Coping with AP and the long wait.

[Ta Ta 1]

I thought we could offer support for those who are currently in the black hole of AP, living in uncertainty and

enduring long interview wait times.

Anyone who has found a good way to cope please offer your advice here to encourage those who are hurting from

the separation. How are you coping with these challenges ? What has helped ? What hasn't ?

Anyone needing an ear to listen, we are here for you. Vent away !

Not everyone copes the same way but there seems to be a cycle of exitement with first filing that dampens as the months go by.

The exitements turns into blah days and then depression sets in and long down the road finally acceptance and resolution.

I have gone through that cycle several times and settled into a ' life goes on outlook '.

Last year I was like a deer caught in the head lights, too frozen to enjoy anything and too depressed to do things like getting the house ready for him. After all.......would he ever come home to me ? I cried myself to sleep at night and felt I somehow lost that year and the year before that.

One day I woke up and decided to just live my life to the fullest anyway.

I joined a health club, lifted weights, did Yoga,went for a hike in the woods, went out occassionally with my friends to dinner or watch a movie and just relaxed. Took up a hobby.

I prayed, fasted and read the word.

I helped others where I could to take the focus off my own pain.

I came to the realization to trust in God and His timing as He loves me and knows best. If He allows it then so be it.

I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know Him who holds tomorrow.

There have been positive outcomes of this long wait since I met my SO almost 3 years ago. Though it is a gruesome

journey, we are closer than ever. I truly believe God has worked some things out of us that weren't good things and worked

some things into our character during this time that improved our relationship and bonded us together.

During this time he lost his very good UN job as the UNHCR reduced staff after the country stabilized increasingly

from the decade long brutal war. He now had no more computer time. We talked on the phone every day at least once

and often 2-3 times. ( The CO should love our phone bills ! ) Just last night he called me twice in the middle of the night to tell me he missed me. Baby you can wake me up anytime !

Our communication quality found new heights. We laughed and cried together.

But oh was it rough sometimes.

It is ok to cry and even get irritable, you wouldn't be human otherwise. Sometimes you fuss and fight over stupid things. It takes time to settle into this LDR.

Trust and communication strengthens but you have to work at it. It does not just happen and some relationships fall apart

during this time.

We said to each other when one of us is down the other must be the one to encourage as we can't

both be sobbing at the same time. We learned to respect each other through heavy duty discussions about everything

imaginable. We had a cool off time when needed only to work through things

in kindness and understanding soon after.

We had some dark days in this journey, he lost his younger brother and cried on the phone and I couldn't hold him. That was

so hard.....I remember pacing back and forth like a caged tiger. All I could do was to put him in God's capable hands for comfort.

He has suffered so much, lost his entire family in the war except his daughter and a step brother and now he was suffering again and I couldn't be by his side. He was hospitalized several times and again I couldn't be there.

Of course we still get down sometimes but we are stronger than when we first started out for sure.

Friends and everyone asking when is he coming ? Is he here yet ? Kind of reminded me of being overdue and everyone

pestering you about the Baby arriving...........you don't know whether to laugh or cry sometimes with the comments people make.

Keep us in prayer as we gear up for the last hurdle.

This too shall pass ! Hang in there !

[Queen Jenn 0]

This is a great thread!!! I'm not on AP (hope I won't be either) but I enjoyed reading it. Hang in there, you're almost to that 2nd interview and I'm praying all will go well for you. It's true that God works in His own time.

The Refiner

"And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."Malachi 3:3 Some time ago, a few people met to study the Scriptures. While reading the third chapter of Malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse: "And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Malachi 3:3

One lady proposed to visit a silversmith and report to them on what he said about the subject. She went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand, begged the silversmith to tell her about the process of refining silver.

After he had fully described it to her, she asked, "But sir, do you sit while the work of refining is going on?"

"Oh, yes, madam," replied the silversmith. "I must sit with my eyes steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured."

The lady at once saw the beauty and comfort too of the expression, "And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

God permits us to experience hardships, difficulties, obstacles, and other furnace like tests. We are purified by these if we continue to pursue and endure in the truth despite these tests. His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us. He will not let us be tested beyond what we can endure.

Before she left, the lady asked one final question, "When do you know the process is complete?"

"Why, that is quite simple," replied the silversmith. "When I can see my own image in the silver, the refining process is finished."

Yes, trials can refine us, build our faith, and we can better reflect God's qualities when persevering under test.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Thanks for making this thread, O. Your words always amaze me and I feel drawn to you like a magnet. You say everything right and just exactly how I feel but cannot express.

[Ta Ta 1]

Jenn, that is awesome , thank you so much ! Makes me all choked up.

[Queen Jenn 0]

I know. It always chokes me up, too. Reading your post made me think of it. HE truly refines us if we will let him.

[Perseverance 1]

While I was not on AP either, I think that this thread is great to those who are on AP, you are not alone, and you can lend support to one another

[Ta Ta 1]

Anyone who is separated on this roller coaster ride please join in to post your advice, tips or challenges to keep your sanity, not just peeps on AP.

[JJWashington 0]

You all are all in my prayers.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

I'm sooooo tired and sooo depressed. Jenn, that made me cry and I'm at work, so I might have to close my office door in a minute. Then they'll all come flocking to see what's wrong with me. I'm reading God's word incessantly because I've lost hope. I never fathomed this process. Never could create some sub-reality of it in my head. I pray no one has to go through this. I miss Bassi terribly and feel so completely out of control. It's the most horrible feeling ever. I've never been in love like this. I mean in love, where I'm in a place that hurts but I can't walk away. I HAVE to go through this because my other half is on the other side of this. I am broken at this point. Whatever happens happens and there's not a bloody thing I can do about it.

[Nagishkaw 510]

This morning I was reading James 5:11......." As you know,we consider BLESSED those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord FINALLY BROUGHT ABOUT. THE LORD IS FULL OF COMPASSION AND MERCY. "

[Zee Bee 61]

I never thought, when I started this process, that it would take this long. The next time I see my fiance we would have been separated for over a year....but, by the grace of the Almighty, we will be coming back together.

I have to keep telling myself that God has a bigger and better plan for us. I trust in that, which is what makes the days a little easier to handle.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Omoba, thank you for starting this beautiful and supportive thread. I think it is very helpful to share coping stories while going through such a rough time.

[Ta Ta 1]

I just posted some hope scriptures but they accidently went to the cyber cafe thread oops !

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord. Ps. 31:24.

Why art thou cast down O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me ? Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise him, who

is the health of my countenance and my God. Ps. 42:11

Hope defereth maketh the heart sick...............

Let us cling to hope with everything we got !

<<< HUG >>> heart.gif

[Ta Ta 1]

There are Topic Titles posted at the bottom of the page having to do with coping.

[Queen Jenn 0]

I'm having a hard time coping today as well. I had a horrible dream last night and woke up just really wishing my fiance was here to hold me and make me feel better. But he's not. And I have NO IDEA when he will be coming. We're still waiting for NOA2.

But, I think with the support of this group, we can all make it through this together!!!