15 year old wants to go home

[shawna7 4]

We have just filed for AOS..my daughter is not adjusting well..and on the brink of going home to her dad..I need some help on my options...

she goes home before her AP..does that mean she can NEVER come back to the states?

she waits for her AP..goes to visit her father in the summer..and decides to stay in Canada..then what?

I take her home..and we abandon AOS..what does that mean to future travelling in the states?

I am so stressed..I knew she would have an adjustment period..i just assumed she would adopt..not try and bail...

any advice would be most welcome..thanks

S

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Are you able to 'negotiate with her' - ask her to wait until her AP comes in and then she can go home and 'decide'? If she knows she has a 'way out' she may be more willing to try and accommodate to a life here in the States. Change is always hard and especially hard in your teens. Like you, she has left everything behind, but while she still has you, you have a new husband and that is also part of what she has to adapt to. It is more difficult for her as she has less motivation than you do - and you know how difficult it is for you. From your timeline she has only beeen here just over a month which is no time at all. She is probably right at the heart of her home-sickness right now. Ask her if she can hold on for just a little bit more until some of the paper work is done. Does she have access online to her friends back home? Being able to talk with them may help her feel less alone.

Hopefully, you will get some answers from others who have been through the same situation. Good luck.

Edited February 28, 2008 by Kathryn41

[shawna7 4]

I think I have her convinced to at least wait until the summer(and her AP) but I still don't know where that will leave things if she does decide to stay in Canada.. and yes..she has a laptop but sadly..I think that is almost making things worse..she doesn't need to make new friends..because she can chat to her old ones..BUT they are all doings things she misses so much..that it depresses her..sigh..I just hope she decides to at least give things a slight chance..because I can't seem to find any info on what happens if she goes back..

[Dan J 277]

If she basically moves to Canada, she would be considered to have abandoned AOS. I don't think it will interfere with her being able to visit the US. But she wont be able to stay and live in the US if AOS is abandoned.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

..because she can chat to her old ones....

Until the first "US boyfriend" appears on the scene

[Krikit 1,165]

Teenage girls are a real treat, aren't they? I mean.... who just doesn't want to squish them till they pop?

So sorry you're going through this, Shawna. Kudos on getting her to postpone her departure until the summertime. With any luck, as Diaddie says, she'll have starry eyes from a new boyfriend by then and won't want to leave. Or... she'll go stay with Daddy for the summer and will discover that life with him is not all kittens and roses and she'll be dying to come back. All the best to you, Shawna. I really feel for you.

[Sylvia_n_Joseph 3]

Is there a closes friend that can come down and visit ? Might help her bridge the time until her AOS.

[Cdnwmn 0]

I wish I had some advice to offer you. When I brought my son here in June of 2002 (he was 11 1/2 at the time) he wanted to return to Canada, however it was not an option as he had no one to stay with in Canada. Two adult sisters living in Canada were unable to take him; his grandparents (my parents) said my son would never be happy living with them. I listened to him on and off for the next 4 years after that telling me he wanted to return and how much better it was in Canada. He had many friends here in the U.S. Taking him back for a visit for a month in the summer of 2005 didn't help even though the friends he had had in Canada before moving to the U.S. had moved on and weren't bothering with him. He went back in July of last year for a month and came back saying he had no desire to return to Canada to live and said it was time to move on with his life in the U.S.

The suggestions of having your daughter wait it out until the summer is a good idea. I would also let her know what her options would be should she decide to return to Canada to stay as far as being able to return to the U.S. to live should she change her mind.

Good luck with it all.

[shawna7 4]

..because she can chat to her old ones....

Until the first "US boyfriend" appears on the scene

lol...I thought that too..there are PLENTY of suitors..she simply says everyones weird!!lol! I think a female friend would make life easier..but like I said..shes just being SOOOOOOO difficult..and she really isn't a difficult kid by nature..

[shawna7 4]

Crikey..I agree life won't be all kittens and roses with her dad..and I think she will want to come back..but if she messes up her AOS..what are my options? would she fall under a K-4 at that point? I'm so bloody confused..If everything worked out perfectly..she would go visit for the summer..and just come back to the states no harm done..thers just so many things that could go wrong..and I can't seem to find out if she abandons her AOS..what does that mean for visiting? I have so many things to weigh here..and now sadly I will have to seriously consider going back with her..**big sigh**

Cdnwmn.. I can only hope one day she adopts that attitude..but she'll be 16 in june and she knows that legally she can do whatever she wants(by candian law.)<<stupid law!!

S

[PlatyPius 5]

I suggest beating. It works on Jordan when he gets in his "I'm moving back to England!" phase. A good beating will cure lots of problems.

[sara..... 371]

We have just filed for AOS..my daughter is not adjusting well..and on the brink of going home to her dad..I need some help on my options...

she goes home before her AP..does that mean she can NEVER come back to the states?

she waits for her AP..goes to visit her father in the summer..and decides to stay in Canada..then what?

I take her home..and we abandon AOS..what does that mean to future travelling in the states?

I am so stressed..I knew she would have an adjustment period..i just assumed she would adopt..not try and bail...

any advice would be most welcome..thanks

S

I really hope u dont take this the wrong way......im 21 and my thoughts on this is just say NO.........when we were over seas we also said we wanted to go home to the usa there was no answer other than no......that set our boundaries :) we knew we had to wait so we stopped bugging our mom about it.......sometimes i think with teenagers its better to just give a flat no so there is no room for argument..........but that is just something i believe because of how i was raised and i turned out pretty good.......

[Frustrated2NoEnd 0]

I suggest beating. It works on Jordan when he gets in his "I'm moving back to England!" phase. A good beating will cure lots of problems.

LOL Spoken like a true Brit! Shake 'em I say! Shake the $__+ out of 'em!

[Nearly Done 8]

I suggest beating. It works on Jordan when he gets in his "I'm moving back to England!" phase. A good beating will cure lots of problems.

hahahaha

That or blackmail hahah

[shawna7 4]

We have just filed for AOS..my daughter is not adjusting well..and on the brink of going home to her dad..I need some help on my options...

she goes home before her AP..does that mean she can NEVER come back to the states?

she waits for her AP..goes to visit her father in the summer..and decides to stay in Canada..then what?

I take her home..and we abandon AOS..what does that mean to future travelling in the states?

I am so stressed..I knew she would have an adjustment period..i just assumed she would adopt..not try and bail...

any advice would be most welcome..thanks

S

I really hope u dont take this the wrong way......im 21 and my thoughts on this is just say NO.........when we were over seas we also said we wanted to go home to the usa there was no answer other than no......that set our boundaries :) we knew we had to wait so we stopped bugging our mom about it.......sometimes i think with teenagers its better to just give a flat no so there is no room for argument..........but that is just something i believe because of how i was raised and i turned out pretty good.......

OMG..I wish!! Her father is telling her**come on home..whatever you want** so sadly..**NO** won't work.. but thank you...because I agree..it would be my best option..if I had it as an option..