Please Help-My Cousin married a U.S. Citizen. She came to U.S. to a Nightmare

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Another poster noted, "how hard it is going to be starting a life here with nothing". To me, that's all the MORE reason to go back home.

But bottom line: what's wrong with going home? That's not blaming anybody, or causing anybody to panic. It's going home to family, friends, all the things the person misses. What is the notion about 'entitlement' to immigration? Packed up and left your homeland and everything behind? Well, it hasn't gone anywhere!! An immigrant who didn't find the streets paved with gold here, despite the sacrifices, can always go back, and therefore, really has very little at risk when you're talking about certain places in the world. Granted, people do leave a lot behind and they cannot go back, but for many people, coming to the US itself is quite an adventure. I always hated having to go home after a day at Disneyland, even after we ran out of "E" tickets.

Tito is right on this one, how hard is it start a life here with nothing? We can ask all the Mexicans jumping the border with nothing but the clothes on their backs! (not that I condone this, cause I totally do not!) But they do anything & everything just to get into the US.

SHAPE OF MY HEART... we don't have to be MUTE when we don't agree with why she is staying. She can stay if she wants, but the hard road... she was warned what she was getting into. She got into the US on the basis of marriage, if the marriage doesn't work out, why would going home (especially after such a short time) be so bad? Why wouldn't going into the caring arms of your family be the best therapy after this kind of abuse? Being warned and knowing the history of her husband, perhaps she was in it for just a ticket to the US.

[Caladan 19]

She isn't getting a free ride when she uses the legal protections in place to prevent a foreign spouse from being held captive and abused by a USC. Come on, people. She's already a permanent resident.

[tito 1]

So what? So she's a permanent resident? That doesn't solve any of her problems. That means she can go home and then has the privilege of coming to the US if she wants. Same issue keeps surfacing...if life is so bad in a particular place, what is keeping the person in those circumstances?

[mox 298]

So what? So she's a permanent resident? That doesn't solve any of her problems. That means she can go home and then has the privilege of coming to the US if she wants. Same issue keeps surfacing...if life is so bad in a particular place, what is keeping the person in those circumstances?

I too think it might be a good idea for her to at least consider the option of returning to her family. However, she has established herself as a legal resident, so she is in effect "home."

A comparison to theme parks is not really apt because when you went to Disneyland you *knew* from the outset that you weren't going there to live. When I moved to California from Denver (where I'd lived most my life), I knew I was making the move for good. Until I was layed off from the job I moved out for 3 months later. Moving back to Denver would have been easier, all of my family and friends were there, not to mention the house I was still paying for. But despite having no job and facing an insane cost of living, I had already decided California was "home" for me, and I endured a lot to make it work anyway. Even this isn't an apt comparison, as I didn't have someone physically and emotionally abusing me while I tried to make my move work. But the point is that it takes a whole mental shift to uproot yourself from everything you've ever known, and it's not such a simple thing to just "go home." (and it's quite possible "home" isn't much of an improvement. Abuse often runs in cycles.) I think she should consider going back to PI a real option, but I can also see why she'd choose to stay.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

She isn't getting a free ride when she uses the legal protections in place to prevent a foreign spouse from being held captive and abused by a USC. Come on, people. She's already a permanent resident.

I agree with you Caladan. Being a permanent resident does give her some rights for Pete's sake. Like SHAPE OF MY HEART said before: it's sad to see how quick we can be to jump the gun and crucify someone, judge their lives and circumstances without giving any constructive advice.

[Minya's wife 24]

HELLO,

BASED ON THE ADVICES YOU ARE GETTING FROM POSTERS HERE, SOME ARE ENCOURAGING AND SOME ARE NOT.. SOME ARE CRITICIZING AND SOME ARE BLAMING YOUR COUSIN'S SITUATION..

FOR THOSE WHO ARE POSTING HERE, PLEASE READ THE SCENARIOS AND "UNDERSTAND" THE WHOLE SITUATION AND NOT ONLY THE ONE SIDE OF IT. I JUST CANT BELIEVE THOSE SOME POSTERS HERE INSTEAD OF HELPING THE PERSON HOW TO DEAL THE SITUATION, IS HERE TO CRITICIZE AND BLAME THE GIRL...

OMG! IF YOU ARE HERE TO BLAME THEN U ARE NOT HELPING, IT'S BETTER IF YOU JUST DON'T POST ANYMORE.. AND BE MUTE.

OMG! We'll try to be MUTE but please top 'shouting'.

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

HELLO,

BASED ON THE ADVICES YOU ARE GETTING FROM POSTERS HERE, SOME ARE ENCOURAGING AND SOME ARE NOT.. SOME ARE CRITICIZING AND SOME ARE BLAMING YOUR COUSIN'S SITUATION..

FOR THOSE WHO ARE POSTING HERE, PLEASE READ THE SCENARIOS AND "UNDERSTAND" THE WHOLE SITUATION AND NOT ONLY THE ONE SIDE OF IT. I JUST CANT BELIEVE THOSE SOME POSTERS HERE INSTEAD OF HELPING THE PERSON HOW TO DEAL THE SITUATION, IS HERE TO CRITICIZE AND BLAME THE GIRL...

OMG! IF YOU ARE HERE TO BLAME THEN U ARE NOT HELPING, IT'S BETTER IF YOU JUST DON'T POST ANYMORE.. AND BE MUTE.

OMG! We'll try to be MUTE but please top 'shouting'.

SHOUTING? ?? WHAT MADE U SAY THAT? OH!! IT DOESN'T MEAN WHEN I USE CAPS LOCK IM SHOUTING. (IS THIS WHY U "IMPLIED" AM SHOUTING?

[mox 298]

SHOUTING? ?? WHAT MADE U SAY THAT? OH!! IT DOESN'T MEAN WHEN I USE CAPS LOCK IM SHOUTING. (IS THIS WHY U "IMPLIED" AM SHOUTING?

When you use the Caps lock, it does make it look like you are shouting. It makes your post harder to read.

[Minya's wife 24]

More than anything, before the "what's she going to do about immigration?" question becomes relevant, it sounds like the OP's cousin needs to avail herself to the services available to abused spouses. She is living in a controlling/abusive situation...the proper authorities need to be contacted and informed if she stands any chance of demonstrating such abuse in order to gain a waiver to self petition.

Going home is fine as an option...but as Mox pointed out, what percentage of us USC's would be so quick to go back home once we've moved 'cross-country'? Even if we were initially advised not to do it. I'm willing to bet quite a large # would rather tough it out in the new place...if for no other reason, than because the "fighting" spirit in us kicks in.

-P

[JenT 0]

SHOUTING? ?? WHAT MADE U SAY THAT? OH!! IT DOESN'T MEAN WHEN I USE CAPS LOCK IM SHOUTING. (IS THIS WHY U "IMPLIED" AM SHOUTING?

When you use the Caps lock, it does make it look like you are shouting. It makes your post harder to read.

It's e-communication etiquette. Turn off caps lock unless you intend to shout.

[tito 1]

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

[Minya's wife 24]

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

We do not know, absolutely, that the subject of this discussion-the cousin, actually feels this entitlement. We have it from the OP, who may very well be misguided. As a first course of action, she needs to protect herself, however she can.

If even 1/4 of what was said about this husband was true, it is not a situation that sounds safe for a new wife trying to adjust to marriage and living a new environment. I'm still trying to understand why or how this person's initial petition for his spouse was approved, if he has such a criminal record? But I suppose that's a moot point now...I would still love to see the 'case file' though, I'm that curious.

-P

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

Tito, her entitlement is that she is the wife of a US Citizen and has been for (most likely over a year since she came on a CR1?). This marriage was entered in good faith, as proved to USCIS, and so she was granted permanent residence. Wether she chooses to fight her stay here or go back home is her choice, and not yours to judge, and for DHS to grant or deny. I have read nothing on the waiver for abuse claim to remove conditions of a time limit. This legal immigrant has rights, wether you like it or not.

I think I've heard that things are very difficult for divorced women in the Phillipines? but I might be wrong so maybe someone else can shed a better light on this issue.

Saludos,

Caro

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Looks like she's been given abundantly sound advice. Avail herself of the processes for abused spouses, and self apply to remove restrictions. Then what?

This idea of entitlement is what sort of rubs me the wrong way...it's grab the brass ring, no matter what!

About the USC...his background would have been flagged if he was as bad as is being said. But if there are police reports, arrests and the like, and there is a fraud, then he'll come up on the radar once again if and when the OP's cousin starts the process.

Tito, her entitlement is that she is the wife of a US Citizen and has been for (most likely over a year since she came on a CR1?). This marriage was entered in good faith, as proved to USCIS, and so she was granted permanent residence. Wether she chooses to fight her stay here or go back home is her choice, and not yours to judge, and for DHS to grant or deny. I have read nothing on the waiver for abuse claim to remove conditions of a time limit. This legal immigrant has rights, wether you like it or not.

I think I've heard that things are very difficult for divorced women in the Phillipines? but I might be wrong so maybe someone else can shed a better light on this issue.

Saludos,

Caro

Caro, you are wise and compassionate amiga.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I think the idea of 'entitlement' is a bit of a jump... it's been used a number of times here, but that reflects just one, subjective, take on the issue, not necessarily anything the OP said (or the subject of the discussion, the abused cousin, feels)

Good point. I understand "entitlement" in this circumstance as "right of the immigrant to request to stay".

Caro, you are wise and compassionate amiga.

It's a hispanic thing

Saludos,

Caro