January Filers at the CSC - How are you doing?

[BlakeandOlha 0]

It's really not far from St. Louis - I used to go there quite a bit in my post college days. If you and Bryan could make the quest someday I would love to meet you both. If your favorite color is black you might want to make your POE NY, there the official color is black and I'm sure you'll be able to find everything you could want. Of course that would probably not be high on your list of priorities at that time.

maybe they'll be nice with me if they see I'm wearing the right color

(Note: the following is from a Chicagoan - New Yorkers will understand)

Nah, they won't like you in NY, even if you are wearing the right color. Simple fact is they don't even like each other.

OK, I know that's not fair but the those of us from the "Second City" are raised to have certain opinions about NYC. NYC, on the other hand, just generally ignores us as relative hayseeds (St. Louis is even farther down the list). NYC and Chicago generally have the same thought about CA: ####### are they thinking?????

[BlakeandOlha 0]

uhhmm...anyone here who'll be at or say atleast close to Oceanside Cali?? talking about clothes here...yeah, im kinda like thinking wat should i get considering whats "in" there and considering the weather too

I used to live nearby - great climate (72 and sunny almost every day) and 1 1/2 seasons (the half is the rainy season, which doesn't mean too much rain, just more fog in the morning). You can mostly get by with one season wardrobe - and the maditory little black dress. Most people are in jeans/casual during the day - and pretty relaxed in the evenings as well - that's what you get in a CA beach community.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

shes - Blake has you covered on the fashion front. I can't imagine that you'd have to buy many new clothes - certainly not anything for very cold/snowy weather.

Okay, guys, today's not been such a good day so apologies if this turns out to be a rant!:

*I* can cope with the separation from Alex - not ideal but manageable - but what's really not helping is the attitude of everyone around me.

The only sympathy I've had recently is from my mother, who, when canoodling my dad, said, 'I bet Rachel is wishing she was doing this with Alex!'

I try really hard not to ask for sympathy and I'm beginning to think that maybe I've done too good a job of hiding it. I don't get asked 'how are you doing' or 'what is Alex up to' or 'how are your plans coming along' any more; in fact I can't seem to mention Alex or my upcoming wedding at all with my friends. I'm sure that not having a set wedding date doesn't help, but not to even be asked about him is sometimes upsetting. And tonight one friend said to another who was talking of not being able to see her boyfriend at the weekend, 'oh, you can't go three weeks without seeing him, that's not fair!'

And someone else suggested to Alex that I was 'pretend' - as in just because we are several thousand miles apart, our relationship isn't real.

And now my housemate's boyfriend is using my PC (I'm on my laptop) ...um, I don't EVER remember saying he was permitted to use it. I mean, I'd say yes if asked and I'd let my housemate or other friend use it without permission, but I'm not really sure that invitation extends to their boyfriends. I'm in the room next door, I could've been asked.

[dbears 1]

It is ok to rant and vent, even the most positive and strongest amongst us gets so slow sometimes. Its a testament to our being human ... its close to 9 months since I last saw Ricky, sometimes its bearable, sometimes its too much that i just cry myself to sleep. I am just comforted by the fact that same time next year, we will be together.

It's either your family thinks you are ok and strong enough to handle the separation or they are afraid they'd touch a soft spot and would make you miss alex more if they ever mention him... your mom sounds like a very warm and sensitive person, i don't know how close you are but can you have a girl talk with her, tell her how your feeling about this separation? she might not be able to bring alex over there but she might give encouraging words to help ease your loneliness or she might give you a big warm hug that could speak a thousand words.

As for the friend's bf and that person who commented "pretend" to alex, i'm giving you this mallet, do as you pls to them:

by the way, how did alex respond to the comment?

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Thanks for the mallet!

My mother is wonderful. She is very easy to talk to and I do occasionally ring her up and chat to her and she is always very sympathetic! I wish I could've rung her tonight but I was busy all evening. She did give me plenty of hugs when I visited, though.

I am comforted by the same thought - it has only been three months since I last saw Alex but obviously I am not planning to see him again before I emigrate. I really am immensely comforted by these forums, too - your words mean so much to me and I am very grateful for them.

Alex just shrugged off the comment - said 'the guy is just being a ####### for the sake of being a #######' and moved on from it. I know that it really does get under his skin, though.

[BlakeandOlha 0]

Thanks for the mallet!

My mother is wonderful. She is very easy to talk to and I do occasionally ring her up and chat to her and she is always very sympathetic! I wish I could've rung her tonight but I was busy all evening. She did give me plenty of hugs when I visited, though.

I am comforted by the same thought - it has only been three months since I last saw Alex but obviously I am not planning to see him again before I emigrate. I really am immensely comforted by these forums, too - your words mean so much to me and I am very grateful for them.

Alex just shrugged off the comment - said 'the guy is just being a ####### for the sake of being a #######' and moved on from it. I know that it really does get under his skin, though.

I'm sorry you're going through this bit of a rough patch, I know what you're talking about with the "silence" I feel that if I don't bring Olga's name up then other people close to me will not talk or ask about her. I think dbears is right that to some extent they may be avoiding a sensitive spot, but also I think its an out of sight out of mind thing as well. I find it irritating that she's not the same center of conversation for everyone, as she is the focus of my thoughts. So........I'm working a new strategy. To get everyone over here to help with the wedding legwork.

It's impossible for Olga to do much but suggest things, but finding the church, getting the reception lined up, photographers, bouquets, staying within a budget, etc. that's all fallen on my shoulders. And to put it clearly, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the list of to do's. So... I've decided to farm it out to my sisters, parents and close friends. That way they will have an active involvement with and focus on Olga and will out of necessity talk to me about her and what she thinks. My hope is that by priming the pump this way, it will come to be more natural for them. I don't know if it'll work, but I'll let you know.

[sunnybear 0]

Heh heh another one here that is not quite with fashion....I am more for comfort all the way! I have about 6 or more pairs of vans sneakers I rotate and my "dress" shoes consist of a pair of black maryjane style danskos and a pair of brown maryjane kinda style dr martens haha....in the summer I am a flip flop girl! Then as far as rest of clothing goes I am jeans (bootcut please!) and a tshirt type of girl with lots of hoodies in the winter and some sweaters and misc shirts thrown in. I do love dresses though and will pop those on instead of shorts or capris anyday!

I do most my shopping at Target and Pacific Sunwear but am trying to do only thrift store and garage sales this summer so I can make better payments on debt!

Anyone nervous about gaining a stepchild or two? Or how about for those that will be making their SO a parent? I am in the latter category, Gareth has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time which is a blessing but not sure just how ready he will be to be my daughters StepDaddy as she can be a handful hahaha! I do warn him all the time though. We also hope to have our own soonnnnnn!!!

Oh as for UK stores I loved they included Next (although the stuff always looked better on the hangers!), FatFace, and of course Super Asda haha

Ughh and Rachel I am sorry someone made that comment to Alex! Gareth and I get the same feeling sometimes that people think we are making all of this up LOL! I mean really? I am sure people do tell stories but jeesh if you got pics and all too I mean come onnnnn!

Edited April 9, 2008 by sunnybear

[BlakeandOlha 0]

Anyone nervous about gaining a stepchild or two? Or how about for those that will be making their SO a parent? I am in the latter category, Gareth has wanted to be a Daddy for a long time which is a blessing but not sure just how ready he will be to be my daughters StepDaddy as she can be a handful hahaha! I do warn him all the time though. We also hope to have our own soonnnnnn!!!

I'll be gaining a 6 year old Ukrainian ball of fire. My biggest concern is communication. It's tough enough to reason with a 6 year old when you both speak the same language. My non-verbal communication skills have seem to have been lost in translation also - the old "stop or your in trouble" look has absolutely no effect at all.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

I'm sorry you're going through this bit of a rough patch, I know what you're talking about with the "silence" I feel that if I don't bring Olga's name up then other people close to me will not talk or ask about her. I think dbears is right that to some extent they may be avoiding a sensitive spot, but also I think its an out of sight out of mind thing as well. I find it irritating that she's not the same center of conversation for everyone, as she is the focus of my thoughts. So........I'm working a new strategy. To get everyone over here to help with the wedding legwork.

It's impossible for Olga to do much but suggest things, but finding the church, getting the reception lined up, photographers, bouquets, staying within a budget, etc. that's all fallen on my shoulders. And to put it clearly, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the list of to do's. So... I've decided to farm it out to my sisters, parents and close friends. That way they will have an active involvement with and focus on Olga and will out of necessity talk to me about her and what she thinks. My hope is that by priming the pump this way, it will come to be more natural for them. I don't know if it'll work, but I'll let you know.

I think that this is probably particularly true for my friends!

Actually I do have one friend who, while not inquiring about Alex very often, does talk about the wedding and what we could do for a hen night. I also had a long chat with my mother with regards to wedding arrangements and hope that she and Alex's mother can talk soon. I look forward to hearing about how it goes with your family and wedding plans!

sunnybear - I love Mary Janes! They are the only heeled shoes I can really comfortably wear - no way am I getting into stilettos! I also think it's a classic style of shoe that is suitable for many formal and casual situations. I'm so glad to have a pair.

I was impressed with some of Target's clothing lines. I may have to shop there.

No stepchildren for either of us but I hope that you and everyone else with children have a smooth transition into family life. I do look forward to having my own children in the future.

As for the computer - I have passworded it now. I didn't want to be too passive-aggressive but I saw the browser history and, ahem, looked like my computer had been used to browse unsavoury sites - no wonder he didn't want to use his girlfriend's laptop. So a confrontation might only embarrass him. I like the guy but to sit in my chair and use my computer to fulfil his desires -

[sunnybear 0]

I'm sorry you're going through this bit of a rough patch, I know what you're talking about with the "silence" I feel that if I don't bring Olga's name up then other people close to me will not talk or ask about her. I think dbears is right that to some extent they may be avoiding a sensitive spot, but also I think its an out of sight out of mind thing as well. I find it irritating that she's not the same center of conversation for everyone, as she is the focus of my thoughts. So........I'm working a new strategy. To get everyone over here to help with the wedding legwork.

It's impossible for Olga to do much but suggest things, but finding the church, getting the reception lined up, photographers, bouquets, staying within a budget, etc. that's all fallen on my shoulders. And to put it clearly, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the list of to do's. So... I've decided to farm it out to my sisters, parents and close friends. That way they will have an active involvement with and focus on Olga and will out of necessity talk to me about her and what she thinks. My hope is that by priming the pump this way, it will come to be more natural for them. I don't know if it'll work, but I'll let you know.

I think that this is probably particularly true for my friends!

Actually I do have one friend who, while not inquiring about Alex very often, does talk about the wedding and what we could do for a hen night. I also had a long chat with my mother with regards to wedding arrangements and hope that she and Alex's mother can talk soon. I look forward to hearing about how it goes with your family and wedding plans!

sunnybear - I love Mary Janes! They are the only heeled shoes I can really comfortably wear - no way am I getting into stilettos! I also think it's a classic style of shoe that is suitable for many formal and casual situations. I'm so glad to have a pair.

I was impressed with some of Target's clothing lines. I may have to shop there.

No stepchildren for either of us but I hope that you and everyone else with children have a smooth transition into family life. I do look forward to having my own children in the future.

As for the computer - I have passworded it now. I didn't want to be too passive-aggressive but I saw the browser history and, ahem, looked like my computer had been used to browse unsavoury sites - no wonder he didn't want to use his girlfriend's laptop. So a confrontation might only embarrass him. I like the guy but to sit in my chair and use my computer to fulfil his desires -

LMAO over here Rachel OMG! Yeah sooo not appropriate usage of YOUR computer hahaha.. fun fun heh heh. I think the password protection was a great strategy

Ok guys it is 9 pm here and well seeing how I wake around 5:30 each morning it is time for me to start settling in for the night! It is raining out which makes perfect sleep time for me nighty night all and here's hoping CSC shows us some dang approvals tomorrow!

Oh and anyone else get irritated when people "ahead" of you get added to Igors list and you get knocked down a notch or two? Hahaha...I was at like 147 and now back to 149 gosh darn it all haha! I guess the more people added the better though as really gives us better picture....

Nighty night!

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

@Rachel: dbears is probably right about the fact that your friends don't know how to talk about Alex because they're afraid you'd be sad. Maybe it's also because they don't know him much. One of my friends who has never met him told me once that it's almost as if he doesn't exist for her. I could have invented everything, she doesn't know him so how could she actually ask anything specific about him? My mother has started asking me how he was doing only since she met him last November. And now that we're getting married she's a little more involved (she even sent him a birthday card this week!)

@Blake: when you start being overwhelmed, write down everything. Write down a list of everything you have to do (find church, find flowers, send invitations, etc.) and then you decide which of these items should be done first, and you break it up in a more detailed list. For example, "find church" becomes: check St Patrick church, ask friend X what he thinks, compare prices, etc.

And everytime you do one item, cross it out. ("cross out"... is it how you say it?)

[MissYoko 4]

So, about step children, yes, like you know already i get 3! They are lovely, they love me and i love them.

Richard get 2 step childrens, Gally who is 5 and who is already calling Richard "daddy" and a big one Natacha who is almost 20. She will stay in Europe as she as already her own life.

And we're already thinking about having a baby in the future, no too soon but not too far, cause i start being old

@Cecile

I was thinking, about a meeting. In which area you work in Paris? Maybe we can have a lunch together someday if we're not too far.

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

@Cecile

I was thinking, about a meeting. In which area you work in Paris? Maybe we can have a lunch together someday if we're not too far.

yes that's a good idea, though I'm very busy this week and I'm not in Paris this weekend. I'm going to send you a message.

[BlakeandOlha 0]

@Blake: when you start being overwhelmed, write down everything. Write down a list of everything you have to do (find church, find flowers, send invitations, etc.) and then you decide which of these items should be done first, and you break it up in a more detailed list. For example, "find church" becomes: check St Patrick church, ask friend X what he thinks, compare prices, etc.

And everytime you do one item, cross it out. ("cross out"... is it how you say it?)

Sage advice Cecile - I was on a website yesterday specifically geared for organizing the whole process - I got a little stressed because it says I'm already well behind the normal (optimum) process curve. It has a complete list and budget worksheets, timelines, things to remember (gotta budget for the wedding day hairdoo ya know) and just about everything one could imagine. Oooh la la - gotta get busy. I know I will feel much better when things start getting checked off on my list.

"Cross it out", or "check it off," or "mark it done" are all good.

I am so glad that some from our group might get together - wish I could be there too, Springtime in Paris ya know.

[Alex & Rachel 78]

Some of the things people have to think about for weddings is insane! Makes me very glad I'm going with a simple ceremony as I can scratch so many things - hairdresser, make-up artist, florist, best man, bridesmaids, cake-maker, DJ, caterers, photographer - right off my list. Sorry, that doesn't help you, Blake! You have my deepest sympathies, though!

Tomorrow is a magical 90 days since we filed! Well, maybe not so magical, but it's when I start growing a little more hopeful