Internet Love

[Ta Ta 1]

Go for it Charles, that will do it !

[Nagishkaw 510]

Generally speaking, it is my observation that details will not be forthcoming because it would shed a bad light on the teller of the story. The poster then would be forced to take full responsibility of his/her choices and face the music.

As I said in another thread, some people can not look within and need to project outward as a coping mechanism.

It takes courage to say I messed up myself versus it's all his fault.

In many people this courage and honesty is lacking or they are simply not ready to work through the pain and use destructive methods as

a soother, which is a type of emotional purging and projecting their pain on others.

Peace !

That is a good observation, and one I can agree with.

[ForeverAmen 0]

everyone play nice now or i'll post my hairy back pics

[idocare 3]

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only knew her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Edited February 18, 2008 by idocare

[Divine Mercy 0]

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Leave us feeling empty? no. More like confused as to what led to this and what you may have seen in the past that would have been easily seen as fraud while wearing hindsight goggles. I'm thinking those goggles wouldn't shed a pretty light on you and Omoba knows more than she's willing to embarrass you with (that alone shows her good heart).

Biblical prophets who foretell of doom usually follow a similar formula...

If you do this.. that will happen. If you don't stop doing this.. that will happen.

They also name the signs that occur before doomsday arrives. I'm not saying that you are anything even remotely similar to a biblical prophet except in the fact that you profess the impending disaster that awaits us. The only denominator that you have presented which results in disaster is the fact that the men are Nigerian. I have not seen you bash Nigerians in general. Yet I wonder what conclusions you want people to draw when that is the only factor you have used to label scammers as opposed to something more constructive like... he always asked for money/presents/whatever... he disappeared for weeks at a time... something.. ANYTHING? And yes, I have read all of your posts (much to my own dismay). I have not seen any red flags being named.

Your role here is not that of prophet but troll. I for one will not be feeding you again.

[His Glory 25]

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Ido, I agree you dont nigerian bash. I think you can be equally negative about men from other african regions as well. My husband is Ghanaian and you implied he was a scammer. i look forward to Bsagin's posts. She seems to really enjoy reading of others joys and offers encouragment when needed. She doesnt try to make you feel stupid for being in a relationship here. She doesnt imply that we are blind. She is hilarious! She really puts her heart into her posts and tells of the pain and how she dealt with it. Its empowering to read what she has gone through and see how it hasnt stolen her joy,sense of humor and hasnt embittered her. She is a strong woman. Any one who can survive that kind of experience and come out laughing is my kind of hero. Your posts are like her's... minus the joy, sense of humor and compassion. You could learn something from her.

[Perseverance 1]

I stand corrected, after reading all of your posts, I see you bash men equaly.

I can admit when I am wrong...

[LovinLiberia 0]

Dang, I said I would keep out....This came from November 25th in Heather's Goodbye Thread:

Heather sorry to say that this sounds all to familiar. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM U . you can expect lots of disarray in your near future, with the results ending in him moving out. So sorry to say that many people that have been members in the past of this same forum, fell in love over the internet in such a short time then ran to Nigeria to meet their " true love "

Once bringing these men here and app;ying for their adjustment of statis or they receive their green card things seems to change , now th little arguments/ misunderstandings become blown up and the person that you brought here is no longer the same person. They become confrontative, secretivr, and manipulative towards u, u probably feel as tho he thinks your the enemy.

Trust me many that went thru the journey with me back in 2004 r no longer with their Nigerian husbands. NOT ALL but for many americans both women and men, it just a plot for us Americans to assist them in getting out of Nigeria; a total scam. Unfortunately for us Americans we don't find out that we've been scammed until it's too late, they r here have their green card and now ready to get out of this marriage and go their way.

You think that this Nigerian threats u like the enemy sometimes is because in their mind u r the enemy, they no that they have love or someone back home that they want to be with, and they r patient enough to do what's required to get to America, and if it means marrying u then so be it, they aren't afraid of marriage, and they know it's something that only temporary, and that they don't have to stay married once here in America.

Us Americans r too trusting and some Nigerians are too manipultive so u won't see it coming until they r ready to move on and end the marriage, But in the mean time you will have a great visit in Nigeria everyone will treat u with respect and you will be the only person that don't know he's just marrying u for visa benifits, heck his girlfriend/wife in Nigeria may be sitting in the room with you all being introduced as his cousin or someone.

I know cause it's happened to me and many friends that I met here on this site. So I just want too caution u all that if it seems to good to be tru and u found true love on the net from ANY other country it just may not be true, or it wait , it will be true for a period of time, cause they need u to sign for their papers. or to get them a visa to come into America.

You mean to tell me that there is no bashing of Nigerians (and others) in that one post? I don't have time to find the others.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Good recon, LovinLiberia.

Perseverance....

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only knew her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Sweetie, that was my point. I've read tito's story. I've read Bensagin's story. Clue into the fact that they aren't you. Your posts can't help if they don't provide information. You don't say in your posts that you're posting to tell people to go read tito's story because tito actually provided warning signs and actions that your SO might do that could be leading to more. You post saying, scammers are out there and I know because I suffered at the hands of one so beware. Beware of what?

[Ta Ta 1]

What are you all fishing for ? In the very first post I told my story, what, you didn't like it. Did it leave you feeling empty ? What ? In another post I posted warning sign to watch for that I and others on this forum have personally experienced before our husbands left us, Bensangin also posted here experience I believe within that same topic. I believe the topic was titled Warning Signs.

Boaz, I can remember you posting the story of your relative. I can also remember personally speaking to others on the phone that were going thru similar situations as mine. 3 of the VJ ladies that I regularly talked to on the phone were granted visa around the same time as my ex-husband was. Our men all arrived here in the states within months of each other, 2 of the women had filed a K-3, the other was a K-1 like myself. All together there are 4 women including me. One is still married, the rest of us divorced within the first 2-years. What us ladies realized from talking to one another on the phone is that although we were in different states, ( all of our husbands were from Nigeria ) our husbands seemed to be persenting similar behaviors as the days turned into months and so on. After I was divorced, I decided to post my story here in VJ Then one day Bensangin posted her story, her husband arrived around the same time as mines, however I only know her thru reading her post as she was waiting for her husband, I never talked to her over the phone. The other ladies didn't want to post there story as they are still trying to recover from the financial/ mental mess they were left with.

I have posted my story, it's the first thread on here. I have also posted what I thought were warning signs, I can only post what I have experienced or have been told to me by others. Boaz speaks of knowing people that have been used by GC seeking people and her marriage is fine. She has no hidden agenda neither do I. If I didn't provide you enough information in my post maybe you could look up Boaz's old post, or Bensangin, then if you really have some time I would susgest you read tito's post (male ), mercury1 post, and finally ogle's post. We have all posted what we feel needs to heard. None of the named people including me, have flat out said DON"T MARRY YOUR MATE we have given testimony or advice. Just as everyone don't look the same: everyone don't express themselves the same.

Finally, how you choose to interpret the messages is up to you. If you find that the message isn't beneficial to you just leave the message somebody else may be able to find something they can use from it's content.

I'm still waiting for some that accused me of Constant " Nigerian Bashing" to show me that thread. It's so easy to accuse people of things, where is your proof ?

Ido, I agree you dont nigerian bash. I think you can be equally negative about men from other african regions as well. My husband is Ghanaian and you implied he was a scammer. i look forward to Bsagin's posts. She seems to really enjoy reading of others joys and offers encouragment when needed. She doesnt try to make you feel stupid for being in a relationship here. She doesnt imply that we are blind. She is hilarious! She really puts her heart into her posts and tells of the pain and how she dealt with it. Its empowering to read what she has gone through and see how it hasnt stolen her joy,sense of humor and hasnt embittered her. She is a strong woman. Any one who can survive that kind of experience and come out laughing is my kind of hero. Your posts are like her's... minus the joy, sense of humor and compassion. You could learn something from her.

Add me to the list as I was told my SO probably has 2 or 3 wives and the sun WILL go down on my parade, and I will find out

that he is deceptive...........in this thread !!!!

I was also addressed in a previous post about background checks. I have no motivation to dig it all up but it is there.

That is not bashing ?

[typee0 0]

Point Blank, there comes a time in(life) when we have to look, evaluate our self and say":how did I allow this to happen". We can not blame no one. for anything. That includes God. He gives us free will. There also comes a time to get over things. We all have dealt with devastating blows in life. But in order to heal you must look to the God of peace. Sometimes, when you can not share with family members or close family out of embarassment you will go where it is most comfortable. The air has many pollutants in it. But we continue to breath each moment.

When telling your story: becomes beratement it can not be recieved by others. Wrath and Anger only turns away people.

BassiZainab is always supportive, and so is Oomba. The OP allowed herself to get the best of herself and basically said nothing over and over. yes your story has been repeated. I too have had phone conversations about your story with vjer's. people have empathy towards you not so much as sympathy. The focus is basically a child involved and the childs welfare is the utmost concern. So since Victor is a Doctor, Have him step up and do the proper thing and get on with your life. There is a world outside of VJ. Majority of the time it is best to step away from the things that was apart of the process of the pain.

Be prepared next time to comments to your posts, people are entitled to their comments/posts as you are. People are also entitled to ignore those they chose to.

Health and Wellness Always.

[Ta Ta 1]

Dang, I said I would keep out....This came from November 25th in Heather's Goodbye Thread:

Heather sorry to say that this sounds all to familiar. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM U . you can expect lots of disarray in your near future, with the results ending in him moving out. So sorry to say that many people that have been members in the past of this same forum, fell in love over the internet in such a short time then ran to Nigeria to meet their " true love "

Once bringing these men here and app;ying for their adjustment of statis or they receive their green card things seems to change , now th little arguments/ misunderstandings become blown up and the person that you brought here is no longer the same person. They become confrontative, secretivr, and manipulative towards u, u probably feel as tho he thinks your the enemy.

Trust me many that went thru the journey with me back in 2004 r no longer with their Nigerian husbands. NOT ALL but for many americans both women and men, it just a plot for us Americans to assist them in getting out of Nigeria; a total scam. Unfortunately for us Americans we don't find out that we've been scammed until it's too late, they r here have their green card and now ready to get out of this marriage and go their way.

You think that this Nigerian threats u like the enemy sometimes is because in their mind u r the enemy, they no that they have love or someone back home that they want to be with, and they r patient enough to do what's required to get to America, and if it means marrying u then so be it, they aren't afraid of marriage, and they know it's something that only temporary, and that they don't have to stay married once here in America.

Us Americans r too trusting and some Nigerians are too manipultive so u won't see it coming until they r ready to move on and end the marriage, But in the mean time you will have a great visit in Nigeria everyone will treat u with respect and you will be the only person that don't know he's just marrying u for visa benifits, heck his girlfriend/wife in Nigeria may be sitting in the room with you all being introduced as his cousin or someone.

I know cause it's happened to me and many friends that I met here on this site. So I just want too caution u all that if it seems to good to be tru and u found true love on the net from ANY other country it just may not be true, or it wait , it will be true for a period of time, cause they need u to sign for their papers. or to get them a visa to come into America.

You mean to tell me that there is no bashing of Nigerians (and others) in that one post? I don't have time to find the others.

I think this is an excellent example of the bitter driving force behind 'warnings."

Heather had a short bump in the road and all is very well now.

We should surround such situations in a calming supporting and prayerful manner so the individual going through the bumps

is able to get resolve and clarity on their own, without injecting doubt when there is no reason to.

Non of us should feel we know a couple's trouble so well that we play therapist and sow the seeds of doubt when the problem

is a minor hiccup.

There are enough naysayers out there with some family and friends who don't understand the adjusting period and you would

think one can find this here.

Now once a person has decided to divorce then some may need help on how to proceed but still most are very capable

of figuring out the next step and leave any baby momma drama behind. Sometimes another perspective from someone is needed.

Some will be hurt and need support here and tell their story and that is fine. I have helped such woman here and they are sweet people and courageous who try to pick themselves off the ground.

That is another point, we are strong intelligent woman who know red flags when we see them, we are informed, educated

and still if some chose to ignore a red flag deal with issues later by facing responsibility and being accountable with choices they made. Sometimes it works and sometimes it won't.

I don't understand the assumption that we do not understand red flags or that we need warnings, we are not 16 and most are internationally well versed and travelled to "get it" on our own.

On the other hand I do find threads of red flags very good advice for those who may not know about them. I guess I am being assumptious on this matter and forget that there are woman who don't know and live in a fairy tale world.

Just my thoughts and opinions. Everybody has one and this is mine. I am not saying don't do this but do this so don't

misunderstand me.

My focus is on how do we make it better, how do we improve and adjust to have good marriages. What can I do to make things better within myself ? Where do I need help ? What are my shortcomings that are disrespectful to my SO ?

Not how do we prepare for doom that is sure to come when it isn't.

To me that is paranoia and unbelief and it may be better for someone with such distrust to remain single.

It is backwards to me. B)

[jundp 191]

All right, my SO is from Europe and not Africa, but like many of you, I've read these posts before. I find most of the posters here to be supportive and kind to each other and no one has ever treated me like ####### for posting in "your" forum, instead everyone is welcoming. I've been following this thread now and I I have to just say:

I met my SO on the internet. Does that mean we're doomed too? Or is it just if your SO is from Africa? And is it just sub-Saharan Africa?

To the OP, you don't sound like you are being supportive or trying to help anyone. Even those of us who don't have SO's from Nigeria are well aware of the scammers out there. They come from many other areas too and they aren't just men. I am sorry for your pain, but I don't understand why you are assuming that EVERYONE is going to suffer the same fate without actually sharing any concrete and helpful information?

[Ta Ta 1]

Point Blank, there comes a time in(life) when we have to look, evaluate our self and say":how did I allow this to happen". We can not blame no one. for anything. That includes God. He gives us free will. There also comes a time to get over things. We all have dealt with devastating blows in life. But in order to heal you must look to the God of peace. Sometimes, when you can not share with family members or close family out of embarassment you will go where it is most comfortable. The air has many pollutants in it. But we continue to breath each moment.

When telling your story: becomes beratement it can not be recieved by others. Wrath and Anger only turns away people.

BassiZainab is always supportive, and so is Oomba. The OP allowed herself to get the best of herself and basically said nothing over and over. yes your story has been repeated. I too have had phone conversations about your story with vjer's. people have empathy towards you not so much as sympathy. The focus is basically a child involved and the childs welfare is the utmost concern. So since Victor is a Doctor, Have him step up and do the proper thing and get on with your life. There is a world outside of VJ. Majority of the time it is best to step away from the things that was apart of the process of the pain.

Be prepared next time to comments to your posts, people are entitled to their comments/posts as you are. People are also entitled to ignore those they chose to.

Health and Wellness Always.

Well said.

If I may respectfully mention that there being a child involved breaks my heart. You mentioned the child, why oh why must children of broken homes suffer so these days and grow up without a father figure as role model everywhere in America.

Therfore I do not quiet understand why the motivation to deport the father is so strong and the possibility of the child

growing up without the father ( see the what would you do thread ).

I would want the child's well deserved child support and the oportunity to get to know the father and culture and not

get hung up on deport proceedings but let USCIS handle their job and if they decide he stays then the child gets to see him.

It is very unusual for an African father to not want to see his first born son and I wonder if or what steps were taken to

make that issue a fiasco.

I was not there so I don't know and am not judging, just making a comment. I hope and pray that no

threats were used as often is the case, the child becomes the weapon of power and manipulation these days due to unresolved issues between the parents. It is the child that suffers most and that breaks my heart.