Leaving Your Home Behind

[Reba 2]

pfffffft...talk about trying to get your life started! My husband and I were married for 3 years before we actually got to live together! Howzat for a long wait? stupid immigration #######...both sides of the border putzed around with us for over a year each! GAH! we hates them, yesssss we do!

I like PEI. I've stained a couple pairs of sneakers orange there And more than a few here in North Carolina! I think maybe PEI was made out of North Carolina dirt

You said upstate New York or Vermont, but be careful. I live where New York City folk call upstate, only 2 hours outside of NYC, but I could be on Mars. If I want to shop beyond groceries, gas, and Walmart, I have to drive 45 minutes. With no job, that's a lot of gas, so it's lucky I have no money to shop. If I want to volunteer, like becoming a Big Sister or working with kids, the only place wanting such volunteers are a 50 mile drive away! crazy, right! So choose a town if you can!

Hugs,

Daisy

One of our main problems is that He doesn't like "big" cities (and his idea of a Big city is a bit different than mine ) and I would prefer to at least be within a half hour drive of a major centre. I'd also like to be within at least a 4 or 5 hour drive to my family in Ontario. Plus we need a dog friendly town (when you have BIG dogs like we do, its an absolute necessity!). Can you believe that there are some towns that just don't like dogs at all and they're not allowed in the parks period? Craziness!

So far, I'm kinda atracted to the Syracuse, NY area. There's half a dozen dog parks of all sorts, its a fairly large city, with a train direct to Toronto and New York City in the other direction (I have a couple friends there whom I haven't seen in several years). Not to forget of course the 7 pubs and dozens of restaurants of all kinds of gastronomic delights and a weekly farmer's market. (here in Morganton we're limited to 14 pizza shops, a few Chinese fake-outs (no that's not a typo ) and a bunch of gut bustin fast food. Even the "greek" restaurant has been watered down to suit the local bored palet). Of course, I only have info from the internet to go by so far, we haven't had a chance to actually go and take a look. We have a couple of houses here to sell first before we'd have money to buy anywhere else. And finding jobs is kind of important...

I just want to be closer to my family. We have none here to speak of, and I used to have such a wide circle of support up home. I'm missing my nephew and neice growing up, and my husband has never met them at all.

[Krikit 1,165]

I like PEI. I've stained a couple pairs of sneakers orange there And more than a few here in North Carolina! I think maybe PEI was made out of North Carolina dirt

My Newfie friend used to say to my first husband (who was from PEI) that the only reason PEI existed was because the Newfs were throwing rocks at seagulls.

You said upstate New York or Vermont, but be careful. I live where New York City folk call upstate, only 2 hours outside of NYC, but I could be on Mars. If I want to shop beyond groceries, gas, and Walmart, I have to drive 45 minutes. With no job, that's a lot of gas, so it's lucky I have no money to shop. If I want to volunteer, like becoming a Big Sister or working with kids, the only place wanting such volunteers are a 50 mile drive away! crazy, right! So choose a town if you can!

Not sure if you meant that to be funny or not, Daisy, but I had a chuckle.

Toastburglar, I grinned all through your post. I could totally see where you were coming from.

[Toastburglar 0]

I like PEI. I've stained a couple pairs of sneakers orange there And more than a few here in North Carolina! I think maybe PEI was made out of North Carolina dirt

I'd be very happy if I was walking on dirt. . . right now it's just snow and more snow

[natasha and peter 0]

This topic has really hit home.

Nick and I just started our K1 journey in December but we have been going back and forth for almost 2 years now. We have many reasons for me moving there instead of Nick coming to Canada.

I only work part time and I think I want to go back to school.

I can't honestly say I have a best friend...or friends for that matter. I lost most of them when I dropped out of high school and then when I was married before, all of my friends were my ex's friends and so when that ended, so did the friendships.

Nick is always worried about me moving there. I'll mention a thread on VJ about the food being different and he gets very sad. I know that I'll have a hard time. I've lived in my little town for my entire life. My family is here and I'm very close with them. I love Canada. It's in me, it's all I've known.

I'm also very excited to move into this next chapter in my life. I think I need a change. Nick's family and friends (he has TONS!) have been so wonderful to me that I know when I move there I won't just be moving to the man of my dreams, I'll have a whole new group of friends and his wonderful family (who has welcomed me with open arms) to comfort me. I know there will be times when I ache for home. I'll cry. I'll be depressed but it is only a plane ride away.

I'm excited about the opportunities I will have there. I'm excited about having a home with Nick and sharing our lives. I love him with all my heart and if I wasn't sure that this was the right move for me....I wouldn't be doing it. I'll always be a Canadian.

I'm going to miss Canada but since the second I saw his face, he was home to me and wherever he is...that's where I need to be.

oh laura u made me speechless!!!!!!!

natasha

[DeadPoolX 9]

I love Staurday mail delivery!! In my opnion, USPS is superior than Canada (slow) post!! Im pretty sure the term "snail" mail originated in Canada!! lol

What I want to know is - What mail are you people getting that makes Saturday mail so appealing!?!?

All I ever get is bills and 5 day delivery works ok with that.

All I ever get are the messages from the mothership. Then again, I don't need Saturday delivery for that, either.

So far, I'm kinda atracted to the Syracuse, NY area. There's half a dozen dog parks of all sorts, its a fairly large city, with a train direct to Toronto and New York City in the other direction (I have a couple friends there whom I haven't seen in several years). Not to forget of course the 7 pubs and dozens of restaurants of all kinds of gastronomic delights and a weekly farmer's market. (here in Morganton we're limited to 14 pizza shops, a few Chinese fake-outs (no that's not a typo ) and a bunch of gut bustin fast food. Even the "greek" restaurant has been watered down to suit the local bored palet). Of course, I only have info from the internet to go by so far, we haven't had a chance to actually go and take a look. We have a couple of houses here to sell first before we'd have money to buy anywhere else. And finding jobs is kind of important...

I just want to be closer to my family. We have none here to speak of, and I used to have such a wide circle of support up home. I'm missing my nephew and neice growing up, and my husband has never met them at all.

From what you've said, Reba, Syracuse sounds good to me.

I think the major issues you've been having are due to living in a small town, which has virtually nothing to do with being in the United States. From what my wife has said, there are plenty of them in Canada too. Your problems could be fixed if you moved into (or near) a much larger city, but it sounds like your husband has an aversion to becoming an urbanite.

Therefore, the best solution (as I see it) would be to move to a suburb of a major city. You'd be just outside the city limits and well within driving distance of whatever you wanted in the city itself, but you wouldn't be among all the "confusion and craziness" that is usually associated with a large city. Sometimes this is better too, since taxes and crime rates are generally lower in suburban areas (although this can differ depending on which suburb and what area of the country).

I don't know much about New York (I've only been there a few times and then mostly to Long Island to visit my relatives), so maybe Syracuse fits the bill. Whatever the case, some sort of compromise like the one I stated above might work out the best. At the very least, it'd be better than remaining in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

[KarenCee 3]

This topic has really hit home.

Nick and I just started our K1 journey in December but we have been going back and forth for almost 2 years now. We have many reasons for me moving there instead of Nick coming to Canada.

I only work part time and I think I want to go back to school.

I can't honestly say I have a best friend...or friends for that matter. I lost most of them when I dropped out of high school and then when I was married before, all of my friends were my ex's friends and so when that ended, so did the friendships.

Nick is always worried about me moving there. I'll mention a thread on VJ about the food being different and he gets very sad. I know that I'll have a hard time. I've lived in my little town for my entire life. My family is here and I'm very close with them. I love Canada. It's in me, it's all I've known.

I'm also very excited to move into this next chapter in my life. I think I need a change. Nick's family and friends (he has TONS!) have been so wonderful to me that I know when I move there I won't just be moving to the man of my dreams, I'll have a whole new group of friends and his wonderful family (who has welcomed me with open arms) to comfort me. I know there will be times when I ache for home. I'll cry. I'll be depressed but it is only a plane ride away.

I'm excited about the opportunities I will have there. I'm excited about having a home with Nick and sharing our lives. I love him with all my heart and if I wasn't sure that this was the right move for me....I wouldn't be doing it. I'll always be a Canadian.

I'm going to miss Canada but since the second I saw his face, he was home to me and wherever he is...that's where I need to be.

I had to comment again...Laura, you sound like me...only in reverse. I am the USC but I have no one here, other than my daughter.

I haven't a best friend either...not like I'd like to have. You know, a best girlfriend type. Oh I have people I work with and all, but we don't DO anything...we don't socialise outside work. No closeness. Y'know? Sometimes that's hard...very hard. Not having any family is even harder. I have none. Not even distant. That's why leaving the US and someday moving to Nova Scotia isn't going to be the hardship that most think it would be by leaving their home country. No offense, it's just how I feel about ME.

Joel, on the other hand has tons. Friends, family, you name it. He comes from a small village where everyone knows you. His family have accepted me (despite being Southern ) and love me unconditionally. His friends are great to me. These same people have accepted my daughter as one of the family as well, which leaves me speechless. This is one reason that moving to NS won't be a hardship either...I will have family again. Yeah, I know some family can be a big PITA at times, but you know, some family is a heck of a lot better than NO family. Trust me.

I truly don't know what I would do if I didn't have Joel. I would survive I'm sure, I survived more the last five years than I ever thought I would have to deal with. But OMG how empty my life and that of my daughter's would be otherwise.

Hmmmm...didn't mean to derail this thread with my post. Just wanted to share the same heartfelt feelings...from the reverse perspective.

[Krikit 1,165]

Hmmmm...didn't mean to derail this thread with my post. Just wanted to share the same heartfelt feelings...from the reverse perspective.

I don't think you derailed it, Karen. It sounds like you know exactly what it's like.

[Reba 2]

I think the major issues you've been having are due to living in a small town, which has virtually nothing to do with being in the United States. From what my wife has said, there are plenty of them in Canada too. Your problems could be fixed if you moved into (or near) a much larger city, but it sounds like your husband has an aversion to becoming an urbanite.

Which is pretty much what I said in my first post here. I don't necessarily dislike the US (though I do have issues with a few things that are America specific ) but I do intensely dislike this area. And I begged and pleaded my husband that we not live in this area. He doesn't even like it here, and its his hometown!

Syracuse may or may not do the trick. But of course we won't know if we don't try it. Which I keep trying to explain to my husband and he doesn't quite get it

Karen and Laura, my situation is exactly opposite. I had a large close family and large circle of friends whom I used to spend a lot of time with back home. My husband has no close friends and even though is brother lives directly across the street from us, they are not close. Other than geographically. My husband's entire surviving family lives here in this town and we Never see or hear from them. Other than Uncle Cecil who is suffering from altzheimers and he keeps phoning here to speak with James' parents because he doesn't remember that they're dead. The apathy of his family is completely mind boggling to me because my family is opposite. We may only see some of our cousins two or three times a year (when I lived up there of course), but we enjoy seeing each other. With James' family its like pulling teeth to get any of them to visit anyone. And I miss that. I miss being able to just jump in my car and go sit with a friend or my Mum or my Aunt and chat about nothing and have a cup of tea. Whether they live around the corner or an hour away, wouldn't matter. Here, I have no one. And sometimes I gotta say, I tire of my husband's company. Sometimes a girl just needs girly talk yanno?

Fingers crossed we'll be out of here by Autumn. I hope.

[~Nini~ 2]

I'm incredibly happy that I came across this thread, just because... well, I don't feel as lonely as I have been for the past few months. Misery loves company, I guess

Since I crossed over in October, it has been a pretty difficult adjustment. Aside from the immigration woes, it's mostly been adjusting to the different lifestyle. Back in Vancouver I used to live within two blocks of a bus stop, which connected me to most of the city. Now I can't get anywhere without taking a car (which I don't have), because even if I wanted to hike to the nearest bus stop, it's hugely unreliable, and taking the SEPTA to Philly is so expensive.

I'm thrilled at living so close to a Whole Foods Market and a Trader Joe's - and yet I still think about the things that are from home. I'm of Asian ethnicity and Vancouver is hugely multicultural, so it's not just poutine that I miss, but also trueblue Chinese food like BBQ meats, soy chicken... I could go on And of course I miss the "Canadian" junk food like Cadbury chocolate (oh man, I'd kill for a Wunderbar) and pop with real sugar. I miss hearing people call it "pop"!

It doesn't make it any easier that whenever I talk to some of my American friends online, they tell me that I should be adopting "American customs" now that I live in the States. It just grates on me that they expect me to lose my Canadian identity - coming from Canada, where we embrace cultural differences, that assimilative attitude is mind-blowing. I'll always be a moose-loving, igloo-living Canadian in my heart.

I know Bee feels guilty for my moving down to the States, in a way. He knows I'm dreadfully homesick for my family and the things from home. To be honest, I didn't expect it to be so hard - when we discussed moving, we thought that it would be best for me to move since he had a career and a stable job, and his mother was ill enough that he wanted to be by her side. I don't regret moving at all, but I am just very frightened that I'll never feel like I belong. Nor does Bee's mom hesitate at telling us that she'd prefer us to live close to her so that she can see her grandchildren. (Which, in her eyes, should be soon... which is another thing altogether. Ugh.) I think it hasn't occurred to her very much that my single mother and little sister miss me a great deal right now. My extended family and I aren't close, but... at least they understood certain cultural aspects and quirks that my Jewish in-laws find odd.

I'm guessing that the homesickness will abate once I get to visit in August, but even so... plane tickets are ridiculously expensive, and we're still living on one income right now We were considering moving near Seattle or Portland, just because I'd like to be closer to home, and the weather and lifestyle is more what I'm used to. Except... that leaves him farther away from home, which I know would be very difficult for him. So really, no one wins, and where's the fun in that?

And I think Laura touched on something very true. Like her, I didn't really have a best friend... or many close friends, for that matter. Most of the friendships I have now are cultivated online. The only person who I really do get to have a face-to-face conversation with is my husband - but there are only so many times I can gush at him about shoes. So that in a way has aggravated my loneliness. I have a really cool sister-in-law, but she's got a family of her own and maintains a very busy schedule. She's always telling me to interact with people that don't have our last name, but... hey, I'm a shy person who articulates best over the internet. Go figure!

I think that we view the States differently from a visitor's perspective, rather than an immigrant's perspective - even as I was looking forward to the changes, I was taken off guard by them. But... all in all, Bee makes it worth it, every day. Even if I do ache for home in a lot of ways.

[Krikit 1,165]

((((((((((Nini)))))))))))

My heart hurts for you, Nini. I've been where you are. It does get better. After 16 months and a lot of familiarization, I now feel like this is my home. I still miss my family and friends. But the pain isn't as frequent anymore. It's a lot like losing a loved one, believe it or not. You go through the same stages of grief. Just know that you are not alone, and that we understand. The attached link may be helpful: Coping With Death, Grief, and Loss

[DeadPoolX 9]

It doesn't make it any easier that whenever I talk to some of my American friends online, they tell me that I should be adopting "American customs" now that I live in the States. It just grates on me that they expect me to lose my Canadian identity - coming from Canada, where we embrace cultural differences, that assimilative attitude is mind-blowing. I'll always be a moose-loving, igloo-living Canadian in my heart.

This is one of the many cultural differences between the United States and Canada that most people probably don't realize exist. The U.S. has been called a "melting pot" which suggests (in theory) that when people come here to live, their previous identities, ties, and allegiances are to be broken from their "old country" and they should adopt the "American way of life." In contrast, I've heard that Canada is considered a "multicultural mosaic" which says (to me) that while people are expected to abide by Canadian law, there's no real expectation of trading in their "old ways" for the Canadian way of doing things.

Neither method is right or wrong; they're just different and products of two unique countries. However, when moving to the U.S., don't be surprised to find that most Americans will expect you to wholeheartedly embrace life as an American, while tossing away your former identity. We don't mean any harm or insult by it. This is just what Americans have been taught is "right" and "should be done" for ages.

It's a lot like how many Americans automatically assume any immigrant is coming to the U.S. "for a better life" too. We've just been taught that the U.S. is the "world's greatest country and leads the planet in everything great and wonderful." While the U.S. may be a great country, it's not the "world's greatest" since there are plenty of equally fantastic countries (Canada being one of them), but you won't hear very many politicians admit that or lesson plans cover that in elementary, junior high or high school.

So while I'm not telling (or expecting) you to give up your Canadianism for being an American, I'd just like to point out that this will probably happen for a very long time. The best thing you could do is either ignore it or attempt to correct whoever says it, although I have a feeling anything you say would fall on deaf ears.

[trailmix 77]

It doesn't make it any easier that whenever I talk to some of my American friends online, they tell me that I should be adopting "American customs" now that I live in the States. It just grates on me that they expect me to lose my Canadian identity - coming from Canada, where we embrace cultural differences, that assimilative attitude is mind-blowing. I'll always be a moose-loving, igloo-living Canadian in my heart.

This is one of the many cultural differences between the United States and Canada that most people probably don't realize exist. The U.S. has been called a "melting pot" which suggests (in theory) that when people come here to live, their previous identities, ties, and allegiances are to be broken from their "old country" and they should adopt the "American way of life." In contrast, I've heard that Canada is considered a "multicultural mosaic" which says (to me) that while people are expected to abide by Canadian law, there's no real expectation of trading in their "old ways" for the Canadian way of doing things.

Neither method is right or wrong; they're just different and products of two unique countries. However, when moving to the U.S., don't be surprised to find that most Americans will expect you to wholeheartedly embrace life as an American, while tossing away your former identity. We don't mean any harm or insult by it. This is just what Americans have been taught is "right" and "should be done" for ages.

It's a lot like how many Americans automatically assume any immigrant is coming to the U.S. "for a better life" too. We've just been taught that the U.S. is the "world's greatest country and leads the planet in everything great and wonderful." While the U.S. may be a great country, it's not the "world's greatest" since there are plenty of equally fantastic countries (Canada being one of them), but you won't hear very many politicians admit that or lesson plans cover that in elementary, junior high or high school.

So while I'm not telling (or expecting) you to give up your Canadianism for being an American, I'd just like to point out that this will probably happen for a very long time. The best thing you could do is either ignore it or attempt to correct whoever says it, although I have a feeling anything you say would fall on deaf ears.

Well said

[Flames9_RN 358]

It doesn't make it any easier that whenever I talk to some of my American friends online, they tell me that I should be adopting "American customs" now that I live in the States. It just grates on me that they expect me to lose my Canadian identity - coming from Canada, where we embrace cultural differences, that assimilative attitude is mind-blowing. I'll always be a moose-loving, igloo-living Canadian in my heart.

This is one of the many cultural differences between the United States and Canada that most people probably don't realize exist. The U.S. has been called a "melting pot" which suggests (in theory) that when people come here to live, their previous identities, ties, and allegiances are to be broken from their "old country" and they should adopt the "American way of life." In contrast, I've heard that Canada is considered a "multicultural mosaic" which says (to me) that while people are expected to abide by Canadian law, there's no real expectation of trading in their "old ways" for the Canadian way of doing things.

Neither method is right or wrong; they're just different and products of two unique countries. However, when moving to the U.S., don't be surprised to find that most Americans will expect you to wholeheartedly embrace life as an American, while tossing away your former identity. We don't mean any harm or insult by it. This is just what Americans have been taught is "right" and "should be done" for ages.

It's a lot like how many Americans automatically assume any immigrant is coming to the U.S. "for a better life" too. We've just been taught that the U.S. is the "world's greatest country and leads the planet in everything great and wonderful." While the U.S. may be a great country, it's not the "world's greatest" since there are plenty of equally fantastic countries (Canada being one of them), but you won't hear very many politicians admit that or lesson plans cover that in elementary, junior high or high school.

So while I'm not telling (or expecting) you to give up your Canadianism for being an American, I'd just like to point out that this will probably happen for a very long time. The best thing you could do is either ignore it or attempt to correct whoever says it, although I have a feeling anything you say would fall on deaf ears.

Well said!!

[happilycontent 16]

For me the biggest part of being away from home (besides missing family) is not being able to see or even hear a Canucks game!! Oh and of course the food, the authentic ethnic foods you can't get anywhere else!! Especially when you're in a place like butt nowhere Virginia. (sorry if that's where you reside) I've been to every state except for Hawaii, and Alaska, and have yet to be in a place that's like Vancouver.. Thank goodness I'm only going to be 3 hours away in Seattle.. FOR NOW. (until husband and I get stationed somewhere else)

*hoping we make the playoffs*

[Reba 2]

It doesn't make it any easier that whenever I talk to some of my American friends online, they tell me that I should be adopting "American customs" now that I live in the States. It just grates on me that they expect me to lose my Canadian identity - coming from Canada, where we embrace cultural differences, that assimilative attitude is mind-blowing. I'll always be a moose-loving, igloo-living Canadian in my heart.

That's exactly one of the reasons I didn't want to move here in the first place. I much prefer the multiculturalism of Canada. And after having lived in Toronto the culture shock of coming here to small town homogenous Bible Belt North Carolina is stifling to say the least I personally think its arrogant for anyone to assume a person should or could just give up their own culture and "be American" as soon as they get off the fricken plane. And yes, I've had people say that to me I am ME and I am Canadian and damn proud of it. If I give up the Canadian part, who the hell am I? And why the hell should I? Just because some old fart a couple hundred years ago decided it should be that way? Or because some after school commercial ditty from the 60's says so?

bleah...Why can't we all just be who and what we are?