Vietnam Engagement Party

[ILoveTan 0]

For those of you who were approved for a visa through the HCMC consulate - did you or did you not have an engagement ceremony? I really don't want to do this.... number one, I have spent SO MUCH MONEY on this trip to vietnam already, number 2 I have 750 pictures of my trip so far, I can never show them all to the consulate anyway... do I really need to squeeze my tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress and stand by my viet man at a restaurant in order to prove that our love is real? Don't a lot of people do these engagement ceremonies and the consulate still not believe their love is real?? I just need some advice on this... is it a necessity or just an optional? Thanks!

Linda

[PeterFB 0]

Linda

I had an engagement party with Thi. (We're hoping she passes her interview on the 27th......) It didn't cost much and her family really enjoyed it. In the US the engagement isn't a big deal. In fact I have known some people who have been engaged several times but never got married. However in Vietnam the custom is different. I respect that and I do love her so having it wasn't an expense or inconvenience. I think most Vietnamese families would wonder why you didn't have one before you got married.

Does the Consulate care? I don't know, there's nothing in the Petition papers about your engagement so it's not required. But I think the Consulate would wonder why you didn't have to have one if you told them you didn't want one. The Consulate will want to see all 750 pictures even tho they will only look at a few. Yes it's true having an engagement party doesn't mean the relationship is real but it is "normal" in Vietnam to have one.

Peter and Thi

I-129F Sent : 2007-05-26

I-129F NOA1 : 2007-06-11

I-129F RFE(s) :

RFE Reply(s) :

I-129F NOA2 : 2007-10-26

Touched: 2007-11-02

NVC Recieved: 2007-11-16

Consulate recieved ??????

Packet 3 sent 2007-12-11

Packet 3 received 2007-12-24

Packet 3 returned 2007-12-28

Packet 4 sent 2008-1-14

Email Reply with Interview Date 2008-1-23

Interview Date 2008-2-27

[Teacher Mark 53]

From what I have read, yes they do care. I would advise doing it. The bigger, the better. Make sure and take alot of pictures and keep all of the receipts. Once again this is a case (for lack of a better term) that you are building. The more that you have as evidence, the better off you are.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=59928

http://culture.wordpress.com/2006/03/07/a-...gagement-party/

http://www.visajourney.com/search/index.ph...;sa=Search#1180

I have been questioning the logic myself lately. You must show that you are able to support your Spouse, but they want you to spend money in an unnecessary manner to prove your love. There is nothing we can do but what they want us to and hope for the best.

[b_weeks 6]

You dont have to.

You could have a small ceremony with just his family. It doesn't have to be anything like what my fiance and I had.

But keep in mind the customs of him and his family. Talk with them.

It is really worth the experience of going through the "Dinh Hon". Here are pictures of our Dinh Hon

I know it was a special day for my fiance and her family, as it was for me. But remember it is a very important part of the Vietnamese culture. IF you decide not to have one, make sure that the family doesn't feel insulted.

Good luck

[ILoveTan 0]

I have been questioning the logic myself lately. You must show that you are able to support your Spouse, but they want you to spend money in an unnecessary manner to prove your love. There is nothing we can do but what they want us to and hope for the best.

I am not trying to be a cheapo here but I lost over $1000 already on this trip... stolen from purse (snatch and grab)... after that fun, I got trapped in Hanoi and could only get back to Saigon with business class seats for $700..... OHMYGOD! Not to mention the other $3000 I have already spent getting here and traveling with Tan. ARGH. I used to be very rich but I sold my company and didnt work for 3 years to work on my book project. I am a risk taker with money, even to start my first business I was $180,000 in debt and everyone said I was nuts and ruining my life and then I made $250,000 my first year in business at 20 years old. Of course as a dumb 20 year old kid with money like that, I didn't save much of it.... fun dinners with friends for $400 a pop add up. Live and learn. Oh well, I am either going to make it or break it with my book project and that will seal the deal for my whole life, including with Tan.... its either rags or riches for me. I leave it up to fate and God now.... really.... I believe it's my destiny to be with Tan, so it must work out for us... the situation of how we met and how much alike we are is just TOO STRANGE to be anything other than FATE.

Linda

[ILoveTan 0]

It is really worth the experience of going through the "Dinh Hon". Here are pictures of our Dinh Hon

I know it was a special day for my fiance and her family, as it was for me. But remember it is a very important part of the Vietnamese culture. IF you decide not to have one, make sure that the family doesn't feel insulted.

Good luck

Well, his family is weird and crazy (just like HIM and just like ME, for that matter) ;-) but what I want to know is this: Is the Dinh Hon just a party at a restaurant with family or do you fill out some kind of paperwork or promise on paper to marry? Do I need to buy rings? He is the least traditional vietnamese man on the planet - he has a tattoo, green hair and (although he doesn't understand what he is saying) sings english songs while walking in the street. IT IS FUNNIER THAN HELL TO HEAR HIM SING AIR SUPPLY...... "Making loooooove out of nothing at allllllllll" LOL!

[b_weeks 6]

Well the Dinh Hon is the same, regardless of whether you get engaged or married. The only difference being you do papers if you marry.

You can have the Dinh Hon at the family's house if you want. It doesn't have to be anything special or fancy. We had the ceremony at her house, with just close family.

Most VN after the ceremony then either rent a reception hall or restaurant and have what we would consider a wedding reception. But if you dont want to do that, it is not required. But I would atleast have the ceremony and get plenty of photographs.

Maybe instead of going to a restaurant, if his family approves, maybe try a carry-in dinner for just the family. Remember, the Dinh Hon is just as much about the family as it is the fiance.

Try it, you will have fun, and remember it for the rest of your life.

[LuckyDucky 0]

I'd second the notion that this is something you and your fiance should decide together. Quite a few of my Vietnamese friends have told me that the engagement party is just as important as the wedding itself.

I could tell that the engagement ceremony was very important to my fiancee and her family. It gave their family a party to send off their daughter since they wouldn't be able to attend the wedding in the US. I thought it was nice that they would have memories and pictures from the Vietnamese celebration and eventually get pictures from the US, too. Plus it really was not just her "going away" party, but also my "welcome" party into their family. It really was a wonderful time.

Our engagement ceremony wasn't too large. It was held at their parent's house and they invited close family and friends. I believe it came out to around $1400. That included renting tables, decorations, catering service, and all the gifts. I know $1400 is a lot of money, but it's fairly cheap compared to a party held in the US. We got rings, but they were simple gold rings that didn't come out to more than $100 for the pair.

I believe this should be something you decide to do or not do more because it fits your relationship and less for the visa application. However, I'm speaking as someone whose finacee has not had the interview yet, so it's just uninformed opinion.

Edited February 18, 2008 by LuckyDucky

[Haonie 0]

For those of you who were approved for a visa through the HCMC consulate - did you or did you not have an engagement ceremony? I really don't want to do this.... number one, I have spent SO MUCH MONEY on this trip to vietnam already, number 2 I have 750 pictures of my trip so far, I can never show them all to the consulate anyway... do I really need to squeeze my tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress and stand by my viet man at a restaurant in order to prove that our love is real? Don't a lot of people do these engagement ceremonies and the consulate still not believe their love is real?? I just need some advice on this... is it a necessity or just an optional? Thanks!

Linda

Linda,

As far as I know from all of my friends and other cases, you MUST have a ‘Dinh Hon’ before the interview. The US Consulate knows very well and understands Vietnamese’s culture.

In my case, I haven’t got ‘Dinh Hon’ yet, but will come back Vietnam soon to get a ‘Dinh Hon’ before she has an interview. All the best to you

Haonie

[Tom99 0]

In the countryside, you can have a cater table for $100, Saigon $150 ... all you need is 4 tables and some decoration...take pictures, cost to you $600 at most and an airline ticket

Fyi, you don't have to "squeeze my tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress and stand by my viet man at a restaurant" cuz, I did mine with just a long-sleeve and pants.... that's it!

Edited February 18, 2008 by Thanh

[dalegg 143]

For those of you who were approved for a visa through the HCMC consulate - did you or did you not have an engagement ceremony? I really don't want to do this.... number one, I have spent SO MUCH MONEY on this trip to vietnam already, number 2 I have 750 pictures of my trip so far, I can never show them all to the consulate anyway... do I really need to squeeze my tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress and stand by my viet man at a restaurant in order to prove that our love is real? Don't a lot of people do these engagement ceremonies and the consulate still not believe their love is real?? I just need some advice on this... is it a necessity or just an optional? Thanks!

Linda

Well, you sure don't hae to squeeze your tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress- I didn't, but it does seem to be the norm to go throught the ceremony. Not just for the consulates sake, but heck, for your fiance's family's sake. This is a pretty big deal in their culture, but, let's clear something up.

Are you planning on having this ceremony during your first visit? You are planning on subsequent trips I hope. I'd do it on the next trip. Yes, it can be uncomfortable even being in a suit in Vietnam's hot weather, but it's one day out of your life man. Her and her family will be much happier with you the rest of your life together if you do it!

Edited February 19, 2008 by dalegg

[ILoveTan 0]

Well, you sure don't hae to squeeze your tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress- I didn't, but it does seem to be the norm to go throught the ceremony. Not just for the consulates sake, but heck, for your fiance's family's sake. This is a pretty big deal in their culture, but, let's clear something up.

Are you planning on having this ceremony during your first visit? You are planning on subsequent trips I hope. I'd do it on the next trip. Yes, it can be uncomfortable even being in a suit in Vietnam's hot weather, but it's one day out of your life man. Her and her family will be much happier with you the rest of your life together if you do it!

Hi, Dalegg, I appreciate you posting back but number 1) I am an American WOMAN (and would look pretty dopey in an Ao Dai) and my fiancee in vietnam is a MAN. 2) His family is NUTS, really NOT traditional at all (he came home with green hair and they were like, "neato son, where can we get our hair done like that?! 3) and this is is my second trip to see him. I met him my last trip to vietnam and came this trip just to see him. Been together 2 months every day, 24 hours a day. Not sure if I can come again before his interview but I HOPE so, I miss him just thinking about not seeing him for all that time. Maybe around the halfway mark I can come again.... Good luck to your fiance! I was at the U.S. consulate today and ran into some employess, I guess the rumors are true. The vietnamese were very friendly with me but the americans just seem unhappy and very very busy...... I hope they can open their hearts for those of us that have truly found our lifemate..... *sigh*

Linda

[dalegg 143]

Well, you sure don't hae to squeeze your tall american body into a traditional vietnamese dress- I didn't, but it does seem to be the norm to go throught the ceremony. Not just for the consulates sake, but heck, for your fiance's family's sake. This is a pretty big deal in their culture, but, let's clear something up.

Are you planning on having this ceremony during your first visit? You are planning on subsequent trips I hope. I'd do it on the next trip. Yes, it can be uncomfortable even being in a suit in Vietnam's hot weather, but it's one day out of your life man. Her and her family will be much happier with you the rest of your life together if you do it!

Hi, Dalegg, I appreciate you posting back but number 1) I am an American WOMAN (and would look pretty dopey in an Ao Dai) and my fiancee in vietnam is a MAN.

Linda

Oh well that changes everything! It such a rarity to have the woman petitioning that it never occurred to me. This being the case I would have to think the engagement ceremony is far less important!

[ILoveTan 0]

Oh well that changes everything! It such a rarity to have the woman petitioning that it never occurred to me. This being the case I would have to think the engagement ceremony is far less important!

I have also never heard of a white american female petitioning for a vietnamese man.... when I was at the consulate I saw several vietnamese (american) women petitioning for vietnamese fiances or husbands but I think that is why the consulate worries about scams so much... I asked the vietnamese girl flat out, do you love him? And she goes, "I guess... I mean yeah..." YIKES!

I mean obviously she is there marrying someone who is a relative of a relative etc etc.... I am not vietnamese and he has NO FAMILY in america... that should help us. But on the other hand... is a white female marrying a viet man going to be easier to trust or harder? I think us being a rare couple will either make it REALLY hard or REALLY easy.... I just don't know. I have had about 100 people ask me why I love a short, skinny asian man (and by the way, the small hoo-hoo thing is a MYTH, Tan is the next coming of Long Duck Dong, if you catch my drift ) not to mention tell me that I am WAAAAAY too good looking for him (I was a model for a time in the states if that tells you anything) and also tell me to be careful, he is using me etc etc etc..... OK- first off, I am not stupid. I have been with Tan 24/7 for almost 2 months. We have been drunk, sicker than hell with infection, traveled the country, slept together..... TRUTH COMES OUT. You can't hide your true feelings every minute of every day for months... NO ONE CAN. And no one can see us in private, see us together, know the things we say to each other, how we laugh until tears run down our face... how Godly and good he is, how easy he is to cry and sensitive.... this is SUCH a wonderful person, why do people have to judge love based on looks, weight, age, race and the OUTSIDE?! I was married before to a GORGEOUS, TALL, WHITE, PERFECT LOOKING man with a face like Johnny Depp. IT WAS NOT ENOUGH. It's the inside, heart and soul that you live with every day.... not the body and face, its just a shell. I made that mistake the first time around, this time, I chose love based on heart, soul and mind, not based on my EYES. (and as a bonus, the sex is also great)

Linda

Edited February 21, 2008 by ILoveTan

[dalegg 143]

(and as a bonus, the sex is also great)

Linda

well, we all appreciate the info! I don't know really. It's unusual and the consulate doesn't usually like unusual, but it's different so we'll see. I'll be watching.

and you need to work on your posting quotes!