Please Help-My Cousin married a U.S. Citizen. She came to U.S. to a Nightmare

[zqt3344 21]

This whole thing reeks of a scam marriage, listen to what you are saying! And also if this guy is such a deadbeat, how in the world was he able to pass a background check or criminal record as you say he has and how in the world would he be able to even sponsor the new bride financially per USCIS standards, this whole thing has a lot of gaping holes of inconsistency.

Firstly, why on earth would you want to be friends with this guy, let alone take him to the Philippines with you? Secondly, as mentioned before, there is no real reason for her to stay here in the US. Surely she would be happier at home with her family. I know if I was in this scenario, I would go straight back home to the warmth and safety of my loved ones.

I am no longer friends with this guy. I didnt know him real well when we went to the Philippines together but I thought I knew him well enough I could have him tag along on my trip and with all the things I read about kidknappings and stuff in the Philippines I really didnt mind this Incredible Hulk looking guy to go there with me. After I got there I realized i had nothing to worry about. I felt very comfortable with my surroundings. It wasnt until later after He told me about his lifestyle that I checked his criminal record and learned much more. As I mentioned before,this guy is a real smooth talker and his first impression is a kind soft spoken guy. Its behind closed doors where the real person emerges.

She thought she was coming here to honest hard working guy. It was her intention to come here and live with her husband and live happily ever after. He lied,lied ,lied to her convincing her he was a good guy.Okay-she goes back to the Philippines-to what? She has no job their anymore , and she lived in a very remote area where jobs are so scarce. Her family cant support her. How is she going to buy a ticket? We cant afford it. I dont think she should go back. She is here in the U.S. she has a lot better chance at a good life here. It wasnt her intention to come here and get divorced. She had dreams of the U.S. and now they are shattered. Should she have to give up all her dreams just because of this jerk. I dont think so!

[zqt3344 21]

AGREED! Well said and right on!

Going back to the real issue that totally sidesteps any danger, real, threatened, imagined, invented, or whatever the case may be - all we know is about a family member making all sorts of claims about the USC that are pretty extreme and create quite a sympathetic picture for the immigrant. If there are all these records, he'd be red-flagged and wouldn't be allowed to be traveling all over the world. Something doesn't seem right here.

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

[zqt3344 21]

Very true and right on!

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

Tito is right on this one, how hard is it start a life here with nothing? We can ask all the Mexicans jumping the border with nothing but the clothes on their backs! (not that I condone this, cause I totally do not!) But they do anything & everything just to get into the US.

SHAPE OF MY HEART... we don't have to be MUTE when we don't agree with why she is staying. She can stay if she wants, but the hard road... she was warned what she was getting into. She got into the US on the basis of marriage, if the marriage doesn't work out, why would going home (especially after such a short time) be so bad? Why wouldn't going into the caring arms of your family be the best therapy after this kind of abuse? Being warned and knowing the history of her husband, perhaps she was in it for just a ticket to the US.

[archie07 0]

Social Security does not hand out benefits for Fake Disabilities.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Not altogether the sense I get. It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC (the conclusion based on a number of threads in this particular forum).

It's my sense that you are getting that impression, but you have ommitted a couple of very important qualifiers from the above.

That being,"It appears TO ME that there IS some sense of entitlement simply by virtue of the fact that an immigrant marries a USC in good faith and was not at fault in the marriage breakdown

Edited February 10, 2008 by diadromous mermaid

[tito 1]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

Sorry, but that's rubbish!!! This is ONLY your perception. I would have to say that a vast number of immigrants that move to the USA on a marriage-based petition, know that they must be able to demonstrate that the marriage is viable. If, as you say, your observation is that such aliens consider PR to be their right, by virtue of the marriage, then prey tell, please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Omission intentional! Fault has nothing to do with it. Immigration is a risk. For the proposed immigrant, and the USC. Things don't work out? How to get back home should be the FIRST line of inquiry for the immigrant.

Fault has everything to do with it! Unfortunately, choices in family laws are not in sync with those of the government, and therefore, no-fault grounds have come to be commonplace.

Prior to the IMFA, there was a phenomenon, called the "Race to the Courthouse". Ever heard of it?

[tito 1]

"please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?"

BINGO!!!!! That's exactly my point. Why the heck ARE there so many inquiries? Why is that the first and most important option???

And no...fault is irrelevant. It's a risk, and the question is, what happens if things don't work out? Why is immigration virtually automatic? Why ISN'T going home an option?

Thank you for crystallizing the issue. Come to the US, get married, things don't work out...what are the options? (i) go back home; or (ii) fight like heck to get that green card! If things are so bad, and the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...), what is wrong with (i)? And why does anyone thing that (ii) is something to which the immigrant is entitled? Then, you throw this stuff in about how the USC is on the hook for support to the tune of $1,200 - $1,500 a month for 10 years...!

Edited February 10, 2008 by tito

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Tito, by God you are hardheaded! go back to previous posts, re-read them, and hopefully maybe you'll see what everyone is trying to make you understand.

Saludos,

Caro

[diadromous mermaid 36]

"please explain to me why we see so many threads here and on other immigration message boards asking how they may be able to remain if the marriage goes awry?"

BINGO!!!!! That's exactly my point. Why the heck ARE there so many inquiries? Why is that the first and most important option???

And no...fault is irrelevant. It's a risk, and the question is, what happens if things don't work out? Why is immigration virtually automatic? Why ISN'T going home an option?

Thank you for crystallizing the issue. Come to the US, get married, things don't work out...what are the options? (i) go back home; or (ii) fight like heck to get that green card! If things are so bad, and the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...), what is wrong with (i)? And why does anyone thing that (ii) is something to which the immigrant is entitled? Then, you throw this stuff in about how the USC is on the hook for support to the tune of $1,200 - $1,500 a month for 10 years...!

I give up! . You are conflating your personal "perception" with reality! In fact, I'll go one more step and say it's my perception to you are totally out of touch with reality. By the way, perhaps your faulty perception would be improved if you walked in an alien's shoes for a while. Drop everything, give up your retirement benefits and professional associations, dump your house in a bad retail market, and trot off to some country for a couple of years, then be told you had to come back to the USA. Where would your purchasing power, career, and/or practice be then?

I am not in support of anyone viewing PR as an entitlement. It is a benefit given to the alien, on behalf of the USC. But just because a marriage terminates that doesn't mean to say that the USC is best-served if the alien is shipped back home. What if a hypothetical case involves an alien and a USC with children? What is in the USC's best interests there? You are thinking too narrowly...and for your line of work, that could be dangerous!

You had a bad experience, yes, it happens. In fact, I had a bad experience...but thank goodness I didn't turn out like this. I can see the distinction between those that have earned a benefit and those that have not.

[Barbara y Alexis 1]

Make her call the hotline....she needs your help.

How will you feel if the next time you see her she has a black eye, broken bones, or is dead?????

Don't let yourself off the hook. She needs help.

I know there are provisions for wives of guys who come in on work visas if they are abused so that they can leave the husband but not have to go back home ... it was happening in Silicon Valley with engineers and the wives were battered and scared. It is not right.

Stand up for this woman and document everything everything...let the police know in advance because he may get angry with you as well.

[StillThePrettiest 4]

...the immigrant laments leaving their life behind (one that's still there, mind you...)

to focus on just ONE piece of rubbish:

as I have explained before, once I have left my life here in England, IT WILL NO LONGER BE HERE

I will have

1) not renewed my working visa, and therefore be out of status in the UK

2) resigned from TWO jobs, one of which I have built up to such a degree that they're advertising for full-time when I'm only three days at present

3) given up my place in a share house (with good low rent)

4) closed my bank accounts, dropped various memberships and schemes and similar

5) spent a LOT of money on shipping and airfares and similar - more than I can really afford, and which is taking away from mortgage repayments, so there is NO WAY I could repeat it in a hurry

6) lost a pension plan

now, if that's just one person's example (and I've only mentioned the main things, above), can you maybe see that there might be others like me? and if so, can you please STOP with this ridiculous, obtuse, and frankly insulting guff about how easy it would be just to waltz back and take up where we left off? gad, as mox said above somewhere: you have some great knowledge, and it COULD be of real help to people here, but you let your personal agenda take over, and you just make yourself ridiculous

ETA: and Mermaid got in before me

thank you, DM

Edited February 10, 2008 by StillThePrettiest

[tito 1]

Quite interesting that you find all of this so personally offensive, and that you are so righteously indignant to the point of calling me names and accusing me of all sorts of things about which you have no idea. Welcome to the US! I hope you enjoy your stay.

Back to the issue, if I were to take such a subsnantial risk of leaving everything behind to move to another country to start a life, I'd be darned sure that I knew exactly what I was getting into. I'd also have a back-up plan, and the first part of it would certainly NOT be how can I secure permanent residency status in this new place. The first line of inquiry would be, if a problem arises, how will I best be able to protect myself and return to the life I left behind? Things didn't work out in the destination? Why in the world would I ever want to stay there???!?! I have my family I can go back to, I can rent an apartment, get a job in a field in which I am trained, make a living, and at least I'm on terra firma...and familiar ground...where I know the streets, the lay of the land, my rights, my history, the name of my representative and senator in Congress...all the things that are important to me. All those things you, in your particular example, left behind...they are absolutely not irrevocable. You'd be engaging in doing the same thing both where you came from and where you ended up. You'd have to get a job; you'd have to establish credit; you'd have to find a place to live; you'd have to open bank accounts; you'd have to set up a retirement plan; you'd have to get a visa...the list goes on...BUT - at least you'd be among those for whom you care the most, not in a strange place with strange people that left a bad taste in your mouth because of all the sacrifices you made for things to blow up in your face!!

No personal agenda whatsoever. I feel that, if things don't work out, the first inquiry should be how to go home, not how to secure residency...because there is no entitlement (or should not be in my view...and that's the basis of what I've been saying all along).

If you want to discuss the issues, fine, but you could do without the personal affronts. I certainly did or said nothing to offend you personally except express my opinion regarding the options of an immigrant. You disagree. I get it. No need to be nasty, righteous AND indignant.

Edited February 10, 2008 by tito

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Quite interesting that you find all of this so personally offensive, and that you are so righteously indignant to the point of calling me names and accusing me of all sorts of things about which you have no idea. Welcome to the US! I hope you enjoy your stay.

Back to the issue, if I were to take such a subsnantial risk of leaving everything behind to move to another country to start a life, I'd be darned sure that I knew exactly what I was getting into. I'd also have a back-up plan, and the first part of it would certainly NOT be how can I secure permanent residency status in this new place. The first line of inquiry would be, if a problem arises, how will I best be able to protect myself and return to the life I left behind? Things didn't work out in the destination? Why in the world would I ever want to stay there???!?! I have my family I can go back to, I can rent an apartment, get a job in a field in which I am trained, make a living, and at least I'm on terra firma...and familiar ground...where I know the streets, the lay of the land, my rights, my history, the name of my representative and senator in Congress...all the things that are important to me. All those things you, in your particular example, left behind...they are absolutely not irrevocable. You'd be engaging in doing the same thing both where you came from and where you ended up. You'd have to get a job; you'd have to establish credit; you'd have to find a place to live; you'd have to open bank accounts; you'd have to set up a retirement plan; you'd have to get a visa...the list goes on...BUT - at least you'd be among those for whom you care the most, not in a strange place with strange people that left a bad taste in your mouth because of all the sacrifices you made for things to blow up in your face!!

If you want to discuss the issues, fine, but you could do without the personal affronts. I certainly did or said nothing to offend you personally except express my opinion regarding the options of an immigrant. You disagree. I get it. No need to be nasty, righteous AND indignant.

tito,

There's absolutely no doubt that in some instances, perhaps in many instances, an alien could get reacclimated more quickly in their homeland. But to declare that this should be a first consideration in view of the risk that the USC has taken is wholly shortsighted. I sense you are superimposing your perception of what is important to many aliens and what you believe their right should be, and I personally think that is hazardous and it certainly contraverts the statutes. For example, in the case of a short-term marriage gone awry, the alien must reinvest to get back home, and many times this is simply not possible without the cooperation of the spouse for whom the relocation was undertaken in the first place. While you seem to be disinclined to consider fault, if we were to consider your view, the only way to fairly do so would be to take into considerations the actions that brought the marital relationship to an end.

In the case of an alien that deceived a USC spouse from inception, I think you'll find NO argument that the alien has no right to remain in this country. The statutes so declare and in just about all instances, where this can be proven, the statutes speak "plainly and unmistakably". After all, were it not for his or her deceit, they'd not be in this country to begin with, and the USC would not have sponsored the alien if he or she had an inkling of the alien's true intentions.

But what of the other situations, where the alien had bonafide intentions of pursuing a lifelong relationship with his or her citizen sponsor and did not engage in any act that placed the marital union in jeopardy? In todays day and age, it takes nothing to dismantle a marriage, in most jurisdictions. One must only declare that the union has broken down to the point that it cannot be salvaged. Is that always true? Not really. It is only sufficiently broken down such that ONE party declares it irreparable. Unfortunately, in such cases, the respondent, or innocent party has nothing more to do but to accept the termination of the union. Often times, with short-term marriages, with little to no appreciation distributed to the alien as a result. If one were to consider that act, and to bear in mind that permanent residency of the alien (innocent party) is at the whim of the US citizen petitioner in a divorce action, why would you think it appropriate that such an individual, through no fault of their own, should be forced to leave a place where they could have spent the last 3 years?

The regulation, itself, imposes appropriate onus upon the alien to demonstrate his or her privilege to remain. That's how I see it is and how it should continue to be. And by the way, I've seen many instances where individuals have announced their intentions to fabricate a claim of abuse in order to try to remain, only to find that in order to prevail requires significant substantive evidence. Evidence that is not so easy to gather ex facto, and evidence that is much beyond a simple affidavit.

P.S. By any chance was your SO from South America? You remind me an awful lot of a former member I encountered in the past.