January Filers at the CSC - How are you doing?

[dbears 1]

A little optimism is fine, just not too much - the party is great but the hangover sucks. Then again, while it is true that pessimists are never disappointed, who want's to be like that.

The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it to his enemy. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Let's agree to disagree on this one becoz I can never agree to "A little optimism is fine, just not too much".

Let me tell you of a woman who was born from a dirt poor family back in the 50's. Let's call her Esperanza. There were 12 kids in the family and she was the 4th child. Their father is the sole provider and what he earned was not enough to support the kids, much more to send the kids to school. So at 7, the woman was forced to work to be able to buy papers and pencils so she could have something to use at school. She would get some vegetables in the garden and sell it, sometimes she would offer to wash clothes for others. She would work and then she would walk more than a mile all the way to school and then walk another mile going back home and then she would try to work again.

She finished grade school doing menial labor. But she was forced to drop out in her second year in high school becoz no matter how she works she still could not afford the increasing financial needs of schooling. At 14, Esperanza had worked odd jobs like being a housemaid, dishwasher in a restaurant, and banana peeler at a nearby banana plantation. Her condition was dire but in her heart she continued to believe that she will be able to finish schooling and would get a better life.

But then she got married at 19 and had a baby at 20, the hope of going to back to school was slipping further away. Husband was a poor guy himself so the hope of a better life seemed like a distant dream, they can't even afford to buy a can of milk for their baby and had to fed their baby the water from rice porridge that time. But she eventually finished highschool at age 22 (high school here graduates at 16) and eventually finished college at 26 while pregnant with her 3rd child. She learned the ropes of the business world and have made her way from being dirt poor to owning several profitable business. She was able to send her kids to school without the kids needing to work. She is not a housemaid anymore but has hired househelpers at her disposal.

If Esperanza had only "little optimism" she will still be like her 10 other siblings who never finished college or even high school or she would have ended like her one sister who is already dead. Esperanza is my mother, and Esperanza means HOPE. And I am the baby who didn't have the priviledge of drinking milk as a baby.

My father also struggled to finish his education, he worked as janitor by day and security guard by night while studying in between and he still managed to become one of the most outstanding graduates in his time. Years after, he was told that he only have maximum 5 years left to live by so called specialist doctors. My father had lost one leg due to bone cancer, his diabetes is worsening but he still lives up to now, 16 years after he was condemned to die by some doctors. And he drives a car even if he only has one leg. .. The pessimist said that it was impossible for my parents to ever rise above their status that time. I am sure glad that they (especially my mother) have a high dose of optimism, not a moderate dose but a high dose of it that have helped them rise above what others have said was impossible.

I don't know what OPTIMISM means to you or to others but for me it is hoping and believing that things will eventually turn out for the best.

If one will think that he/she will get the noa2 in one weeks time or just a few hours after filing that for me is daydreaming or fantasizing BUT if one will unceasingly believe and hope that it will eventually come in God's perfect time, that is optimism.This waiting is a struggle and a pain but "This too shall pass!"

I started this journey prepared to get the NOA2 by June and was even prepared to have all of this finished in a years time (meaning finishing the whole visa process january 2009) but then a January VSC approval popped up, then another and another. I forgot that i was supposedly OK to wait till June, I wanted the NOA2 asap like the others. the influx of approvals made me excited that i might be next, that my noa2 is coming.. then the approval skipped me to make way for february VSC filers. I cried when i saw the first february approval and then there was also a time when my tears would just flow everytime I post the congratulatory dance and jump for january filers who got the approval next. but what made me continue was the fact that although i was feeling sorry for myself, I was still genuinely happy for those who got approved and It also gives me hope that the list is moving so they will eventually get to my papers and somehow it was reasuring. Of course, I suffered a litte depression (i'm human) but i then resigned and lifted everything to God. I started thanking Him for my approval even before it came.

When you guys starts to see one january csc filer get the noa2 this month or next month and then another noa2 and another and then it suddenly skips any of you and you see a february csc filer getting approved, it will be harder to say it is still ok to wait for noa on june or july or august, you will want it for yourself ASAP and that's when depressions gets tougher to ward off and you will surely need a higher dose of optimism when that time comes. You will need to believe and hope that it might not be your day yet but there is always tomorrow and then tomorrow's tomorrow and eventually, it will surely come.

OPTIMISM is believing that eventhough the night is very dark, it will eventually give way to the light of dawnbreak. But when morning comes and you still could not see the sun becoz rain keeps pouring, just believe and hope that when the rain stops, you will not only see the sun but also see a beautiful rainbow.

I believe in moderation of things (especially food) but when it comes to hope, faith and optimism and love: a little dose will be stomped off easily, a moderate dose will not last long but a full armor of it will see you to the final end, a little tired but never totally battered.

I wish you all a blessed Sunday and approvals soonest!

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

This is a beautiful story dbears, thank you for sharing it

As for optimism, I think it can be good or bad. Yes, I am optimist when I think that we'll eventually get the visa and be together, and that it will probably be by the end of the year. A "bad optimism" would be to think that I'm going to get NOA2 in the next two weeks. Because if it doesn't, then i'll get depressed. It's just like you said. You were alright while thinking it would take a year. Then you saw the January approvals and you changed your expectations and when the February approvals began, then you felt sad. And that's probably going to happen exactly the same for us.

And when I said that sometimes, it's better being pessimistic than optimistic, it's all relative. I would not let anybody think that it's going to go bad and that we won't be approved! no way! but maybe it's better to think we'll all get our NOA2 in May / June, instead of thinking we'll all get it next week.

We all need optimism to survive this long and painful process anyway!!

Once again, dbears, thanks for your wonderful posts. They always make me (and probably everyone else too) better

[dbears 1]

thank you also cecile.

yes agree, believing that you will get noa2 next week is just wishful thinking. I still feel it is coming soon. when that soon will be, only God knows but it will come when the time is perfectly right.

I just hope and pray that all of you will be more emotionally stronger after the initial euphoria of the 1st january csc approval passes. it is when the real waiting begins and it will be the time when you will need more activities and diversions.... i hope nobody among you will experience how it feels to see people who filed after you start getting noa2 while you will still be waiting. i hope CSC will really process all your petitions in order... and i hope vsc will also finish the 17 (only 7 active) remaining waiting list january member. it is probably getting so tough for them now:(

i will be holding all of you in my thoughts and prayers always and i will try to give back to all of you the cheers and encouragements that you have showered to all the january vsc filers. no matter who gets it first or who gets it last, as long as nobody allows this frustrating process to put a strain on our relationships with our SO, same time next year we will all be with our SO already and will look back at the agony of waiting with a smile.

Edited April 6, 2008 by dbears

[BlakeandOlha 0]

A little optimism is fine, just not too much - the party is great but the hangover sucks. Then again, while it is true that pessimists are never disappointed, who want's to be like that.

The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it to his enemy. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Let's agree to disagree on this one becoz I can never agree to "A little optimism is fine, just not too much".

Kinda makes optimism sound like a drug - one is optimistic about an approval, but when disappointments arise as Feb filers get approved, so even more optimisim is called for. When an ostrich sticks his head in the sand I'm sure he's quite optimistic that the lion can't see him anymore. Would we also say the fire and passion of a first love is the same as a lasting love (it's given a "first" because there's always a second or a third) but tell that to the person in the midst of those kinds of emotions.

While hope is a great comforter, in and of itself it does not go far, and it is not what your father showed - it was perserverence in the face of adversity - a never give up attitude that was not passive, but active. That's a very heroic story about your father. The world is full of people who spend their days hoping for things - love, money, health. But they wait for someone or something else to affect their own happiness, which rarely happens. The great thing about your father's story is not that he was hopeful, but that he fought. If you read about the Stockdale Paradox you'll see what I'm talking about. Admiral Stockdale was a POW during the Vietnam War for many years. The paradox was that the more people relied on hope, and the greater their optimistic certainty - the less likely they were to survive.

I can hope for a quick approval, but that doesn't change the fact that the approval rests in someone elses hands. It will happen when God intends it to be so, not when I hope for it to occur. Hoping for a happy and loving marriage will not create one, it takes dedication, communication and work. The real opposite of optimism is not pessimism - rather it is indifference. The problem with the "its sunny all the time" style optimism is that, in the real world, it isn't sunny all the time - and dealing with adversity requires positive action and engagement rather than passively hoping for something. I don't see a lot of pessimism here, and if someone thinks that approval will take 90 days vs. 60 days, who's to say what's the correct answer. Or who can say what is optimistic, pessimistic, or even realistic. You can have all the armor you want, but if you are unable to perservere though the days when things are not easy, or when challenged, it'll do you little good.

That is the point in moderation - be optimistic, but not so overly optimistic that you become unrealistic and ultimately disappointed. The ostrich would be better served reducing the optimism a little, and using his feet more.

[K1inCincy 0]

I guess I've finally found my home in this forum. Hello fellow january CSC Filers. I'm in the same boat. NOA1 on Jan. 9th...and still waiting. Anyway just wanted to say hi and thanks to all you other posters. This forum really helps me cope with this process.

[dbears 1]

how can you truly persevere without hope in your heart? what will motivate you then? even saying you'd get it by august or september is still hoping you would get it before then.

you are probably right about my father not really hoping but struggling, he is ok now but he is a bitter man. one of the most negative man i have ever encountered... my mother is different, she always hopes for the best and even in the worst condition she never stopped hoping. they've separated decades ago and both suffered financially from that separation. my mother was the one who bounced back first with her endless optimism.. my father followed right after, as you have said he persevered with pessimism in his heart and his manner of dealing with us. both of them are now ok but my mother is more successful thereby making my father more bitter. there you go, 2 people who persevered: one holding on to hope and found joy in her struggles, while the other, hold on to negativities and found bitterness in his struggles. one thing i have always heard from my father: "It's useless and that can't be"... while my mother would always encourage me and say: "It is possible and it can be."

i'm not saying optimism is hoping it will come next week or the next, it is unceasingly hoping and knowing and believing that sooner or later it WILL EVENTUALLY COME. and all things shall pass.

of course we all started prepared for the long haul but that feeling changes when you see the first approval within your time frame and within your service center, much more when you see people after you getting approved. when it happens and your waiting list starts to dwindle and you still see yourself in that waiting list.... well, you would have to go through that to be able to fully understand it. I have read people here talk about it but i never fully understood it until i went through it.

you've presented your views, i've presented mine. I could present people who survived great trials and tribulation becoz they never let go of hope and optimism and maybe you could counter it with people who survived becoz they let go of hope, but i guess enough has been said. I respect your views, I hope you will also respect mine because we're just two people shaped up by different circumstances, different environments and influenced by different people in our lives. And as i said, let's just agree to disagree on the subject. I may not agree with you on this subject but overall I do have GREAT respect for you dear Blake

i wish you all the best of luck and approval soonest.

[sunnybear 0]

I guess I've finally found my home in this forum. Hello fellow january CSC Filers. I'm in the same boat. NOA1 on Jan. 9th...and still waiting. Anyway just wanted to say hi and thanks to all you other posters. This forum really helps me cope with this process.

Welcome!

[BlakeandOlha 0]

you've presented your views, i've presented mine. I could present people who survived great trials and tribulation becoz they never let go of hope and optimism and maybe you could counter it with people who survived becoz they let go of hope, but i guess enough has been said. I respect your views, I hope you will also respect mine because we're just two people shaped up by different circumstances, different environments and influenced by different people in our lives. And as i said, let's just agree to disagree on the subject. I may not agree with you on this subject but overall I do have GREAT respect for you dear Blake

Perhaps it's semantics - while I may think "hope" is a relatively useless thing, "faith" is not. What we need to do here is perservere through the long wait - and I think you agreed. Your father may have been very bitter and your mother may have been very joyful in her struggles, but the point is they both made it. They both perservered. Millions of people around the world hope every day with little to show for it - just look at the lottery ticket sales. I don't hope the sun will rise tomorrow, I know it will - my job is to make sure I'm there to greet it. You may have read the old fable about Pandora's box. Out of the box (which she was not supposed to open) came many evils in the world: famine, spite, jealousy, and the like. The only thing left in the box after Pandora recognized the error of its opening was "hope." The modern interpretation of this is that hope can counter all the ills of the world that Pandora unleashed. The ancient Greeks, however, had a different view on the fable. "Hope" was considered the greatest of the evils because "hope" turned people away fron taking control of their lives.

You are dear to me also , and know that I enjoy these types of philosophical discussions. I cannot have such discussions with people who I do not also have the greatest respect for. What I want is for everyone here to make it through this process intact, without too much stress being put on relationships because of disappointment, frustration, and unrealistic expectations. This process is very stressful on relationships and keeping an even keel is an important part of reducing the stress levels all around. You're wonderful and supportive and I appreciate you very much. We'll all have to get together someday when this is done - we'll have a great time!

[BlakeandOlha 0]

I guess I've finally found my home in this forum. Hello fellow january CSC Filers. I'm in the same boat. NOA1 on Jan. 9th...and still waiting. Anyway just wanted to say hi and thanks to all you other posters. This forum really helps me cope with this process.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Glad you could make it

[MissYoko 4]

hi there!

I'm back

Back in Paris, back at work too (omg, i'm still in jet lag, i gonna to sleep in front of my screen all the day).

The 2 weeks with my love was wonderful, and right now i just feel highly sad...

I saw that csc almost stopped to work last week and it makes me feel worse.

Hugs and kisses to you all

Yoko

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

Hi my fellows of Jan. filers,

We are January filer too,

Don't lose hope, here's some encouragement:

Jan 15 sent our 129-f/ K3

Jan 17 CSC received 129-f

Feb 19 NOA1 hard copy arrived in mail

Mar 18 Approved

Mar 24 NOA2 hard copy arrived in mail

May 12 Interview

Good luck to all of us..

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

I guess I've finally found my home in this forum. Hello fellow january CSC Filers. I'm in the same boat. NOA1 on Jan. 9th...and still waiting. Anyway just wanted to say hi and thanks to all you other posters. This forum really helps me cope with this process.

Welcome here!

You may have read the old fable about Pandora's box. Out of the box (which she was not supposed to open) came many evils in the world: famine, spite, jealousy, and the like. The only thing left in the box after Pandora recognized the error of its opening was "hope." The modern interpretation of this is that hope can counter all the ills of the world that Pandora unleashed. The ancient Greeks, however, had a different view on the fable. "Hope" was considered the greatest of the evils because "hope" turned people away fron taking control of their lives.

I did know the story but not its meaning. Maybe the ancient Greeks were right. But we can't deny that sometimes a little hope is good too.

hi there!

I'm back

Back in Paris, back at work too (omg, i'm still in jet lag, i gonna to sleep in front of my screen all the day).

The 2 weeks with my love was wonderful, and right now i just feel highly sad...

I saw that csc almost stopped to work last week and it makes me feel worse.

Welcome back Yoko. Hang in there! in a few months, there won't be sadness anymore!

[MissYoko 4]

Hi my fellows of Jan. filers,

We are January filer too,

Don't lose hope, here's some encouragement:

Jan 15 sent our 129-f/ K3

Jan 17 CSC received 129-f

Feb 19 NOA1 hard copy arrived in mail

Mar 18 Approved

Mar 24 NOA2 hard copy arrived in mail

May 12 Interview

Good luck to all of us..

its nice to hear, but i think that you're got your NOA2 faster cause your in a K3.

At this time there is no 2008 K1 approved by CSC.

[MissYoko 4]

Welcome back Yoko. Hang in there! in a few months, there won't be sadness anymore!

Thank You Cecile. I know i'm already lucky being able visit Richard. But you know... its hard. I add to left my love, our home. Now here in Paris i feel not at my place.

Kisses

Yoko

[Cecile and Bryan 0]

Yes I understand. Try to focus your mind on something else (I know it's a lot easier to say than to do though). Go shopping with your daughter after her day at school, try to see some friends, maybe you can start writing or something... And you have to stay strong and not show your daughter that you're sad. Otherwise she's going to be sad too.

I remember when Bryan left at the end of November, I felt really sad, but after a few days it was better. I focused on something else. It was still related to our relationship (I tried to find a job in the USA, I probably sent more than 150 resumes in less than a week) but it helped me feel better.

And Paris is only a city where you have to stay temporarily, before returning home (in Chicago). Don't forget, it's only Temporary