else reading this thread, please don't be intimidated by our posting

Edited March 6, 2008 by Alex & Rachel