Please Help-My Cousin married a U.S. Citizen. She came to U.S. to a Nightmare

[tito 1]

The discussion went from the circumstances of the individual in this particular case, to the options available to others, and why returning home isn't an option. Yes, I concede that, with the green card, the option is to proceed to remove conditions. Short of having the green card, though, what is the basis for an 'entitlement' to immigration? That's the issue I'm raising...

No personal agenda except for the fact that I don't believe that anyone and everyone should be entitled to the privilege of immigrating to the US just because they got married. The system is abused repeatedly at the expense of others who want to and are trying to immigrate through other channels. There are many parts of this thread, and many comments from several posters, I am addressing. I concede that this is really much ado about nothing since the immigrant has her green card, but the issue still exists and is worthy of discussion if not.

There's an important "IF" you didn't highlight in what you quoted. The hypothetical is changed without it.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

The discussion went from the circumstances of the individual in this particular case, to the options available to others, and why returning home isn't an option. Yes, I concede that, with the green card, the option is to proceed to remove conditions. Short of having the green card, though, what is the basis for an 'entitlement' to immigration? That's the issue I'm raising...

No personal agenda except for the fact that I don't believe that anyone and everyone should be entitled to the privilege of immigrating to the US just because they got married. The system is abused repeatedly at the expense of others who want to and are trying to immigrate through other channels. There are many parts of this thread, and many comments from several posters, I am addressing. I concede that this is really much ado about nothing since the immigrant has her green card, but the issue still exists and is worthy of discussion if not.

There's an important "IF" you didn't highlight in what you quoted. The hypothetical is changed without it.

You're right, it does appear to be much ado about nothing, because as far as I can see, the issue you are raising simply doesn't exist and I don't suspect many members here are suggesting that every alien has this right or "entitlement". If the alien has not yet received a green card, and the marriage fails, there are few, if any, options. If, as you say, there is an "entitlement" that simply wouldn't be the case, would it? The entitlement does not exist, EXCEPT in the case of an alien that is abused and can demonstrate it to the satisfaction of the Service.

[tito 1]

Not altogether the sense I get. It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC (the conclusion based on a number of threads in this particular forum). When the issue is, 'how do I stay here when things don't work out' or 'how do I adjust status when things don't work out' it would depend on the circumstances. If the situation is such that a green card has been issued, then there are ways. If not, then the notion of entitlement to those who are willing to say and do anything to get a green card runs afoul to my sense of fairness and equity. What say does the USC have in any of this? Plus - the issue is compounded when the proposed immigrant complains about how they left so much behind, and how much they miss their place of origin. If that is the case, then what is the problem with the option of returning home?

I trust that clarifies the issue a bit better. Again, a lot of concepts are being thrown out and if you pick and choose you can write your own conclusion. But this is the issue I started with, although I did not understand that the green card had already been issued until later in the thread.

[mox 298]

then the notion of entitlement to those who are willing to say and do anything to get a green card runs afoul to my sense of fairness and equity.

You're confusing a lot of issues here. Do you really believe anyone is arguing that an immigrant is entitled to lie their way through the system? Tito you keep moving the target. The "sense of entitlement" at hand is the entitlement of a non-USC who entered into a marriage in good faith, and at some point found it untenable. If the immigrant is trying to stay through fraudulent means then you will find a 99.99% consensus here that the immigrant should be answerable to whatever laws apply in that situation, including deportation. But nowhere has the OP indicated that there is fraud.

What say does the USC have in any of this?

Very little, actually. As it should be. Once one person in a relationship has power over another person, it becomes asymmetric. Asymmetric relationships are a bad thing. Any immigration issues need to be between the immigrant and the government.

Plus - the issue is compounded when the proposed immigrant complains about how they left so much behind, and how much they miss their place of origin. If that is the case, then what is the problem with the option of returning home?

I really have to wonder if you're being intentionally obtuse. That's just common sense. Re-read pushbrk's post.

[zqt3344 21]

Let me see, you knew this guy the Roidian drug dealing ex body builder with a stormy personal life was bad news, yet you brought him along with you to your wife's country as your running mate? What or why were you having anything to do with this type of criminal anyway in the first place? Based on how you describe this friend of yours the ex body builder what were you thinking or why are you hanging out with someone like that? Does not add up or make a whole lot of sense at all. Now you develop this sudden moral caring conscience and need advice for this poor woman from another country and want to help her? Well why don't you and your wife help buy her a plane ticket home so she can go back to a safe and normal home again, why is this so hard for you to figure out? Why would she even want to stay in the USA or why would you want her to stay in the USA after her experience? This whole thing makes little or not much sense at all. Best of luck to you.

Hi Everyone,

Its been a long time since I posted and I sure wish it was for something else rather than what I am going to be telling you.

I myself married a filipino woman. On my first trip to the Philippines to meet my then fience, I had (at the time) a friend go with me. He is an ex body builder and I thought what better person to have with me going to a country I really knew nothing about. Anyway! He met my now wifes cousin while we were their. To make a long story short- they ended up getting married.. I dreaded the thought of this marriage because I knew this guy was not marrying material. He had been divorced 3 times and has 6 kids from 4 different woman. All of his divorces were a result of his mental and physical abuse. He has a criminal record 4 pages long. He fakes a old back injury so he can collect SSI and he sells his narcotic prescription drugs on the street for and added $2,500 per month income. I know this is true because he has told me this on several occasions (while laughing). We both live in the same small town and I have also talked to several people that have confirmed what he told me,not to mention all of the other cash work and scams he has going on. How else does someone who is on disability own a 2004 full size deisal 4X4(loaded), two 2000 plus cars that are decked out and in storage during the winter, 2 really nice fully dressed motorcycles, plus 4 wheelers,dirtbikes, and riding lawnmowers, tools up the yahoo-a HUGE BIG SCREEN TV, the list goes on and on. Plus he lives in a low income housing home that basis his rent on his disability income , so he only pays about 100$ per month for rent. Plus gets state supplied health insurance. Get this-the state pays for his prescription drugs and he sells them for cash. He told me this, and yes, he was laughing about this also! So anyway-now that you have an idea what kid of person this is. I will continue about the real issue at hand.

I pleaded with my family to convince my wifes cousin not to marry this man, but he smooth talked them and they all believed he was a good guy. The marriage took place and she arrived in the U.S. December 23rd,2007

It wasnt even a week and her hell on earth began. She is not allowed phone calls past 10PM, she is not allowed to have any money, cannot contact her family in the Philippines because it is 13 Hours difference in time so by the time her family can get out of the mountains and into a town where there is phone and internet it is past 10 PM here in Wisconsin ans she isnt aallowed on phone past 10PM. He told my wife on the phone that she (his wife) has the same rules and regulations that his children have. When they go shopping she is not allowed to get any food for her self, she has to eat what he buys for his kids. She isnt allowed to have a key to the house and if on the rare occasion he has let her leave she is suppose to be home by 6PM. Thank God she is at least able to come to our house sometimes. The only reason I think is because we live only 2 blocks away from them. It was 30 below zero last week and he made her walk to our house. If she wants to come to our house she has to walk. Im at work so I cant pick her up and my wife doesnt drive yet. She was an hour late one night and he really let her have it. Imagine a 300 pound ex body builder hovering over a 90 pound filipino girl screaming at her and threating her to send her back to the philippines. We dont know what all took place that night because when she talks about that night in particular, she is really short worded and changes the subject right away. Right now he wont even talk to her. She was at our house again today and that is what she said. Im worried he is going to blow up soon because she has come to our house 3 days in a row.

What can this girl do? She wants to leave him but he has her convinced that he can have her deported and she doesnt know what to do. She is here on a CR1 Visa and does have here conditional green card allready. She needs some help and I just dont know what to do or who to contact. This guy is dangerous. I wouldnt put anything past him. If she leaves I just dont know what he will do. One of the charges on his criminal record stemmed from a initial charge of attempted murder. That was just from a guy that tailgated him and then passed him on the road.He ran the guy off the road and eat the living snot out him until he was almost dead. His brothers stopped the attack or else he would have killed the man(just for passing him), what is he going to do if this girl leaves him????

PLEASE PLEASE HELP, can someone point me in the right direction. Her whole world was turned upside down when she left the Philippines, she does not want to go back and she shouldnt have to just because this guy lied to her and her family and led them to believe she would be taken care of here in the U.S.

[zqt3344 21]

This whole thing reeks of a scam marriage, listen to what you are saying! And also if this guy is such a deadbeat, how in the world was he able to pass a background check or criminal record as you say he has and how in the world would he be able to even sponsor the new bride financially per USCIS standards, this whole thing has a lot of gaping holes of inconsistency.

Firstly, why on earth would you want to be friends with this guy, let alone take him to the Philippines with you? Secondly, as mentioned before, there is no real reason for her to stay here in the US. Surely she would be happier at home with her family. I know if I was in this scenario, I would go straight back home to the warmth and safety of my loved ones.

I am no longer friends with this guy. I didnt know him real well when we went to the Philippines together but I thought I knew him well enough I could have him tag along on my trip and with all the things I read about kidknappings and stuff in the Philippines I really didnt mind this Incredible Hulk looking guy to go there with me. After I got there I realized i had nothing to worry about. I felt very comfortable with my surroundings. It wasnt until later after He told me about his lifestyle that I checked his criminal record and learned much more. As I mentioned before,this guy is a real smooth talker and his first impression is a kind soft spoken guy. Its behind closed doors where the real person emerges.

She thought she was coming here to honest hard working guy. It was her intention to come here and live with her husband and live happily ever after. He lied,lied ,lied to her convincing her he was a good guy.Okay-she goes back to the Philippines-to what? She has no job their anymore , and she lived in a very remote area where jobs are so scarce. Her family cant support her. How is she going to buy a ticket? We cant afford it. I dont think she should go back. She is here in the U.S. she has a lot better chance at a good life here. It wasnt her intention to come here and get divorced. She had dreams of the U.S. and now they are shattered. Should she have to give up all her dreams just because of this jerk. I dont think so!

[zqt3344 21]

AGREED! Well said and right on!

Going back to the real issue that totally sidesteps any danger, real, threatened, imagined, invented, or whatever the case may be - all we know is about a family member making all sorts of claims about the USC that are pretty extreme and create quite a sympathetic picture for the immigrant. If there are all these records, he'd be red-flagged and wouldn't be allowed to be traveling all over the world. Something doesn't seem right here.

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

[zqt3344 21]

Very true and right on!

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

Tito is right on this one, how hard is it start a life here with nothing? We can ask all the Mexicans jumping the border with nothing but the clothes on their backs! (not that I condone this, cause I totally do not!) But they do anything & everything just to get into the US.

SHAPE OF MY HEART... we don't have to be MUTE when we don't agree with why she is staying. She can stay if she wants, but the hard road... she was warned what she was getting into. She got into the US on the basis of marriage, if the marriage doesn't work out, why would going home (especially after such a short time) be so bad? Why wouldn't going into the caring arms of your family be the best therapy after this kind of abuse? Being warned and knowing the history of her husband, perhaps she was in it for just a ticket to the US.

[archie07 0]

Social Security does not hand out benefits for Fake Disabilities.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Not altogether the sense I get. It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC (the conclusion based on a number of threads in this particular forum).

It's my sense that you are getting that impression, but you have ommitted a couple of very important qualifiers from the above.

That being,"It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC in good faith and was not at fault in the marriage breakdown

Edited February 10, 2008 by diadromous mermaid

[tito 1]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

Sorry, but that's rubbish!!! This is ONLY your perception. I would have to say that a vast number of immigrants that move to the USA on a marriage-based petition, know that they must be able to demonstrate that the marriage is viable. If, as you say, your observation is that such aliens consider PR to be their right, by virtue of the marriage, then prey tell, please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

Fault has everything to do with it! Unfortunately, choices in family laws are not in sync with those of the government, and therefore, no-fault grounds have come to be commonplace.

Prior to the IMFA, there was a phenomenon, called the "Race to the Courthouse". Ever heard of it?

[tito 1]

"please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?"

BINGO!!!!! That's exactly my point. Why the heck ARE there so many inquiries? Why is that the first and most important option???

And no...fault is irrelevant. It's a risk, and the question is, what happens if things don't work out? Why is immigration virtually automatic? Why ISN'T going home an option?

Thank you for crystallizing the issue. Come to the US, get married, things don't work out...what are the options? (i) go back home; or (ii) fight like heck to get that green card! If things are so bad, and the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...), what is wrong with (i)? And why does anyone thing that (ii) is something to which the immigrant is entitled? Then, you throw this stuff in about how the USC is on the hook for support to the tune of $1,200 - $1,500 a month for 10 years...!

Edited February 10, 2008 by tito

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Tito, by God you are hardheaded! go back to previous posts, re-read them, and hopefully maybe you'll see what everyone is trying to make you understand.

Saludos,

Caro