Will it affect my Green Card Interview!

[Sophia78 0]

Hi, everybody

I am a k1 holder and has married my American husband for over 2 months. Now he is gonna buy a very expensive house which will definitly need my future help to pay every month's mortgage. After all the research i have done from our site, I knew the deed of both names would help my green card interview, so i asked him if he would put my name on the deed too for this reason. He refused right away and said we just married 2 months, he wouldn't be able to sleep if my name was on the deed.

I am so sad now. I came here again my family and my friends' will for i trust the love he has promised to give me. I know he has his reasons and I am trying to understand him, but is it real love? I am scared!

What can i do? Can anybody here help me go through this? I feel mentally abused for he called me ######. Gosh, I am so so so sad!

I have thought about coming back but i can't face my family after all these happened in the past. I am living in NJ now.

Please help me!

[chocolaterie 0]

Sophia, I'm sorry to hear this. I guess the ###### depends on the context of the coversation... if he doesn't want to put you on the house I would be concerned, especially if you're going to be contributing your own income toward the payments. You should ask him why he doesn't want you on it? Does he think you married him for money? I would also suggest seeing a marriage counselor or someone who can be the mediator since it sounds like this is a very sensitive issue for you both. I guess another question you can ask him is, what if the immigration officer that interviews you both asks for the reason why you're not on the deed. What will he say?

[mr4422 0]

I was married Feb 3, and have just completed a refinance and made sure my wife was in the title for the house, even though she was not part of the loan process. It was important to make sure that if anything happened to me she would not lose the house and could do what she wanted with it.

Is he scared that maybe the marriage won't work out for some reason and he will lose the house? I know that some people get paranoid when they get married thinking everything is great now but who knows what will happen in the future, and as such they try to protect as much of there assets as possible for that "just in case" scenario.

I would agree that he needs to explain to you his reason for not adding you to the title.

[libragodess 1]

Sophia, I'm sorry to hear this. I guess the ###### depends on the context of the coversation... if he doesn't want to put you on the house I would be concerned, especially if you're going to be contributing your own income toward the payments. You should ask him why he doesn't want you on it? Does he think you married him for money? I would also suggest seeing a marriage counselor or someone who can be the mediator since it sounds like this is a very sensitive issue for you both. I guess another question you can ask him is, what if the immigration officer that interviews you both asks for the reason why you're not on the deed. What will he say?

Excellent advice

We hope things get better for you Sophia78.

[Autumnal 25]

Some people are quite insecure about money, and it may be something you have no relation to. For example, if someone grew up in an financially unstable household or saw their parents fighting about cash, it could impact him and make it very difficult to trust someone else -- even a close loved one.

I understand why you would be upset over this; a sad fact is that a leading source of stress for couples revolves around money. There are, fortunately, many things you can do to address this.

As you are being expected to contribute to paying the mortgage, you certainly deserve an opportunity to have that asset listed in your name too. At least that's my opinion. If your husband sees it differently, sitting down and discussing a very important decision in your lives -- perhaps the most expensive one you'll ever make -- should be a top priority. How you do this and if you do is totally up to you, but communication is a good thing.

As another poster suggested, seeking out a neutral, professional party may be worth investigating if you or your husband need to work through the issues and are not comfortable doing so only with the spouse. If you think you aren't being 'heard', then this may be a way to go. There are many reliable mediators who can act as a sounding board or keep things from blowing up; these are often used for negotiating business issues or challenges to all sorts of relationships.

Mediators are helpful because they hear both sides of the party and each has the chance to say what he or she feels. They can help come to a resolution that satisfies both, but all decisions are a compromise in a marriage. You give some to get what you'll both live with.

Likewise, a marriage counselor offers a field to get your thoughts out and assess how you feel. Most marriage counselors do not tell you what to think or do. They ask questions to get you (both) to reflect on the current topic or situation, and work out your opinions. I always advise seeing a marriage counselor if things are getting pretty challenging, or you don't feel that your spouse is taking you seriously and really listening/doing something about your concerns.

While it seems reasonable to me that you would be on the deed for a house you will live in and pay to maintain, cultural and personal differences for a specific couple play a particular role too in factoring to decisions. Please take what I say understanding my bias, and obviously what works for you and your husband is unique to you.

But you do have the right to have your opinions, and have them heard.

[Sophia78 0]

I tried to tell him what I concerned. But he said I had nothing here in usa, so i had nothing to lose, he is gonna put everything in the house, he won't take the risk to put me on the house. He even said If I wanted, I could fucky go bakc to Chian. I am heart broken. I can't let my family down again. I was divorced once before. I feel I already lost everything. Now I am afraid to even talking about this issue, since he would be mad and break stuff in the house which is really crazy.

currently, I has no job and I dont' know how to drive, so I stay at home all day long. no people to talk to, his mom who has divorced with his father agreed his decision on this. So nobody is standing by me. what hurts me the most is he doesn't love me the way I want. I want to work and learn driving, but he doesn't help me now, he is so busy with his dream house. He is not rich, he won't spend money on a marriage counselor. his money will go to his house.

I really don't know what kind choice i am having now. I don't know the law here. What kind of rights i have in this marriage? he killed my dream.....

But still thank you guys for kindy replies

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hi, everybody

I am a k1 holder and has married my American husband for over 2 months. Now he is gonna buy a very expensive house which will definitly need my future help to pay every month's mortgage. After all the research i have done from our site, I knew the deed of both names would help my green card interview, so i asked him if he would put my name on the deed too for this reason. He refused right away and said we just married 2 months, he wouldn't be able to sleep if my name was on the deed.

I am so sad now. I came here again my family and my friends' will for i trust the love he has promised to give me. I know he has his reasons and I am trying to understand him, but is it real love? I am scared!

What can i do? Can anybody here help me go through this? I feel mentally abused for he called me ######. Gosh, I am so so so sad!

I have thought about coming back but i can't face my family after all these happened in the past. I am living in NJ now.

Please help me!

Your husband appears to be operating under a misconception, and to some degree so are you. From a technical standpoint, although both names on a title can indicate ownership, it has little to do with co-mingled finances, since the title/deed in no way indicates any shared obligation. Shared financial obligation would be indicated by an alien being a co-obligor, but I digress.

Any way, it often surprises me that there's so much focus on a spouse being alos named on a title or deed. It makes little difference in many states and only comes into play if the marriage ends in divorce.

In the instant case, since you live in New Jersey, which is an "equitable distribution" state that does not recognise "community property", your husband is mistakenly thinking that he might be able to immunise himself from "equitable distribution" in the event of a divorce, by keeping your name off the deed. He's very mistaken. ANY property acquired DURING the marriage is subject to division UNLESS there is a pre-nuptial agreement between the parties.

Further, any property acquired prior to the marriage but with a view to marriage (such as a home purchased several months before the wedding as a new principal residence for the couple) is often also subject to distribution, especially if contributions are made by both spouses. If one spouse works and the other does not, it has little to do with the Court's intent to distribute the property in an equitable manner. In fact, the Court views the marriage as an "economic partnership" whether both work, or one works and the other stays at home to tend to homemaking duties or parenting.

Equitable does not always equate to EQUAL, there are many considerations made in the division of property upon divorce, such as:

1. The length of the marriage;

2. The age, physical and emotional health of each party;

3. The standard of living established during the marriage;

4. The existence of any written agreements made by the parties before or during the marriage concerning an arrangement of property distribution.

5. The economic circumstances of each party at the time the division of property becomes effective.

6. The income and earning capacity of each party, including educational background, training, employment skills, work experience, length of absence from the job market, custodial responsibilities for children, and the time and expense necessary to acquired sufficient educational training to enable the party to become self-supporting at a standard of living reasonably comparable to that enjoyed during the marriage.

7. The contribution by each party to the education, training or earning power of the other.

8. The contribution of each party to the acquisition, dissipation, preservation depreciation or appreciation of the account or value of the marital property, as well as the contribution of the party as a home make.

9. The tax consequences of the property distribution to each party.

10. The present value of the property.

11. The need of a parent who has physical custody of a child to own or occupy the marital residence and to use or own the household effects.

12. The debts and liabilities of the parties.

14. The extent to which a party deferred achieving their career goals.

From your post, it sounds like the titling of the house is merely ONE indication that your spouse has some doubts about the future of the marriage. His attempt to shield any assets from division is the typical mindset of someone who anticipates it might become a reality. I hope you can both agree on counseling to identify the issues that cause your spouse to be thinking this way at the two-month mark. Good luck!

[aidan80 9]

All I can say is.. The Dirty Fecker

[motu 6]

First of all the deed is not a required proof in the green card interview - I didn't put my wife's name on it (and of course didn't submit it as evidence.) Secondly, there may be other reasons why he hasn't added your name to the title of the deed for example I have a joint deed with my sister's name on it - so if anything was to happen to me - she can dispose of the house without going through Estate hassles. (I am on her house's deed also.) Third, if you are buying a new house - there's probably not much equity you have in it - so the financial angle is not worth worrying about. And last, there are many accounts - deferred comp, Cash deposits, Savings and checking account that my wife is a co-owner - so if I was to die tomorrow - she will still have a pretty penny! (And several dirty thousand dollar bills ) So, I am rationalizing that I will not add my wife's name to my house title till next year or so - and lastly she doesn't care about titles and moneys (not yet.) When you say you are concerned - you are showing (in a way) your lack of trust/love/confidence in him. I would say - don't worry about it - it doesn't mean a thing towards Green card interview (I am assuming you have other proof.) Good Luck

Edited April 27, 2006 by motu

[notrepetiteashley 0]

Oh honey, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. He sounds sort-of mean.

I hope things will get better. Stand up for yourself and do what you think is right.

Best wishes to you.

[Sophia78 0]

thanks you guys! great replies! I learnt a lot from what you have said in the posts.

it is a waste of time for me to spend time worrying about the green card and if he really loves me. I should try to improve myself and try to be independent. no matter where I will live, I have to stand on my own feet, right? I will try my best to prove I am not useless and I won't let my parents down and worry about me from so far away. But one thing I havelearnt is that love is not what I can live on! I have to grow up this time! there is not a fair-tale at least it isn't happening in my life.

I really truly apprecate everyone of you here giving me great ideas and advices here which means a lot to me. You have no idea how much I need a friend to listen to me now. I went crazy last couple days. You guys save my sanity.

I will be fine and wish you guys the best!!!

thanks a lot!

Any other advice is always welcomed here!!!

[sukie175 0]

Damn - I am sorry he responded like this.

It would be a very easy answer for me though - no name on deed = no money from me towards mortgage payments!

[gag54611 1]

In your origal post you indicated that your future financial input would be needed to pay for the mortgage. If you aren't included in the deed, then it is likely that you won't be included on the mortgage either. The latter I can understand, because you don't have a credit history in the USA and it would be rather difficult to qualify both of you, rather than just him by himself. What piques my interest is, how will he qualify for a mortgage in the first place if your future income will be needed to pay it off? It sounds like you are not on a solid enough financial footing to be able to accomplish what appear to be his goals.

His responses back to you come across as unfeeling and uneducated, and I can understand your sorrow. I hope you find a way to work this out.

For your information, the arrangement that my wife and I have is that I got the mortgage (based solely on my income), while we are both named on the deed.

Best of luck,

G

[Autumnal 25]

His behaviour is something that sounds cruel.

I would agree, too, that seeking to establish independence is definitely not a bad thing. Even if it's learning how to drive, or joining a book club at the library! There are many ways to meet new people that require little, if any money, and they are easy to do. You could look at signing up for a class at a craft store or community center. If you have an EAD, then start working. Or offer to volunteer, even part time.

[Sophia78 0]

I am just kinda feel sorry for my husband, he has no real friends and no relatives except his mom, who drinks and smokes and has no much time to spend with him. He used to have my whole heart and i was so willing to help him, but since he is so selfish and unfeeling about what i am going through here, I have to learn how to protect myself now.

If I can't pass the green card interview, I will go back to China, so I figure I should make the best of my time that I gonna spend here.

By the way, he isn't so helpful when it comes to prepare documents for my immigration. He just hates dealing with any paperworks. I did my I-485 package myself, so I have no idea about if it gonna work out. my marriage is cold as hell!!!