AP/AR wait time taking toll on Mental health

[tammy2688 1]

Hello everyone,

I wish you all a good day and that our wait time will not bee too much longer. As we all know, feeling like you are almost there but not quite there is such a bad place to be. Since my last call to DOS I now learned my case is back under security checks and that is what happens to those cases that take more than 5/6 months, the cases keep going from embassy to DOS to embassy. At the embassy it goes through AR (review) and after that the visa can be issued. The past few months my mental health has been breaking down, i cannot concentrate on simple things anymore and find myself feelin absent minded and sad almost always. I do not have any doubt in the Almighty and every happens according to the due time and in no may am I ungrateful for my blessings. I know all you feel that way, that we believe in the right time we will feel that joy and happiness and having our loved ones close again. The waiting though really can start to pull you down into a blackness that is very hard to get out of.

I wish that our cases will progress and that our husbands/wifes/fiancees will be reunited with us.

My prayers are with us all.

Tammy

[LadyJane 1]

You'll be in my thoughts, as we are both waiting for our spouse.

[Nutty 2]

Dear Tammy:

I understand your pain right now. I have been experiencing the same situation as you. Hopelessness, crying, irritability, poor memory and lack of concentration, can't focus anymore, find simple tasks over-whelming...It became so bad that I finally went to a counselor. She listened for an hour to my crying and explanation of AP and immigration....She concluded that I have "situational depression" and basically said that given the circumstances, it is not unreasonable to want to take time off from work to see my husband. The real question was...what was I willing to risk to do this???? Losing my job...Financial hardship for a while???? All valid points to consider...

However, what is more important? Seeing my husband, thus strengthening the marriage and improving my mental health to be able to endure another 6 months or more of AP???? Or playing it safe and just sitting tight???

If you can....try to visit your SO...And if nothing else speak to someone to. It does help to have someone else with fresh eyes look the situation.

Best wishes...Nutty

[LadyJane 1]

It's sad to hear about other couples who break under the strain of waiting for the I-130-the first step. You both really have my admiration for your fortitude and love and courage.

Best wishes for all of us to reunite with our spouses soon! Then we...Happy Dance!

[tammy2688 1]

Dear Tammy:

I understand your pain right now. I have been experiencing the same situation as you. Hopelessness, crying, irritability, poor memory and lack of concentration, can't focus anymore, find simple tasks over-whelming...It became so bad that I finally went to a counselor. She listened for an hour to my crying and explanation of AP and immigration....She concluded that I have "situational depression" and basically said that given the circumstances, it is not unreasonable to want to take time off from work to see my husband. The real question was...what was I willing to risk to do this???? Losing my job...Financial hardship for a while???? All valid points to consider...

However, what is more important? Seeing my husband, thus strengthening the marriage and improving my mental health to be able to endure another 6 months or more of AP???? Or playing it safe and just sitting tight???

If you can....try to visit your SO...And if nothing else speak to someone to. It does help to have someone else with fresh eyes look the situation.

Best wishes...Nutty

Nutty I know you and me and several other of our friends on VJ have been at it for a long time, with us, some are done, some APs were extended and some are sitting in AR. Yes it is situational depression and no doubt about it - because usually we are good spirited, intelligent women. The question to consider is a very provoking one - yes, lose job for it? Fail classes for it? forgetting about YOURSELF for it? Are we defined by our husbands? The answer is no, we are not going to outright forget about our careers, we are no going to do poorly in classes, aand we are not soley defined by our husbands. What is happenning in our minds is one simple fact - there are plenty of people out there, with great jobs, Ph.Ds, a lot of wealth... and what do they have for substance? Nothing. A superficial life of wealth and academic degrees is what they possess, and if lucky MAYBE a few superfical relationships. now I am obviously not saying all well off people's relationships suck - no way! and i think you figured i wasnt going in that direction - what i mean and you and all of us waiting and going through mental trauma know that we have found that person in our life, one we truly love, can freely say we love and not have anything interfere in that - it is a beautiful relationship and we value that marriage, THAT is why we worry about, have tension, and that is why we wish so hard to preserve it. Good - you talked about it and got it out, but anyone else will not understand WHY we value our relationships as much as we do except the people going through this...i.e me and the rest o us waiting for our husbands

yes Nutty go see your husband, I visited mine in december of this year, and yes, it does remind you of him most clearly when you just came back - the negative affect of it - BUT what is important is refreshing the mind of the mental depression, seeing him for a short time helps

what is horrible is the night of the flight back...I cried so much I never thought I would be able to stop

But I call to God, and pray for things to come into some form of stability for all of us

we got more battle ahead in life, no doubt about it, but I wish Allah, God, what wish to call the Almighty, helps us

What triggered me Nutty, was the fact that after being told AP was done and being sent to the embassy, it went back into AP...the roller coaster, of getting so close and going back is what is maming us sick. we must try out best to get rid of this desease and pray for peace and we will get our good days in due time.

I wish us the best

Tammy

[Nagishkaw 510]

Amen, Tammy. You have been in my prayers and will continue to be in them until you are re united with your man.