Loving the African male * Take 2

[Ta Ta 1]

Hello Sub-Saharan family !

I have received so many pm's and emails asking to try again with the book when I took a break. Thanks for the encouragement !

I guess everyone has the book by now.

This thread is intended for those who have read the book to use the author's personal experiences as a spring board

to explore our own, to pass the time, to light heartedly discuss how challenges were overcome or to just have a laugh

at ourselves.

We are not looking to analyze his credibility, these are his experiences he shares. These are not the experiences of

each man, tribe and much less country on this great continent.

Acknowledging diversity and respecting others in our comments will hopefully benefit the purpose of this discussion, to come together and share.

Feel free to agree or disagree with the contents of the book in a respectful manner.

Happy to see that the cyber cafe thread is still rolling along for general chit chat.

Starting with the Introduction, the life that let to the book, pages 1 - 18 :

Pete's comment on page 6 " .......I realized that in America, it's not always what you say, but what gets written in the

hard copy."

This happened to him enlisting in the service but I find it very relevant once our SO's are here.

To remind them to read the fine print in contracts and that everything is binding. No matter what is being said.

The author's experience is that Americans emote more than Africans in things like gift - giving, page 13.

I have not noticed a differnce here.....yet.

Page 17 encourages the African male to communicate no matter how stoic his upbringing, for greater

connection, clearer understanding and deepening love into new romantic territory.

I am blessed to have a man who wants to talk out everything if we hit a bump in the road.

But when we hit a pothole he had to remind himself that even though he has resolve, I may not and

need to bring the issue up " again " !

That's all I have for now.

I am still not on the board as much as I was before and need more time away to get ready for

our last phase of the journey and focus on other aspects in my life.

But I will pop in from time to time and Persaverance will be around if I am not to keep things going here.

You can pm or preferably email me at any time.

Hoping the atmosphere will be warm and inviting and all comments delivered with respect to this discussion.

B) Omoba

[Zee Bee 61]

Nice to see you back Omoba

I think so far 2 of us have received the book. I just got mine on Monday but I have not started reading it yet. I think a few others should have it by next week.

[Ta Ta 1]

OK, we take it slow until everyone is ready.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

Page 17 encourages the African male to communicate no matter how stoic his upbringing, for greater

connection, clearer understanding and deepening love into new romantic territory.

I am blessed to have a man who wants to talk out everything if we hit a bump in the road.

But when we hit a pothole he had to remind himself that even though he has resolve, I may not and

need to bring the issue up " again " !

Some communication issues are related to culture, some are related to personal upbringing and the environment you grew up in. Bassi and I try to communicate regularly but I do have to break through sometimes because he will keep things from me to "protect" me. I think that I am more used to the idea of a partnership (you lean on me and I lean on you kind of thing). He feels that he has the role of protector. So, he'll shoulder things alone, that he doesn't have to...cause I'm strong enough. He knows I'm strong enough and acknowledges that, but still can't break out of that idea. But I do embrace the idea that both parties in the relationship have to take a step away from their comfort zone to enhance communication in the relationship.

Thanks for starting back the book club. It's a welcome diversion for me, as an avid reader.

[Simply_Uno 1]

OMG, Omoba, I am so glad you are back .

I almost shed tears of joy to see your name as a topic starter .

I know we don't "know" each other ,

but I have missed your mentoring spirit and sense of humor .

Please don't leave us again ,

if some one gives you static ,

just call me and I'll git'em fo' ya !

Welcome back

UNO

[Ta Ta 1]

Zainab my SO was just like that at first, trying to carry all problems by himself and not wanting to burden me and to protect me.

I asked him to share what was on his mind because I could sense a heaviness about him sometimes when he was going through things.

Now he calls and shares how he feels, what happened and feels better for doing so.

He has his hands full with a teenage daughter right now and is on the edge !

I listen and am supportive and he likes that.

Been there done that and it is not easy, especially as a single father raising a daughter who has her own mind and ideas about things.

[Zee Bee 61]

We have no problem communicating our feelings but I think that the fact that it is long distance makes us share less than we normally would. I know that sometimes if I am upset I don't tell him about it because I do not want him to worry and vice versa. I know that part of it is due to hard headedness (on both sides) but we do talk a lot and even if he does not want to talk about something I can manage to coax it out of him and the same goes on his end.

But I think I need to get him to communicate his feelings more freely than having me getting it out of him. He always says that he does not see why he should worry someone about his feelings when they probably have something more important to do.

[Bassi and Zainab 1]

He always says that he does not see why he should worry someone about his feelings when they probably have something more important to do.

Bassi says he doesn't want to worry me. I feel like I"m the person in this world that's supposed to be worried about him. Once your parents are gone, it's your spouse that's there for you no matter what. I do think distance plays an important part. I also know that my future sister in law, who is like a sister to me, doesn't share with her husband much. They talk, obviously, but some things that she worries about, she tells me and she says its because she doesn't want to worry him because he has so much on his mind. Maybe it's a family trait?

[typee0 0]

Am I the only person who ordered from C&B distribution, I have not received my book yet. What should I do.

[Ta Ta 1]

He always says that he does not see why he should worry someone about his feelings when they probably have something more important to do.

Bassi says he doesn't want to worry me. I feel like I"m the person in this world that's supposed to be worried about him. Once your parents are gone, it's your spouse that's there for you no matter what. I do think distance plays an important part. I also know that my future sister in law, who is like a sister to me, doesn't share with her husband much. They talk, obviously, but some things that she worries about, she tells me and she says its because she doesn't want to worry him because he has so much on his mind. Maybe it's a family trait?

Maybe it's a man thing

I look at it from we are each others best friend and best friends communicate about everything.

Am I the only person who ordered from C&B distribution, I have not received my book yet. What should I do.

I don't know, can you email or call them as to how long it will take ........ or cancel the order and get it directly from

the author within 3 days.

OMG, Omoba, I am so glad you are back .

I almost shed tears of joy to see your name as a topic starter .

I know we don't "know" each other ,

but I have missed your mentoring spirit and sense of humor .

Please don't leave us again ,

if some one gives you static ,

just call me and I'll git'em fo' ya !

Welcome back

UNO

Thanks for the warm welcome back ! I will kill 'em with kindness next time !

[Zee Bee 61]

Am I the only person who ordered from C&B distribution, I have not received my book yet. What should I do.

I ordered from them and it took some time to get to me. I just got my copy on Monday.

[JJWashington 0]

I ordered from C and B and guess the shipping issue came up and I did not realize it. I ordered from Amazon on Tuesday and book came in on Friday. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but am going to do so tomorrow.

[We_Destiny 1]

Omoba, it is wonderful to see you back in your yard.

[chispas 0]

Am I the only person who ordered from C&B distribution, I have not received my book yet. What should I do.

I haven't received mine from them either. I am starting to feel they didn't have the resources to provide the product.

[totes 0]

Am I the only person who ordered from C&B distribution, I have not received my book yet. What should I do.

No, I ordered from them too and it's now been a month and haven't received it.