Internet Love

[idocare 3]

Hello all,

First I want to say for those that my message don't apply to just Dont reply.

I met my ex-husband thru the internet, he then was a medical doctor in Nigeria, he contacted me and we hit it off as most internet relationships do. with this new found love I found myself booking a ticket to go and meet him. While in Nigeria and meeting my ex for the first time he proposed marriage to me, however it was already being talked about over the phone before I arrived. Oh that man said he loved me so much.

During my 6-day stay there he protected and shielded me. I went to work with him and actually sat in as he seen his patients. I met a friend of his as well as everyone that was on staff at the hospital that he worked at and all was good.

I met his mother and some family members and they seemed really nice. About day 4 of my ex-husband driving thru the diasterous traffic I begin to feel at ease with his driving skills as well as all the vendors running in the streets to make a sale. Again, all was good.

Fast foward to time to leave, ......ofcourse I accepted his proposal and we were officially a couple engaged. I was older then my ex-husband, but that didn't matter to me. The fact that he showed me all that attention and love was what mattered. He showed and told me that he loved me, however I was in Nigeria at that time. I had never sponsored a man to come from overseas so I didn't really know much about it. I did do research on his country and found a site where it said that a Nigerian man will walk away from a marriage leaving his wife to find a way to feed their kids, agian that didn't matter to me, because while I was there in Nigeria this man treated me like a queen (not to mention that he was a doctor there. )

Here in the states I worked in the medical field and actually worked with other Nigerian doctors, I didn't know them very personally but they were respectful towards me so no alarms went off.

Again my ex-husband and his family were very kind and repectful as well.

FAST FOWARD:

My ex arrives in the states thru a K-1 visa I filed for in his behalf. He tells me that we need to marry quick so that he can become a doctor here in America and raise the family income. ( who wouldn't go for that after all that's your fiance talking, the man that you trust and love ) So ofcourse I complied with my soon to be husband.

FAST FOWARD:

After marriage gradually he begin to create strive and discord in our relationship ( his beginning plan for leaving the relationship ) and evenually he left our family home and begin writing letters talking about how abrusive I was towards him......... ( At that time I knew nothing about a I-360 )

Our son was only 3-weeks old when he left, Here in Seattle they have a rather large Nigerian community here, I didn't know that either.

Moral of my experience is that you won't know of an aliens intentions, you will know of what they tell you prior to coming into America or obtaining their papers. I understand many of you being supportive and thinking that your relationship is real and that your alien spouse really love s you and your both deeply in love, I've already been there and done that. What many of you don't and won't grasp is the masquerade until it becomes too late.

My ex-husband was from Nigeria, and from what I have read on this site from postngs from men that say they r from Nigeria is that others that want to come into the states look for a MUGU ( a fool ) to file paperwork for them and get them into the states. It don't matter your age, race, or financial income, as long as the paperwork goes thru, other countries also partake in this scam not just Africans.

If you love your mate, ofcourse you trust them, leaving u the LPR/American, very vulnerable because once your love arrives legally, there are ways to stay here, without u the sponsor being involved. There will be some from this site that is posting regularly that will experience what I and others have experienced, not because your a bad person it will be because of the scam.

I'm not bitter, I'm just committed to posting every-now-and -again to enlighten others. But again like I said you won't really know what an aliens intentions are , I do believe that there are good people all over the world, and now I believe that there r also scammers all over the world as well.

This Internet has made it easier for Aliens to come into America thru marriage and don't look for the aliens family to be nothing but good to you, afterall your bringing there love one into America.

Many have ran to Nigeria and married without giving there spouse a chance to prove their love towards them. ( Sex isn't a proof of internal love it only satifies both lusty sexual desires ) Many of us have spent thousands of dollars sending money to our alien loved ones and talking on the phone to them, ofcourse once they arrive here and eventually start acting a fool your left with thinking of all the money and time you have invested into this person, and in most cases you try to make it work with a person that don't want to be with you.

Take it from me, if the alien no longer wants to be with you they won't, unless they are in school and your supporting them or something similiar. However the true colors come out eventually.

I guess what needs to be demostrated is the love that they proclaim.

Finally, to all that are going thru this process, I wish you all well and hope that your visajourney becomes one full of longevity and joy.

my thoughts to you is to become familiar with the I-360.

I'm open to answer e-mails or for a chat

[Simply_Uno 1]

I commend you for your honesty. Take it easy, it was a lesson taught and a lesson learned.

Revenge is mine said the Lord.

UNO

[Maintian 0]

I commend you for your honesty. Take it easy, it was a lesson taught and a lesson learned.

Revenge is mine said the Lord.

UNO

"Revenge is mine said the Lord."

[Osakeme 0]

I appreciate your strenght and believe that we as human beings only know of our own intentions. This not only happens to American MUGUS, but some of my Nigerian female friends have gone through the scams too. One example was from a guy that was already here with a student visa and romanced her into a secret court wedding and after four years and planning for a public wedding. He woke up one morning 1month to the wedding day and walked away from the relationship with half the bank savings. Another example is my girl that brought her friend of 10years through a K3 process that took all of 6months from start to finsh , well in the end HE filled for divorce. I say all this cause I do agree that your story sheds insight for all; that we should be cautious.

To shed some good light to the story my girlfriend from the 1st story is now married to a Nigerian man that came into the country with the K1 process and they just had a son. So everything has a good and bad side.....,now having more background on your(Idocare) story makes me thankful for your bold stance.

In all seasons, To God be the glory.

[*JG* 2]

I'm so sorry it happened to you.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Idocare,

I did not meet my husband on the internet. And I know that you said not to reply if this message does not apply, but oh well ..... I'm replying anyway.

For a period of time I would read your comments, and silently sit back and observe the actions of my husband. Often times I was guilty of over analyzing, or not keeping in mind that this is Idocare's story, not Boaz's. Then ... a few times I started to bottle up with frustration, wondering why in the world you won't let this matter go. At one point I replied to one of your posts by politely acknowledging your pain, and encouraged you to turn the matter over to God, and stop wasting energy on mess.

In the mist of all of this, I've had the privilege of getting to know a few people here on VJ. We regularly email and have lengthy/detailed conversations via telephone. Over the course of communicating with some of my VJ friends, I've learned some horror stories as it applies to this whole immigration matter (irregardless to the country of origin, age of the sponser, educational level, etc.,etc.). Many times I say - 'why don't you post this on VJ, people need to know this?'. Most of the time the response is simply 'no'. As a matter of fact, your story often comes into the conversation.

So in spite of the fact that you've asked that we not reply if this post does not apply to us, I am writing to say 'thank you'. Thank you for your boldness, and unwavering efforts. While your situation is not mine, it is very similar to several memebers of VJ who would rather not publically address the matter. Your situation is not mine, but it does illuminate what takes place behind closed doors of many members of the VJ family. Hopefully, in the long run it will open the eyes to others who may be in similar situations before any damge is done, or feelings are hurt.

Again - thank you for refusing to be silent.

Boaz

P.S. Remember that the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.

[His Glory 25]

A lot of people here celebrate valentines day. I heard on news that a lot of people break up during valentines, it is very stressful I guess. A lot are struggling right now and miss their loved ones because of this immigration stuff and may even come to this forum to express that or get cheered up and what a downer to read this. I understand you want to "enlighten people" but no matter what you say a person will not change their course if they are in full steam, so let them have their day. I would have encouraged more the aspect of being strong and happy with yourself or with what you have now than to again post a negative experience and also I would love to hear more about how you have survived and what things you have done to help you get over the pain and anger (has that happened?). There is a powerful illustration......if you want a man to move out his dirty run down shack you will get nowhere by telling him how bad it is and how ugly it is because he will only defend passionately what is his and refuse to budge. However if you build a beautiful home near him and draw his attention to the beauty and cleaness of the new home.....he will on his own see the difference and value and will eventually move out of the shack on his own. Idocare Im sorry about your experience....but maybe you should see someone to help you get over this. A counselor, whether spiritual or professional, if you have not already. I know I would have to if this happened to me (plus I would hire a hit man . But I think honestly, i would have to stay away from this forum because it would remind me too much of the bad aspect. I would try my hardest to find things not related to occupy my mind and heart. Although I know you are a voice that may keep some grounded I wonder if this is detrimental to your letting go and being happy again. Although love is the ultimate high and you crave that high again after its lost...no matter how many people you think you are helping ....you will not find it here.

Im sorry if this will anger you but when I read your post I dont feel enlightened I feel sorry for you and it makes me feel ugly to think of such things. Someone can begin to absorb it and make it a reality when it fact it may not apply to their case. I hope the best for you. But go out and don something for yourself today, meditate or do something positive for others to help you realize beauty in you.

If I am off base here, sorry. But this is what I see and feel when I read yoru posts.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you and your baby luck in the future. The experience you described was no doubt very painful for you. I hope coming out on the other side helps you find some benefit to developing the person you are today.

[Awa_Mugu 1]

A lot of people here celebrate valentines day. I heard on news that a lot of people break up during valentines, it is very stressful I guess. A lot are struggling right now and miss their loved ones because of this immigration stuff and may even come to this forum to express that or get cheered up and what a downer to read this. I understand you want to "enlighten people" but no matter what you say a person will not change their course if they are in full steam, so let them have their day. I would have encouraged more the aspect of being strong and happy with yourself or with what you have now than to again post a negative experience and also I would love to hear more about how you have survived and what things you have done to help you get over the pain and anger (has that happened?). There is a powerful illustration......if you want a man to move out his dirty run down shack you will get nowhere by telling him how bad it is and how ugly it is because he will only defend passionately what is his and refuse to budge. However if you build a beautiful home near him and draw his attention to the beauty and cleaness of the new home.....he will on his own see the difference and value and will eventually move out of the shack on his own. Idocare Im sorry about your experience....but maybe you should see someone to help you get over this. A counselor, whether spiritual or professional, if you have not already. I know I would have to if this happened to me (plus I would hire a hit man . But I think honestly, i would have to stay away from this forum because it would remind me too much of the bad aspect. I would try my hardest to find things not related to occupy my mind and heart. Although I know you are a voice that may keep some grounded I wonder if this is detrimental to your letting go and being happy again. Although love is the ultimate high and you crave that high again after its lost...no matter how many people you think you are helping ....you will not find it here.

Im sorry if this will anger you but when I read your post I dont feel enlightened I feel sorry for you and it makes me feel ugly to think of such things. Someone can begin to absorb it and make it a reality when it fact it may not apply to their case. I hope the best for you. But go out and don something for yourself today, meditate or do something positive for others to help you realize beauty in you.

If I am off base here, sorry. But this is what I see and feel when I read your posts.

Valentine's day is another day. I prefer to get a check than a box of candy and senseless card. Considering my SO is in Nigeria I don't expect anything but a flash to call him back. Now you figure if that's a true statement or not.

Now that I am over that, this is an open forum we can post anything that we choose. Now if Ms Idocare want to come on here and vent let her. My goodness she said if it didn't apply then don't reply. Who are you to use a phrase from the Bible but judge this young lady by coming to an open forum to voice her opinion. Why she has to be depressed or that you will anger her by her post? Is it because you have issue of your own? My SO and have discussed her situation and he agree. That others need to know, not to change their mind but to be aware. She's not saying abandon your journey but giving a situation that could happen or may not happen. My God we listen to Oprah. She tell us how to raise our children and don't have any, go figure. Now if it's God's will for her to move on let it be HIS WILL. By suggesting that she seek professional help is a bit too far girlfriend. Maybe you need help suggesting that someone need help. What's type of medical degree you have? You should have just came out and said she was mental. But we do appreciate you being tactful, if that is such a thing regarding your post.

You are a bold woman, to tell her to go out and do something for herself. What are you doing for yourself? Wow! Talking about being arrogant.

Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity.

Part 1 - I just got a flash.

[Osakeme 0]

quote name='Awa_Mugu' date='Feb 14 2008, 01:46 PM' post='1582666']

Valentine's day is another day. I prefer to get a check than a box of candy and senseless card. Considering my SO is in Nigeria I don't expect anything but a flash to call him back. Now you figure if that's a true statement or not.

Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity.

Part 1 - I just got a flash.

First your screen name is too funny.... and the flash comment is golden....... I wish I had the popcorn icon as I read your response.

[Theone 0]

idocare, your inbox is full, can you pls delete some things. I have a mail i wan to send to you.

[ForeverAmen 0]

Here is your popcorn.

Edited February 14, 2008 by Boaz

[His Glory 25]

"Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity."

Good one! You know Ive never really been told im bold. I usually try to "waterdown" or speak in passive voice so as not to offend anyone here but because it was a public forum and because I feel the way I do today...I decided to speak how I felt. haha u know I sometime read really bold, aggressive or contreversal posts and think dang! thats going to start something, but I have never been the one to really say anything to get a reply such as yours. Liberating, actually. thanks. but what I told Idocare was not done in a spirit of malice, we are here to support each other. I try to put myself in the other persons place and see it from all different angles. I saw she is trying to enlighten other and I wanted to add my 4cents to how it might be done to be more palatable to some. But I also want to be express how I felt too. Maybe you missed the meaning of the illustration::shrugs::: but I appreciate your opinion as well. Have a nice day

[Awa_Mugu 1]

"Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity."

Good one! You know Ive never really been told im bold. I usually try to "waterdown" or speak in passive voice so as not to offend anyone here but because it was a public forum and because I feel the way I do today...I decided to speak how I felt. haha u know I sometime read really bold, aggressive or contreversal posts and think dang! thats going to start something, but I have never been the one to really say anything to get a reply such as yours. Liberating, actually. thanks. but what I told Idocare was not done in a spirit of malice, we are here to support each other. I try to put myself in the other persons place and see it from all different angles. I saw she is trying to enlighten other and I wanted to add my 4cents to how it might be done to be more palatable to some. But I also want to be express how I felt too. Maybe you missed the meaning of the illustration::shrugs::: but I appreciate your opinion as well. Have a nice day

"I decided to speak how I felt" Apply that comment to Ms. Idocare. "We are here to support each other", you call that support. Glad that I have AA instead of you.

I am going to have a fantastic day.

Hot Pocket Calzone's on sale: Flashing down to pick up some. Anyone care for some?

Wonder do my SO need me to Western Union him some money to fix a flat?

[Theone 0]

I agree with Awa_Mugu. If it doesn't apply to you and you dont have anything useful to say,dont say anything. That is not a way to support each or help, Efia.

"Whats up with the man in the shack, girl where you get that from. If want you a man to move out of his dirty run down shack, give him a job or a down payment for a new house or he need to contact Habitat for Humanity."

Good one! You know Ive never really been told im bold. I usually try to "waterdown" or speak in passive voice so as not to offend anyone here but because it was a public forum and because I feel the way I do today...I decided to speak how I felt. haha u know I sometime read really bold, aggressive or contreversal posts and think dang! thats going to start something, but I have never been the one to really say anything to get a reply such as yours. Liberating, actually. thanks. but what I told Idocare was not done in a spirit of malice, we are here to support each other. I try to put myself in the other persons place and see it from all different angles. I saw she is trying to enlighten other and I wanted to add my 4cents to how it might be done to be more palatable to some. But I also want to be express how I felt too. Maybe you missed the meaning of the illustration::shrugs::: but I appreciate your opinion as well. Have a nice day

"I decided to speak how I felt" Apply that comment to Ms. Idocare. "We are here to support each other", you call that support. Glad that I have AA instead of you.

I am going to have a fantastic day.

Hot Pocket Calzone's on sale: Flashing down to pick up some. Anyone care for some?

Wonder do my SO need me to Western Union him some money to fix a flat?