Positive Thinking

[stacey2008 0]

How do you keep thinking positive during this process? My fiancee left Wednesday to go home after visiting for a month and I am extremely down and depressed thinking about how long it will be before he is approved and we can finally start our life together. Usually I feel good about it and do not get too overwhelmed but lately it seems like such a long haul before we can get married and have a normal life.

[stephncorrie 0]

It is really hard to stay positive, but you just have to know every day is 1 closer to getting approved and getting married. Im having a hard time because for the last year weve spent most of it together traveling back and forth, but im pregnant now and we decided it would be best for him to come on the VWP in June so he can be in America for the babies birth mid July-Aug. We msg back and forth all day and talk on skype, fall asleep every night talking on skype, but still miss him so much. He always reminds me hes inside my belly tho What doesnt kill us can only make us stronger, I hope you have a fast process and are approved in no time.

[BigCityDave 0]

How do you keep thinking positive during this process? My fiancee left Wednesday to go home after visiting for a month and I am extremely down and depressed thinking about how long it will be before he is approved and we can finally start our life together. Usually I feel good about it and do not get too overwhelmed but lately it seems like such a long haul before we can get married and have a normal life.

I understand your pain. One week ago I was in Hungary spending time with my sweetheart. We only had 10 days together and it was very painful for me to come back to America. There are a few things I do to help cope with the pain. Maybe they can help you out.

1. Use Skype with web-cam and voice chat. It is about the best we can do for right now.

2. School - I am a full time college student and finding time to think about how long we have to wait is a little hard at times.

3. Work - I am also working two jobs in attempt to be the Sponsor for my future wife.

4. Hobbies - I still try to enjoy life by doing things that I enjoy doing and it also helps the time pass.

5. Family/Friends - I spend time with my buddies in College and with my family participating in different activities.

6. Sports - Not only helps you become healthier but is also a great stress reliever during difficult times.

Well, if you are doing many of these you will find that time passes quickly and you will have less time to focus on how long it will take, but instead you will be helping build the relationship you have and laying down a foundation for when you can be truly together.

Good luck and keep your head up!

[stacey2008 0]

We text message during the day and talk for a couple of hours each night through skype and use webcams but at times it seems unbearable - especially after we have visited each other in person. We have tried to not let a more than a month pass in between of seeing each other in person but each time we part it is heartbreaking and my life feels empty away from him. He just left so I know the pain is extremely raw right now but it is so hard.

[Cassie 8]

I counteracted my potential sadness with a lot of work -- packing up my apartment, overtime at my job, planning and preparing for the wedding, planning and preparing for the visa interview, spending time with my family, and of course spending time online/on the phone, etc., with Jerry. I conciously chose not to dwell on how long it might take, the process, missing him, etc etc because I knew it would drive me nuts and I didn't want to spend what time I had left in Canada being depressed.

I know it's hard to be away from your fiance, and the process can get you down, but I encourage you thusly: don't be patient. Persevere instead --be patient with a purpose and intent-- looking forward to your ultimate goal -- being together!

Edited February 23, 2008 by Cassie

[SnowyTater 0]

I don't know. Really this part of our lives is...really easy for us, compared to the rest. We've been together seven years and didn't meet in person until five years ago, and since then have seen each other twice a year up until the present. It's been a very long and slow and disciplined process and in high school and first years of college was pretty bad sometimes, just it all being so far away and having the faith that we were worth waiting for.

Now, to me anyway, six-nine months is absolutely nothing. We're both so excited, and I guess we're used to being apart. We for years did the six hour MSN conversations, that sort of thing, where you spend every moment together...we learned that this wasn't constructive at all for us and we've learned to just have faith in each other and be happy knowing we're going to be together. Nowadays I just burst out laughing a few times a day because the end of everything - college, being apart, all this 'discipline' - is in sight.

I don't know. I agree with BigCityDave's suggestions. I think if you have friends it's pretty great. I'm a loser and don't really xD and I'm apart from my family, so a lot of my missing Iain is like...missing having that person to do things with, trying not to walk around the city thinking well he should be beside me. I think exercising especially is really good, when you're so busy with class and work and all, at relieving stress; think it helps me a lot.

Also hearing about some other people's worse cases helps me. Like I couldn't imagine being in stephncorrie's position, could you? My god. All my respect and best wishes to them. We really have NOTHING to complain about. Some people have had to go through all sorts of terrible things for years and years.

And it's getting to be springtime now. That in itself usually makes me pretty jubilant Six months is nothing, just think of all the things you're gonna do together, get excited in a good christmasy way, not in a pining way. It's just going to make it all better in the end.

[EricC 0]

Just imagine and day dream what it will be like when you two are together and married. It is what I do. Doesn't make the time go by faster (if anything it makes it seem like it takes longer) but at least you will be thinking of happy things.

[sara..... 371]

School and work has helped me keep it together until the last week seems im a basket case now and can not concentrate on anything.....im edgy...emotional....and flat out ticked off at csc lol.........you know when i first came on here i saw some peoples acting like i am now and i thought why they doing that .....hahaha i completely one hundred ten percent understand what the last few weeks of waiting does to a person ........good luck to u on ur journey and i hope that it goes fast and smooth for u.... :)

[DanielParul 50]

Talk to him about what the future will be like when you are together, all things you will do. Try and keep busy, pick up a hobby.

Most of all, remember - When its over and you are with him, all this will seem like a distant dream

All the best

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Not picking on you, but when I had a look at your timeline, well... I was first introduced to my fiancée on 30 June 2003. We've been at this for almost 5 years. I last saw my girl before you even met you fiancée. Imagine waiting as long as we have! Your wait will pass in no time. Feel fortunate you just saw each other in December. I haven't felt a hug since last summer and won't again until this summer. I'm sorry and mean no disrespect. I wish you the best and a speedy journey.

[StoryAngel 4]

I think couples experience the times of separation differently and it's probably to do with personality. For some, like SnowyTater, it seems like it's pretty ok to be apart for months on end because it's the norm (you adapt), whereas for others, it's much harder. I know we absolutely hate being apart and really tried to minimise the times of separation as much as possible. But in 2007 we were apart for 8 months, and spent only a couple of weeks together the entire year. We hated such a long time apart and we definitely didn't get used to it, but we got through it. It IS tough and it is horrible, but I think it's important to keep the end goal in mind. Stacey, you'll find many people here on VJ who totally understand your position, many of whom (like Kazan' Tiger said) have been apart from their SO for months or even years. You aren't alone in how you feel and it will - eventually - come to an end... then you'll realise that it was all worth it

[cgmuskeg 0]

My fiance and I email and instant message each other. I try to keep him in high spirits by mailing him cards and letters. It is still hard though and some days I am very depressed and so is he. He had an interview last July but was delayed in getting his visa. Now another interview is scheduled for May 27. He lives in a very poor part of the world (West Africa) and my family has been sending him boxes of food to keep him healthy. It is difficult being apart from someone you love so much.